Greetings all,
Lately during meditation, I have observed that I am feeling this fear of death. I almost feel panicky. I'm not sure if it's an ego death that I am feeling or more so the fear of the death of the physical body. Various thoughts come up about death and dying and it obviously freaks me out. Lately I've been experiencing more of these feelings but then they pass.
I'm not really at the point where I am fearless towards death because I don't know at this point if death is really the end. I know we all talk about how the spirit never dies but I think this is sort of what I am experiencing at times - the fear that this is it.
Obviously I need to keep at my practice and see where this takes me and work with confronting the fears about death that come up but I do wonder if others have experienced this same fear about death. I almost feel alone in this but I'm sure on some level, we all think about death and ignore our fears about it.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Pubes
Greetings all,
I purchased last month a product for maintaining your pubic hair. I was thinking that there has to be some product that trims this area. My current method of womanscaping involved using scissors. Now I didn't cut myself, it was just a way to trim them and I thought it was an okay method.
I decided to do some online research and came across the following review of a trimmer. I ended up purchasing this product so now I'll be leaving my opinion on it.
I like the Ladyfair trimmer. I thought it trimmed the area fairly closely and did it quickly. It was a bit shocking for me to see all that hair gone. It was like being pre-pubes and it was a little awkward. I didn't care for the Body Bare buffer, which supposedly is to smooth out your area after you've used the trimmer. You cannot use it unless you've trimmed the area. I didn't really notice that it made that area smoother so I don't recommend that.
My current man does not like the all shaved look so I let grow out. It's obviously better then using the scissors so I can go longer without womanscaping.
I purchased last month a product for maintaining your pubic hair. I was thinking that there has to be some product that trims this area. My current method of womanscaping involved using scissors. Now I didn't cut myself, it was just a way to trim them and I thought it was an okay method.
I decided to do some online research and came across the following review of a trimmer. I ended up purchasing this product so now I'll be leaving my opinion on it.
I like the Ladyfair trimmer. I thought it trimmed the area fairly closely and did it quickly. It was a bit shocking for me to see all that hair gone. It was like being pre-pubes and it was a little awkward. I didn't care for the Body Bare buffer, which supposedly is to smooth out your area after you've used the trimmer. You cannot use it unless you've trimmed the area. I didn't really notice that it made that area smoother so I don't recommend that.
My current man does not like the all shaved look so I let grow out. It's obviously better then using the scissors so I can go longer without womanscaping.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Old Man Winter
Greetings all,
I have mentioned I am dating a guy in my meetup group. I found out he is not 10 years older then me but is actually 10.5 years older then me. That half a year makes a difference!
I've nicknamed him Old Man Winter because he has pre-mature grey. The one thing that bothers me when we are out in public is when we engage in PDA. I generally feel a bit uncomfortable holding his hand or kissing him mainly because he looks older then his age. He is 43 and I think he looks like he is in his early 50s or late 40s. I am 32 and tend to look younger. People think I am in my mid 20s. So obviously this looks awkward in my public. Normally I don't care what people think but being publicly affectionate with him makes me uncomfortable. I don't want people to think that he's some dirty old man macking on a some hot, innocent, young and impressionable lady.
I also found out his birthday is close to the birth date of the English Muffin. The English Muffin was born on July 6 and Old Man Winter was July 5.
I must say I enjoy having sex with him. He's got some girth on him and after having sex ,my vagina usually feels worked in for at least 24 hours. He is also pretty good at oral and I think he has set the bar. I had one guy I was with who has set the bar on what constitutes amazing oral. What I liked about him and what made him good was his passion. I could tell when he went down on me that he really enjoyed licking the female anatomy. While OMW may not have the same passion and enthusiasm, he certainly knocked my socks off. I think his passion is more subtle. But men that is the key to performing good oral - being passionate.
We've been dating for just over a month. I haven't labelled him my boyfriend and at this point I just don't feel comfortable doing so. He is one of those guys that is relationship oriented which is probably the first time I ever encountered this so he seems like he wants to call me his girlfriend. We went out last week for my first time to a golf driving range and he showed me how to golf. Afterwards we went to his place and had wonderful afternoon sex and then hung out for the rest of the day. He remembered it was his dad's birthday and he called him and they talked for a bit. He left the room we were in and then came back and he said he was seeing a girl in the meetup group. I haven't told my parent yet and usually I don't feel comfortable telling my mom I am dating someone. She knew about the English Muffin but it took me a while to tell her because I didn't think she'd get it.
My friend thinks it's weird that I haven't called him my boyfriend. She thinks that means we can still date other people. Yes that is true we probably can date others. I'm not dating anyone else at this point and I feel quite turned off from the online dating thing. I told her I didn't care for a label at this point and that even if he was my boyfriend, that is not going to stop him from dating other people. People have affairs all the time. The label in and of itself doesn't determine the person's faithfulness. A label isn't bad anyways. It just isn't the be all and end all.
I have mentioned I am dating a guy in my meetup group. I found out he is not 10 years older then me but is actually 10.5 years older then me. That half a year makes a difference!
I've nicknamed him Old Man Winter because he has pre-mature grey. The one thing that bothers me when we are out in public is when we engage in PDA. I generally feel a bit uncomfortable holding his hand or kissing him mainly because he looks older then his age. He is 43 and I think he looks like he is in his early 50s or late 40s. I am 32 and tend to look younger. People think I am in my mid 20s. So obviously this looks awkward in my public. Normally I don't care what people think but being publicly affectionate with him makes me uncomfortable. I don't want people to think that he's some dirty old man macking on a some hot, innocent, young and impressionable lady.
I also found out his birthday is close to the birth date of the English Muffin. The English Muffin was born on July 6 and Old Man Winter was July 5.
I must say I enjoy having sex with him. He's got some girth on him and after having sex ,my vagina usually feels worked in for at least 24 hours. He is also pretty good at oral and I think he has set the bar. I had one guy I was with who has set the bar on what constitutes amazing oral. What I liked about him and what made him good was his passion. I could tell when he went down on me that he really enjoyed licking the female anatomy. While OMW may not have the same passion and enthusiasm, he certainly knocked my socks off. I think his passion is more subtle. But men that is the key to performing good oral - being passionate.
We've been dating for just over a month. I haven't labelled him my boyfriend and at this point I just don't feel comfortable doing so. He is one of those guys that is relationship oriented which is probably the first time I ever encountered this so he seems like he wants to call me his girlfriend. We went out last week for my first time to a golf driving range and he showed me how to golf. Afterwards we went to his place and had wonderful afternoon sex and then hung out for the rest of the day. He remembered it was his dad's birthday and he called him and they talked for a bit. He left the room we were in and then came back and he said he was seeing a girl in the meetup group. I haven't told my parent yet and usually I don't feel comfortable telling my mom I am dating someone. She knew about the English Muffin but it took me a while to tell her because I didn't think she'd get it.
My friend thinks it's weird that I haven't called him my boyfriend. She thinks that means we can still date other people. Yes that is true we probably can date others. I'm not dating anyone else at this point and I feel quite turned off from the online dating thing. I told her I didn't care for a label at this point and that even if he was my boyfriend, that is not going to stop him from dating other people. People have affairs all the time. The label in and of itself doesn't determine the person's faithfulness. A label isn't bad anyways. It just isn't the be all and end all.
Car
Greetings,
My parents went to Italy for 3 weeks so I thought I'd ask them if they'd let me borrow their car for the time they are away. They let let me so I was happy to have a car. Their car is a Cadillac. I ended up filling it up the day before I returned it and it cost me $60 to fill it and I didn't fill it all the way. It probably would have cost $65 to fill 'er up. I didn't think such a car was such a gas sucker.
The Cadillac accelerates nicely but it was a bulky car and I've driven it with them before and I never cared for the mirrors. I preferred the mirrors on my Malibu. I found the rear mirror too small and it made the objects appear smaller and I am a firm believer in having good mirrors.
So having access to a car for 3 weeks has solidified my decision to get a car. I had initially said I'd go 6 months without one to see how I like it. It's been about 3 months and I really don't like it. I'm a driver. I don't mind taking the streetcar to work because I work downtown so it's just easier but to go to my book group and my yoga on Sunday and visit my family in Hamilton, it just makes more sense. I hate having to wait all the time for the streetcar. I like just being able to hop in a car and go.
I have a few friends who have used cars so I think I will go with that as they are probably more affordable. I am not in a rush to buy a car so that's a good thing for me. I'm still going to wait and save up my money because I can do without one for now.
My parents bought me my car, although they didn't initially buy it for me. It was a car that my mom and I used and then they decided to let me be the owner. My dad is very opposed to the idea of buying a used car because he thinks it might be in poor condition. I probably would make sure I get a good one and also I think you can get the history of the car.
I'm more interested in getting a fuel efficient car like the Hyundai Accent or Ford Fiesta or a Yaris. I am looking for a car that can last a while and my friend has a Nissan which she recommends getting a Japanese make.
I think I'd like one of those lime green cars. I've been seeing a few in Toronto and think they are really cool as a colour and look bright and fun. I like the colour red but I think as a car I wouldn't go for it because I think they are more prone to get tickts. That' my theory but I am not sure how accurate it is.
My parents went to Italy for 3 weeks so I thought I'd ask them if they'd let me borrow their car for the time they are away. They let let me so I was happy to have a car. Their car is a Cadillac. I ended up filling it up the day before I returned it and it cost me $60 to fill it and I didn't fill it all the way. It probably would have cost $65 to fill 'er up. I didn't think such a car was such a gas sucker.
The Cadillac accelerates nicely but it was a bulky car and I've driven it with them before and I never cared for the mirrors. I preferred the mirrors on my Malibu. I found the rear mirror too small and it made the objects appear smaller and I am a firm believer in having good mirrors.
So having access to a car for 3 weeks has solidified my decision to get a car. I had initially said I'd go 6 months without one to see how I like it. It's been about 3 months and I really don't like it. I'm a driver. I don't mind taking the streetcar to work because I work downtown so it's just easier but to go to my book group and my yoga on Sunday and visit my family in Hamilton, it just makes more sense. I hate having to wait all the time for the streetcar. I like just being able to hop in a car and go.
I have a few friends who have used cars so I think I will go with that as they are probably more affordable. I am not in a rush to buy a car so that's a good thing for me. I'm still going to wait and save up my money because I can do without one for now.
My parents bought me my car, although they didn't initially buy it for me. It was a car that my mom and I used and then they decided to let me be the owner. My dad is very opposed to the idea of buying a used car because he thinks it might be in poor condition. I probably would make sure I get a good one and also I think you can get the history of the car.
I'm more interested in getting a fuel efficient car like the Hyundai Accent or Ford Fiesta or a Yaris. I am looking for a car that can last a while and my friend has a Nissan which she recommends getting a Japanese make.
I think I'd like one of those lime green cars. I've been seeing a few in Toronto and think they are really cool as a colour and look bright and fun. I like the colour red but I think as a car I wouldn't go for it because I think they are more prone to get tickts. That' my theory but I am not sure how accurate it is.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Fatalism
Greetings all,
Lately I just feel like no matter how much effort I put into self improvement, I can never really improve my life. I feel like my life is probably already predetermined and there is really only so much I can do to make my life better. I might as well give up trying to have a better life. I want to have a better job, have some sort of power and authority but I just think that I'm only going to go so far with my life so why bother if I think life is already mapped out.
I know it seems pessimistic but maybe this is the reality of life. I believe in karma and reincarnation so for me, maybe I've experienced alot of good times in the past and this life I have different things to learn.
I'm not even interested in comedy right now. I'm not really interested in anything. I guess I'm just in a lull right now. Not worried that I'm in it or anything.
Lately I just feel like no matter how much effort I put into self improvement, I can never really improve my life. I feel like my life is probably already predetermined and there is really only so much I can do to make my life better. I might as well give up trying to have a better life. I want to have a better job, have some sort of power and authority but I just think that I'm only going to go so far with my life so why bother if I think life is already mapped out.
I know it seems pessimistic but maybe this is the reality of life. I believe in karma and reincarnation so for me, maybe I've experienced alot of good times in the past and this life I have different things to learn.
I'm not even interested in comedy right now. I'm not really interested in anything. I guess I'm just in a lull right now. Not worried that I'm in it or anything.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Back into Dating
Greetings all,
I recently have been dating someone who is in my introvert meetup group. I said in a previous post (Friends with Benefits) that I was lusting for this guy and so we actually started to date. He's taken me out for dinner and has cooked for me. I was a little skeptical about going after him but I've been lusting for him for a while and it didn't seem to go away.
He's a little out of my age range as he's 10 years older then me. He also is divorced and has a 10 year old son. I dated a man back when I was 23 who was separated and had the kids full time so I didn't want to get involved with someone that has been married, mainly because they have more baggage to deal with.
I thought I'd give him a chance but I'm taking it slow for now. Our group had a few barbecues at his place and he'd pick me up at the subway station (as he's in the suburbs of Toronto). I really liked his eyes so that was a selling point for me.
It's nice to be dating someone and having them touch you and be with you physically. I fell hard for someone who lived in England and even though we never were in a relationship (did meet once), I had a hard time getting over him because I felt we were so compatible and I thought it was possible to overcome the distance.
My attitude is to just take it one day at a time and see where it goes. I don't know if he is Mr. Right but I'll just enjoy the time of dating. He will be the first guy I date from meetup. Meetup is for socializing and so I didn't really want to use it to date people since I think it's for socializing but you know sometimes when people hang out more they become attracted to people and date. It is inevitable that some romance blooms.
I actually went to one meetup on Friday and some guy in the introvert group, whom I only met once, actually asked me out on a date. I was wearing a skirt as I am trying to be more feminine. It's really hard because it's not my style as I prefer shorts and pants and jeans so maybe dressing up makes me attractive to men.
I know for me, I was tired of doing the online dating thing. I honestly felt like the universe was cock blocking me because it seemed like things just weren't clicking for me and dating was a chore. It's nice to meet someone in person so we'll see where this goes.
I recently have been dating someone who is in my introvert meetup group. I said in a previous post (Friends with Benefits) that I was lusting for this guy and so we actually started to date. He's taken me out for dinner and has cooked for me. I was a little skeptical about going after him but I've been lusting for him for a while and it didn't seem to go away.
He's a little out of my age range as he's 10 years older then me. He also is divorced and has a 10 year old son. I dated a man back when I was 23 who was separated and had the kids full time so I didn't want to get involved with someone that has been married, mainly because they have more baggage to deal with.
I thought I'd give him a chance but I'm taking it slow for now. Our group had a few barbecues at his place and he'd pick me up at the subway station (as he's in the suburbs of Toronto). I really liked his eyes so that was a selling point for me.
It's nice to be dating someone and having them touch you and be with you physically. I fell hard for someone who lived in England and even though we never were in a relationship (did meet once), I had a hard time getting over him because I felt we were so compatible and I thought it was possible to overcome the distance.
My attitude is to just take it one day at a time and see where it goes. I don't know if he is Mr. Right but I'll just enjoy the time of dating. He will be the first guy I date from meetup. Meetup is for socializing and so I didn't really want to use it to date people since I think it's for socializing but you know sometimes when people hang out more they become attracted to people and date. It is inevitable that some romance blooms.
I actually went to one meetup on Friday and some guy in the introvert group, whom I only met once, actually asked me out on a date. I was wearing a skirt as I am trying to be more feminine. It's really hard because it's not my style as I prefer shorts and pants and jeans so maybe dressing up makes me attractive to men.
I know for me, I was tired of doing the online dating thing. I honestly felt like the universe was cock blocking me because it seemed like things just weren't clicking for me and dating was a chore. It's nice to meet someone in person so we'll see where this goes.
Fuck you CNE!
Greetings all,
I'm pretty pissed today. I've been agitated since yesterday and my patience has been short. But today, the Security Guards at the CNE really pissed me off. I take the Go train to see my parents and have to cut through the CNE to access it. Normally I have no issues but now that the CNE is running (CNE is a family park that offers rides at the end of the summer and only runs for 2 weeks), I had difficulty today accessing the route I normally take. I wanted to take the 12.46 train and usually leave by 12.20 and I walk at a brisk pace.
The route I normally take was blocked and so I had walked through the entrance. A young woman said I had to pay but I notified her that I was taking the train and didn't want to be late. She called the security guards and they were after me. I told them I had to see my parents and that I would be late and this was the route I normally take. They wanted me to go take another way but I was not in the greatest of moods. There were 3 of them ganging up on me and I suggested to get escorted but they still were giving me attitude. I told them twice but they wouldn't allow me.
I had to access the train from the north side of the train tracks. Normally I access the south because the pay machines are on the south. I fortunately made it on time but I was pissed and rushing to get there. If I missed my train, I'd have to wait another hour and I didn't want to go through this.
I got home to my parents and called them to complain. They said they would speak to them. I didn't get the name of the person I was speaking with but I will do a follow up call tomorrow.
I just find it ironic that some organization that is for families, intentionally makes it difficult for someone who is trying to access the train so that they can see their family. My parents were also leaving to go to Italy this Tuesday so this was important for me to see them on time.
I'm pretty pissed today. I've been agitated since yesterday and my patience has been short. But today, the Security Guards at the CNE really pissed me off. I take the Go train to see my parents and have to cut through the CNE to access it. Normally I have no issues but now that the CNE is running (CNE is a family park that offers rides at the end of the summer and only runs for 2 weeks), I had difficulty today accessing the route I normally take. I wanted to take the 12.46 train and usually leave by 12.20 and I walk at a brisk pace.
The route I normally take was blocked and so I had walked through the entrance. A young woman said I had to pay but I notified her that I was taking the train and didn't want to be late. She called the security guards and they were after me. I told them I had to see my parents and that I would be late and this was the route I normally take. They wanted me to go take another way but I was not in the greatest of moods. There were 3 of them ganging up on me and I suggested to get escorted but they still were giving me attitude. I told them twice but they wouldn't allow me.
I had to access the train from the north side of the train tracks. Normally I access the south because the pay machines are on the south. I fortunately made it on time but I was pissed and rushing to get there. If I missed my train, I'd have to wait another hour and I didn't want to go through this.
I got home to my parents and called them to complain. They said they would speak to them. I didn't get the name of the person I was speaking with but I will do a follow up call tomorrow.
I just find it ironic that some organization that is for families, intentionally makes it difficult for someone who is trying to access the train so that they can see their family. My parents were also leaving to go to Italy this Tuesday so this was important for me to see them on time.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friends with Benefits
Greetings all,
Some of my friends and I went to see a movie called Friends with Benefits, which stars Justin Timberlake. I was having a conversation with one of my friends whom I have been having lusting for. We were having a conversation about the concept of having a Friends with Benefits (short form is FWB) arrangement. I said everyone has probably experienced being in this type of arrangement. Or at least you should have had this experience. To me, you haven't lived if you haven't had been in a FWB. I said I did this type of arrangement a few times in my 20s and to me that's almost standard behaviour for that age group. He apparently was the type of person who was always in a relationship and never really did this type of stuff.
I see being in a FWB as a smart way to sow your oats. Instead of always fucking random people when you aren't ready to commit to anyone, you can have consistent sex without the worry of getting a sexually transmitted disease.
Now for me, these past few years I have been wanting a meaningful relationship so I haven't engaged in this type of arrangement. He asked me what was the longest relationship I have had and most of them are short. I think with my first boyfriend, it was about a year and another guy I think it was just under a year, probably around 8 months.
I've spent most of my life single anyways and not actually involved with someone. This doesn't mean I was always in a FWB situation. I felt a bit awkward with this conversation because it was almost suggesting that I am not the type to be able to be in a relationship. For me, I just feel like I am fussy so I'm not going to stay in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. I'd rather be on my own. I obviously could handle being in a strictly sexual relationship but not everyone can. I probably could still do it and not get emotionally messed up but I'm just mentally and emotionally in a different place so it's not something I want to be involved with.
My friend thought this guy is probably gathering some data about me but I did say I'm in a different stage so looking for something more meaningful.
As well, just because someone is always the type to be in a relationship, doesn't mean they are good at it or that they are in healthy relationships. Someone who is just in FWB situations can be just as healthy or unhealthy emotionally as someone that is the relationship type.
At the end of the day, I don't think it matters if one has slept with lots of people before they meet the right person or if they have to plough through lots of relationships. The point is to be happy with yourself, regardless and hopefully find the right person. To me, there is no right or wrong way to live so I don't think the fact that I've been in a few FWB arrangements means I don't have what it takes to be in a meaningful long term relationship.
Some of my friends and I went to see a movie called Friends with Benefits, which stars Justin Timberlake. I was having a conversation with one of my friends whom I have been having lusting for. We were having a conversation about the concept of having a Friends with Benefits (short form is FWB) arrangement. I said everyone has probably experienced being in this type of arrangement. Or at least you should have had this experience. To me, you haven't lived if you haven't had been in a FWB. I said I did this type of arrangement a few times in my 20s and to me that's almost standard behaviour for that age group. He apparently was the type of person who was always in a relationship and never really did this type of stuff.
I see being in a FWB as a smart way to sow your oats. Instead of always fucking random people when you aren't ready to commit to anyone, you can have consistent sex without the worry of getting a sexually transmitted disease.
Now for me, these past few years I have been wanting a meaningful relationship so I haven't engaged in this type of arrangement. He asked me what was the longest relationship I have had and most of them are short. I think with my first boyfriend, it was about a year and another guy I think it was just under a year, probably around 8 months.
I've spent most of my life single anyways and not actually involved with someone. This doesn't mean I was always in a FWB situation. I felt a bit awkward with this conversation because it was almost suggesting that I am not the type to be able to be in a relationship. For me, I just feel like I am fussy so I'm not going to stay in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. I'd rather be on my own. I obviously could handle being in a strictly sexual relationship but not everyone can. I probably could still do it and not get emotionally messed up but I'm just mentally and emotionally in a different place so it's not something I want to be involved with.
My friend thought this guy is probably gathering some data about me but I did say I'm in a different stage so looking for something more meaningful.
As well, just because someone is always the type to be in a relationship, doesn't mean they are good at it or that they are in healthy relationships. Someone who is just in FWB situations can be just as healthy or unhealthy emotionally as someone that is the relationship type.
At the end of the day, I don't think it matters if one has slept with lots of people before they meet the right person or if they have to plough through lots of relationships. The point is to be happy with yourself, regardless and hopefully find the right person. To me, there is no right or wrong way to live so I don't think the fact that I've been in a few FWB arrangements means I don't have what it takes to be in a meaningful long term relationship.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Creating Reality
Greetings all,
I have been feeling these past few weeks that I am creating my own reality. I've known this intellectually however it is starting to take deeper root into my being. I think because of my yoga practice and meditating, it really is giving me a deeper self awareness and consciousness about my life and the power that I have in my life.
I as well have been realizing that, although I am fairly open minded, there are ways in which I am limiting myself. And I can do something about it and not get trapped by my self imposed limitations. It's certainly liberating to understand that we create our reality.
What I notice is that if something bad happens to someone, they think it only happens only to them. People fail to realize (I think this is just common human psychology) that there are others out there going through the same thing and that they are not alone. I think getting to that stage, helps one to empower themselves too since they don't take the pain so personally. Definitely seems like an ego game we play - that we think we are the only ones suffering or experiencing difficulty in the world. It really is all about perception of events at the end of the day. Thank goodness for Sat Nam Rasayan as well (I am an avid practitioner). It's so key to not react to things and just accept what occurs. That helps to empower one as well since you can handle things better instead of fighting against reality. Most of suffering I would say is because we aren't accepting the reality of what is being presented to us.
I have been feeling these past few weeks that I am creating my own reality. I've known this intellectually however it is starting to take deeper root into my being. I think because of my yoga practice and meditating, it really is giving me a deeper self awareness and consciousness about my life and the power that I have in my life.
I as well have been realizing that, although I am fairly open minded, there are ways in which I am limiting myself. And I can do something about it and not get trapped by my self imposed limitations. It's certainly liberating to understand that we create our reality.
What I notice is that if something bad happens to someone, they think it only happens only to them. People fail to realize (I think this is just common human psychology) that there are others out there going through the same thing and that they are not alone. I think getting to that stage, helps one to empower themselves too since they don't take the pain so personally. Definitely seems like an ego game we play - that we think we are the only ones suffering or experiencing difficulty in the world. It really is all about perception of events at the end of the day. Thank goodness for Sat Nam Rasayan as well (I am an avid practitioner). It's so key to not react to things and just accept what occurs. That helps to empower one as well since you can handle things better instead of fighting against reality. Most of suffering I would say is because we aren't accepting the reality of what is being presented to us.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Need vs Want
Greetings all,
I was trying to have this discussion with my male friend about needing a relationship and wanting a relationship. We have a mutual friend, which I have mentioned in a previous post, that I think always has a need to be with a man as I think she is desperate on an emotional level. He seems to think what she is doing is okay because she is lonely. I probably know this person more then the male friend I was having this discussion. I know that she's not doing her inner work, she's done some but obviously there is more to do. I just know from a few conversations that she is looking for happiness in a man and the reality is, that will never happen because it's not the way reality works.
I know I obviously can't make someone wake up to the mistakes they are making and it's something they can change when they are ready and willing to change. I'm optimistic that she can learn her lessons when it comes to relationships. She might learn the lessons this year or 5 years. Who knows but if one is wanting a meaningful relationship, they are going to have to do some real inner work and soul searching to get to that place.
My friend whom I was talking about this female friend, just doesn't get the concept. He seems to think her needing a man is okay. I want a boyfriend. I don't need a boyfriend. I feel fine emotionally and don't seek a man to fill an emotional void. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man. The difference between the two is that needing a man is coming from an emotionally unhealthy place, where you unconsciously believe it's someone else's job to make you emotionally fulfilled and happy. Wanting a man is coming from the place where you realize you can and do fulfill your own emotional needs. Your wanting a man comes from a secure place.
Wanting a man, means I have something to share. Wanting a man makes me more discerning because I don't waste my time with men who I am not interested in or don't think would be good matches. If I need a man, I will take whatever comes my way. I may display some discernment but because I don't know myself or invest enough time in myself, I tend to 'settle' and use men as emotional fillers. Needing a man means you are not bringing anything to the relationship. In fact you are arriving at it at a deficit, which to me is doomed to failure and doomed to cause drama for the participants
I think my male friend probably is a touch emotionally needy himself and maybe this is why he doesn't get what my point is and why I think she is needy, which is not healthy. All the healthy relationships I know of that work are ones where people want a relationship and are not emotionally needy. Looking outside of yourself for your own peace and happiness are just recipes for disaster. We all know it intellectually but it has to be something learned on an emotional level.
I was trying to have this discussion with my male friend about needing a relationship and wanting a relationship. We have a mutual friend, which I have mentioned in a previous post, that I think always has a need to be with a man as I think she is desperate on an emotional level. He seems to think what she is doing is okay because she is lonely. I probably know this person more then the male friend I was having this discussion. I know that she's not doing her inner work, she's done some but obviously there is more to do. I just know from a few conversations that she is looking for happiness in a man and the reality is, that will never happen because it's not the way reality works.
I know I obviously can't make someone wake up to the mistakes they are making and it's something they can change when they are ready and willing to change. I'm optimistic that she can learn her lessons when it comes to relationships. She might learn the lessons this year or 5 years. Who knows but if one is wanting a meaningful relationship, they are going to have to do some real inner work and soul searching to get to that place.
My friend whom I was talking about this female friend, just doesn't get the concept. He seems to think her needing a man is okay. I want a boyfriend. I don't need a boyfriend. I feel fine emotionally and don't seek a man to fill an emotional void. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man. The difference between the two is that needing a man is coming from an emotionally unhealthy place, where you unconsciously believe it's someone else's job to make you emotionally fulfilled and happy. Wanting a man is coming from the place where you realize you can and do fulfill your own emotional needs. Your wanting a man comes from a secure place.
Wanting a man, means I have something to share. Wanting a man makes me more discerning because I don't waste my time with men who I am not interested in or don't think would be good matches. If I need a man, I will take whatever comes my way. I may display some discernment but because I don't know myself or invest enough time in myself, I tend to 'settle' and use men as emotional fillers. Needing a man means you are not bringing anything to the relationship. In fact you are arriving at it at a deficit, which to me is doomed to failure and doomed to cause drama for the participants
I think my male friend probably is a touch emotionally needy himself and maybe this is why he doesn't get what my point is and why I think she is needy, which is not healthy. All the healthy relationships I know of that work are ones where people want a relationship and are not emotionally needy. Looking outside of yourself for your own peace and happiness are just recipes for disaster. We all know it intellectually but it has to be something learned on an emotional level.
Job
Greetings all,
I actually get to start a job tomorrow. I had the interview on Thursday and they said they would get back by Friday if I got it. I didn't hear from them Friday so I figured I didn't get it. The interview felt weird to me and I was late by a few minutes because the streetcar was going really slow in one spot. I gave myself plenty of time to get there butt I guess it wasn't enough. The company does planned giving and in the cover letter they wanted people to write about planned giving. I talked about how I was in a book group and we read World Economy by Rudolf Steiner and he talked about how gift money is the most productive money out there - in comparison to loan money or purchase money.
It is downtown so I am glad about that because I wanted to work downtown again. I think it's cool to be downtown.
I credit finding this job o the Job Mantra Stack that I did. I think my getting a cold was related to this because I have read that sometime around day 33 of the meditation, sometimes something may occur, like getting sick or things going wrong.
The stack is as follows:
Om (Gum Gum Gum)* Shrim Shrim Shrim Maha Lakshmiyei Namaha
Om Shrim Gum Ganapatyei Namaha
Om Lakshmi Ganapatyei Namaha
Om Kshipra Prasadaya Namaha
Ha Sa Ka La E I La Hrim x2 (2 reps = 1 mantra)
*Note: When I chant this I add the 3 Gums before the 3 Shrims. It gives a wonderful momentum/energy to this mantra.
The benefit of each would be:
1. Om Shrim Shrim Shrim Maha Lakshmiyei Namaha - Blessings of abundance from Maha Lakshmi
2. Om Shrim Gum Ganapatyei Namaha - Removing obstacles by Lord Ganesh
3. Om Lakshmi Ganapatyei Namaha - Asking Lakshmi and Ganesh to work together to bring about our desire
4. Om Kshipra Prasadaya Namaha - Immediate help from Lord Ganesh
5. Ha Sa Ka La E I La Hrim
Ha Sa Ka La E I La Hrim
This Kubera mantra is specifically about the prosperity of $$ money $$ because Kubera is God's treasurer.
Our experience is that this stack is powerful and quick. Repeat each mantra at least 108 times every day. If you are concerned and have time, you could do the stack once in the morning and once in the evening. But, as Namadeva says, be ready, "cause this one could really blow your socks off."
These mantras are in various CDs of Namadeva's work, which you can learn about at Sanskritmantra.com. I've used his mantras years ago and then started doing kundalini yoga and not spending so much time chanting. I decided to start to chant again. I was skeptical to use this stack but it seemed to work. I've done lots of disciplines and I could never tell if they helped me. I was more into seeing drastic, real physical things manifest. I know working with Kali mantras, I was able to manifest things so I do know they work.
I know for me, I am a little shocked. Lately I have been realizing that I am creating my own reality and this is a big thing. It's one thing to know it intellectually but another thing when you start to really get it on a practical level. I've been more aware of various thoughts and have challenged them. I think I have limited myself and I am starting to realize that there is more out there then we could imagine.
I really know this is the beginning for me. I am wanting to be a comedian. Maybe I have to revise this but maybe now I can really take it to the next level. I need a day job for now. Who knows what will happen. Work and prosperity have always been issues for me and maybe I am finally able to resolve things.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Ah Neighbors...
Greetings all,
I recently kept running into one of my neighbors. We saw each other a few months ago and acknowledged each other a few times. He has a bit of an issue with his leg so he bends to his side and looks like he is lifting his leg. In my head, I nicknamed him Hobbie McHobbster (or something like that), since he hobbles when he walks.
Now the neighbor above me I hear sometimes having sex and so I have been curious to know who is above me. Now I just hear the bed noises, I don't hear moaning or anything. So it's annoying for me. Earlier on in the year, the bed noises had a certain rhythm to them and had a certain strength to them but lately they have been weaker sounding but also the rhythm has changed. I wondered if a new couple moved in or if it's a girl/guy who now has a new partner. As well, I had thought maybe it's a different man but it's possible the difference in sound is the woman being on top. Lots of theories floating about in my mind. As well, this neighbor would indulge in 5am sex, which was annoying for me as it would wake me up. I can't imagine having sex on a weekday. Weekend morning sex, sure I would indulge. But on the weekday? It's too much. I prefer night time so I can decompress. People would tell too if I indulged in morning sex. I'm just too obvious.
So Hobbie McHobbster I found out is the neighbor who lives above me. I was joking to myself that I bet he was the neighbor above me and I asked him and lo and behold he was.
We became friends on Facebook and he sent me a message saying he was interested in me. I declined and said we could be friends. He wanted to 'embrace the woman' in me. Translation: I want to fuck you because you are so close to me geographically.
I figured he was probably a player because he probably sleeps around or has a fuck buddy so I took his comment with a grain of salt. He was making his move about 2 weeks ago and just last Saturday I heard him going at it. Ah the joy of players!
I recently kept running into one of my neighbors. We saw each other a few months ago and acknowledged each other a few times. He has a bit of an issue with his leg so he bends to his side and looks like he is lifting his leg. In my head, I nicknamed him Hobbie McHobbster (or something like that), since he hobbles when he walks.
Now the neighbor above me I hear sometimes having sex and so I have been curious to know who is above me. Now I just hear the bed noises, I don't hear moaning or anything. So it's annoying for me. Earlier on in the year, the bed noises had a certain rhythm to them and had a certain strength to them but lately they have been weaker sounding but also the rhythm has changed. I wondered if a new couple moved in or if it's a girl/guy who now has a new partner. As well, I had thought maybe it's a different man but it's possible the difference in sound is the woman being on top. Lots of theories floating about in my mind. As well, this neighbor would indulge in 5am sex, which was annoying for me as it would wake me up. I can't imagine having sex on a weekday. Weekend morning sex, sure I would indulge. But on the weekday? It's too much. I prefer night time so I can decompress. People would tell too if I indulged in morning sex. I'm just too obvious.
So Hobbie McHobbster I found out is the neighbor who lives above me. I was joking to myself that I bet he was the neighbor above me and I asked him and lo and behold he was.
We became friends on Facebook and he sent me a message saying he was interested in me. I declined and said we could be friends. He wanted to 'embrace the woman' in me. Translation: I want to fuck you because you are so close to me geographically.
I figured he was probably a player because he probably sleeps around or has a fuck buddy so I took his comment with a grain of salt. He was making his move about 2 weeks ago and just last Saturday I heard him going at it. Ah the joy of players!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Summer Love
Greetings all,
A few people in my social circle have started dating and are now in the early stages of coupleness. My one friend recently broke up with someone, only after 2 months of dating and being a 'couple'. I didn't think they would last long because I didn't think the guy was right for her personality. And of course, I was right. As usual.
I think I am at this point in my life where - because many of my friends are single and only seem to partake in short term relationships - I don't really get too concerned if they announce that they are part of a relationship. I mean, I think to be a real couple you have to be together for over a year and to be a real, real couple at least for 5 years. I just notice that some people 'date' and are exclusive but then break up but they call themselves a couple in the process. I really don't see people as a couple until they have been together for quite a while. So if people want to play the game, that's fine but I won't take it serious until some time has elapsed.
Back to my friend whom recently broke up with someone. I didn't tell her I didn't think it would work out, because I knew right away after we had a conversation about how their relationship was going. We hardly had a chance to talk because as many people spend all their time together in the early stages. If someone is not happy and already bringing up their issues, it's just not going to work out. I mean, the truth is a relationship can last but it can be unhealthy but it is a working relationship and obviously is serving the needs of the participants. It doesn't mean they genuinely love each other.
My other friend I have learned is recently with a new boyfriend but I don't think it will work out either because from what I have observed in her, is she has this need to always be in relationships. She was living long term with someone and moved out last year but was quick to find a boyfriend. But as well, she seemed desperate to find someone and felt lonely. I don't feel lonely that often and I have been single for so long. I am used to figuring out how to spend my time on my own. I enjoy my company. While I prefer having a partner, I haven't met anyone that floats my boat. I think socializing with others helps. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy life. Which I think this person just hasn't done yet. She has yet to discover who she is and I think is seeking someone to fill the void that is lacking in herself that is really her responsibility to fulfill.
Is it really wise to tell people what you see is a mistake they are making? I guess we can hope they figure things out but what if they don't or are taking way too long (long of course is a relative term)? I'll be hanging out with these people tomorrow night and I know I can't make anyone change but I can certainly speak my mind and make observations and basically just have a conversation about what I observe.
A few people in my social circle have started dating and are now in the early stages of coupleness. My one friend recently broke up with someone, only after 2 months of dating and being a 'couple'. I didn't think they would last long because I didn't think the guy was right for her personality. And of course, I was right. As usual.
I think I am at this point in my life where - because many of my friends are single and only seem to partake in short term relationships - I don't really get too concerned if they announce that they are part of a relationship. I mean, I think to be a real couple you have to be together for over a year and to be a real, real couple at least for 5 years. I just notice that some people 'date' and are exclusive but then break up but they call themselves a couple in the process. I really don't see people as a couple until they have been together for quite a while. So if people want to play the game, that's fine but I won't take it serious until some time has elapsed.
Back to my friend whom recently broke up with someone. I didn't tell her I didn't think it would work out, because I knew right away after we had a conversation about how their relationship was going. We hardly had a chance to talk because as many people spend all their time together in the early stages. If someone is not happy and already bringing up their issues, it's just not going to work out. I mean, the truth is a relationship can last but it can be unhealthy but it is a working relationship and obviously is serving the needs of the participants. It doesn't mean they genuinely love each other.
My other friend I have learned is recently with a new boyfriend but I don't think it will work out either because from what I have observed in her, is she has this need to always be in relationships. She was living long term with someone and moved out last year but was quick to find a boyfriend. But as well, she seemed desperate to find someone and felt lonely. I don't feel lonely that often and I have been single for so long. I am used to figuring out how to spend my time on my own. I enjoy my company. While I prefer having a partner, I haven't met anyone that floats my boat. I think socializing with others helps. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy life. Which I think this person just hasn't done yet. She has yet to discover who she is and I think is seeking someone to fill the void that is lacking in herself that is really her responsibility to fulfill.
Is it really wise to tell people what you see is a mistake they are making? I guess we can hope they figure things out but what if they don't or are taking way too long (long of course is a relative term)? I'll be hanging out with these people tomorrow night and I know I can't make anyone change but I can certainly speak my mind and make observations and basically just have a conversation about what I observe.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thoughts on the Census
Greetings all,
We are almost done doing the Census in my district and now we are dealing with the scum of scum! Some people just think they can outsmart the government. It is stupid. Some people have said they mailed in the Census. Then the postal strike started and ended. Some people actually really did mail in their Census as it was received quickly after the strike was over. Others just said that to get us to go away. Do they honestly think that lying would work? The past few weeks I have been making visits to people who have claimed they did it and it was not received or processed. If it doesn't get processed in a certain time frame then it is safe to say they were lying. This time you can do your Census online and maybe doing it online created some glitches but some people said they did it online and it just wasn't processed. It takes a day for it to register on our end it was done.
I think for me, doing this job has gotten annoying. Are people that stupid where they think the government is not going to notice that it hasn't arrived. Do they think they not keep track of things, especially in this day and age with computers?
I try not to take the lying personally but it really irks me. It is your duty as a citizen of this country. Other countries force you to join the military and serve for your country. Canada, however, just asks that you fill out a form that takes less then 5 minutes to do. It asks your date of birth, marital status and languages you speak. It's really not asking for a lot isn't it? I think this is a pretty good country if you ask me. It's not perfect and yes some of the people that run the show are idiots but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do your Census.
The other thing is people don't understand is that they think all government departments are the same. The government has different departments, like Health and Fisheries etc so if you don't like Harper, that doesn't mean you have to hate all government departments. Harper hates us and that is why the long form is not mandatory this time around. We just gather data and make it public. We probably are the nerdiest department out there. Maybe this is why I am so passionate about doing the Census.
We are almost done doing the Census in my district and now we are dealing with the scum of scum! Some people just think they can outsmart the government. It is stupid. Some people have said they mailed in the Census. Then the postal strike started and ended. Some people actually really did mail in their Census as it was received quickly after the strike was over. Others just said that to get us to go away. Do they honestly think that lying would work? The past few weeks I have been making visits to people who have claimed they did it and it was not received or processed. If it doesn't get processed in a certain time frame then it is safe to say they were lying. This time you can do your Census online and maybe doing it online created some glitches but some people said they did it online and it just wasn't processed. It takes a day for it to register on our end it was done.
I think for me, doing this job has gotten annoying. Are people that stupid where they think the government is not going to notice that it hasn't arrived. Do they think they not keep track of things, especially in this day and age with computers?
I try not to take the lying personally but it really irks me. It is your duty as a citizen of this country. Other countries force you to join the military and serve for your country. Canada, however, just asks that you fill out a form that takes less then 5 minutes to do. It asks your date of birth, marital status and languages you speak. It's really not asking for a lot isn't it? I think this is a pretty good country if you ask me. It's not perfect and yes some of the people that run the show are idiots but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do your Census.
The other thing is people don't understand is that they think all government departments are the same. The government has different departments, like Health and Fisheries etc so if you don't like Harper, that doesn't mean you have to hate all government departments. Harper hates us and that is why the long form is not mandatory this time around. We just gather data and make it public. We probably are the nerdiest department out there. Maybe this is why I am so passionate about doing the Census.
Sick
Greetings all,
I actually getting a cold since Saturday afternoon. I wasn't sure if I was getting sick for real because twice this year, I would feel like I am getting sick but I never did. I was just grazed. By Sunday, I was starting to feel worse and it looks like this is the first time this year I actually got sick. I have a cold and missed work last night. I am not sure if I want to work today because sometimes the best thing to do is rest and take it easy. Since I am an enumerator, my job requires I walk and at this stage in the game, I am dealing with idiots so maybe I need to take it easy? It is our last day working in this district and then we'll probably work to help another district.
I actually getting a cold since Saturday afternoon. I wasn't sure if I was getting sick for real because twice this year, I would feel like I am getting sick but I never did. I was just grazed. By Sunday, I was starting to feel worse and it looks like this is the first time this year I actually got sick. I have a cold and missed work last night. I am not sure if I want to work today because sometimes the best thing to do is rest and take it easy. Since I am an enumerator, my job requires I walk and at this stage in the game, I am dealing with idiots so maybe I need to take it easy? It is our last day working in this district and then we'll probably work to help another district.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Overlooked?
Greetings all,
I am in an email group for Sanskrit Mantras and many people from the group are using a 5 mantra stack that is good for finding work and so I have decided to give it a try. I am half way through this job stack discipline. So far, no prospects. Dry as a well, no calls for interviews at this point. I am hoping that something will appear.
Anyways, I am doing part time work doing Census and we were told yesterday our crew leader assistant has been moved to another district as a crew leader so that meant someone had to take her place on our team. Someone else got this role from our team, which I am a little upset about since I was the only person on my team who had previous experience and I think I probably should have gotten it. I am not sure if I should ask my boss the selection process because it wasn't like they asked us who would be interested. I feel offended that I wasn't picked and sometimes I think it's because people are threatened by my intelligence and skill. Would it be unprofessional to ask why I wasn't picked? I don't think so and I am thinking of sending her an email.
This position wouldn't have lasted long anyways because our time doing the Census will be coming to a close and so I am telling myself that something better is coming my way but I can't help but feel upset about this. I feel I have a lot of talent and intelligence and sometimes I feel it is overlooked. What do I have to do to get noticed and promoted?
I am in an email group for Sanskrit Mantras and many people from the group are using a 5 mantra stack that is good for finding work and so I have decided to give it a try. I am half way through this job stack discipline. So far, no prospects. Dry as a well, no calls for interviews at this point. I am hoping that something will appear.
Anyways, I am doing part time work doing Census and we were told yesterday our crew leader assistant has been moved to another district as a crew leader so that meant someone had to take her place on our team. Someone else got this role from our team, which I am a little upset about since I was the only person on my team who had previous experience and I think I probably should have gotten it. I am not sure if I should ask my boss the selection process because it wasn't like they asked us who would be interested. I feel offended that I wasn't picked and sometimes I think it's because people are threatened by my intelligence and skill. Would it be unprofessional to ask why I wasn't picked? I don't think so and I am thinking of sending her an email.
This position wouldn't have lasted long anyways because our time doing the Census will be coming to a close and so I am telling myself that something better is coming my way but I can't help but feel upset about this. I feel I have a lot of talent and intelligence and sometimes I feel it is overlooked. What do I have to do to get noticed and promoted?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Men Patterns
Greetings all,
I have been aware of a pattern where I pine for an ex for quite some time after it's over. These are usually people whom I have fallen for, not all of the guys I have been involved with. I have a full life and always make myself a priority, however I notice that I pine for a past ex until I find someone new whom I enjoy and really like. I am also quite fussy about who I like so it takes me quite a long time to stop this pining. Some days I think of the person and others I am fine and don't care.
I wonder how common is this as I am sure I am not alone in this. I had thought of the best way to deal with this but I think the best thing is to accept that I do this as it is human. I guess I have to accept my mind pines for a while after I've fallen for someone. It doesn't make sense to fight it.
I have been aware of a pattern where I pine for an ex for quite some time after it's over. These are usually people whom I have fallen for, not all of the guys I have been involved with. I have a full life and always make myself a priority, however I notice that I pine for a past ex until I find someone new whom I enjoy and really like. I am also quite fussy about who I like so it takes me quite a long time to stop this pining. Some days I think of the person and others I am fine and don't care.
I wonder how common is this as I am sure I am not alone in this. I had thought of the best way to deal with this but I think the best thing is to accept that I do this as it is human. I guess I have to accept my mind pines for a while after I've fallen for someone. It doesn't make sense to fight it.
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Dogma of the People
Greetings all,
I've heard many negative attitudes towards Catholic schools and churchs. I went to a Catholic school, elementary and high school. Some people seem to think we are brainwashed. In my education, we were not brainwashed. We were taught subjects like everyone else. We were taught math, physics, chemistry, biology, history, etc as they taught in regular schools. God was not mentioned at all.
The only difference between a Catholic school (in my day) was that we had to wear a uniform and we had to take religion class. This is where we learned about our religion. In grade 11, we had learned about the major religions of the world. I don't know if in the public system they learn anything about other religions. Maybe they don't get exposed to religion education until they get to university.
The other thing was sex education. I think we had our first sex ed class in grade 6. It wasn't until high school where they advocated no sex until marriage. We all know this was poppycock because the teenagers probably experimented by the time they brought this up.
I went to church a lot as a child because my mother is a regular church goer. I don't think I mind going until I hit 14 and then I started questioning religion. I remember in grade 8, everyone was getting confirmed and it was about consciously choosing to be Catholic. I was skeptical about doing it but only did it because everyone else did. I think 2 people in my class didn't because they weren't Catholic so I don't think it would have been a big deal to not do it.
We didn't have pedophiles for priests in my church. As far as I know. My mom is involved in church life, such as giving out communion so I'm sure if stuff like that was going on, she may have told us.
So many people think it's unfair that Catholics get their own school. Obviously when it first got started, it was a reflection of the people - the population was mainly Catholic. Now times have changed and more people are either agnostic, atheist or humanist.
I personally support Waldorf education so for me, I would rather see Waldorf become mainstream.
I've had my own beef with the Catholic church but I don't think religion will go away. People will always desire religious community in some form. I just would like people to be more open minded towards religious schools and not assume we who have gone through it are brainwashed and poorly educated.
The other thing that bothers me is that people think if you have a religion, you obviously believe in all its theories. The truth is that many people do not agree with 100% of what a Church stands for. It's like a company. Chances are you belong to a corporate environment but you do not 100% believe everything they do and believe. But you still belong to it.
The Church has to have a tenant of beliefs to stand upon. They have to have values that all churches of the same belief 'agree to'. Does this mean all Catholic people believe in it? No. How about we talk to people as individuals instead of lumping them all and assuming they all share the same beliefs.
Religious freedom means letting people have the freedom to decide whether they want to associate with a religion or not.
I've heard many negative attitudes towards Catholic schools and churchs. I went to a Catholic school, elementary and high school. Some people seem to think we are brainwashed. In my education, we were not brainwashed. We were taught subjects like everyone else. We were taught math, physics, chemistry, biology, history, etc as they taught in regular schools. God was not mentioned at all.
The only difference between a Catholic school (in my day) was that we had to wear a uniform and we had to take religion class. This is where we learned about our religion. In grade 11, we had learned about the major religions of the world. I don't know if in the public system they learn anything about other religions. Maybe they don't get exposed to religion education until they get to university.
The other thing was sex education. I think we had our first sex ed class in grade 6. It wasn't until high school where they advocated no sex until marriage. We all know this was poppycock because the teenagers probably experimented by the time they brought this up.
I went to church a lot as a child because my mother is a regular church goer. I don't think I mind going until I hit 14 and then I started questioning religion. I remember in grade 8, everyone was getting confirmed and it was about consciously choosing to be Catholic. I was skeptical about doing it but only did it because everyone else did. I think 2 people in my class didn't because they weren't Catholic so I don't think it would have been a big deal to not do it.
We didn't have pedophiles for priests in my church. As far as I know. My mom is involved in church life, such as giving out communion so I'm sure if stuff like that was going on, she may have told us.
So many people think it's unfair that Catholics get their own school. Obviously when it first got started, it was a reflection of the people - the population was mainly Catholic. Now times have changed and more people are either agnostic, atheist or humanist.
I personally support Waldorf education so for me, I would rather see Waldorf become mainstream.
I've had my own beef with the Catholic church but I don't think religion will go away. People will always desire religious community in some form. I just would like people to be more open minded towards religious schools and not assume we who have gone through it are brainwashed and poorly educated.
The other thing that bothers me is that people think if you have a religion, you obviously believe in all its theories. The truth is that many people do not agree with 100% of what a Church stands for. It's like a company. Chances are you belong to a corporate environment but you do not 100% believe everything they do and believe. But you still belong to it.
The Church has to have a tenant of beliefs to stand upon. They have to have values that all churches of the same belief 'agree to'. Does this mean all Catholic people believe in it? No. How about we talk to people as individuals instead of lumping them all and assuming they all share the same beliefs.
Religious freedom means letting people have the freedom to decide whether they want to associate with a religion or not.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Missing the Car
Greetings all,
It's been my first week without a car and I hate it already. I have to take 2 streetcars now to get to my Sat Nam Rasayan class on Sundays. I stopped by Kensignton Market and bought something for my dad for the upcoming Father's Day after my class. Usually I feel spacey and don't want to be around people so the ride home was awful for me because there was so many people and I feel more vulnerable to the energy around me so it just grosses me out. In my car, I just get a little flustered from all the traffic, but at least I have some feeling of privacy.
I had a job interview today and it was all the way up on Sheppard and Dufferin. It probably would have taken me about 40 minutes by car to get there but I have to take the bus and then a subway stop and then back on the bus. It took about an hour. I went home a slightly different way and took the subway all the way to Bloor and took the bus home but waiting for the bus took over 10 minutes and then 2 of them come along.
My patience is short to begin with and I am missing the convenience of a car. I have to get a job first before I can even consider a car. As well I want a condo and that costs money too. It just seems like every time I try to move forward in life, I just get pushed back. I'm tired of fighting and struggling. I've been out of work for almost a year now and this is looking bad on my resume. I've been job searching since September. I am poor! We talk about poverty in other countries. Fuck that, it's happening here!
It's been my first week without a car and I hate it already. I have to take 2 streetcars now to get to my Sat Nam Rasayan class on Sundays. I stopped by Kensignton Market and bought something for my dad for the upcoming Father's Day after my class. Usually I feel spacey and don't want to be around people so the ride home was awful for me because there was so many people and I feel more vulnerable to the energy around me so it just grosses me out. In my car, I just get a little flustered from all the traffic, but at least I have some feeling of privacy.
I had a job interview today and it was all the way up on Sheppard and Dufferin. It probably would have taken me about 40 minutes by car to get there but I have to take the bus and then a subway stop and then back on the bus. It took about an hour. I went home a slightly different way and took the subway all the way to Bloor and took the bus home but waiting for the bus took over 10 minutes and then 2 of them come along.
My patience is short to begin with and I am missing the convenience of a car. I have to get a job first before I can even consider a car. As well I want a condo and that costs money too. It just seems like every time I try to move forward in life, I just get pushed back. I'm tired of fighting and struggling. I've been out of work for almost a year now and this is looking bad on my resume. I've been job searching since September. I am poor! We talk about poverty in other countries. Fuck that, it's happening here!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Goodbye Car!
Greetings all,
I put my car down on Thursday. It was a sad moment for me but I knew it was coming. I took my car last week to another mechanic as I got a groupon for an oil change and inspection. I wasn't able to use it, because they wouldn't work on my car due to spring issues. I decided to go this week to my regular mechanic for their opinion and they said driving my car would be dangerous. I've also had some problems with some fluid leaking. Can't remember which but he said that fixing these things would be too expensive.
I'll miss my car. I've had it for 12 years. I've had sex in the backseat. I'll miss blasting music around and my freedom.
I am thinking of getting one of those 3 wheel scooters by Piaggio called MP3. I don't know how I will do without my own car. I mean, living in Toronto, I have fairly decent transportation but I have an independent spirit and like doing things on my own. Maybe the scooter is just what I need so I don't feel stifled. I have read people can use them all year round. They are safer too because of the 3rd wheel. They cost a lot, but not as much as a car. And they save on gas too. Parking it around the city would be free.
I put my car down on Thursday. It was a sad moment for me but I knew it was coming. I took my car last week to another mechanic as I got a groupon for an oil change and inspection. I wasn't able to use it, because they wouldn't work on my car due to spring issues. I decided to go this week to my regular mechanic for their opinion and they said driving my car would be dangerous. I've also had some problems with some fluid leaking. Can't remember which but he said that fixing these things would be too expensive.
I'll miss my car. I've had it for 12 years. I've had sex in the backseat. I'll miss blasting music around and my freedom.
I am thinking of getting one of those 3 wheel scooters by Piaggio called MP3. I don't know how I will do without my own car. I mean, living in Toronto, I have fairly decent transportation but I have an independent spirit and like doing things on my own. Maybe the scooter is just what I need so I don't feel stifled. I have read people can use them all year round. They are safer too because of the 3rd wheel. They cost a lot, but not as much as a car. And they save on gas too. Parking it around the city would be free.
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