Greetings all,
I had ran into a Kundalini teacher on the street last week. I only took one of her classes. This was a donation class so she was teaching it for free. The class was supposed to be an hour. She was late by about 10 minutes and we ended up only doing a few exercises. There were 4 of us and during one exercise a student challenged her about an exercise. She was saying that she did it another way and the teacher wanted her to do it as she said to do it. I guess the student was being a bit of a brat because it may have been better to speak out about the exercise after class. When you are learning something, usually it is best to just follow the instructions and I didn't see a point in bringing up how you've done it differently.
However, as mentioned, we didn't spend much time doing exercises and I think for about 15-20 minutes, the teacher was lecturing us. She was lecturing about how when she says how to do something, that is how we do it and she lectured on about other things and overall, I felt this class was a waste of time. We could have done a few more exercises and I probably would have felt the class was useful. I basically felt she was being anal and a control freak. She seemed uptight and angry, considering she was a KY teacher. Most teachers that I meet that are yoga teachers, they are fairly laid back and happy. They are not normally angry and so controlling.
I had spoken to someone about her and it looks like she was just this type of person and it just wasn't her having an off day.
So when I ran into her, I got this vibe that was negative. I felt like on some level this 'nazi' vibe. Now I'm not saying she was a nazi but just this vibe of being controlling and angry. She seemed like she had some dark and negative energy in her that was very deeply embedded into her character.
Now for me, I don't understand how someone can be a teacher and not have this work affect them. I would think it helps one to deal with these undesireable qualities like being a control freak and being angry. There was a darkness to her soul and I wonder why.
Is she not serious about working on herself and so just goes through the motions? I wonder how long she has been doing this for and how much she practices.
If you do something good for you, surely it must affect you positively over time. I guess it is possible that kundalini yoga has helped her and maybe without it, she'd be even more angry and controlling.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Greetings all,
Still job searching and generally getting frustrated. I figured I'd have found a job by February. I've applied to more jobs and have had more interviews then when I was job hunting back in 2009 and I have more experience and skills and yet still no job. I really don't know what to make of this and frankly I do not want to go back to school. If I go, I don't want to go because I feel desperate, which is what I am feeling at times. I want to go cause I want to, out of my own free will.
* * *
The family cat Sally apparently has a male suitor after her. A few weeks ago my dad was outside and a cat started to rub himself against him. Apparently my dad had Sally's fur on him so that was what he was attracted to. As well this tom cat tried to come into our house. I am guessing he can sense Sally. This is quite terrible that my cat has more guys after her then me. I'm just in a fictional facebook relationship with a candy dispenser!
I am wondering if I should dump my fictional boyfriend on facebook. My friend sometimes puts him in inappropriate situations like some of his female friends will kiss my Shroom, which makes it look like he is cheating on me. Shroom is supposed to be a good and loving and devoted boyfriend. Not some playboy.
* * *
The dating/relationship forum for women is still up but no one is posting as it was to close on the 18th. Someone took the initiative to start a new one and I got to check it out. I have no motivation to continue with this board but I wanted to see what it looks like. I may check it out on occasion to see how it's doing. Right now it seems like there aren't too many posters posting but I'm sure that will change in time. Not that I care because I've learned all I can about men and I'm done with having discussions about them!
Still job searching and generally getting frustrated. I figured I'd have found a job by February. I've applied to more jobs and have had more interviews then when I was job hunting back in 2009 and I have more experience and skills and yet still no job. I really don't know what to make of this and frankly I do not want to go back to school. If I go, I don't want to go because I feel desperate, which is what I am feeling at times. I want to go cause I want to, out of my own free will.
The family cat Sally apparently has a male suitor after her. A few weeks ago my dad was outside and a cat started to rub himself against him. Apparently my dad had Sally's fur on him so that was what he was attracted to. As well this tom cat tried to come into our house. I am guessing he can sense Sally. This is quite terrible that my cat has more guys after her then me. I'm just in a fictional facebook relationship with a candy dispenser!
I am wondering if I should dump my fictional boyfriend on facebook. My friend sometimes puts him in inappropriate situations like some of his female friends will kiss my Shroom, which makes it look like he is cheating on me. Shroom is supposed to be a good and loving and devoted boyfriend. Not some playboy.
The dating/relationship forum for women is still up but no one is posting as it was to close on the 18th. Someone took the initiative to start a new one and I got to check it out. I have no motivation to continue with this board but I wanted to see what it looks like. I may check it out on occasion to see how it's doing. Right now it seems like there aren't too many posters posting but I'm sure that will change in time. Not that I care because I've learned all I can about men and I'm done with having discussions about them!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The 5 Tibetan Rites
Greetings all,
I've been practicing an exercise set called the 5 Tibetan Rites. I first heard about this from a Raviana dvd on kundalini which features this set. I've been doing so for a week and it's been interesting. One of the exercises, I have been practicising on occasion, the back of my head has popped a few times. It's number 4 in this set. These exercises are all exercises I learned before and you can do them on their own. It's just they have been sequenced in this way.
The first exercise is spinning slowly clockwise. I'm not sure about the science behind it but I think probably making yourself spin a few times probably has some effect on some brain parts or some glands as many exercises can stimulate certain parts of the body.
The 4th exercise, which is known as table or bridge I did on its own before I learned of this set. I was doing it a few times before I was practising this and the back of my head popped but what was funny was yesterday when I did this set, it popped 3 times.
I have a lot of tension in my head, which I have managed to release over the years but I can feel certain parts of my head that are blocked and it's annoying. The imbalance is mostly on my right side of my head and there are a few points where I feel are blocked so when I do my energy work, I can feel where my head is still stuck. It is frustrating but you have to work at it to clear it so it's just a matter of time.
It's for youthfulness and energy. I don't feel I need to be youthful. I look young for my age. I want to move forward in life and I guess I need more energy to do so and I need to dump all negative emotions and thoughts from my body.
I've been practicing an exercise set called the 5 Tibetan Rites. I first heard about this from a Raviana dvd on kundalini which features this set. I've been doing so for a week and it's been interesting. One of the exercises, I have been practicising on occasion, the back of my head has popped a few times. It's number 4 in this set. These exercises are all exercises I learned before and you can do them on their own. It's just they have been sequenced in this way.
The first exercise is spinning slowly clockwise. I'm not sure about the science behind it but I think probably making yourself spin a few times probably has some effect on some brain parts or some glands as many exercises can stimulate certain parts of the body.
The 4th exercise, which is known as table or bridge I did on its own before I learned of this set. I was doing it a few times before I was practising this and the back of my head popped but what was funny was yesterday when I did this set, it popped 3 times.
I have a lot of tension in my head, which I have managed to release over the years but I can feel certain parts of my head that are blocked and it's annoying. The imbalance is mostly on my right side of my head and there are a few points where I feel are blocked so when I do my energy work, I can feel where my head is still stuck. It is frustrating but you have to work at it to clear it so it's just a matter of time.
It's for youthfulness and energy. I don't feel I need to be youthful. I look young for my age. I want to move forward in life and I guess I need more energy to do so and I need to dump all negative emotions and thoughts from my body.
Comedy
Greetings all,
I had a show last night at a club called Absolute. It was their Pro/Amateur night. Most open mics I go to are not at clubs but run by comics. I do not get paid for this and this was the first time I actually went over my time. We are given 7 minutes. I was the second comic on and the first guy was over time by a minute and 33 seconds. I practiced before and I think it was 5 or 6 minutes. I ended up being over time as well and was a minute and 26 seconds. The manager pulled me aside and was quite upset that I was over time and kept telling me over and over that I was over time and that I need to practice and time myself before hand. This was my first time before over time because usually I keep my sets under the time.
As well I wrote a while ago that back in November, I bombed for my first time so I guess I'm becoming more official as a comic because I am experiencing all the negatives that come with it.
I was looking for a light to signal my time as usually there is a signal. Apparently there was no light and they say on the line up sheet, which I normally don't pay attention to. I felt bad for going over time but I didn't think I was. I hope this doesn't effect my chance to get a spot in the future at this club but I don't think so since it was my first time going over time. As well, if they don't accept me, it's not a big deal because there are multiple ways to get success. Certainly it's important to not go over time and it's a bad habit to get into as it can alienate the club owners, who are your employers.
I had a show last night at a club called Absolute. It was their Pro/Amateur night. Most open mics I go to are not at clubs but run by comics. I do not get paid for this and this was the first time I actually went over my time. We are given 7 minutes. I was the second comic on and the first guy was over time by a minute and 33 seconds. I practiced before and I think it was 5 or 6 minutes. I ended up being over time as well and was a minute and 26 seconds. The manager pulled me aside and was quite upset that I was over time and kept telling me over and over that I was over time and that I need to practice and time myself before hand. This was my first time before over time because usually I keep my sets under the time.
As well I wrote a while ago that back in November, I bombed for my first time so I guess I'm becoming more official as a comic because I am experiencing all the negatives that come with it.
I was looking for a light to signal my time as usually there is a signal. Apparently there was no light and they say on the line up sheet, which I normally don't pay attention to. I felt bad for going over time but I didn't think I was. I hope this doesn't effect my chance to get a spot in the future at this club but I don't think so since it was my first time going over time. As well, if they don't accept me, it's not a big deal because there are multiple ways to get success. Certainly it's important to not go over time and it's a bad habit to get into as it can alienate the club owners, who are your employers.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Greetings all,
I am still lurking on the forum I used to be on, it's end will be this week. I really don't care about it as the drama seems to have died off a bit, although as mentioned the blocked user came in as another name and is insulting some people. It's a little creepy and it actually reminds me of how my exroommate behaved after I called the cops on her. This user is just trying to bait the members, just as my roommate did. It was tempting to say something back and quite hard to ignore her but this is what perpetuates the drama. Some posters online would respond back but if she was ignored, maybe she would give it up. I could see the poster trying to poke at people and looking for their insecurities and deliberately trying to be insulting. Just like my exroommate.
With my sat nam rasayan training, I've learned how to not react to things and so I think this is a skill everyone needs to cultivate. Why react to these things? This is what some people want but it doesn't make it right.
I am still lurking on the forum I used to be on, it's end will be this week. I really don't care about it as the drama seems to have died off a bit, although as mentioned the blocked user came in as another name and is insulting some people. It's a little creepy and it actually reminds me of how my exroommate behaved after I called the cops on her. This user is just trying to bait the members, just as my roommate did. It was tempting to say something back and quite hard to ignore her but this is what perpetuates the drama. Some posters online would respond back but if she was ignored, maybe she would give it up. I could see the poster trying to poke at people and looking for their insecurities and deliberately trying to be insulting. Just like my exroommate.
With my sat nam rasayan training, I've learned how to not react to things and so I think this is a skill everyone needs to cultivate. Why react to these things? This is what some people want but it doesn't make it right.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The End
Greetings all,
As mentioned earlier, I had left the relationship forum for women last month. I have, however, been lurking on it and these past few days there has been much drama. I had mentioned that a few of the women are quite petty. One of them was rather insulting to another poster who happens to just be an antagonizer at times, but however makes valid points. The later was persistantly fighting with the moderators about how the initial poster was insulting her. The moderators have no real power, just authority. Eventually the woman who runs this business and the site decided to close down the forum. As well, she 'blocked' the antagonizing poster, although not the insulting one. It appears the blocked user created another user name and has left a few posts. Frankly, I think both were out of line and didn't think it was fair to just block one person when both should be.
I think it was quite sad but I did email her my feedback about why I left but I wasn't pointing out anyone specifically. I said I found the environment generally petty and immature and either structure it better or close it down. I really don't think I had much influence but I'm sure the woman got tired of probably receiving numerous emails from angry women who can't handle when someone says something they do not like. I think people want a supportive environment but they at the same time, some seem to want to be babied and can't handle someone saying something they don't like. They can just be so overly sensitive at times. It was annoying.
There definitely were some level headed people but it seems like the few rotten apples win out. As I was watching people's reactions and comments, I felt a bit like a social scientist. It was amusing because people would keep repeating themselves defending their point and clearly no one was budging. I think if you think you can change someone by repeating yourself, you are fooling yourself. You really need to learn to ignore someone at times, which is quite hard. I had to do this my ex-roommate. I know how people just want to put their 2 cents in but sometimes just not reacting is more effective. It just adds fuel to the fire. You can't rationalize with someone who is on defensive autopilot. Their minds are just no longer under their conscious control and logic is bypassed. I've seen it happen to myself but I see it when trying to argue with someone. It's just typical human nature.
Even as the announcement was made to close the forum, a couple of women are still using it as an opportunity to insult and be smug to people. I just can't fathom that. I really can't. I guess some people are just so unhappy with their lives. I am out of work, and therefore had the free time to watch what was going on, but I don't know how some of these women find the time. I do think a forum is useful but you do need to interact with people in the real world. I was on it less when I had a job so I was trying to not be on it too much because I realized I might use it as a means of distraction and time waster.
I know for me, I am glad I left. I realized many of these women just are not at my maturity level and probably never will be. The best thing is to not spend time with people like that because they will just bring you down. Some women just don't have class and it's sad.
I wonder if it turned so ugly because they are bitter, angry women or if it is just human behaviour. This kind of behaviour is not uncommon in forums and people have to learn to behave as they do in real life but many do not. But then people behave appropriately because most people keep conversations superficial. People don't get riled up over talking about the weather. I would think dealing with relationship issues, it might make you more vulnerable emotionally and therefore more sensitive and prickly to the advice of others. Or maybe not. I always welcome truth, even if it was something I didn't want to hear because at least you can mull it over. People just need to realize that you are the common denominator in your life so if you are consistently experiencing the same problems, then it might be you or your approach.
But it does make me wonder why this behaviour online would occur. How can people learn to govern themselves online and be civilized and tolerate disagreements? I guess relationships is a touchy issue. Or maybe not. People can be passionate and therefore sensitive to many things, like their favourite sports team.
All I can say is, humans are strange. I am almost embarrassed to have been on that site. I didn't think it would end in such a sad way.
As mentioned earlier, I had left the relationship forum for women last month. I have, however, been lurking on it and these past few days there has been much drama. I had mentioned that a few of the women are quite petty. One of them was rather insulting to another poster who happens to just be an antagonizer at times, but however makes valid points. The later was persistantly fighting with the moderators about how the initial poster was insulting her. The moderators have no real power, just authority. Eventually the woman who runs this business and the site decided to close down the forum. As well, she 'blocked' the antagonizing poster, although not the insulting one. It appears the blocked user created another user name and has left a few posts. Frankly, I think both were out of line and didn't think it was fair to just block one person when both should be.
I think it was quite sad but I did email her my feedback about why I left but I wasn't pointing out anyone specifically. I said I found the environment generally petty and immature and either structure it better or close it down. I really don't think I had much influence but I'm sure the woman got tired of probably receiving numerous emails from angry women who can't handle when someone says something they do not like. I think people want a supportive environment but they at the same time, some seem to want to be babied and can't handle someone saying something they don't like. They can just be so overly sensitive at times. It was annoying.
There definitely were some level headed people but it seems like the few rotten apples win out. As I was watching people's reactions and comments, I felt a bit like a social scientist. It was amusing because people would keep repeating themselves defending their point and clearly no one was budging. I think if you think you can change someone by repeating yourself, you are fooling yourself. You really need to learn to ignore someone at times, which is quite hard. I had to do this my ex-roommate. I know how people just want to put their 2 cents in but sometimes just not reacting is more effective. It just adds fuel to the fire. You can't rationalize with someone who is on defensive autopilot. Their minds are just no longer under their conscious control and logic is bypassed. I've seen it happen to myself but I see it when trying to argue with someone. It's just typical human nature.
Even as the announcement was made to close the forum, a couple of women are still using it as an opportunity to insult and be smug to people. I just can't fathom that. I really can't. I guess some people are just so unhappy with their lives. I am out of work, and therefore had the free time to watch what was going on, but I don't know how some of these women find the time. I do think a forum is useful but you do need to interact with people in the real world. I was on it less when I had a job so I was trying to not be on it too much because I realized I might use it as a means of distraction and time waster.
I know for me, I am glad I left. I realized many of these women just are not at my maturity level and probably never will be. The best thing is to not spend time with people like that because they will just bring you down. Some women just don't have class and it's sad.
I wonder if it turned so ugly because they are bitter, angry women or if it is just human behaviour. This kind of behaviour is not uncommon in forums and people have to learn to behave as they do in real life but many do not. But then people behave appropriately because most people keep conversations superficial. People don't get riled up over talking about the weather. I would think dealing with relationship issues, it might make you more vulnerable emotionally and therefore more sensitive and prickly to the advice of others. Or maybe not. I always welcome truth, even if it was something I didn't want to hear because at least you can mull it over. People just need to realize that you are the common denominator in your life so if you are consistently experiencing the same problems, then it might be you or your approach.
But it does make me wonder why this behaviour online would occur. How can people learn to govern themselves online and be civilized and tolerate disagreements? I guess relationships is a touchy issue. Or maybe not. People can be passionate and therefore sensitive to many things, like their favourite sports team.
All I can say is, humans are strange. I am almost embarrassed to have been on that site. I didn't think it would end in such a sad way.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
More thoughts on Sat Kriya
Greetings all,
I thought I'd talk about sat kriya as I have worked with it a lot last year and have done a 120 day discipline and several 40 day disciplines. I am working with it again after a 2 month break.
I think I stopped working with it because I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it but maybe that was an excuse. I think because I worked with it a lot, not much was happening as it was in the beginning, where I felt more stuff coming up. I think maybe I can experience different things because I've cleared a lot. I guess maybe I expect the same amount of clearing but I think I just need to accept that now I'm in a different place when I work with that kriya.
So lately for the past few weeks, I started to experience more positive feelings. I would still cry when I experienced these feelings, which I still don't understand why. First I felt like I was destined for greatness. A few days ago I felt like I was unique and recently that I am master of my domain (i.e. I can direct my life and have self control). I don't know why I cried at these realizations but it reminds me of this Marianne Williamson quote about how we are most afraid of our light and not our darkness. So maybe this was why I have been crying? I am not sure at this point but will continue to work with this kriya.
I thought I'd talk about sat kriya as I have worked with it a lot last year and have done a 120 day discipline and several 40 day disciplines. I am working with it again after a 2 month break.
I think I stopped working with it because I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it but maybe that was an excuse. I think because I worked with it a lot, not much was happening as it was in the beginning, where I felt more stuff coming up. I think maybe I can experience different things because I've cleared a lot. I guess maybe I expect the same amount of clearing but I think I just need to accept that now I'm in a different place when I work with that kriya.
So lately for the past few weeks, I started to experience more positive feelings. I would still cry when I experienced these feelings, which I still don't understand why. First I felt like I was destined for greatness. A few days ago I felt like I was unique and recently that I am master of my domain (i.e. I can direct my life and have self control). I don't know why I cried at these realizations but it reminds me of this Marianne Williamson quote about how we are most afraid of our light and not our darkness. So maybe this was why I have been crying? I am not sure at this point but will continue to work with this kriya.
Damn Immigrants!
Greetings all,
Yesterday I went to a meetup for job seekers and people wanting to make a career transition. It was primarily in the evening, although if you wanted to stay past the hour you could. Since my bookgroup meets that day, I didn't stay long and think I was the only person to leave at 6.30.
A few people were immigrants but one of them really stuck out in my mind and I thought she was very hostile. Now some of that is probably due to frustration and is maybe understandable but I didn't think it was appropriate.
First of all, if you immigrate into a country, it is an honour and a privilege. We don't have to let you in. You are not entitled to a job and have to prove yourself. She sounded Indian so I'm guessing she is from somewhere in the Middle East. She was trained and has experience as a Clinical Social Worker. Frankly I thought she needed the help of a Clinical social worker because she came off as so harsh, rude and angry.
She was really bitter about being out of work for a year, which I understand. She was also frustrated that she feels her experience is not being recognized because she is from a different country. First of all, if one researches the employment rates across the world, she will see that unemployment is difficult everywhere. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_unemployment_rate
I would think you would do your research first before coming into another country and possibly have a job lined up or at least a strategy. The rate for India was 10% whereas in Canada it's 7.8%. A 2.2% difference but our unemployment is still high. The fact is that with our current economy it is hard to find a job anywhere.
I know for many born Canadians, we are having a hard time finding jobs (myself included). I don't know too much about the immigration process but I would think the government only lets in a certain number of people and frankly I think it should co-relate to the employment rate (if it doesn't already). If we have lots of jobs available, and a low employment rate, sure open the doors but if we the citizens are struggling, let's take care of ourselves first and not let so many new comers into our country.
My dad came to this country when there was lots of opportunities and it was easy for him to find a job. I would think if times were better economically, that should reflect in the number of immigrants we allow into this country.
Another point I am making is this woman was complaining how her experience isn't recognized. First of all, Canada has one of the best education systems in the world and is in the top 5. I think these people need to accept this fact that maybe the education they received, is not up to our standards. Now I'm sure there must be something to bridge this gap so that we can at least recognize the training they did. Maybe they need to take a course or two to meet our standards but to complain about our standards is just nuts.
I wrote an article years ago for a volunteer organization in Hamilton called SISO so I know of the discrimination that trained immigrants have in finding jobs that match their skills. Certainly something has to be done about that but this is a risk that they take when leaving their countries and frankly it's something they need to accept. I don't go to their country and expect them to cater to Canadians.
This woman complained how she had a one day a week job with the municipal government of Toronto and had a job in Retail. She motioned with her hand towards her head like a gun, that she wanted to shoot herself (remember this is a clinical social worker...). She definitely has this entitlement mentality. A lot of people have to take crappy jobs while they hunt for a better job. Just because you are an immigrant and have experience and education, you think you are entitled to finding the ideal work? Suck it up sister, because lots of Canadians struggle too for work. Times are challenging whether you are an immigrant or not. Have some respect for the country you are residing in.
I just reverse this situation in my head. Would I expect to go to another country and complain about finding work when locals are struggling themselves? Would I complain about taking crappy jobs just to make ends meet? The answer is I would respect their rules and the struggles I would endure, because I am the one who is the guest. I can't expect to go to a country and expect them to serve me. I have to prove myself and show myself as deserving. I have to have the humble attitude, not the entitlement mentality. And I am sure if I went to another country, they probably would prefer giving jobs to the locals over an immigrant. I'm the outsider and have to prove myself and gain their trust and respect. This is the challenge of being an immigrant but at the same time, it is what makes someone proud when they can overcome these challenges.
Yesterday I went to a meetup for job seekers and people wanting to make a career transition. It was primarily in the evening, although if you wanted to stay past the hour you could. Since my bookgroup meets that day, I didn't stay long and think I was the only person to leave at 6.30.
A few people were immigrants but one of them really stuck out in my mind and I thought she was very hostile. Now some of that is probably due to frustration and is maybe understandable but I didn't think it was appropriate.
First of all, if you immigrate into a country, it is an honour and a privilege. We don't have to let you in. You are not entitled to a job and have to prove yourself. She sounded Indian so I'm guessing she is from somewhere in the Middle East. She was trained and has experience as a Clinical Social Worker. Frankly I thought she needed the help of a Clinical social worker because she came off as so harsh, rude and angry.
She was really bitter about being out of work for a year, which I understand. She was also frustrated that she feels her experience is not being recognized because she is from a different country. First of all, if one researches the employment rates across the world, she will see that unemployment is difficult everywhere. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_unemployment_rate
I would think you would do your research first before coming into another country and possibly have a job lined up or at least a strategy. The rate for India was 10% whereas in Canada it's 7.8%. A 2.2% difference but our unemployment is still high. The fact is that with our current economy it is hard to find a job anywhere.
I know for many born Canadians, we are having a hard time finding jobs (myself included). I don't know too much about the immigration process but I would think the government only lets in a certain number of people and frankly I think it should co-relate to the employment rate (if it doesn't already). If we have lots of jobs available, and a low employment rate, sure open the doors but if we the citizens are struggling, let's take care of ourselves first and not let so many new comers into our country.
My dad came to this country when there was lots of opportunities and it was easy for him to find a job. I would think if times were better economically, that should reflect in the number of immigrants we allow into this country.
Another point I am making is this woman was complaining how her experience isn't recognized. First of all, Canada has one of the best education systems in the world and is in the top 5. I think these people need to accept this fact that maybe the education they received, is not up to our standards. Now I'm sure there must be something to bridge this gap so that we can at least recognize the training they did. Maybe they need to take a course or two to meet our standards but to complain about our standards is just nuts.
I wrote an article years ago for a volunteer organization in Hamilton called SISO so I know of the discrimination that trained immigrants have in finding jobs that match their skills. Certainly something has to be done about that but this is a risk that they take when leaving their countries and frankly it's something they need to accept. I don't go to their country and expect them to cater to Canadians.
This woman complained how she had a one day a week job with the municipal government of Toronto and had a job in Retail. She motioned with her hand towards her head like a gun, that she wanted to shoot herself (remember this is a clinical social worker...). She definitely has this entitlement mentality. A lot of people have to take crappy jobs while they hunt for a better job. Just because you are an immigrant and have experience and education, you think you are entitled to finding the ideal work? Suck it up sister, because lots of Canadians struggle too for work. Times are challenging whether you are an immigrant or not. Have some respect for the country you are residing in.
I just reverse this situation in my head. Would I expect to go to another country and complain about finding work when locals are struggling themselves? Would I complain about taking crappy jobs just to make ends meet? The answer is I would respect their rules and the struggles I would endure, because I am the one who is the guest. I can't expect to go to a country and expect them to serve me. I have to prove myself and show myself as deserving. I have to have the humble attitude, not the entitlement mentality. And I am sure if I went to another country, they probably would prefer giving jobs to the locals over an immigrant. I'm the outsider and have to prove myself and gain their trust and respect. This is the challenge of being an immigrant but at the same time, it is what makes someone proud when they can overcome these challenges.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Hot Yoga
Greetings all,
I went to my first hot yoga class and I was sweating up a storm thanks to the heat. I don't think I've ever sweated so much in my life. I've tried the infra-red saunas and sweat a bit in them but this was a lot.
I didn't bring a towel, which I should have because it would have been easier to do some poses. The yoga itself was not challenging because I've done yoga before. The balancing poses were challenging, but then they usually are. I had a challenge doing eagle pose because my leg was so sweaty and it made it difficult to wrap my leg around the standing one. Usually I have no problem with this pose as once I wrap my leg firmly, I can stay in it but my leg kept slipping and I had to not go so tightly into it.
Hot yoga also helps with making it easier to bend and be flexible since the heat helps. We were doing side bends and I managed to go very low when bending to my right and I think the heat helped. I went further down then I normally do.
I have 9 more sessions. Not sure if this would be something to do regularly but I think once and a while would be good for purification. I think Kundalini yoga has been the most useful yoga. They should offer it in the heat.
I went to my first hot yoga class and I was sweating up a storm thanks to the heat. I don't think I've ever sweated so much in my life. I've tried the infra-red saunas and sweat a bit in them but this was a lot.
I didn't bring a towel, which I should have because it would have been easier to do some poses. The yoga itself was not challenging because I've done yoga before. The balancing poses were challenging, but then they usually are. I had a challenge doing eagle pose because my leg was so sweaty and it made it difficult to wrap my leg around the standing one. Usually I have no problem with this pose as once I wrap my leg firmly, I can stay in it but my leg kept slipping and I had to not go so tightly into it.
Hot yoga also helps with making it easier to bend and be flexible since the heat helps. We were doing side bends and I managed to go very low when bending to my right and I think the heat helped. I went further down then I normally do.
I have 9 more sessions. Not sure if this would be something to do regularly but I think once and a while would be good for purification. I think Kundalini yoga has been the most useful yoga. They should offer it in the heat.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Greetings all,
After I had deleted my profile, all my threads and posts were deleted. I had a popular thread that was called Woe is Me: the Self Pity thread. It basically is what it is. A thread to whine and feel sorry for yourself as I think sometimes you just need to take that time for yourself to do that and get it out of your system.
Well one of the women that didn't like me created a new thread (I have been lurking on the site) that is a continuation of that one. But she basically started insulting me on that thread. Apparently she said I 'drove' off one of her friends and was criticizing her for being dyslexic. That isn't something I would do. I would criticize someone for other reasons, but not for dyslexia. I am sure there was some misunderstanding, which commonly happens on the board. This person should have messaged me or asked for clarification on the thread. They just aren't communicating effectively and then get mad at people. If you think someone is attacking you, why don't you ask for clarification. Maybe they weren't doing so intentionally.
Anyways, the other jackals who were rude to me on my goodbye thread were rude on this thread. It wasn't a self pity thread, it was a thread to continue to attack me. These are women in their 40s and frankly this is quite lame on their parts. It was just their final opportunity to get their digs into me.
I am glad to be gone from there and am just lurking, although not so much. I think my attention needs to be directed to more positive means.
* * *
Anyways, my ex-roommate has blocked me on facebook but she didn't block my boyfriend, so I took a peak at her profile and apparently she changed her name. Her first and last name is completely different and she now lives in Kamloops BC and is working again as a waitress. I don't know why she would change her name. I think because she is trying to run away from her problems and sometimes people think by changing their name, they will fix the problem. When I think about her, I think of how unhappy she was as a person. She maybe had the occasion moment of happiness but she was a bit of a drama queen and always so reactive and angry about stuff. I've been in that part of BC and I know there is a lot of nature. Maybe this will be a calming environment for her because she really needs to do her inner work and look at her emotions. Or maybe it won't be. I don't know, but how can you be an angry person and live in BC with all the nature and trees? I can't fathom living in that environment and not be affected by it on some level. I know she likes to snowboard so maybe that is why she went there. She never mentioned BC when living with me.
* * *
I've decided to do the morning sadhana at the ashram. They do it every day and it starts at 4 am and ends at 6.30 am. They do yoga and mantra. The reason for doing it so early is because this is a spiritually ripe time and it is ideal for tapping into the universal energy. I'm going to try it this Friday as this past month I have felt the urge to go and try it so I guess I must follow the urges of my soul.
I attended a sadhana when I went to Florida for the Winter Solstice but that was because I arrived at the site after 9 and so we had the option of setting our tent up in the dark or stay in the Fire Tent. I stayed in the Fire tent which is where they were doing the sadhana. So it woke me up and I slept through half of it but people say that even if you fall asleep, you benefit from the energy.
Anyways, we'll see how I like it and maybe I can go more often.
* * *
They have these things for getting discounts online. You can learn of one called Groupon at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupon. I got a package for 10 hot yoga sessions so tonight I will go to one class and see how it goes. I'm not sure how I'll handle the heat but I will wear shorts, which means I have to prepare my legs this afternoon as I am a hairy beast.
After I had deleted my profile, all my threads and posts were deleted. I had a popular thread that was called Woe is Me: the Self Pity thread. It basically is what it is. A thread to whine and feel sorry for yourself as I think sometimes you just need to take that time for yourself to do that and get it out of your system.
Well one of the women that didn't like me created a new thread (I have been lurking on the site) that is a continuation of that one. But she basically started insulting me on that thread. Apparently she said I 'drove' off one of her friends and was criticizing her for being dyslexic. That isn't something I would do. I would criticize someone for other reasons, but not for dyslexia. I am sure there was some misunderstanding, which commonly happens on the board. This person should have messaged me or asked for clarification on the thread. They just aren't communicating effectively and then get mad at people. If you think someone is attacking you, why don't you ask for clarification. Maybe they weren't doing so intentionally.
Anyways, the other jackals who were rude to me on my goodbye thread were rude on this thread. It wasn't a self pity thread, it was a thread to continue to attack me. These are women in their 40s and frankly this is quite lame on their parts. It was just their final opportunity to get their digs into me.
I am glad to be gone from there and am just lurking, although not so much. I think my attention needs to be directed to more positive means.
I created a second facebook account for this little toy my friend has. It's the character from super mario brothers. I've decided to make him my boyfriend because I've been wanting to be in a relationship for so long on facebook but that never happened and I thought this character would be a good boyfriend. Here's what my new boyfriend looks like:
Anyways, my ex-roommate has blocked me on facebook but she didn't block my boyfriend, so I took a peak at her profile and apparently she changed her name. Her first and last name is completely different and she now lives in Kamloops BC and is working again as a waitress. I don't know why she would change her name. I think because she is trying to run away from her problems and sometimes people think by changing their name, they will fix the problem. When I think about her, I think of how unhappy she was as a person. She maybe had the occasion moment of happiness but she was a bit of a drama queen and always so reactive and angry about stuff. I've been in that part of BC and I know there is a lot of nature. Maybe this will be a calming environment for her because she really needs to do her inner work and look at her emotions. Or maybe it won't be. I don't know, but how can you be an angry person and live in BC with all the nature and trees? I can't fathom living in that environment and not be affected by it on some level. I know she likes to snowboard so maybe that is why she went there. She never mentioned BC when living with me.
I've decided to do the morning sadhana at the ashram. They do it every day and it starts at 4 am and ends at 6.30 am. They do yoga and mantra. The reason for doing it so early is because this is a spiritually ripe time and it is ideal for tapping into the universal energy. I'm going to try it this Friday as this past month I have felt the urge to go and try it so I guess I must follow the urges of my soul.
I attended a sadhana when I went to Florida for the Winter Solstice but that was because I arrived at the site after 9 and so we had the option of setting our tent up in the dark or stay in the Fire Tent. I stayed in the Fire tent which is where they were doing the sadhana. So it woke me up and I slept through half of it but people say that even if you fall asleep, you benefit from the energy.
Anyways, we'll see how I like it and maybe I can go more often.
They have these things for getting discounts online. You can learn of one called Groupon at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupon. I got a package for 10 hot yoga sessions so tonight I will go to one class and see how it goes. I'm not sure how I'll handle the heat but I will wear shorts, which means I have to prepare my legs this afternoon as I am a hairy beast.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Bitches Be Crazy!
Greetings all,
Today I decided to delete my account for the forum that I am on that is primarily for women to discuss dating, relationships and men. I left a positive goodbye. No insulting or really going into the real reasons why I am leaving. Basically said that I enjoyed meeting some in real life as a few came to Toronto and I went to New York to see those who lived there. I said that I felt I had learned all that I could and felt I had nothing to contribute. I ended with the closing that is commonly done in kundalini yoga, which is: may the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you and the pure light within you guide your way on, guide your way on, guide your way on.
Now some people were civilized and politely said goodbyes but a few were petty and insulting. Some said I was brash and tried to give me feedback. I didn't ask for feedback, mainly because I don't think I need it. One woman was rude enough to say that I need to work on being compassionate so that I could be happy. This was the woman who had a problem with my post about Failed Marriages. I think I am a fairly compassionate person. Another woman said I need to see a counsellor to work on my social skills. Now these people were not saying these things to me because they cared about me. They only said these things to hurt me and were acting petty. I am not brash or harsh. I am a rational, logical and opinionated woman and so maybe they perceive me as cold but I am not. I am not irrational (at least not that often) nor am I an emotional basket case. I am pretty solid emotionally. Not perfect but certainly not as dysfunctional as some on the board.
The way I look at it, these women who didn't have the class to give me a polite goodbye or say nothing at all, have proven to me that this is not a healthy environment.
Recently on the boards, 2 other people left. One left because moderators were put in place and she didn't like the idea of that since it was like we were being policed. The other left because she was not wanting to be in this toxic environment.
There definitely is 2 different classes of women on that board. The good kind and the bitches. Crazy bitches. I talked with the woman who left the board last week, as I met her when she came to Toronto and I visited her in New York. She is very New York and she is quite the character. She's like many New Yorkers, tough on the outside but generous towards people. We had talked today about why she left and why I was thinking of leaving. She told me she read my Failed Marriage post and didn't see anything offensive about it and read it several times. They are just projecting their own issues rather then seeing how it might apply to me. I thought I would be polite and put a goodbye post instead of just deleting my account and its post all together. As mentioned in a previous post, I had told her I felt like I have been over defending myself. Which to me means people are attacking me and not trying to understand me. If people do that to me, maybe it's not me with the problem but the others. I was saying some of these people are really dysfunctional so they can't see where I am coming from because they think they are being attacked when really I am just pointing out what is not right. As well, some people enjoy hurting people. I don't. I do not sugarcoat things but I try to be helpful with people. I don't get off on calling a woman insecure. I want people to wake up and realize that they are the ones that are creating their problems.
Truthfully some people are not ready to change and really are not at the level of others. Some are just too dysfunctional and frankly I can't help these people. If you aren't willing to take responsibility for your life and your personality and your character, then no one can really help you.
I really can't justify my time there. I am just so mad at the reactions of others. Truly sad. But then they just criticize me. What people like that typically do, is they use the jargon from the personal growth community and apply it to others to sound smart. The truth is, I walk the walk and they are merely talking the talk to others. Don't tell me I need to develop compassion when you are miserable. Don't tell me how to act or how to be. I am who I am.
Today I decided to delete my account for the forum that I am on that is primarily for women to discuss dating, relationships and men. I left a positive goodbye. No insulting or really going into the real reasons why I am leaving. Basically said that I enjoyed meeting some in real life as a few came to Toronto and I went to New York to see those who lived there. I said that I felt I had learned all that I could and felt I had nothing to contribute. I ended with the closing that is commonly done in kundalini yoga, which is: may the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you and the pure light within you guide your way on, guide your way on, guide your way on.
Now some people were civilized and politely said goodbyes but a few were petty and insulting. Some said I was brash and tried to give me feedback. I didn't ask for feedback, mainly because I don't think I need it. One woman was rude enough to say that I need to work on being compassionate so that I could be happy. This was the woman who had a problem with my post about Failed Marriages. I think I am a fairly compassionate person. Another woman said I need to see a counsellor to work on my social skills. Now these people were not saying these things to me because they cared about me. They only said these things to hurt me and were acting petty. I am not brash or harsh. I am a rational, logical and opinionated woman and so maybe they perceive me as cold but I am not. I am not irrational (at least not that often) nor am I an emotional basket case. I am pretty solid emotionally. Not perfect but certainly not as dysfunctional as some on the board.
The way I look at it, these women who didn't have the class to give me a polite goodbye or say nothing at all, have proven to me that this is not a healthy environment.
Recently on the boards, 2 other people left. One left because moderators were put in place and she didn't like the idea of that since it was like we were being policed. The other left because she was not wanting to be in this toxic environment.
There definitely is 2 different classes of women on that board. The good kind and the bitches. Crazy bitches. I talked with the woman who left the board last week, as I met her when she came to Toronto and I visited her in New York. She is very New York and she is quite the character. She's like many New Yorkers, tough on the outside but generous towards people. We had talked today about why she left and why I was thinking of leaving. She told me she read my Failed Marriage post and didn't see anything offensive about it and read it several times. They are just projecting their own issues rather then seeing how it might apply to me. I thought I would be polite and put a goodbye post instead of just deleting my account and its post all together. As mentioned in a previous post, I had told her I felt like I have been over defending myself. Which to me means people are attacking me and not trying to understand me. If people do that to me, maybe it's not me with the problem but the others. I was saying some of these people are really dysfunctional so they can't see where I am coming from because they think they are being attacked when really I am just pointing out what is not right. As well, some people enjoy hurting people. I don't. I do not sugarcoat things but I try to be helpful with people. I don't get off on calling a woman insecure. I want people to wake up and realize that they are the ones that are creating their problems.
Truthfully some people are not ready to change and really are not at the level of others. Some are just too dysfunctional and frankly I can't help these people. If you aren't willing to take responsibility for your life and your personality and your character, then no one can really help you.
I really can't justify my time there. I am just so mad at the reactions of others. Truly sad. But then they just criticize me. What people like that typically do, is they use the jargon from the personal growth community and apply it to others to sound smart. The truth is, I walk the walk and they are merely talking the talk to others. Don't tell me I need to develop compassion when you are miserable. Don't tell me how to act or how to be. I am who I am.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Gifts From the Heart
Greetings all,
My mother notified me last week that there is a group of dental hygienists that take one day of the year to do free dental cleaning fro those without dental benefits. They do this in various cities in Ontario and in Alberta. You can learn about it here.
The day was on Saturday February 12. There was only one place in Toronto and they were doing the cleanings on Sunday so I booked on appointment. I was very grateful to have learned about this because with my last job, I didn't get benefits as I was on contract. I had benefits with the job before that and so had my teeth cleaned on July 2008. My teeth bled a lot as I tend to get minor gingivitis. They always tell you the same thing. Clean and floss daily. I have a wire on the back of my front teeth because I used to wear braces and so it keeps the teeth from moving out of alignment. So I have to floss because I tend to get food stuff in between my teeth, especially when I eat applies. But I don't do it every day, maybe a few times a week. It's annoying to use floss threaders, which is what I need to floss the teeth that have the wire.
I was appreciative towards the hygienist and it really meant a lot to me that there are people out there who do this because I think with the way some business' run, they just don't care about their employees and many people don't get benefits, which I think are essential. The teeth are important and taking care of them to me is just as vital as going to the doctor. Perhaps we'll have socialized dentistry like we do with health care.
I've only had one job where I got benefits and so was used to paying for my cleanings out of my own pocket.
They want to make more people aware of the number of people who don't have dental care and I hope their cause gets more awareness because companies need to start providing this if the government doesn't. I think it's a right that everyone has access to teeth care.
My mother notified me last week that there is a group of dental hygienists that take one day of the year to do free dental cleaning fro those without dental benefits. They do this in various cities in Ontario and in Alberta. You can learn about it here.
The day was on Saturday February 12. There was only one place in Toronto and they were doing the cleanings on Sunday so I booked on appointment. I was very grateful to have learned about this because with my last job, I didn't get benefits as I was on contract. I had benefits with the job before that and so had my teeth cleaned on July 2008. My teeth bled a lot as I tend to get minor gingivitis. They always tell you the same thing. Clean and floss daily. I have a wire on the back of my front teeth because I used to wear braces and so it keeps the teeth from moving out of alignment. So I have to floss because I tend to get food stuff in between my teeth, especially when I eat applies. But I don't do it every day, maybe a few times a week. It's annoying to use floss threaders, which is what I need to floss the teeth that have the wire.
I was appreciative towards the hygienist and it really meant a lot to me that there are people out there who do this because I think with the way some business' run, they just don't care about their employees and many people don't get benefits, which I think are essential. The teeth are important and taking care of them to me is just as vital as going to the doctor. Perhaps we'll have socialized dentistry like we do with health care.
I've only had one job where I got benefits and so was used to paying for my cleanings out of my own pocket.
They want to make more people aware of the number of people who don't have dental care and I hope their cause gets more awareness because companies need to start providing this if the government doesn't. I think it's a right that everyone has access to teeth care.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Greetings all,
I had posted my previous post at the Relationship board that I visit and it seemed to cause some controversy. Some people didn't have an issue with it, but others have, namely those who I think it applies to. It's interesting because my intention was to point out the negative filter some people have about marriage. I frankly think it's disgusting and I for one am fed up of it.
I never said there was something wrong with people who get divorced. Hey it happens but like with everything else in life, you have to take responsibility for it and learn from the experience. Usually people who chose to not take responsibility and deny their emotional responsibility are the bitter and angry ones. I know dealing with pain isn't easy but everyone has to learn to grow up and learn emotional self control and self management.
I didn't comment on my post for a week but someone attacked me on another thread saying it was caustic and that I probably am too chicken to go back to it. The thing is I had my Sat Nam Rasayan workshop on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I had a lot to process emotionally and energetically. I know responding would acquire more thought which I wasn't ready yet to do but after a week I did.
The essence of what I was expressing was that people need to accept their feelings of failure because that is what makes them negative towards something. As well, you can substitute any word for marriage in my post and it would still be applicable because usually when someone 'fails', they are bitter towards that thing. If they succeeded, they obviously wouldn't have the negative filter. I guess I have the tendency to make intuitive leaps but I think I was very insightful.
As well, I had my own experience of failure when I hit 30 and realized my feelings of failure in meditation. I think some people say they don't have these feelings, but I truthfully feel that they are not digging deep enough into themselves because this experience I had, I know in my heart is universal. Failure is just a feeling and when you learn from it and release, you can move forward in your life.
I started commenting on the thread but I started to feel like I was over defending myself so now I haven't been on the boards for 2 days. A woman I met from New York recently quit the boards for reasons she didn't really have time to explain to me yet but for me, I am starting to wonder why do I go there. It was useful in the beginning since I had questions about my dating issues. I don't really post my issues, since I don't think I have any since I'm pretty aware of what to do and I just post my dating escapades, even though there is very little of that going on.
I don't think some people take their inner work as seriously as I do. I use kundalini yoga and meditation on a daily basis. Most of these people don't have some tool. One uses EFT. I know that if you want to really change, you have to find a tool that helps you tap into your emotions and subconscious garbage. We all know stuff intellectually but the problem is in the emotional realm so you can't use the intellect to change an emotional problem.
There are some decent people on the board who I think are successful and a few are married or in serious relationships. Some conversations are insightful.
We recently had someone organize a thread where we anonymously submit positive things to say about members. I actually didn't like some of what was said about me. The two people who are the bullies on the board, had nicer things said about them. Now I don't know how much of that they made up because you could put in compliments for yourself. I didn't because I wanted to keep it pure. Anyways, these were the 'compliments' about me
*is persistent, independent
*is a good person.
*bluntly goes where no one else does, and thus, opens doors for discussions that no one else dares to open. Can be very perceptive at times.
*I really like your indefatigable spirit, romantic idealism, and quest for growth and self-improvement
*can be very insightful and offers new perspectives on things.
*is seriously insightful.
*I admire her for sticking with her principles and her beliefs.
I am a nice person and am sensitive and try to be helpful. I guess no one thinks this, probably because I am direct. I don't care to be described as blunt. It's not really feminine. I guess the only nice thing was being called nice and insightful.
Maybe I've outgrown the site and there is not much else for me to learn. We'll see if I decide to not go. I'm just in the habit of going there daily. But I know I can stop because I stopped when I went to Florida and had no internet access.
As well, I don't feel I can say much to assist and give advice to people. It's basically pretty straight forward. You just focus on your life and being happy and let the man chase. It's not rocket science.
My friend thinks I like the drama but I just complain to her about the drama. I enjoy the non drama and that's probably why I kept going. I am also on an email list for kundalini yoga and I ask questions and generally find that there is little drama. I think some of these women are just too emotional and not rational and I probably just react to that but for sure lately I don't get involved. I guess because they are not on the same page as I am. Anyways, we'll see what happens but I am taking a break from that site. Too much nonsense.
I had posted my previous post at the Relationship board that I visit and it seemed to cause some controversy. Some people didn't have an issue with it, but others have, namely those who I think it applies to. It's interesting because my intention was to point out the negative filter some people have about marriage. I frankly think it's disgusting and I for one am fed up of it.
I never said there was something wrong with people who get divorced. Hey it happens but like with everything else in life, you have to take responsibility for it and learn from the experience. Usually people who chose to not take responsibility and deny their emotional responsibility are the bitter and angry ones. I know dealing with pain isn't easy but everyone has to learn to grow up and learn emotional self control and self management.
I didn't comment on my post for a week but someone attacked me on another thread saying it was caustic and that I probably am too chicken to go back to it. The thing is I had my Sat Nam Rasayan workshop on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I had a lot to process emotionally and energetically. I know responding would acquire more thought which I wasn't ready yet to do but after a week I did.
The essence of what I was expressing was that people need to accept their feelings of failure because that is what makes them negative towards something. As well, you can substitute any word for marriage in my post and it would still be applicable because usually when someone 'fails', they are bitter towards that thing. If they succeeded, they obviously wouldn't have the negative filter. I guess I have the tendency to make intuitive leaps but I think I was very insightful.
As well, I had my own experience of failure when I hit 30 and realized my feelings of failure in meditation. I think some people say they don't have these feelings, but I truthfully feel that they are not digging deep enough into themselves because this experience I had, I know in my heart is universal. Failure is just a feeling and when you learn from it and release, you can move forward in your life.
I started commenting on the thread but I started to feel like I was over defending myself so now I haven't been on the boards for 2 days. A woman I met from New York recently quit the boards for reasons she didn't really have time to explain to me yet but for me, I am starting to wonder why do I go there. It was useful in the beginning since I had questions about my dating issues. I don't really post my issues, since I don't think I have any since I'm pretty aware of what to do and I just post my dating escapades, even though there is very little of that going on.
I don't think some people take their inner work as seriously as I do. I use kundalini yoga and meditation on a daily basis. Most of these people don't have some tool. One uses EFT. I know that if you want to really change, you have to find a tool that helps you tap into your emotions and subconscious garbage. We all know stuff intellectually but the problem is in the emotional realm so you can't use the intellect to change an emotional problem.
There are some decent people on the board who I think are successful and a few are married or in serious relationships. Some conversations are insightful.
We recently had someone organize a thread where we anonymously submit positive things to say about members. I actually didn't like some of what was said about me. The two people who are the bullies on the board, had nicer things said about them. Now I don't know how much of that they made up because you could put in compliments for yourself. I didn't because I wanted to keep it pure. Anyways, these were the 'compliments' about me
*is persistent, independent
*is a good person.
*bluntly goes where no one else does, and thus, opens doors for discussions that no one else dares to open. Can be very perceptive at times.
*I really like your indefatigable spirit, romantic idealism, and quest for growth and self-improvement
*can be very insightful and offers new perspectives on things.
*is seriously insightful.
*I admire her for sticking with her principles and her beliefs.
I am a nice person and am sensitive and try to be helpful. I guess no one thinks this, probably because I am direct. I don't care to be described as blunt. It's not really feminine. I guess the only nice thing was being called nice and insightful.
Maybe I've outgrown the site and there is not much else for me to learn. We'll see if I decide to not go. I'm just in the habit of going there daily. But I know I can stop because I stopped when I went to Florida and had no internet access.
As well, I don't feel I can say much to assist and give advice to people. It's basically pretty straight forward. You just focus on your life and being happy and let the man chase. It's not rocket science.
My friend thinks I like the drama but I just complain to her about the drama. I enjoy the non drama and that's probably why I kept going. I am also on an email list for kundalini yoga and I ask questions and generally find that there is little drama. I think some of these women are just too emotional and not rational and I probably just react to that but for sure lately I don't get involved. I guess because they are not on the same page as I am. Anyways, we'll see what happens but I am taking a break from that site. Too much nonsense.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Failed Marriages
Greetings all,
On the board that I post on, I had made this observation that many women who have previously been married, have a negative view of marriage. Some of us on the board, do not have this negative view because we have not been married and so have not experienced a failed marriage.
The negative view is basically they may be afraid to get married again and so would rather live common law. The second is they think marriage is just a piece of paper and so means nothing. There are other negative views but these are just a few I am pointing out.
This is all false and a lie. Marriage is a very old institute and it has stood the test of time. It has been in place for thousands of years.
What I discovered is that because they had failed, it taints their perception of this. Marriage has been proven to make people happier and live longer. It helps people be more prosperous. Of course, this is only true if you are with the right person.
If you had difficulty riding a bike and failed, you too probably would have a negative view of bikes. You would think, bikes are bad. They are no fun. You don't need a bike to have a good time and feel the exhilaration.
It bothers me that people there had this view and now after thinking out loud, it made sense to me why they have this negative view.
It's because they failed.
Marriage is not just a piece of paper. It is a social convention and getting married is a very public and social act that you show others that you are going to attempt a serious life commitment with another person.
One person mentioned they didn't like people's perception of common law marriage. But the fact is, we all will think common law marriages are just stepping stones. And in fact, living with someone is just that.
I know people who live common law and get married. I know people who have been divorced, lived common law and remarried. There is something to taking that leap into marriage that living common law will never provide, otherwise people would just stay forever common law and be happy with that.
For goodness sakes, even the gay community wants this 'right' that many others insult out of ignorance and their past failure.
I used to get upset at these people but now I know where they get this irrational and negative perception of marriage.
It's because they failed.
Their negative filter will not taint my perception that marriage, a union of two loving and similar souls is a positive thing and a blessing.
On the board that I post on, I had made this observation that many women who have previously been married, have a negative view of marriage. Some of us on the board, do not have this negative view because we have not been married and so have not experienced a failed marriage.
The negative view is basically they may be afraid to get married again and so would rather live common law. The second is they think marriage is just a piece of paper and so means nothing. There are other negative views but these are just a few I am pointing out.
This is all false and a lie. Marriage is a very old institute and it has stood the test of time. It has been in place for thousands of years.
What I discovered is that because they had failed, it taints their perception of this. Marriage has been proven to make people happier and live longer. It helps people be more prosperous. Of course, this is only true if you are with the right person.
If you had difficulty riding a bike and failed, you too probably would have a negative view of bikes. You would think, bikes are bad. They are no fun. You don't need a bike to have a good time and feel the exhilaration.
It bothers me that people there had this view and now after thinking out loud, it made sense to me why they have this negative view.
It's because they failed.
Marriage is not just a piece of paper. It is a social convention and getting married is a very public and social act that you show others that you are going to attempt a serious life commitment with another person.
One person mentioned they didn't like people's perception of common law marriage. But the fact is, we all will think common law marriages are just stepping stones. And in fact, living with someone is just that.
I know people who live common law and get married. I know people who have been divorced, lived common law and remarried. There is something to taking that leap into marriage that living common law will never provide, otherwise people would just stay forever common law and be happy with that.
For goodness sakes, even the gay community wants this 'right' that many others insult out of ignorance and their past failure.
I used to get upset at these people but now I know where they get this irrational and negative perception of marriage.
It's because they failed.
Their negative filter will not taint my perception that marriage, a union of two loving and similar souls is a positive thing and a blessing.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Court Time
Greetings all,
Today I had an appointment with the Ontario Court of Justice. Guess for? A damn parking ticket that my neighbor accidentally gave me. This incident occurred on August 15, 2009 and it takes this long for it to finally get to a court. I think the whole process is long and stupid. I did not pay it and then they send you a letter and I went down to dispute it. You have to fill out some form to set the date. They don't tell you when it is at that point and so back in September I got my notice.
Now what happened is that our parking lot is shared with people who live on the neighboring street. My building uses the half close to us. The other half is private property. I was out on a Friday night and came home probably around 12.30 am. Some one was parked in my spot. We are designated spots and so I decided to park on the other side as there was no where else for me to park. I cannot park on the street after 12, unless I have a permit, otherwise I would get a ticket.
The next day I move my car and notice a ticket on it. I think I was upset and talked to the super about it. Since it was after midnight I didn't want to disturb her over something so trivial as someone taking my spot. She said next time I could call her, regardless of the time. I recorded the license plate the night before and had saved it.
A few days later the neighbor who was responsible for giving me this ticket apologized which I said was okay. I am not sure if he called them saying it was a mistake but I had to go through this process of going to court, which I think was silly. I don't know if the charge could have been dropped.
I took pictures of the parking lot and was getting ready to defend myself. I had saved the license plate number of the offender who was in my spot and put it in my purse so I wouldn't forget it. The next day I checked my purse for it but couldn't find it. I was pretty sure I put it there. I checked my recycling bag where I put my papers in and nothing. I brought it with me to check there and still didn't find it. I have no clue where it went and I was upset because I had saved it for this moment!
I was called up and had my laptop ready to show the pictures and defend myself but then the Ticket Officer must have said something to the guy who calls us up because they basically said my case was dismissed. I was ready to defend myself. What?
I also have another court date to attend and this is what I think is so stupid. I just want my fee reduced as I parked on the street after midnight with no permit. I was out with a friend having coffee so I lost track of time. I went downtown to see if I could arrange for these 2 court appearances to be on the same day and location but they said it couldn't be done. What nonsense. It's bad enough that I had to go out of my way to show myself for something I was innocent of and now I have to go out again. What a waste of time.
I asked the judge about it and they wouldn't do anything about it.
Today it was snowing a lot and so I left an hour early to get there and the drive was terrible as there was so much snow on the roads. I parked on a side street because they only have pay parking there, which again I think is dumb. I had gotten stuck as I was leaving and so I spent about 20 minutes using my pick to dig myself out. It wasn't that bad as it was my right front tire that was stuck since there was so much snow.
The judge was so serious. I am not sure if there was another judge but she was wearing the same outfit as the judge. They both were serious. It's like, dude you guys are just parking ticket judges. You're not dealing with anything really justice worthy. Your dealing with cases where people usually park without a permit or they park in the wrong spot. You have no right to be so serious as this job is really not that important in the grand scheme of things. It's not like you are dealing with murder cases. I'm sure the odd case is more serious but all these infractions are largely minor. Smile for goodness sake!
Today I had an appointment with the Ontario Court of Justice. Guess for? A damn parking ticket that my neighbor accidentally gave me. This incident occurred on August 15, 2009 and it takes this long for it to finally get to a court. I think the whole process is long and stupid. I did not pay it and then they send you a letter and I went down to dispute it. You have to fill out some form to set the date. They don't tell you when it is at that point and so back in September I got my notice.
Now what happened is that our parking lot is shared with people who live on the neighboring street. My building uses the half close to us. The other half is private property. I was out on a Friday night and came home probably around 12.30 am. Some one was parked in my spot. We are designated spots and so I decided to park on the other side as there was no where else for me to park. I cannot park on the street after 12, unless I have a permit, otherwise I would get a ticket.
The next day I move my car and notice a ticket on it. I think I was upset and talked to the super about it. Since it was after midnight I didn't want to disturb her over something so trivial as someone taking my spot. She said next time I could call her, regardless of the time. I recorded the license plate the night before and had saved it.
A few days later the neighbor who was responsible for giving me this ticket apologized which I said was okay. I am not sure if he called them saying it was a mistake but I had to go through this process of going to court, which I think was silly. I don't know if the charge could have been dropped.
I took pictures of the parking lot and was getting ready to defend myself. I had saved the license plate number of the offender who was in my spot and put it in my purse so I wouldn't forget it. The next day I checked my purse for it but couldn't find it. I was pretty sure I put it there. I checked my recycling bag where I put my papers in and nothing. I brought it with me to check there and still didn't find it. I have no clue where it went and I was upset because I had saved it for this moment!
I was called up and had my laptop ready to show the pictures and defend myself but then the Ticket Officer must have said something to the guy who calls us up because they basically said my case was dismissed. I was ready to defend myself. What?
I also have another court date to attend and this is what I think is so stupid. I just want my fee reduced as I parked on the street after midnight with no permit. I was out with a friend having coffee so I lost track of time. I went downtown to see if I could arrange for these 2 court appearances to be on the same day and location but they said it couldn't be done. What nonsense. It's bad enough that I had to go out of my way to show myself for something I was innocent of and now I have to go out again. What a waste of time.
I asked the judge about it and they wouldn't do anything about it.
Today it was snowing a lot and so I left an hour early to get there and the drive was terrible as there was so much snow on the roads. I parked on a side street because they only have pay parking there, which again I think is dumb. I had gotten stuck as I was leaving and so I spent about 20 minutes using my pick to dig myself out. It wasn't that bad as it was my right front tire that was stuck since there was so much snow.
The judge was so serious. I am not sure if there was another judge but she was wearing the same outfit as the judge. They both were serious. It's like, dude you guys are just parking ticket judges. You're not dealing with anything really justice worthy. Your dealing with cases where people usually park without a permit or they park in the wrong spot. You have no right to be so serious as this job is really not that important in the grand scheme of things. It's not like you are dealing with murder cases. I'm sure the odd case is more serious but all these infractions are largely minor. Smile for goodness sake!
Love Triangle 2
Greetings all,
I had mentioned about this guy in my meetup group who was interested in me and the organizer. Someone in the group had invited us to dinner for the Chinese New Year and he happened to be there. The next day he emails me if I want to cuddle. I replied that I think that night was a mistake and that I do not foresee any cuddling in the future. He then replies he does care about me the most in the group (did you happen to say this to the organizer as well?) and that he does feel drawn to me but does not think it will work out (did you say the same thing to the organizer?)
I had some friends tell me to ignore the email but I just responded that I think we should stay friends. I really don't want this kind of person in my life and he has some traits that I don't like. He's okay as a friend but that's it.
I know a boundary was broke when we cuddled, but where does he get the nerve to ask for it? Loyalty is important to me and he doesn't seem like he knows what he wants. Men are just so weird.
* * *
I had a job interview on Monday and I think today was the day I should hear from them if I am going to get a second interview. So far I have not heard from them, so I figured I did not get the job. I said I should find a job by February and I haven't. I am getting really fed up with my job search and this has been the worst winter of my life. The stress of not having a job and no money and the stress from being sleepy all the time with my seasonal affective disorder, I just want to put a bullet to my brain. I've had enough. I see no light at the end of this tunnel.
I went to see a counselor on Friday and she said I have mild depression. They will put me on SSRI for my SAD. I had said isn't it too late for me to go on medications since it takes about 4 weeks for it to kick in. By that time, my symptoms will be gone. I checked my journal and I don't mention when I start feeling better but I think by March I feel better.
I am tempted to buy the Valkee product that is like a walkman that emits light into your ear but I want to see more data on its effectiveness before getting it. There are some positive reviews but negative ones as well. I have a lightbox and that helps a bit but not enough. Maybe this product would work more effectively for me? I am on a tight budget as well so I'm just really cautious.
I had mentioned about this guy in my meetup group who was interested in me and the organizer. Someone in the group had invited us to dinner for the Chinese New Year and he happened to be there. The next day he emails me if I want to cuddle. I replied that I think that night was a mistake and that I do not foresee any cuddling in the future. He then replies he does care about me the most in the group (did you happen to say this to the organizer as well?) and that he does feel drawn to me but does not think it will work out (did you say the same thing to the organizer?)
I had some friends tell me to ignore the email but I just responded that I think we should stay friends. I really don't want this kind of person in my life and he has some traits that I don't like. He's okay as a friend but that's it.
I know a boundary was broke when we cuddled, but where does he get the nerve to ask for it? Loyalty is important to me and he doesn't seem like he knows what he wants. Men are just so weird.
I had a job interview on Monday and I think today was the day I should hear from them if I am going to get a second interview. So far I have not heard from them, so I figured I did not get the job. I said I should find a job by February and I haven't. I am getting really fed up with my job search and this has been the worst winter of my life. The stress of not having a job and no money and the stress from being sleepy all the time with my seasonal affective disorder, I just want to put a bullet to my brain. I've had enough. I see no light at the end of this tunnel.
I went to see a counselor on Friday and she said I have mild depression. They will put me on SSRI for my SAD. I had said isn't it too late for me to go on medications since it takes about 4 weeks for it to kick in. By that time, my symptoms will be gone. I checked my journal and I don't mention when I start feeling better but I think by March I feel better.
I am tempted to buy the Valkee product that is like a walkman that emits light into your ear but I want to see more data on its effectiveness before getting it. There are some positive reviews but negative ones as well. I have a lightbox and that helps a bit but not enough. Maybe this product would work more effectively for me? I am on a tight budget as well so I'm just really cautious.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Meditation
Greetings all,
I tend to do 40 day disciplines and so am good at sticking to them. Some people have a hard time doing them because it is about breaking your karma and sometimes there is resistance to that.
I am doing 3 meditations that I learned at my sat nam rasayan workshop and my 40 days will be up on the 6th of February. Usually when I am nearing the end, I think of what to work on next and so the past few days I have been feeling nervous about what to do because I wanted to work on a meditation that would help me with my issues and current problems.
I had previously worked with the ganpattee kriya for just over a year and that has helped me a lot. I tried it for 11 minutes a few days ago but didn't feel drawn to it. I think I wanted to work with it again because it helped in the past but I wasn't feeling drawn to it. I think for me I was looking at past success to determine my future which sometimes doesn't work.
I also worked with sat kriya for just over 6 months and that helped alot. Again, I didn't feel drawn to it.
So I thought - with reluctance - that since I am still in the middle of a discipline, that I need to delve into it because with the 3 meditations, I felt like not much was happening. I felt release when I first used them, but not much lately.
I just let go with my wanting to find the next meditation and I found it was a cathartic meditation. I guess even when you think there is nothing to let go, you still can.
I tend to do 40 day disciplines and so am good at sticking to them. Some people have a hard time doing them because it is about breaking your karma and sometimes there is resistance to that.
I am doing 3 meditations that I learned at my sat nam rasayan workshop and my 40 days will be up on the 6th of February. Usually when I am nearing the end, I think of what to work on next and so the past few days I have been feeling nervous about what to do because I wanted to work on a meditation that would help me with my issues and current problems.
I had previously worked with the ganpattee kriya for just over a year and that has helped me a lot. I tried it for 11 minutes a few days ago but didn't feel drawn to it. I think I wanted to work with it again because it helped in the past but I wasn't feeling drawn to it. I think for me I was looking at past success to determine my future which sometimes doesn't work.
I also worked with sat kriya for just over 6 months and that helped alot. Again, I didn't feel drawn to it.
So I thought - with reluctance - that since I am still in the middle of a discipline, that I need to delve into it because with the 3 meditations, I felt like not much was happening. I felt release when I first used them, but not much lately.
I just let go with my wanting to find the next meditation and I found it was a cathartic meditation. I guess even when you think there is nothing to let go, you still can.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Overvaluing Self
Greetings all,
One thing I occasionally notice on the message board that I post on, sometimes women seem to have this tendency to overvalue themselves. I mean, I think it's great to think you have value and are 'expensive' and thus supposed to be treated with respect but sometimes I wonder what quality are these women? I mean, I don't know them too much and I can only go by what is posted.
One woman whom has always been a trouble maker on the board has this over inflated sense of self and is a bit of a bully. It's actually common for bullies to overestimate their talents. This woman thinks she is hot. I have seen her picture on facebook and she is far from hot. She has what is known as 'butter face'. Everything is nice about her but her face. She thinks she is smart. She is not. She makes claims but doesn't support them and expects you to do the research. Honey, it does not work like that. If you make a statement, you are the one that is obligated to prove its validity not label others as lazy if they do not do the research you are supposed to do.
Now I think love can bloom with all sorts of people. Boring people find love. Dumb people find love. Ugly, boring and dumb people find love. We all know that like attracts like. So obviously someone like me is seeking a hot, silly genius man.
I think at the end of the day, it's about finding someone whom is compatible with your personality. Everyone had a different personality. I may think someone is incredibly dumb or lazy but they can hook up with someone who thinks they are great and smart. It's all relative.
Birds of a feather flock together.
As well, when someone overvalues themselves, they sometimes need to ask themselves what they bring to a relationship. Of course, men really need to be the ones that prove themselves first but sometimes men hook up with substandard women but yet these women may need to make some inner changes to get to a standard level. I guess it's just easier to look at someone and see what's wrong with them, rather then looking at what you need to work on. The bottom line is that I have strengths and weaknesses and the people around me have strengths and weaknesses.
I think if you want to be treated like royalty, then one needs to have the inner qualities as well and show respect to others.
One thing I occasionally notice on the message board that I post on, sometimes women seem to have this tendency to overvalue themselves. I mean, I think it's great to think you have value and are 'expensive' and thus supposed to be treated with respect but sometimes I wonder what quality are these women? I mean, I don't know them too much and I can only go by what is posted.
One woman whom has always been a trouble maker on the board has this over inflated sense of self and is a bit of a bully. It's actually common for bullies to overestimate their talents. This woman thinks she is hot. I have seen her picture on facebook and she is far from hot. She has what is known as 'butter face'. Everything is nice about her but her face. She thinks she is smart. She is not. She makes claims but doesn't support them and expects you to do the research. Honey, it does not work like that. If you make a statement, you are the one that is obligated to prove its validity not label others as lazy if they do not do the research you are supposed to do.
Now I think love can bloom with all sorts of people. Boring people find love. Dumb people find love. Ugly, boring and dumb people find love. We all know that like attracts like. So obviously someone like me is seeking a hot, silly genius man.
I think at the end of the day, it's about finding someone whom is compatible with your personality. Everyone had a different personality. I may think someone is incredibly dumb or lazy but they can hook up with someone who thinks they are great and smart. It's all relative.
Birds of a feather flock together.
As well, when someone overvalues themselves, they sometimes need to ask themselves what they bring to a relationship. Of course, men really need to be the ones that prove themselves first but sometimes men hook up with substandard women but yet these women may need to make some inner changes to get to a standard level. I guess it's just easier to look at someone and see what's wrong with them, rather then looking at what you need to work on. The bottom line is that I have strengths and weaknesses and the people around me have strengths and weaknesses.
I think if you want to be treated like royalty, then one needs to have the inner qualities as well and show respect to others.
Friday, January 21, 2011
This Week
Greetings all,
This week sucked for me as I was getting sick on Monday night and had spent most of the day at the library job searching. I had a sore throat and fever. I missed my book group on Tuesday night and Wednesday my fever went down. Today I am out and job searching again but this morning I had a coughing fit so I can't really strain my voice with too much talking.
Usually, like most people, when I get sick, I get depressed and discouraged so this week I didn't feel good and I feel hopeless about my job situation. I don't know what to do with myself either. I just am anti-school but it's time I figure out what to do with myself. I just think it's not fair. I have enough troubles in my life and this week again I felt deserted.
I hate not having much money and being on such a tight budget. I just don't get life sometimes.
Woe is me!
This week sucked for me as I was getting sick on Monday night and had spent most of the day at the library job searching. I had a sore throat and fever. I missed my book group on Tuesday night and Wednesday my fever went down. Today I am out and job searching again but this morning I had a coughing fit so I can't really strain my voice with too much talking.
Usually, like most people, when I get sick, I get depressed and discouraged so this week I didn't feel good and I feel hopeless about my job situation. I don't know what to do with myself either. I just am anti-school but it's time I figure out what to do with myself. I just think it's not fair. I have enough troubles in my life and this week again I felt deserted.
I hate not having much money and being on such a tight budget. I just don't get life sometimes.
Woe is me!
Rooftop Walking
Greetings all,
I had this dream either this week or last week but it was a dream where I was walking on rooftops. For some reason they were primarily connected and it was actually not easy to walk on some of them. I remember at one point I had to leap to the other building as it was probably 5 feet apart and so I did a running jump. It was quite risky and I potentially could have died. There was some steep terrain as well so it wasn't easy.
Today I dreamed that I was doing this again but this time my mother was meeting me from the other direction and I remember thinking how terrible it would be for my mother to make that leap as I barely made it. I was thinking, I am too old for this and didn't want to go through all this difficulty walking. Too old for leaping... now I know I am getting old. Even in my dreams I am being conservative. Apparently my mother figured another way around it.
I don't know if I figured out what to do in another dream but at some point I thought about the dream while in a dream state and I realized that I don't have to do this and that I could just get to my destination by walking on the ground. Pretty simple.
I don't know if this means my subconscious is making some shift but I do feel like I don't want a life where I am rooftop climbing because I want to take an easier road. I think it is representing on some level that in some part of my life I am making things difficult by trying too hard. That's my theory. We'll see what happens.
I had this dream either this week or last week but it was a dream where I was walking on rooftops. For some reason they were primarily connected and it was actually not easy to walk on some of them. I remember at one point I had to leap to the other building as it was probably 5 feet apart and so I did a running jump. It was quite risky and I potentially could have died. There was some steep terrain as well so it wasn't easy.
Today I dreamed that I was doing this again but this time my mother was meeting me from the other direction and I remember thinking how terrible it would be for my mother to make that leap as I barely made it. I was thinking, I am too old for this and didn't want to go through all this difficulty walking. Too old for leaping... now I know I am getting old. Even in my dreams I am being conservative. Apparently my mother figured another way around it.
I don't know if I figured out what to do in another dream but at some point I thought about the dream while in a dream state and I realized that I don't have to do this and that I could just get to my destination by walking on the ground. Pretty simple.
I don't know if this means my subconscious is making some shift but I do feel like I don't want a life where I am rooftop climbing because I want to take an easier road. I think it is representing on some level that in some part of my life I am making things difficult by trying too hard. That's my theory. We'll see what happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)