I started watching Brat Camp, a series that features troubled teenagers sent on a therapeutical nature camp where they do hikes and challenges and work on their emotional problems with therapists. They are also taught discipline through various routines that they must complete.
The therapists and counsellors all had earth names when at the camp so that they are less intimidating to the teenagers.
I asked on this improv message board that I regularly read what would your earth name be. I wrote out a few and after deep soul pondering, I have come up with the Earth name that resonants with my soul.
I will still go by Paula and my Earth name is...
Meandering Falls.
The Spiritual significance of my Earth Name:
Falls are powerful and can generate electricity. And electricity is a source of power for many of our modern day tools and appliances.
Water is powerful because over time it can shape rocks. Water is constantly in motion.
To meander means to wonder and that is something I enjoy doing. And so by adding meandering to my Earth name, it means that I am not a static Falls and that I wonder where I choose and represents my dynamic nature.
And now I place the lovely makeup on my face and initiate myself and do my yell.
I am Meandering Falls!
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Aaaahhhhhh yes
Greetings and fellow salutations,
I'm currently working as a temp and have been going to this one company for a few weeks. I think because more students have joined an agency, it has reduced the work available so I'm taking work here even though I do not like it much.
I'm still looking for a job and due to a friend's lead, I may be able to get into a place where my friend works so hopefully something good will happen to me in the realm of economics.
Anyways, I worked this Saturday and yesterday and there was this one temp who worked those days as well. I noticed when I was on this one machine where you could sit down, he was looking at me. He was at the machine next to mine so he had a good chance to look at me. He's new to Canada and I think he arrived 5 months ago from India. We get to rotate on these machines so I got to go back to that machine and he was next to mine again and he would help me out by making boxes as this machine required the product to go into boxes (most of the products go on cardboard skids).
I could have easily made these boxes myself as the machine I was at was not that fast. So I think he was helping me out because he thinks I would appreciate and be interested in a man that is helpful.
I got to get a whiff of him in the lunchroom and he had really strong body odour. Now I know I'm going to sound harsh but I got a problem with men smelling that badly. And the place is not one where you are sweating profusely and cleaning manor.
I have a really strong connection with smells so when I date a guy, I have to like how he smells and I have to find this body smells pleasing. You become more knowledgeable about a man's smell when you are kissing.
It doesn't matter how much deordorant or cologne a man has, every one has a natural body smell and I am attracted to a nice smelling body. Plus when you go down on a guy, he has to smell nice and not have a putrid odour. If a man's body can't even smell nice how can his penis be pleasing as well?
People, never doubt the power of smells and how smells stimulate memories in the brain.
Yesterday at work, he was next to the 2 machines I was watching and he came up to me to ask me if I was watching this machine and I said yes. I think he just wanted to talk to me and this was the only question he could come up with.
I find this situation amusing because in my previous post I talk about how this person I have feelings for and whom I love and think about and who is not interested in being my boyfriend and now I talk about some guy at work is pining for me and whom I am not interested in. And it's not just because of his smell. Actually he was dressed nicer for work yesterday. Could I have been the inspiration for this?
I know he pines for me because he just had that staring look in his eyes when I was sitting at my machine. It was no ordinary look, it was the look of infatuation and being blinded by my beauty and the way I carry myself.
Here is a song I will compose for y'all:
I want to get laid
I want to get laid
La la la la la
I want to get laid
I want a man to tell me that he wants me
I want a man to tell me that he wants to drive into me hard
La la la la la
I want a man to caress my hips and my back and my whole body
And fuss about with my hair
I want a man to nibble on my ear lobes
I want a man to buy me some chocolate
And then pour it on my body and lick it off
Musical interlude:
La la la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
La la la
La la la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
Like a rock star:
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Yesssssssssssss
I want a man to cuddle me afterwards
I want a man who will always want to hold me
But not all the time because he'll also want to bang me
La la la la la
I just wanna get some lovin'
The end
This song is originally written by Paula L. This song belongs to Paula L. and anyone caught stealing this will be taken to a court of law. Song written August 17, 2005.
Hopefully all will appreciate this lyrical genius and no one will be taken to court as Paula likes getting along with people but does not agree to being taken advantage of.
I'm currently working as a temp and have been going to this one company for a few weeks. I think because more students have joined an agency, it has reduced the work available so I'm taking work here even though I do not like it much.
I'm still looking for a job and due to a friend's lead, I may be able to get into a place where my friend works so hopefully something good will happen to me in the realm of economics.
Anyways, I worked this Saturday and yesterday and there was this one temp who worked those days as well. I noticed when I was on this one machine where you could sit down, he was looking at me. He was at the machine next to mine so he had a good chance to look at me. He's new to Canada and I think he arrived 5 months ago from India. We get to rotate on these machines so I got to go back to that machine and he was next to mine again and he would help me out by making boxes as this machine required the product to go into boxes (most of the products go on cardboard skids).
I could have easily made these boxes myself as the machine I was at was not that fast. So I think he was helping me out because he thinks I would appreciate and be interested in a man that is helpful.
I got to get a whiff of him in the lunchroom and he had really strong body odour. Now I know I'm going to sound harsh but I got a problem with men smelling that badly. And the place is not one where you are sweating profusely and cleaning manor.
I have a really strong connection with smells so when I date a guy, I have to like how he smells and I have to find this body smells pleasing. You become more knowledgeable about a man's smell when you are kissing.
It doesn't matter how much deordorant or cologne a man has, every one has a natural body smell and I am attracted to a nice smelling body. Plus when you go down on a guy, he has to smell nice and not have a putrid odour. If a man's body can't even smell nice how can his penis be pleasing as well?
People, never doubt the power of smells and how smells stimulate memories in the brain.
Yesterday at work, he was next to the 2 machines I was watching and he came up to me to ask me if I was watching this machine and I said yes. I think he just wanted to talk to me and this was the only question he could come up with.
I find this situation amusing because in my previous post I talk about how this person I have feelings for and whom I love and think about and who is not interested in being my boyfriend and now I talk about some guy at work is pining for me and whom I am not interested in. And it's not just because of his smell. Actually he was dressed nicer for work yesterday. Could I have been the inspiration for this?
I know he pines for me because he just had that staring look in his eyes when I was sitting at my machine. It was no ordinary look, it was the look of infatuation and being blinded by my beauty and the way I carry myself.
Here is a song I will compose for y'all:
I want to get laid
I want to get laid
La la la la la
I want to get laid
I want a man to tell me that he wants me
I want a man to tell me that he wants to drive into me hard
La la la la la
I want a man to caress my hips and my back and my whole body
And fuss about with my hair
I want a man to nibble on my ear lobes
I want a man to buy me some chocolate
And then pour it on my body and lick it off
Musical interlude:
La la la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
La la la
La la la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
Like a rock star:
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Yesssssssssssss
I want a man to cuddle me afterwards
I want a man who will always want to hold me
But not all the time because he'll also want to bang me
La la la la la
I just wanna get some lovin'
The end
This song is originally written by Paula L. This song belongs to Paula L. and anyone caught stealing this will be taken to a court of law. Song written August 17, 2005.
Hopefully all will appreciate this lyrical genius and no one will be taken to court as Paula likes getting along with people but does not agree to being taken advantage of.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Unrequited love is a bitch
Nothing blows more then when you love someone and they don't reciprocate the love or they are too afraid.
I know that I am not the first person to experience this and so I take comfort in that. I've been in love with 2 other people before and the relationships didn't work out.
I've had my heart broken before so I'm not sad that my love for this person is not reciprocated.
I try to forget about it and I try to get angry at this person but it doesn't help.
I can't help but love this person so there's no point in denying it. My feelings for this person are not going away and this person seems to think I'm just infatuated. Perhaps that is the fear talking. I'm a pretty grounded and logical person. If I have feelings for someone, I pretty much analyze whether this is something real or me just being silly.
It's funny that I fell for this person as love isn't something that you plan for.
Like everyone else who has loved someone whom didn't love them back, I will move on and search for another person to love as I must hope and assume that there is someone out there for me and who would enjoy spending time with me and appreciate me.
I've gotten 2 new qigong dvds and got them a few weeks ago. I've been doing this back stretching one and I like it. It is helping this pain and tightness that I've had on the right side of my back. I've gotten 3 of the dvds from the site which is
www.qiqigong.com. I recommend qigong as I've been doing yoga for 8 years and have recently been learning qigong. I think physical activity is necessary if you want to be calm, happy and focused. I also got the soft palms qigong and I'm going to concentrate a few days on this back one. So if there are people out there who have back problems, try this routine. It looks simple but it is quite relaxing for the back.
I know that I am not the first person to experience this and so I take comfort in that. I've been in love with 2 other people before and the relationships didn't work out.
I've had my heart broken before so I'm not sad that my love for this person is not reciprocated.
I try to forget about it and I try to get angry at this person but it doesn't help.
I can't help but love this person so there's no point in denying it. My feelings for this person are not going away and this person seems to think I'm just infatuated. Perhaps that is the fear talking. I'm a pretty grounded and logical person. If I have feelings for someone, I pretty much analyze whether this is something real or me just being silly.
It's funny that I fell for this person as love isn't something that you plan for.
Like everyone else who has loved someone whom didn't love them back, I will move on and search for another person to love as I must hope and assume that there is someone out there for me and who would enjoy spending time with me and appreciate me.
I've gotten 2 new qigong dvds and got them a few weeks ago. I've been doing this back stretching one and I like it. It is helping this pain and tightness that I've had on the right side of my back. I've gotten 3 of the dvds from the site which is
www.qiqigong.com. I recommend qigong as I've been doing yoga for 8 years and have recently been learning qigong. I think physical activity is necessary if you want to be calm, happy and focused. I also got the soft palms qigong and I'm going to concentrate a few days on this back one. So if there are people out there who have back problems, try this routine. It looks simple but it is quite relaxing for the back.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Suicide on Dr. Phil
I was watching some Dr. Phil yesterday and I was a bit disturbed by some of his comments he had about a guest. This woman's husband committed suicide by setting himself on fire. He's attempted suicide several times and became 'successful' by using fire. I usually like Dr. Phil and sometimes I don't agree with what he says and this is one of the times where I think he lacked sensitivity and lacked knowledge about suicidal people.
The woman and Dr. Phil believe that the husband killed himself because it was his choice. Dr. Phil stated that it was mean for him to do that and it was his choice to take away his life. It was mean in the sense that the person who takes their life away doesn't think about how the remaining loved ones would feel.
I have to disagree on this because I have been suicidal myself and I'm sure a lot of people have and do not necessarily end up killing themselves.
To someone who is feeling suicidal, suicide is not a choice. It sometimes seems like the only way out of the intense inner pain and existential inner crisis one can experience. Life is painful and for me the pain was overwhelming. And I was only 21. I was going through an existential crisis and didn't know what was reality. Everything seemed surreal and I didn't know what to do.
Killing myself seemed like an answer although I've never seriously attempted suicide.
I didn't want to live and I didn't see the point of living. The pain was intense and it was so intense it was amazing that I didn't take my own life.
I didn't feel connected to the world and the events that went on. Meeting people felt surreal too. It was like, are these people real? Who are they? Are they hiding things about themselves? Surreal is one way to describe it.
I wish Dr. Phil and this woman could understand that people who kill themselves don't do it because they are being mean and it's a choice. I bet for the majority of those that do kill themselves (this is not including those who bomb themselves to kill others...that's another story!), they kill themselves because the pain of life is too overwhelming and they have lost hope that life could be better.
I think it is unfortunate that Dr. Phil and this woman lack the compassion to truly understand the suffering suicidal people experience.
In the long run, I value my early 20s and the intense inner pain and suffering I experienced. It has made me a more sensitive human being. Unlike Dr. Phil and this woman, I have a much greater capacity for empathy, understanding and compassion because I have suffered so greatly in my life.
And the difficult thing was that I didn't have a source for my pain.
It just happened.
And I think that added to my suffering because I didn't know why or what was causing my suffering.
I think when I am in my 40s or 60s, I will have a greater context with which to make sense of this great suffering that I have experienced in my life.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, it is probably best to seek professional help. Most people are not capable of monitoring a suicidal person. It is best to seek those who are trained for this.
I think his lack of knowledge about suicidal people just creates more ignorance about this topic. Mental health is very precious, in fact it is just as precious as physical health. The world does not need a 'professional' propagating false ideas and misinformation about such a topic.
Suicide requires deep compassion and clear thinking to grasp its nature.
Merely saying it was a choice shows one's lack of knowledge about the situation.
The woman and Dr. Phil believe that the husband killed himself because it was his choice. Dr. Phil stated that it was mean for him to do that and it was his choice to take away his life. It was mean in the sense that the person who takes their life away doesn't think about how the remaining loved ones would feel.
I have to disagree on this because I have been suicidal myself and I'm sure a lot of people have and do not necessarily end up killing themselves.
To someone who is feeling suicidal, suicide is not a choice. It sometimes seems like the only way out of the intense inner pain and existential inner crisis one can experience. Life is painful and for me the pain was overwhelming. And I was only 21. I was going through an existential crisis and didn't know what was reality. Everything seemed surreal and I didn't know what to do.
Killing myself seemed like an answer although I've never seriously attempted suicide.
I didn't want to live and I didn't see the point of living. The pain was intense and it was so intense it was amazing that I didn't take my own life.
I didn't feel connected to the world and the events that went on. Meeting people felt surreal too. It was like, are these people real? Who are they? Are they hiding things about themselves? Surreal is one way to describe it.
I wish Dr. Phil and this woman could understand that people who kill themselves don't do it because they are being mean and it's a choice. I bet for the majority of those that do kill themselves (this is not including those who bomb themselves to kill others...that's another story!), they kill themselves because the pain of life is too overwhelming and they have lost hope that life could be better.
I think it is unfortunate that Dr. Phil and this woman lack the compassion to truly understand the suffering suicidal people experience.
In the long run, I value my early 20s and the intense inner pain and suffering I experienced. It has made me a more sensitive human being. Unlike Dr. Phil and this woman, I have a much greater capacity for empathy, understanding and compassion because I have suffered so greatly in my life.
And the difficult thing was that I didn't have a source for my pain.
It just happened.
And I think that added to my suffering because I didn't know why or what was causing my suffering.
I think when I am in my 40s or 60s, I will have a greater context with which to make sense of this great suffering that I have experienced in my life.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, it is probably best to seek professional help. Most people are not capable of monitoring a suicidal person. It is best to seek those who are trained for this.
I think his lack of knowledge about suicidal people just creates more ignorance about this topic. Mental health is very precious, in fact it is just as precious as physical health. The world does not need a 'professional' propagating false ideas and misinformation about such a topic.
Suicide requires deep compassion and clear thinking to grasp its nature.
Merely saying it was a choice shows one's lack of knowledge about the situation.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Rant
One expression that I hear people routinely use is that "This is my personal truth".
And anytime people use the word truth, they generally use it in a pompous way.
There is no such thing as 'personal truth'. You may have a personal experience, an experience maybe truth for you subjectively but you don't have personal truth. Truth by definition is objective, it can't be something exclusive and personal.
People who routinely use this "this is my personal truth", go pick up Rudolf Steiner's Philosophy of Freedom (aka Intuitive Thinking as Spiritual Activity) or his book Truth and Knowledge or go just pick up a book by any philosopher that talks about truth so that you can hurt your brain and get over your little egotistical self when you talk about "personal truth".
I don't object to people saying this is my personal experience because hey, that is an accurate statement. You can also say my subjective experience or based on my limited experiences (because after all we are not all knowing and have not experienced everything there is to experience.)
I am starting to chill now so my rant energy is dissapating.
I think people that tend to use the word truth the most are the ones who know and live truthfully the least.
And anytime people use the word truth, they generally use it in a pompous way.
There is no such thing as 'personal truth'. You may have a personal experience, an experience maybe truth for you subjectively but you don't have personal truth. Truth by definition is objective, it can't be something exclusive and personal.
People who routinely use this "this is my personal truth", go pick up Rudolf Steiner's Philosophy of Freedom (aka Intuitive Thinking as Spiritual Activity) or his book Truth and Knowledge or go just pick up a book by any philosopher that talks about truth so that you can hurt your brain and get over your little egotistical self when you talk about "personal truth".
I don't object to people saying this is my personal experience because hey, that is an accurate statement. You can also say my subjective experience or based on my limited experiences (because after all we are not all knowing and have not experienced everything there is to experience.)
I am starting to chill now so my rant energy is dissapating.
I think people that tend to use the word truth the most are the ones who know and live truthfully the least.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Hmmmm
I just finished reading Caroline Myss' book, Invisible Acts of Power. I find myself occasionally reading these types of books and wondering if I am a good person and how can I be a better person. This book has a lot of stories from people and it talks about the chakras. People share these stories of synchronicity or getting help from G-d or giving help to people because of an intuitive sense.
Anyways, I find myself feeling inadequate as sometimes I am impatient about things. Where are these people anyways? In my Foundation Studies course and in my study group, we do bring up these types of conversations but I would like to see that more outside of these situations.
I guess what I am saying is that I'm wondering if these people share these types of stories with people or just to a select group. I guess if I want to hear people share these types of stories, I'd have to share first.
I'd like for my life to be more synchronized. I can see that there is an intelligence to the universe but I think I sometimes am out of sync with it. It's my impatient nature! I'm just impatient in certain areas of my life as I am a fairly calm individual.
Enough of this!
We had a reunion for Foundation Studies on Saturday and we got our certificates. Not everyone showed up. Past alumni from previous years showed up but half was from our class. We socialized and we had 2 instructors introduce to us 2 classes which are considered Foundation Studies 2 (there was no FS2). I don't think I will take any classes. I told them I was interested in seeing some scientific workshops or geometry as Steiner has a Light and Warmth course, has done geometry and concepts related to the Fourth Dimension. The RS Centre offers a course on pretty much everything Steiner has taught. I think they had a geometry course.
We are also getting written feedback on the presentations we did. I told the class director not to be afraid to use words like genius and brilliant when writing my report.
I sure don't have a self esteem problem!
I don't really have much to say in this blog that is interesting but I am desperately craving someone to comment on my blogs. Is there anyone out there who is just reading this for amusement???
Well thanks for reading my blogie
Paula
Anyways, I find myself feeling inadequate as sometimes I am impatient about things. Where are these people anyways? In my Foundation Studies course and in my study group, we do bring up these types of conversations but I would like to see that more outside of these situations.
I guess what I am saying is that I'm wondering if these people share these types of stories with people or just to a select group. I guess if I want to hear people share these types of stories, I'd have to share first.
I'd like for my life to be more synchronized. I can see that there is an intelligence to the universe but I think I sometimes am out of sync with it. It's my impatient nature! I'm just impatient in certain areas of my life as I am a fairly calm individual.
Enough of this!
We had a reunion for Foundation Studies on Saturday and we got our certificates. Not everyone showed up. Past alumni from previous years showed up but half was from our class. We socialized and we had 2 instructors introduce to us 2 classes which are considered Foundation Studies 2 (there was no FS2). I don't think I will take any classes. I told them I was interested in seeing some scientific workshops or geometry as Steiner has a Light and Warmth course, has done geometry and concepts related to the Fourth Dimension. The RS Centre offers a course on pretty much everything Steiner has taught. I think they had a geometry course.
We are also getting written feedback on the presentations we did. I told the class director not to be afraid to use words like genius and brilliant when writing my report.
I sure don't have a self esteem problem!
I don't really have much to say in this blog that is interesting but I am desperately craving someone to comment on my blogs. Is there anyone out there who is just reading this for amusement???
Well thanks for reading my blogie
Paula
Monday, May 30, 2005
Karma of Kindness
I'm actually going to promoting this cd that I bought. I'm doing this out of my own volition because I like it so much and found it quite useful. It's a hypnosis session but I think the word hypnosis has a bad reputation in people's minds so I like to call them guided meditations.
Anyways, this one is called Karma of Kindness. I've used it a few months ago fairly regularly, say 2-3 times a week and it's really a powerful meditation. It's useful if you feel hostile feelings towards people who have been mean to you. I also use it for people who I find difficult. It's good because it trains your mind to be more objective with them and to realize that maybe they've had difficulties in their life.
One time when I used it, I was balling my eyes out because it was so emotionally profound. I haven't used it much lately but I did yesterday. It's effective to use if you have negative feelings towards people. I used it to visualize people who possessed qualities, particularly negative ones, that I had negative feelings towards. It's useful because I don't feel as annoyed by people's shortcomings.
I personally believe that whatever negative qualities or things people do to you, that shouldn't make you angry or annoyed. You may not agree with the behaviour, but it doesn't make sense to get angry.
I like using it and it actually helps to change your behaviour and mentality fairly quickly.
I think it's easier to change yourself and your thoughts towards people rather then changing them. I also think by changing yourself, people will act differently.
I bought other products from this site but it's this one that I found most profound and valuable and is my favourite.
The link is www.wendi.com
Go to Let's Shop and search for Karma of Kindness
So if you are filled with lots of rage and hostility towards people or have a small amount of hostility and annoyance, consider using this program.
Anyways, this one is called Karma of Kindness. I've used it a few months ago fairly regularly, say 2-3 times a week and it's really a powerful meditation. It's useful if you feel hostile feelings towards people who have been mean to you. I also use it for people who I find difficult. It's good because it trains your mind to be more objective with them and to realize that maybe they've had difficulties in their life.
One time when I used it, I was balling my eyes out because it was so emotionally profound. I haven't used it much lately but I did yesterday. It's effective to use if you have negative feelings towards people. I used it to visualize people who possessed qualities, particularly negative ones, that I had negative feelings towards. It's useful because I don't feel as annoyed by people's shortcomings.
I personally believe that whatever negative qualities or things people do to you, that shouldn't make you angry or annoyed. You may not agree with the behaviour, but it doesn't make sense to get angry.
I like using it and it actually helps to change your behaviour and mentality fairly quickly.
I think it's easier to change yourself and your thoughts towards people rather then changing them. I also think by changing yourself, people will act differently.
I bought other products from this site but it's this one that I found most profound and valuable and is my favourite.
The link is www.wendi.com
Go to Let's Shop and search for Karma of Kindness
So if you are filled with lots of rage and hostility towards people or have a small amount of hostility and annoyance, consider using this program.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
owwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I have had this bad sinus headache since yesterday afternoon. My head has been hurting all day today as well. I've never had a sinus headache before. I don't get headaches often either.
I bought myself a homeopathic remedy for sinus and allergy symptoms today at the RS Centre. I've been experiencing seasonal alleries since April 2003. I've tried a couple of different antihistamines but didn't like them so I'll give this homepathic remedy a try. It's in this pellet form that you put under your tongue. It's like eating candy really.
It was also our last Foundation Study class for the year. We had a pot luck after we had our 2 final presentations. I really enjoyed the presentations which were on Nutrition and Art as a Spiritual Activity. We did clay work for the second presentation. Working with clay is always fun!
I also have 2 job interviews on Monday and Tuesday.
I bought myself a homeopathic remedy for sinus and allergy symptoms today at the RS Centre. I've been experiencing seasonal alleries since April 2003. I've tried a couple of different antihistamines but didn't like them so I'll give this homepathic remedy a try. It's in this pellet form that you put under your tongue. It's like eating candy really.
It was also our last Foundation Study class for the year. We had a pot luck after we had our 2 final presentations. I really enjoyed the presentations which were on Nutrition and Art as a Spiritual Activity. We did clay work for the second presentation. Working with clay is always fun!
I also have 2 job interviews on Monday and Tuesday.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Stop Bullying Program
I was watching this program on bullying and how there is this organization that is providing schools with a 1 or 3 day workshop intensive (it might just be one day) on bullying and it teaches them why people bully and it teaches them to be emotionally honest. They showed them apologizing by the end of it to those who they have been mean to.
I got really emotional when watching it.
The web site is www.bethechange.org but it is currently under construction. The show showed the school 3 months afterwards and the school has maintained the change. I think the school has a regular type of weekly or monthly meeting because the program teaches them that it's every day they have to work at being honest emotionally with themselves.
I'm not doing the show I saw justice but it really was a profound program. Instead of complaining about how youth is going nowhere, an organization is created to help teach them vital emotional skills that take most people a lifetime to learn and some not at all.
The program teaches empathy skills, being honest with yourself, realizing that you are not alone and that those who bully probably have been bullied themselves or bully for their own protection. And to make an effort to get to know someone instead of making assumptions and judgements about them.
I thought back to my school days and recall teasing a girl in elementary school but then I started feeling bad. I wasn't making fun of her to her face, just behind her back. I'm glad I eventually realized that it's not nice to insult people. There was another girl too in elementary school who got picked on in grade 6. There were 2 main groups among the girls. The cool groups spearheaded by one main girl and then the rest of them. I was a free radical along with my best friend who weren't really part of those 2 groups but did socialize more with the 'non-cool' girls. This one girl was hated by the cool girls and she went to the 'nerds' and then the cool girls liked her so she went back to them and this kept going on and then she hung out with me and my friend and then back to the cool girls.
I was picked on in grade 9 pretty bad. I've had a couple of guys tease me. I had glasses so I guess they assumed I was nerdy. I made this one goof up with my friends because they were trying to hook me up with some guy who my friend at the time was dating one of his friends in the group. They encouraged me to call him but I ended up hanging up on him because I was scared. The next day in school these 2 girls who were friends with the guy were harassing me about what I did. I was shocked and scared and the one girl made me uncomfortable for years. She was a year older then me too.
I don't feel hatrad to towards them because I think people that hurt people have their own issues. It doesn't make it okay. I think people who can't deal with their emotions and frustrations, disappoints, fear etc lash out at people. Everyone has pain but some people just haven't learned how to cope with the struggles of life in a positive manner.
And some people don't realize that their words and actions affects the feelings of those around them.
We all need courage in our daily lives.
We don't need courage just once or maybe just 3 times a month.
We need it on a daily basis, for every moment of our lives.
If anyone is reading this, especially a young person, keep up and be loving to yourself and others even if they are mean and you feel they should suffer.
Be honest with yourself and have confidence in yourself. Don't follow the crowd. Have a mind of your own when socializing with people.
I got really emotional when watching it.
The web site is www.bethechange.org but it is currently under construction. The show showed the school 3 months afterwards and the school has maintained the change. I think the school has a regular type of weekly or monthly meeting because the program teaches them that it's every day they have to work at being honest emotionally with themselves.
I'm not doing the show I saw justice but it really was a profound program. Instead of complaining about how youth is going nowhere, an organization is created to help teach them vital emotional skills that take most people a lifetime to learn and some not at all.
The program teaches empathy skills, being honest with yourself, realizing that you are not alone and that those who bully probably have been bullied themselves or bully for their own protection. And to make an effort to get to know someone instead of making assumptions and judgements about them.
I thought back to my school days and recall teasing a girl in elementary school but then I started feeling bad. I wasn't making fun of her to her face, just behind her back. I'm glad I eventually realized that it's not nice to insult people. There was another girl too in elementary school who got picked on in grade 6. There were 2 main groups among the girls. The cool groups spearheaded by one main girl and then the rest of them. I was a free radical along with my best friend who weren't really part of those 2 groups but did socialize more with the 'non-cool' girls. This one girl was hated by the cool girls and she went to the 'nerds' and then the cool girls liked her so she went back to them and this kept going on and then she hung out with me and my friend and then back to the cool girls.
I was picked on in grade 9 pretty bad. I've had a couple of guys tease me. I had glasses so I guess they assumed I was nerdy. I made this one goof up with my friends because they were trying to hook me up with some guy who my friend at the time was dating one of his friends in the group. They encouraged me to call him but I ended up hanging up on him because I was scared. The next day in school these 2 girls who were friends with the guy were harassing me about what I did. I was shocked and scared and the one girl made me uncomfortable for years. She was a year older then me too.
I don't feel hatrad to towards them because I think people that hurt people have their own issues. It doesn't make it okay. I think people who can't deal with their emotions and frustrations, disappoints, fear etc lash out at people. Everyone has pain but some people just haven't learned how to cope with the struggles of life in a positive manner.
And some people don't realize that their words and actions affects the feelings of those around them.
We all need courage in our daily lives.
We don't need courage just once or maybe just 3 times a month.
We need it on a daily basis, for every moment of our lives.
If anyone is reading this, especially a young person, keep up and be loving to yourself and others even if they are mean and you feel they should suffer.
Be honest with yourself and have confidence in yourself. Don't follow the crowd. Have a mind of your own when socializing with people.
E minor lick
I took out from the library this cool rock and blues guitar book that comes with a cd and I learned this neat E minor scale lick. It sounds like something from Beethoven. I like minor scales and chords a lot as I like darker sounds (majors sound more upbeat).
I want to be a rock star. I haven't figured out how I can be a rock star and an improvisor/comic at the same time. I've been playing guitar since July last year. I would like to get better more faster but it does seem like a slow process.
My favourite chord is DflatM7. I also like B7.
I've been thinking about the concept of money and how it is generated and how it can be authentically generated. I'm talking about this concept in a global sense. Is wealth limited? Does creating wealth cause problems for poorer nations? I think I'll look around for some books on this. If anyone has any references please comment on this post.
I planted some flowers today.
I've been thinking about what do I want to say in this public blog. How personal do I want to get?
I correct my thinking on a daily basis so what I wrote a week ago, I might not think the same or may feel my comment is no longer relevant. Or maybe realize that what I truly wanted to express was not clearly expressed the way I intended.
I want to be a rock star. I haven't figured out how I can be a rock star and an improvisor/comic at the same time. I've been playing guitar since July last year. I would like to get better more faster but it does seem like a slow process.
My favourite chord is DflatM7. I also like B7.
I've been thinking about the concept of money and how it is generated and how it can be authentically generated. I'm talking about this concept in a global sense. Is wealth limited? Does creating wealth cause problems for poorer nations? I think I'll look around for some books on this. If anyone has any references please comment on this post.
I planted some flowers today.
I've been thinking about what do I want to say in this public blog. How personal do I want to get?
I correct my thinking on a daily basis so what I wrote a week ago, I might not think the same or may feel my comment is no longer relevant. Or maybe realize that what I truly wanted to express was not clearly expressed the way I intended.
Friday, May 20, 2005
I had my last class yesterday for this 9 week general home maintenance course I took. I enjoyed the overall experience. I have no inclination to go into trades but I thought it would be good to learn the basic skills so that if I own a house in the future, I can do repairs. I hope to retain the information that I learned. There was a lot of hands on work so I think that would make it easier to remember what to do. The topics covered include carpentry, electrical, drywall and plumbing.
It's the long weekend here in Canada. I don't have any major plans. I think I will help my mother plant flowers. I read in a book that planting can be a meditative type activity. Even sports can be meditative. Anything really can be meditative because it depends on how you do the activity and the mental focus and mindfulness with which you do the activity.
Yes folks that means even eating ice cream can be mediative.
I think I need to learn to be less direct sometimes. I'm pretty honest and to the point but I think I need to relax sometimes and not be so damn strong willed. I think because I am strong willed I use that to solve problems and try to plough through but maybe it helps to relax. There's just a few areas where I think this is relevant for me. Sometimes I think we all make things hard for ourselves by doing too much and sometimes doing less is more effective.
I woke up realizing that this morning that I need to chill and not be so forceful with my will.
To use a metaphor; it's like I'm yelling at a seed to grow faster when my yelling does nothing so if I just take care of it and not worry so much about how it grows and maybe nicely encourage it to grow big and strong.
I have been doing chi kung (or qi gong) for just over a month and have been enjoying it. I got this nice dvd from www.taichi18.com and it's this effective 10 mins routine. It's a free dvd and you charge for shipping. Well techically they overcharge for shipping because it only cost them 85 cents to ship it and they charged me $8 for shipping. But it's still good and I recommend it to people. I did the routine for about 20 mins every day and on my fourth or fifth day I felt deeply relaxed about 2 hours after I finished doing it. I went to my hairdressor that day and it was funny because I kept commenting how deeply relaxed I was. My skin is also improving and I haven't been breaking out much. My skin is softer too.
That quiz I took the other day is kind of silly. It makes this statements based on what kind of animal you choose for the questions they asked. Frankly I hate quizzes but do them anyways. I hate them because there are not enough options. I think for the first question I didn't know what animal to pick because none of them I like but you have no other choice. Well I don't place much value on them but they amuse me somewhat.
Thanks for reading my blog folks.
It's the long weekend here in Canada. I don't have any major plans. I think I will help my mother plant flowers. I read in a book that planting can be a meditative type activity. Even sports can be meditative. Anything really can be meditative because it depends on how you do the activity and the mental focus and mindfulness with which you do the activity.
Yes folks that means even eating ice cream can be mediative.
I think I need to learn to be less direct sometimes. I'm pretty honest and to the point but I think I need to relax sometimes and not be so damn strong willed. I think because I am strong willed I use that to solve problems and try to plough through but maybe it helps to relax. There's just a few areas where I think this is relevant for me. Sometimes I think we all make things hard for ourselves by doing too much and sometimes doing less is more effective.
I woke up realizing that this morning that I need to chill and not be so forceful with my will.
To use a metaphor; it's like I'm yelling at a seed to grow faster when my yelling does nothing so if I just take care of it and not worry so much about how it grows and maybe nicely encourage it to grow big and strong.
I have been doing chi kung (or qi gong) for just over a month and have been enjoying it. I got this nice dvd from www.taichi18.com and it's this effective 10 mins routine. It's a free dvd and you charge for shipping. Well techically they overcharge for shipping because it only cost them 85 cents to ship it and they charged me $8 for shipping. But it's still good and I recommend it to people. I did the routine for about 20 mins every day and on my fourth or fifth day I felt deeply relaxed about 2 hours after I finished doing it. I went to my hairdressor that day and it was funny because I kept commenting how deeply relaxed I was. My skin is also improving and I haven't been breaking out much. My skin is softer too.
That quiz I took the other day is kind of silly. It makes this statements based on what kind of animal you choose for the questions they asked. Frankly I hate quizzes but do them anyways. I hate them because there are not enough options. I think for the first question I didn't know what animal to pick because none of them I like but you have no other choice. Well I don't place much value on them but they amuse me somewhat.
Thanks for reading my blog folks.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
a quiz
The Keys to Your Heart |
| You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
| In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. |
| You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. |
| You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. |
| Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
| Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
| You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore. |
| In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
Meh
I watched Montel Williams this afternoon. I don't watch talkshows much but I watched it because Sylvia Browne was on. I wonder if she is legitimate and if anyone has done a background check on her. I believe in a spiritual world but I am skeptical about people like that. Anyways, I just watched her because I wonder about people like her.
I'm reading Goethean Science (aka Nature's Open Secret). I tried to read it about a few weeks ago but just couldn't get my head around it but today I was able to succeed. It's a Steiner book. He also talks about Darwin in it. I wonder if Steiner talks more extensively about the Darwin theory. I had a debate with a boyfriend about this theory because I see it as a limited theory. And just because I think that, he automatically assumed I was a Creationist, which I am not. I tried to inform him about this book called Darwin's blackbox; the biochemical challenge.
It is written by some Biochemical professor at Harvard I think. And the problem with the Darwin theory according to this book, is that it cannot answer it from a biochemical view. I only read a bit and I hope to read the rest of it. Darwinism only works in microevolution, which I agree with as well but according to this view, it does not explain evolution in a macroevolution view, i.e. how species transform.
I tried telling my boyfriend at the time this but his 'brilliant' argument was:
Fossils, fossils, fossils.
I was not denying the evidence of the fossils but I just think the Darwin theory on evolution is simplistic. I'm going to try and explain this the best I can so if there are any experts in this area, please comment. The processes that occur biochemically in say the eye are actually quite complex while Darwin made it seem like what goes on in the eye is simple.
Anyways, I have to read the rest of the book.
I am neither a Creationist nor am I a Darwinist and I am not against people who are!
I got some email from About.com saying that so many people are blogging but that all the CEO's of companies are not. Did it ever occur to the drones at About.com that maybe a CEO can assume a fake name? And maybe CEO's are regular people as well. And that maybe they don't blog about their company specifically but about the people who work for them? Or maybe they complain about politics or their marriage or how stupid their one child is and despite all their good intentions and sending their child to a private school, the kid is still hopeless?
I'm reading Goethean Science (aka Nature's Open Secret). I tried to read it about a few weeks ago but just couldn't get my head around it but today I was able to succeed. It's a Steiner book. He also talks about Darwin in it. I wonder if Steiner talks more extensively about the Darwin theory. I had a debate with a boyfriend about this theory because I see it as a limited theory. And just because I think that, he automatically assumed I was a Creationist, which I am not. I tried to inform him about this book called Darwin's blackbox; the biochemical challenge.
It is written by some Biochemical professor at Harvard I think. And the problem with the Darwin theory according to this book, is that it cannot answer it from a biochemical view. I only read a bit and I hope to read the rest of it. Darwinism only works in microevolution, which I agree with as well but according to this view, it does not explain evolution in a macroevolution view, i.e. how species transform.
I tried telling my boyfriend at the time this but his 'brilliant' argument was:
Fossils, fossils, fossils.
I was not denying the evidence of the fossils but I just think the Darwin theory on evolution is simplistic. I'm going to try and explain this the best I can so if there are any experts in this area, please comment. The processes that occur biochemically in say the eye are actually quite complex while Darwin made it seem like what goes on in the eye is simple.
Anyways, I have to read the rest of the book.
I am neither a Creationist nor am I a Darwinist and I am not against people who are!
I got some email from About.com saying that so many people are blogging but that all the CEO's of companies are not. Did it ever occur to the drones at About.com that maybe a CEO can assume a fake name? And maybe CEO's are regular people as well. And that maybe they don't blog about their company specifically but about the people who work for them? Or maybe they complain about politics or their marriage or how stupid their one child is and despite all their good intentions and sending their child to a private school, the kid is still hopeless?
Monday, May 16, 2005
Little Miss Cranky Pants
I am a bit disgruntled as I am looking for a job and haven't found one yet. I've had a couple of interviews and signed up with a temp agency. I'm trying to stay positive.
I got let go at my previous job in February due to not enough work. I enjoyed having some free time but now I am eager to work and to have some money coming in.
I used to work in factories and warehouses but I want to switch to customer service or inside sales. I also have a part time business that I want to sell.
I got let go at my previous job in February due to not enough work. I enjoyed having some free time but now I am eager to work and to have some money coming in.
I used to work in factories and warehouses but I want to switch to customer service or inside sales. I also have a part time business that I want to sell.
Love is a necessity
I had my study group this evening. We read books by Rudolf Steiner. My mother calls it a book club but I call it a study group because book club sounds gay. We got into the topic of love and touch because we were discussing needs such as hunger. Love I think is a need, a higher need. We talked about how children deprived of touch can become more heartless and uncaring and sociopathic.
I basically think Love is a necessity. I think we also need to cultivate love within our selves. I think when we love people unconditionally we also provide healing to them. Loving unconditionally doesn't mean condoning destructive behaviour. It's hard though to love people but I think that we need to challenge our own thoughts. I also think that people that are the most fucked up are the ones that need love the most. I'm a happy people and I'm full of love and joy. I don't need love in the sense that I have it inside. I know how to create it for myself. Not everyone in the world knows how to do that.
Why do we forget that we have inner needs as well and not just material needs?
Why is it when we talk about children, we forget that we were once children as well? We talk about children like we never were one but we were.
I also went for a nice hike this morning with a friend.
Before my study group I went to say goodbye to my grandmother's house one last time. She moved into a retirement home yesterday because of my grandfather passing away. I just wanted closure as the house has been a place of memories for me and I think saying goodbye is a nice way for closure.
I also gave the house a hug and told it to be nice to the new owners.
I basically think Love is a necessity. I think we also need to cultivate love within our selves. I think when we love people unconditionally we also provide healing to them. Loving unconditionally doesn't mean condoning destructive behaviour. It's hard though to love people but I think that we need to challenge our own thoughts. I also think that people that are the most fucked up are the ones that need love the most. I'm a happy people and I'm full of love and joy. I don't need love in the sense that I have it inside. I know how to create it for myself. Not everyone in the world knows how to do that.
Why do we forget that we have inner needs as well and not just material needs?
Why is it when we talk about children, we forget that we were once children as well? We talk about children like we never were one but we were.
I also went for a nice hike this morning with a friend.
Before my study group I went to say goodbye to my grandmother's house one last time. She moved into a retirement home yesterday because of my grandfather passing away. I just wanted closure as the house has been a place of memories for me and I think saying goodbye is a nice way for closure.
I also gave the house a hug and told it to be nice to the new owners.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Mmm tired
I had my Foundation Studies today. It's a course that's at the Rudolf Steiner Centre in Thornhill. This term we are doing mainly presentations. It's a part time course on Saturdays from 9-4 and it's about 26 weeks broken into 3 terms. We had 2 presenters and their projects were both on Waldorf education. We have some people who are interested in becoming Waldorf teachers.
I wore my Led Zeppelin t-shirt but had a hoodie on as it's still cold. I look hot though in my shirt.
I had family over for dinner as they have been moving my grandmother's furniture as she moved into a nursing home today.
My grandfather died on February 28, the day after his 86th birthday.
I miss him.
My house (I still live with my parents...hope to move out in July) is filled with my grandmother's furniture. It's too much stuff now in our basement and the upstairs.
Less is more people.
I am eagerly waiting for someone to comment on my blogs. I wonder if anyone is reading this??
I'm tired but I feel good.
I wore my Led Zeppelin t-shirt but had a hoodie on as it's still cold. I look hot though in my shirt.
I had family over for dinner as they have been moving my grandmother's furniture as she moved into a nursing home today.
My grandfather died on February 28, the day after his 86th birthday.
I miss him.
My house (I still live with my parents...hope to move out in July) is filled with my grandmother's furniture. It's too much stuff now in our basement and the upstairs.
Less is more people.
I am eagerly waiting for someone to comment on my blogs. I wonder if anyone is reading this??
I'm tired but I feel good.
Men and Sex
I have this problem with men and sex. I am having trouble finding a guy that actually likes sex. I find that guys really don't like it and if they do they are jerks who are stupid and that's all they can think about.
Are there not any intelligent men with careers and hobbies and friends etc who still enjoy sex and actually think it is a vital component in a relationship?
I have 2 potential guys in my life who I could have sex with but they seem to be happy not getting any. And it's not me because they are attracted to me. They are guys that I did go out with and we are friends. One of the guys I am casually seeing. They just don't get the importance of sex. And I am not a skank also. I am selective in my men. I like smart, funny and nice people.
I have a pretty good sex drive and so I don't understand what is their problem.
It's been like 2 months without it and that's too long as far as I am concerned.
So please tell me where are the good men who like sex????????
Are there not any intelligent men with careers and hobbies and friends etc who still enjoy sex and actually think it is a vital component in a relationship?
I have 2 potential guys in my life who I could have sex with but they seem to be happy not getting any. And it's not me because they are attracted to me. They are guys that I did go out with and we are friends. One of the guys I am casually seeing. They just don't get the importance of sex. And I am not a skank also. I am selective in my men. I like smart, funny and nice people.
I have a pretty good sex drive and so I don't understand what is their problem.
It's been like 2 months without it and that's too long as far as I am concerned.
So please tell me where are the good men who like sex????????
Friday, May 13, 2005
Hello
Hello,
This is my first post. I only signed up so that I could post on other people's blogs.
Damn it I keep a journal. That's good for me.
I'm a happy person.
My passion is improv and anthroposophy.
I enjoy men and currently looking to settle down and spawn. I have a few years to do that. I'm not in a rush but I would like to find the right man soon.
I like playing the guitar as well.
Paula
This is my first post. I only signed up so that I could post on other people's blogs.
Damn it I keep a journal. That's good for me.
I'm a happy person.
My passion is improv and anthroposophy.
I enjoy men and currently looking to settle down and spawn. I have a few years to do that. I'm not in a rush but I would like to find the right man soon.
I like playing the guitar as well.
Paula
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