Okay, I have come to a point now in my life where I have to admit that I think too much. I know I thought alot about why I think too much or how can I think less so that I don't have to think too much. I thought about how much thinking do I really need to do in my life.
Ugh, yes I admit. I have a problem thinking too much. I think over the years I am getting better at it by being more of a doer and feeler rather then just a thinker. I'm not so much in my head. I know I am stubborn. I hate how it makes my life unneccessarily difficult.
Yes I am getting better at being more superficial.
When people ask how you're doing, you don't need to give them the truth of how you are feeling. You just answer fine. It's just a way to exchange social pleasantriness.
I have been lusting for another guy at work these past few weeks and again I have realized I am thinking too much about the situation. I one day said hello. It seemed so easy. The fear in my mind has been dissolving. My perception of things change when I start to deal with my emotional state. What is reality?
This guy I usually would see at my lunch which I would take at around 12.45 but now he has lunch at a different time from noon to 12.30. I have been planning how I can run into him at lunch and the only way I'd be able to do it was if I caught him 2 minutes before he finishes. I thought that I didn't really need to have lunch the entire time he was, I just need a minute or two to say hello and perhaps ask how his day was going. He started his shift 2 hours earlier then I did as I start at 10 am and so eating at noon would be too early. But I also couldn't do this everyday otherwise he might think it was weird. I would think how he would think about what a coincedence that now I am eating at the same time he does. I was trying to think about the situation from his perspective. I would think how he would probably think I was creepy if I were doing that so I'd have to execute my plan a maximum of 2 days of the week.
Then on Friday he was on my floor, no longer on the upstairs floor. Does he notice me? I am looking at him as he walks by but I don't think he notices me. I kinda thought he likes me but then maybe now I don't. Is he aware of where my desk is? Does he notice the stuff on my desk. You know you can gather information about people by observing what's on their desk.
So I think too much about this guy and how can I tell if he likes me. I wrestle with myself. Why am I thinkig this. Does he even think half of what you think? Ask him out. Too bold for you? Talk to him. Converse with him. These things aren't too hard.
I am thinking too much.
I can stop.
And I did. I just said that's enough mind. I know it's difficult to ask out someone from work. Let's not overanalyze the situation.
There have been times in my life that I wish I was dumber. Having an analytical mind such as the one I possess is a mighty force to possess and it takes great skill and patience to tame this beast. It can be my best friend or my worst enemy. It will create inaccurate perceptions skewing my sense of reality or it will give me the most pristine and brilliant thoughts.
My mind will lead me either to my great demise or to great success.
It will either push me to ask questions that have not been asked and send me to new conceptual realms or it will send me to this dark abyss where I keep cycling the same thoughts over and over.
I am not alone. This is something many humans go through.
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