Greetings all,
I am in an email group for Sanskrit Mantras and many people from the group are using a 5 mantra stack that is good for finding work and so I have decided to give it a try. I am half way through this job stack discipline. So far, no prospects. Dry as a well, no calls for interviews at this point. I am hoping that something will appear.
Anyways, I am doing part time work doing Census and we were told yesterday our crew leader assistant has been moved to another district as a crew leader so that meant someone had to take her place on our team. Someone else got this role from our team, which I am a little upset about since I was the only person on my team who had previous experience and I think I probably should have gotten it. I am not sure if I should ask my boss the selection process because it wasn't like they asked us who would be interested. I feel offended that I wasn't picked and sometimes I think it's because people are threatened by my intelligence and skill. Would it be unprofessional to ask why I wasn't picked? I don't think so and I am thinking of sending her an email.
This position wouldn't have lasted long anyways because our time doing the Census will be coming to a close and so I am telling myself that something better is coming my way but I can't help but feel upset about this. I feel I have a lot of talent and intelligence and sometimes I feel it is overlooked. What do I have to do to get noticed and promoted?
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Men Patterns
Greetings all,
I have been aware of a pattern where I pine for an ex for quite some time after it's over. These are usually people whom I have fallen for, not all of the guys I have been involved with. I have a full life and always make myself a priority, however I notice that I pine for a past ex until I find someone new whom I enjoy and really like. I am also quite fussy about who I like so it takes me quite a long time to stop this pining. Some days I think of the person and others I am fine and don't care.
I wonder how common is this as I am sure I am not alone in this. I had thought of the best way to deal with this but I think the best thing is to accept that I do this as it is human. I guess I have to accept my mind pines for a while after I've fallen for someone. It doesn't make sense to fight it.
I have been aware of a pattern where I pine for an ex for quite some time after it's over. These are usually people whom I have fallen for, not all of the guys I have been involved with. I have a full life and always make myself a priority, however I notice that I pine for a past ex until I find someone new whom I enjoy and really like. I am also quite fussy about who I like so it takes me quite a long time to stop this pining. Some days I think of the person and others I am fine and don't care.
I wonder how common is this as I am sure I am not alone in this. I had thought of the best way to deal with this but I think the best thing is to accept that I do this as it is human. I guess I have to accept my mind pines for a while after I've fallen for someone. It doesn't make sense to fight it.
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Dogma of the People
Greetings all,
I've heard many negative attitudes towards Catholic schools and churchs. I went to a Catholic school, elementary and high school. Some people seem to think we are brainwashed. In my education, we were not brainwashed. We were taught subjects like everyone else. We were taught math, physics, chemistry, biology, history, etc as they taught in regular schools. God was not mentioned at all.
The only difference between a Catholic school (in my day) was that we had to wear a uniform and we had to take religion class. This is where we learned about our religion. In grade 11, we had learned about the major religions of the world. I don't know if in the public system they learn anything about other religions. Maybe they don't get exposed to religion education until they get to university.
The other thing was sex education. I think we had our first sex ed class in grade 6. It wasn't until high school where they advocated no sex until marriage. We all know this was poppycock because the teenagers probably experimented by the time they brought this up.
I went to church a lot as a child because my mother is a regular church goer. I don't think I mind going until I hit 14 and then I started questioning religion. I remember in grade 8, everyone was getting confirmed and it was about consciously choosing to be Catholic. I was skeptical about doing it but only did it because everyone else did. I think 2 people in my class didn't because they weren't Catholic so I don't think it would have been a big deal to not do it.
We didn't have pedophiles for priests in my church. As far as I know. My mom is involved in church life, such as giving out communion so I'm sure if stuff like that was going on, she may have told us.
So many people think it's unfair that Catholics get their own school. Obviously when it first got started, it was a reflection of the people - the population was mainly Catholic. Now times have changed and more people are either agnostic, atheist or humanist.
I personally support Waldorf education so for me, I would rather see Waldorf become mainstream.
I've had my own beef with the Catholic church but I don't think religion will go away. People will always desire religious community in some form. I just would like people to be more open minded towards religious schools and not assume we who have gone through it are brainwashed and poorly educated.
The other thing that bothers me is that people think if you have a religion, you obviously believe in all its theories. The truth is that many people do not agree with 100% of what a Church stands for. It's like a company. Chances are you belong to a corporate environment but you do not 100% believe everything they do and believe. But you still belong to it.
The Church has to have a tenant of beliefs to stand upon. They have to have values that all churches of the same belief 'agree to'. Does this mean all Catholic people believe in it? No. How about we talk to people as individuals instead of lumping them all and assuming they all share the same beliefs.
Religious freedom means letting people have the freedom to decide whether they want to associate with a religion or not.
I've heard many negative attitudes towards Catholic schools and churchs. I went to a Catholic school, elementary and high school. Some people seem to think we are brainwashed. In my education, we were not brainwashed. We were taught subjects like everyone else. We were taught math, physics, chemistry, biology, history, etc as they taught in regular schools. God was not mentioned at all.
The only difference between a Catholic school (in my day) was that we had to wear a uniform and we had to take religion class. This is where we learned about our religion. In grade 11, we had learned about the major religions of the world. I don't know if in the public system they learn anything about other religions. Maybe they don't get exposed to religion education until they get to university.
The other thing was sex education. I think we had our first sex ed class in grade 6. It wasn't until high school where they advocated no sex until marriage. We all know this was poppycock because the teenagers probably experimented by the time they brought this up.
I went to church a lot as a child because my mother is a regular church goer. I don't think I mind going until I hit 14 and then I started questioning religion. I remember in grade 8, everyone was getting confirmed and it was about consciously choosing to be Catholic. I was skeptical about doing it but only did it because everyone else did. I think 2 people in my class didn't because they weren't Catholic so I don't think it would have been a big deal to not do it.
We didn't have pedophiles for priests in my church. As far as I know. My mom is involved in church life, such as giving out communion so I'm sure if stuff like that was going on, she may have told us.
So many people think it's unfair that Catholics get their own school. Obviously when it first got started, it was a reflection of the people - the population was mainly Catholic. Now times have changed and more people are either agnostic, atheist or humanist.
I personally support Waldorf education so for me, I would rather see Waldorf become mainstream.
I've had my own beef with the Catholic church but I don't think religion will go away. People will always desire religious community in some form. I just would like people to be more open minded towards religious schools and not assume we who have gone through it are brainwashed and poorly educated.
The other thing that bothers me is that people think if you have a religion, you obviously believe in all its theories. The truth is that many people do not agree with 100% of what a Church stands for. It's like a company. Chances are you belong to a corporate environment but you do not 100% believe everything they do and believe. But you still belong to it.
The Church has to have a tenant of beliefs to stand upon. They have to have values that all churches of the same belief 'agree to'. Does this mean all Catholic people believe in it? No. How about we talk to people as individuals instead of lumping them all and assuming they all share the same beliefs.
Religious freedom means letting people have the freedom to decide whether they want to associate with a religion or not.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Missing the Car
Greetings all,
It's been my first week without a car and I hate it already. I have to take 2 streetcars now to get to my Sat Nam Rasayan class on Sundays. I stopped by Kensignton Market and bought something for my dad for the upcoming Father's Day after my class. Usually I feel spacey and don't want to be around people so the ride home was awful for me because there was so many people and I feel more vulnerable to the energy around me so it just grosses me out. In my car, I just get a little flustered from all the traffic, but at least I have some feeling of privacy.
I had a job interview today and it was all the way up on Sheppard and Dufferin. It probably would have taken me about 40 minutes by car to get there but I have to take the bus and then a subway stop and then back on the bus. It took about an hour. I went home a slightly different way and took the subway all the way to Bloor and took the bus home but waiting for the bus took over 10 minutes and then 2 of them come along.
My patience is short to begin with and I am missing the convenience of a car. I have to get a job first before I can even consider a car. As well I want a condo and that costs money too. It just seems like every time I try to move forward in life, I just get pushed back. I'm tired of fighting and struggling. I've been out of work for almost a year now and this is looking bad on my resume. I've been job searching since September. I am poor! We talk about poverty in other countries. Fuck that, it's happening here!
It's been my first week without a car and I hate it already. I have to take 2 streetcars now to get to my Sat Nam Rasayan class on Sundays. I stopped by Kensignton Market and bought something for my dad for the upcoming Father's Day after my class. Usually I feel spacey and don't want to be around people so the ride home was awful for me because there was so many people and I feel more vulnerable to the energy around me so it just grosses me out. In my car, I just get a little flustered from all the traffic, but at least I have some feeling of privacy.
I had a job interview today and it was all the way up on Sheppard and Dufferin. It probably would have taken me about 40 minutes by car to get there but I have to take the bus and then a subway stop and then back on the bus. It took about an hour. I went home a slightly different way and took the subway all the way to Bloor and took the bus home but waiting for the bus took over 10 minutes and then 2 of them come along.
My patience is short to begin with and I am missing the convenience of a car. I have to get a job first before I can even consider a car. As well I want a condo and that costs money too. It just seems like every time I try to move forward in life, I just get pushed back. I'm tired of fighting and struggling. I've been out of work for almost a year now and this is looking bad on my resume. I've been job searching since September. I am poor! We talk about poverty in other countries. Fuck that, it's happening here!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Goodbye Car!
Greetings all,
I put my car down on Thursday. It was a sad moment for me but I knew it was coming. I took my car last week to another mechanic as I got a groupon for an oil change and inspection. I wasn't able to use it, because they wouldn't work on my car due to spring issues. I decided to go this week to my regular mechanic for their opinion and they said driving my car would be dangerous. I've also had some problems with some fluid leaking. Can't remember which but he said that fixing these things would be too expensive.
I'll miss my car. I've had it for 12 years. I've had sex in the backseat. I'll miss blasting music around and my freedom.
I am thinking of getting one of those 3 wheel scooters by Piaggio called MP3. I don't know how I will do without my own car. I mean, living in Toronto, I have fairly decent transportation but I have an independent spirit and like doing things on my own. Maybe the scooter is just what I need so I don't feel stifled. I have read people can use them all year round. They are safer too because of the 3rd wheel. They cost a lot, but not as much as a car. And they save on gas too. Parking it around the city would be free.
I put my car down on Thursday. It was a sad moment for me but I knew it was coming. I took my car last week to another mechanic as I got a groupon for an oil change and inspection. I wasn't able to use it, because they wouldn't work on my car due to spring issues. I decided to go this week to my regular mechanic for their opinion and they said driving my car would be dangerous. I've also had some problems with some fluid leaking. Can't remember which but he said that fixing these things would be too expensive.
I'll miss my car. I've had it for 12 years. I've had sex in the backseat. I'll miss blasting music around and my freedom.
I am thinking of getting one of those 3 wheel scooters by Piaggio called MP3. I don't know how I will do without my own car. I mean, living in Toronto, I have fairly decent transportation but I have an independent spirit and like doing things on my own. Maybe the scooter is just what I need so I don't feel stifled. I have read people can use them all year round. They are safer too because of the 3rd wheel. They cost a lot, but not as much as a car. And they save on gas too. Parking it around the city would be free.
Friday, June 03, 2011
Greetings all,
I had this really amazing dream Sunday night, which I think was related to my Sat Nam Rasayan class. We only had 3 people show up and so I had 2 people working on me and then we switched. I wonder if having 2 people work on me created this type of shift internally.
My dream was about 2 men and I am not sure if they were the same man. They were my love interests but with the second man, he radiated such love and it felt amazing. It was nice to feel such love emanate from someone towards me, even if it was just a dream.
I had this really amazing dream Sunday night, which I think was related to my Sat Nam Rasayan class. We only had 3 people show up and so I had 2 people working on me and then we switched. I wonder if having 2 people work on me created this type of shift internally.
My dream was about 2 men and I am not sure if they were the same man. They were my love interests but with the second man, he radiated such love and it felt amazing. It was nice to feel such love emanate from someone towards me, even if it was just a dream.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Success
Greetings all,
I've been pondering this concept of Success lately. For me, I have been wanting to achieve material success for quite a while but never really felt like I have. I have friends who've gotten their degrees and gotten good jobs and have homes. I think in some way they are lucky. For me, I don't see myself going to school. Maybe when I am older. I have considered going to school but just don't feel drawn to it. I have the intelligence to go through it but if I don't feel drawn to something, it's hard for me to muster the motivation to do it. I have to believe in it I guess.
I have one friend who has worked at the same company for 10 years. I think she is lucky and think this 'success' was little of her doing. I on the other hand have worked at over 50 different companies (I was a temp for 3 years) and have been laid off 3 times in my 10 year work life. The difference is that I don't have a science degree but I do know of some people who have these kinds of degrees and still struggle. A degree doesn't guarantee you anything, although it does help some people out. I'm not against education but the truth is some schools are just in it for money and are a business.
From an Anthroposophical point of view, I see this more as an issue of karma. I am not sure I can 100% believe this but it seems to me to be the best way I can make sense of it.
People have good things happen to them and they do not earn it. I see it as a gift from the universe. Two people can do the same actions but yet one can end up with more success then the other. Why is that?
I don't want my belief in karma to seem as some fate thing because I do believe we have some choice in life. We may have difficult karma to work through but I know there are tools out there like yoga and mantra that can help us attract and work through what we want. I just think it's foolish for some people to deny that they have been blessed in their life and the blessings they have received are probably not their doing.
I don't believe in using the term god, I use the word universe. It does seem like the universe favours some more then others.
I've been pondering this concept of Success lately. For me, I have been wanting to achieve material success for quite a while but never really felt like I have. I have friends who've gotten their degrees and gotten good jobs and have homes. I think in some way they are lucky. For me, I don't see myself going to school. Maybe when I am older. I have considered going to school but just don't feel drawn to it. I have the intelligence to go through it but if I don't feel drawn to something, it's hard for me to muster the motivation to do it. I have to believe in it I guess.
I have one friend who has worked at the same company for 10 years. I think she is lucky and think this 'success' was little of her doing. I on the other hand have worked at over 50 different companies (I was a temp for 3 years) and have been laid off 3 times in my 10 year work life. The difference is that I don't have a science degree but I do know of some people who have these kinds of degrees and still struggle. A degree doesn't guarantee you anything, although it does help some people out. I'm not against education but the truth is some schools are just in it for money and are a business.
From an Anthroposophical point of view, I see this more as an issue of karma. I am not sure I can 100% believe this but it seems to me to be the best way I can make sense of it.
People have good things happen to them and they do not earn it. I see it as a gift from the universe. Two people can do the same actions but yet one can end up with more success then the other. Why is that?
I don't want my belief in karma to seem as some fate thing because I do believe we have some choice in life. We may have difficult karma to work through but I know there are tools out there like yoga and mantra that can help us attract and work through what we want. I just think it's foolish for some people to deny that they have been blessed in their life and the blessings they have received are probably not their doing.
I don't believe in using the term god, I use the word universe. It does seem like the universe favours some more then others.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Greetings all,
I had an interview for a job about 2 weeks ago. Didn't get it. I had an interview this afternoon and another next week. I've applied to 500 positions and probably have had about 6 or 7 interviews already. It's really bad out there and some days it's tough to handle. I am trying to stay positive. I really feel lost and I am not wanting to go to school. My comedy takes a backseat and this is unfortunate. I don't have any ambition to be creative when I am stressing financially. Some people can handle it but not me. I like some financial stability and that was probably why I felt more comfortable doing comedy when I had a day job.
My first week of doing the Census work was good but now I am no longer gong-ho about it and it feels like a drag. I have 5 assignments and basically that's all I'll get to work on and hopefully I can finish it in the next 2 weeks. Once we close our district we can help others. I'm hoping by that time I can get a full time job because I am not sure how long this job will go for.
I seem to get hit on by men. Like some are flirting with me and I can't tell if they are just flirting for fun or if they want more. Obviously, I try to be professional. One guy said he liked my energy and my eyes and hair and said I can visit him again in the future. He tried to make me laugh. Now I wasn't sure if he just wanted to make me laugh because I tend to be serious or if he really was interested in me.
One guy last week, I visited him while he was on the phone. I told him I could come back later as I was in an apartment building and had other people to see. I came back and he was quite rude and didn't want to do the census but halfway he said he had to do something and came back and was all friendly with me. We ended up talking about the rapture and talking about religion. It was weird the change. Not sure if he thought I was someone doing random surveys and maybe he realized I was with the government. Odd.
I had an interview for a job about 2 weeks ago. Didn't get it. I had an interview this afternoon and another next week. I've applied to 500 positions and probably have had about 6 or 7 interviews already. It's really bad out there and some days it's tough to handle. I am trying to stay positive. I really feel lost and I am not wanting to go to school. My comedy takes a backseat and this is unfortunate. I don't have any ambition to be creative when I am stressing financially. Some people can handle it but not me. I like some financial stability and that was probably why I felt more comfortable doing comedy when I had a day job.
My first week of doing the Census work was good but now I am no longer gong-ho about it and it feels like a drag. I have 5 assignments and basically that's all I'll get to work on and hopefully I can finish it in the next 2 weeks. Once we close our district we can help others. I'm hoping by that time I can get a full time job because I am not sure how long this job will go for.
I seem to get hit on by men. Like some are flirting with me and I can't tell if they are just flirting for fun or if they want more. Obviously, I try to be professional. One guy said he liked my energy and my eyes and hair and said I can visit him again in the future. He tried to make me laugh. Now I wasn't sure if he just wanted to make me laugh because I tend to be serious or if he really was interested in me.
One guy last week, I visited him while he was on the phone. I told him I could come back later as I was in an apartment building and had other people to see. I came back and he was quite rude and didn't want to do the census but halfway he said he had to do something and came back and was all friendly with me. We ended up talking about the rapture and talking about religion. It was weird the change. Not sure if he thought I was someone doing random surveys and maybe he realized I was with the government. Odd.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Chiropractic
Greetings all,
I recently started to go to a chiropractor. When I went to the Kundalini yoga winter solstice retreat, during the meditations I became aware that I have an imbalance on my right side. A few months later I went to a Yoga conference and they had chiropractors. I went to 2 booths there and they have this area where you stand and they measure how much weight you carry on each side. I was carrying about 12 extra pounds on my right side. This prompted to see if going to a chiropractor would help.
I am on Onespout, which is a site that basically you can subscribe to and get all the info for online coupons. Online coupons like Wag Jag or Groupon have become popular, so this site collects all the deal and makes it available in one email, which is what I like.
So I ended up getting a voucher for a chiropractor visit. The one I went to has 28 years experience and I think I got a good deal as I got an assessment and 2 treatments with this package.
I had x-rays done. I was mainly complaining how I feel certain vertebraes in my neck bother me and how I have this nuisance pain in my right shoulder. He was saying it is related to the issue in the neck as they affect various nerves in the body. He is suggesting I get treatment 3 times a week for 4 weeks and then 2 treatments for 6 weeks and then I'll be on some maintenance plan.
It was interesting seeing the x-rays and I could see how some parts of my vertebrae were a little out of alignment. I will probably want to see x-rays 6 months from now, to see if there is a real physical improvement in my spine.
I recently started to go to a chiropractor. When I went to the Kundalini yoga winter solstice retreat, during the meditations I became aware that I have an imbalance on my right side. A few months later I went to a Yoga conference and they had chiropractors. I went to 2 booths there and they have this area where you stand and they measure how much weight you carry on each side. I was carrying about 12 extra pounds on my right side. This prompted to see if going to a chiropractor would help.
I am on Onespout, which is a site that basically you can subscribe to and get all the info for online coupons. Online coupons like Wag Jag or Groupon have become popular, so this site collects all the deal and makes it available in one email, which is what I like.
So I ended up getting a voucher for a chiropractor visit. The one I went to has 28 years experience and I think I got a good deal as I got an assessment and 2 treatments with this package.
I had x-rays done. I was mainly complaining how I feel certain vertebraes in my neck bother me and how I have this nuisance pain in my right shoulder. He was saying it is related to the issue in the neck as they affect various nerves in the body. He is suggesting I get treatment 3 times a week for 4 weeks and then 2 treatments for 6 weeks and then I'll be on some maintenance plan.
It was interesting seeing the x-rays and I could see how some parts of my vertebrae were a little out of alignment. I will probably want to see x-rays 6 months from now, to see if there is a real physical improvement in my spine.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Greetings all,
I had my enumerator training yesterday and today. I did the Census job 5 years ago but I guess I have to go through the training again. I get paid, so I guess it's not so bad. It was pretty boring for me as I already know how to do the job. There was probably a few minor changes but essentially it's the same process.
I tried to be a crew leader for the Census but I guess I didn't get the job. So technically my boss was my competition and I found out on Facebook that she is 2 years younger then me so that just adds salt to the wound.
She seems overly enthusiastic about the Census, to the point of madness. She really believes being a part of Census will help my neighborhood since it's a ghetto neighborhood and probably underfunded for some things. Census can be used to help planners determine what areas need funding for things like age old homes or schools.
I'm not sure if I should be nice to her. I mean, I am bitter a little that she has a job that really should be mine. She has no experience as an enumerator. I guess because she was a talker and probably so 'passionate' about this job, she won them over, whereas I wasn't so gong ho.
This time around, we're getting paid by the hour instead of by piece work. I think this is probably good since sometimes when you visit people, if they are not there you drop off a Notice card and sometimes people end up calling in their information because of this Notice. Unfortunately I don't get credit for that, even though eventually it will get crossed off my list.
As well, our crew leader said that we can probably do blitzes and work as a team and do this for various apartment buildings. We didn't do this before so this would be a good thing. Our area has a low response rate so they want us to get started on doing the follow ups.
I had planned to take this job, whether I had found a job by now or not. I am only going to be able to put in 20 hours a week since I am on EI still and if I work 40 hours, I might lose my benefits. I will still have to keep searching for a job.
I had my enumerator training yesterday and today. I did the Census job 5 years ago but I guess I have to go through the training again. I get paid, so I guess it's not so bad. It was pretty boring for me as I already know how to do the job. There was probably a few minor changes but essentially it's the same process.
I tried to be a crew leader for the Census but I guess I didn't get the job. So technically my boss was my competition and I found out on Facebook that she is 2 years younger then me so that just adds salt to the wound.
She seems overly enthusiastic about the Census, to the point of madness. She really believes being a part of Census will help my neighborhood since it's a ghetto neighborhood and probably underfunded for some things. Census can be used to help planners determine what areas need funding for things like age old homes or schools.
I'm not sure if I should be nice to her. I mean, I am bitter a little that she has a job that really should be mine. She has no experience as an enumerator. I guess because she was a talker and probably so 'passionate' about this job, she won them over, whereas I wasn't so gong ho.
This time around, we're getting paid by the hour instead of by piece work. I think this is probably good since sometimes when you visit people, if they are not there you drop off a Notice card and sometimes people end up calling in their information because of this Notice. Unfortunately I don't get credit for that, even though eventually it will get crossed off my list.
As well, our crew leader said that we can probably do blitzes and work as a team and do this for various apartment buildings. We didn't do this before so this would be a good thing. Our area has a low response rate so they want us to get started on doing the follow ups.
I had planned to take this job, whether I had found a job by now or not. I am only going to be able to put in 20 hours a week since I am on EI still and if I work 40 hours, I might lose my benefits. I will still have to keep searching for a job.
Monday, May 02, 2011
Realistic vs Being Negative
Greetings all,
I have been thinking lately the concept of being realistic and being negative. I think many times people mistake one for the other. Like they may be negative when they think they are being realistic or they are realistic but think they are being negative. How is one supposed to know? What makes something realistic? What is being negative all about?
I think for me, something is realistic if I think I can execute it. But on the other hand, maybe I don't think I can execute something because I am being negative about it?
Who knows really and I think the only way to know is through paying attention to your mind. I thought I had more to say on this topic but at this point, this is all I got!
I have been thinking lately the concept of being realistic and being negative. I think many times people mistake one for the other. Like they may be negative when they think they are being realistic or they are realistic but think they are being negative. How is one supposed to know? What makes something realistic? What is being negative all about?
I think for me, something is realistic if I think I can execute it. But on the other hand, maybe I don't think I can execute something because I am being negative about it?
Who knows really and I think the only way to know is through paying attention to your mind. I thought I had more to say on this topic but at this point, this is all I got!
Monday, April 25, 2011
American Idol
Greetings all,
I had heard on the radio that JLo is now a judge on AI and that Simon and Paula are not on it anymore. I ended up checking on Youtube clips of the show. I am surprised she is on that show. She is like an A list celebrity and doing sitcoms (technically it's not a sitcom) but typically doing a show like this to me is a lower status show. I think JLo is alright. I don't care for her voice but her songs are danceable for the most part and she can dance well so I think she has some talent and respect her enough. I just don't think she has the same skill of singing that she and the other judges are looking for in the contestants. Now I guess she has something of value to say because she knows what it takes and I think she is proof that you don't need a big booming voice to be successful in this industry.
I felt she was overdressed and overdone. She had way too much make-up and always looks so overly dressed. It's American Idol, not the Oscars. I think she should dress a bit more casual.
I was reading now how everyone is gushing about her on Youtube and I remember years ago she was so hated. I remember when she was starting to get famous, she seemed really stern and she seems more relaxed on the show. I heard her in an interview that she learned that people love you one day and hate the next so this is probably what people are doing. I remember the Ben Affleck years and there seemed to be nonsense about that.
She seems like she is settled and happy so maybe people react to a celebrity because they don't like certain things about them. Maybe now because she's married with kids, that might be a factor in her likeability but as well, maybe it has softened her and helped her be less self absorbed? Who knows.
I had heard on the radio that JLo is now a judge on AI and that Simon and Paula are not on it anymore. I ended up checking on Youtube clips of the show. I am surprised she is on that show. She is like an A list celebrity and doing sitcoms (technically it's not a sitcom) but typically doing a show like this to me is a lower status show. I think JLo is alright. I don't care for her voice but her songs are danceable for the most part and she can dance well so I think she has some talent and respect her enough. I just don't think she has the same skill of singing that she and the other judges are looking for in the contestants. Now I guess she has something of value to say because she knows what it takes and I think she is proof that you don't need a big booming voice to be successful in this industry.
I felt she was overdressed and overdone. She had way too much make-up and always looks so overly dressed. It's American Idol, not the Oscars. I think she should dress a bit more casual.
I was reading now how everyone is gushing about her on Youtube and I remember years ago she was so hated. I remember when she was starting to get famous, she seemed really stern and she seems more relaxed on the show. I heard her in an interview that she learned that people love you one day and hate the next so this is probably what people are doing. I remember the Ben Affleck years and there seemed to be nonsense about that.
She seems like she is settled and happy so maybe people react to a celebrity because they don't like certain things about them. Maybe now because she's married with kids, that might be a factor in her likeability but as well, maybe it has softened her and helped her be less self absorbed? Who knows.
The Media
Greetings all,
I don't have cable and I don't read the newspaper or really follow the news. I really don't pay attention to what is going on in the world. I don't have cable since I don't watch tv and can't justify the cost of a tv subscription. I am at my parents for Easter so this is when I get to watch tv and generally it feels weird to watch since I just don't have the attention sometimes to watch a show. I managed to watch Celebrity Apprentice. I think for me, if I don't feel interested in watching it in the first few minutes, I just can't be bothered. There are so many other options out there. As well, I don't find much shows engaging and tv is such a passive activity that I don't care for it much. I watched a lot of tv when I was a kid but when I hit first year university, I just stopped and watched on occasion. I think tv is limiting and I was more attracted to being engaged in the real world. Although I do think tv can be useful, it mostly is garbage.
Anyways, I am now hearing about Prince William's wedding on tv. And I hear of all other stuff. And all of it, I don't care about. The main reason I really don't like to hear news is because I find it's not necessary information. Most news out there isn't going to affect me and I can't do anything with the info. It's a waste for me so I end up not listening to anything, which I think can potentially have a downside. But I end up hearing about shit anyways. I heard about the Japan earthquake (how can you not). Important news usually gets shared by people. I think I consciously chose to not put info in my head that I don't need, because I want to keep my mind clear. I have read that always reading about the news is depressing and they have done studies on this. I think that's the main reason. I need to feel good about my life and I think always reading depressing stories is disempowering. Sometimes knowledge is not power. It's just depressing because we can't do much about it. I suppose we could with stories that really touch us but I think with the majority of info out there, we probably are not going to do anything with this information. If I can't act upon info, then it's useless to me. I really feel that most of what happens, we don't need to know. I already know there are murders and wars going on or how people screw each other over. I don't need to know this and it doesn't help me in any way really.
So I was watching Celebrity Apprentice, which happened to be 2 hours. So here I am thinking I have a short attention span but apparently I can sit down for 2 hours and watch something, if I find it interesting. Trump asked the remaining contestants if they would vote for him if he were running for President and they all said yes and he said he'd fire them if they didn't. I honestly think I would have said to him that I would consider him as an option but would base my decision on who else is running and what their platform is. As well, just because he has business skills, doesn't mean he has the skills to run a nation, which require a different skill set, although having business skills is one of them. Being a President requires other skills. I would tell him that maybe running for an entry level position would be better to see if he likes the field as being President is a 4 year commitment. If you don't like a business, you can quit at any time but not as President.
I was also surprised how some of the women on the women's team were catty with each other. This was a show that the winners get money for their charity. They were a bit mean about it and I didn't agree with that. It's for charity! I find though it always seems that the men can learn to deal with their differences but women just get so catty and emotional and I have seen a few of the Apprentices where the women end up behaving this way. I just don't get it. It makes me wonder too because obviously men have a capacity to get along but yet they are more prone to violence and usually start wars. So that is what I don't get! Surely if men can handle their differences in small groups, they can be less violent in the world. Doesn't make sense.
I don't have cable and I don't read the newspaper or really follow the news. I really don't pay attention to what is going on in the world. I don't have cable since I don't watch tv and can't justify the cost of a tv subscription. I am at my parents for Easter so this is when I get to watch tv and generally it feels weird to watch since I just don't have the attention sometimes to watch a show. I managed to watch Celebrity Apprentice. I think for me, if I don't feel interested in watching it in the first few minutes, I just can't be bothered. There are so many other options out there. As well, I don't find much shows engaging and tv is such a passive activity that I don't care for it much. I watched a lot of tv when I was a kid but when I hit first year university, I just stopped and watched on occasion. I think tv is limiting and I was more attracted to being engaged in the real world. Although I do think tv can be useful, it mostly is garbage.
Anyways, I am now hearing about Prince William's wedding on tv. And I hear of all other stuff. And all of it, I don't care about. The main reason I really don't like to hear news is because I find it's not necessary information. Most news out there isn't going to affect me and I can't do anything with the info. It's a waste for me so I end up not listening to anything, which I think can potentially have a downside. But I end up hearing about shit anyways. I heard about the Japan earthquake (how can you not). Important news usually gets shared by people. I think I consciously chose to not put info in my head that I don't need, because I want to keep my mind clear. I have read that always reading about the news is depressing and they have done studies on this. I think that's the main reason. I need to feel good about my life and I think always reading depressing stories is disempowering. Sometimes knowledge is not power. It's just depressing because we can't do much about it. I suppose we could with stories that really touch us but I think with the majority of info out there, we probably are not going to do anything with this information. If I can't act upon info, then it's useless to me. I really feel that most of what happens, we don't need to know. I already know there are murders and wars going on or how people screw each other over. I don't need to know this and it doesn't help me in any way really.
So I was watching Celebrity Apprentice, which happened to be 2 hours. So here I am thinking I have a short attention span but apparently I can sit down for 2 hours and watch something, if I find it interesting. Trump asked the remaining contestants if they would vote for him if he were running for President and they all said yes and he said he'd fire them if they didn't. I honestly think I would have said to him that I would consider him as an option but would base my decision on who else is running and what their platform is. As well, just because he has business skills, doesn't mean he has the skills to run a nation, which require a different skill set, although having business skills is one of them. Being a President requires other skills. I would tell him that maybe running for an entry level position would be better to see if he likes the field as being President is a 4 year commitment. If you don't like a business, you can quit at any time but not as President.
I was also surprised how some of the women on the women's team were catty with each other. This was a show that the winners get money for their charity. They were a bit mean about it and I didn't agree with that. It's for charity! I find though it always seems that the men can learn to deal with their differences but women just get so catty and emotional and I have seen a few of the Apprentices where the women end up behaving this way. I just don't get it. It makes me wonder too because obviously men have a capacity to get along but yet they are more prone to violence and usually start wars. So that is what I don't get! Surely if men can handle their differences in small groups, they can be less violent in the world. Doesn't make sense.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Love Triangle Revisited
Greetings all,
I had written back in January and February about a 'love triangle' that was going on in my group. Anyways, it was the guy's birthday on Sunday and he invited some of us out for dinner. I felt like there is just so much attraction that I feel and I was thinking how maybe I have to pursue this to see where it goes so after talking with my friend, I emailed him asking if the offer to cuddle was still open.
He was open to meeting up and we had coffee last night. Some of us planned to attend a BBQ on Good Friday and he emailed me that he planned to kiss me. He said he would try last night but I wouldn't let him. I think it kills the moment if you announce that you plan on kissing someone. Just do it and be spontaneous about it!
Anyways, I felt like he didn't get me and somehow we started talking about personalities and I said mine was up there. He took this to mean I am cocky but I'm just a confident person. I had joked when I went to my yoga retreat back in December that I attained enlightenment and he said that was an example of my cockiness. I said that was a joke. He just doesn't get me.
I told him how I was pissed that he went and danced with the girl and separated from our group. He apparently doesn't remember doing that. How convenient they don't remember doing this. They are both feeling types but it goes to show that even feeling types can be insensitive and unconscious about their actions and hurtful. I said because of that I don't trust him anymore. He told me he asked her out. The good thing is he didn't ask me out because no one likes to be #2 and at least he has some awareness of this.
He made it seem like there was something wrong with me. He feels I'm blocked and sees I am sensitive but I don't think he gets that he's probably sensing something in him and is just projecting onto me. I don't know what he is talking about. I am fine as I am.
The organizer is big into the Myer-Briggs personality and one aspect of a person's personality is that they are a thinker or feeler. I get the vibe that they think they are so much more sensitive then us thinkers because they are feelers and that what they feel is right. A Steiner quote that I remember is that thought is the father of feeling. So to me this means that your thoughts are what gives birth to feelings and that a thought can enlighten us to what we feel. Steiner has talked about how thoughts can reveal deep feelings and are not purely cold.
I thought as well, that as a thinker, I don't always think the 'right thoughts' and I'm sure the same thing applies to feelers. They may not interpret their feelings in the 'right way'. They may feel something but they can misinterpret it. It takes skill and emotional intelligence to interpret a feeling accurately just as it takes skill to think correct thoughts.
The bottom line is he is an ass and I gave him a 2nd chance and he just proved he's not worthy of my time or attention. I just wish I didn't feel this physical attraction to him. I'm not sure if I'll stay with this group for long. Idiots are everywhere and running away isn't a solution.
I had written back in January and February about a 'love triangle' that was going on in my group. Anyways, it was the guy's birthday on Sunday and he invited some of us out for dinner. I felt like there is just so much attraction that I feel and I was thinking how maybe I have to pursue this to see where it goes so after talking with my friend, I emailed him asking if the offer to cuddle was still open.
He was open to meeting up and we had coffee last night. Some of us planned to attend a BBQ on Good Friday and he emailed me that he planned to kiss me. He said he would try last night but I wouldn't let him. I think it kills the moment if you announce that you plan on kissing someone. Just do it and be spontaneous about it!
Anyways, I felt like he didn't get me and somehow we started talking about personalities and I said mine was up there. He took this to mean I am cocky but I'm just a confident person. I had joked when I went to my yoga retreat back in December that I attained enlightenment and he said that was an example of my cockiness. I said that was a joke. He just doesn't get me.
I told him how I was pissed that he went and danced with the girl and separated from our group. He apparently doesn't remember doing that. How convenient they don't remember doing this. They are both feeling types but it goes to show that even feeling types can be insensitive and unconscious about their actions and hurtful. I said because of that I don't trust him anymore. He told me he asked her out. The good thing is he didn't ask me out because no one likes to be #2 and at least he has some awareness of this.
He made it seem like there was something wrong with me. He feels I'm blocked and sees I am sensitive but I don't think he gets that he's probably sensing something in him and is just projecting onto me. I don't know what he is talking about. I am fine as I am.
The organizer is big into the Myer-Briggs personality and one aspect of a person's personality is that they are a thinker or feeler. I get the vibe that they think they are so much more sensitive then us thinkers because they are feelers and that what they feel is right. A Steiner quote that I remember is that thought is the father of feeling. So to me this means that your thoughts are what gives birth to feelings and that a thought can enlighten us to what we feel. Steiner has talked about how thoughts can reveal deep feelings and are not purely cold.
I thought as well, that as a thinker, I don't always think the 'right thoughts' and I'm sure the same thing applies to feelers. They may not interpret their feelings in the 'right way'. They may feel something but they can misinterpret it. It takes skill and emotional intelligence to interpret a feeling accurately just as it takes skill to think correct thoughts.
The bottom line is he is an ass and I gave him a 2nd chance and he just proved he's not worthy of my time or attention. I just wish I didn't feel this physical attraction to him. I'm not sure if I'll stay with this group for long. Idiots are everywhere and running away isn't a solution.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Greetings all,
My meditation experience was interesting last night. Things seem to keep revolving around the same issues and I am probably just chipping away at it slowly. Last night I felt like I just don't believe in myself. And I think this is the root of my fears and what holds me back.
As I said before, I have been aware that I am looking externally for answers but I know intellectually it's internal. Looking within on an emotional level is different then just understanding it in theory.
I guess I have to self determine and basically I know this. It's just I am working through all this emotionally and this is the challenge. It does boil down to self confidence and this is what I think I am working on.
My meditation experience was interesting last night. Things seem to keep revolving around the same issues and I am probably just chipping away at it slowly. Last night I felt like I just don't believe in myself. And I think this is the root of my fears and what holds me back.
As I said before, I have been aware that I am looking externally for answers but I know intellectually it's internal. Looking within on an emotional level is different then just understanding it in theory.
I guess I have to self determine and basically I know this. It's just I am working through all this emotionally and this is the challenge. It does boil down to self confidence and this is what I think I am working on.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Madness!
Greetings all,
I had another challenging week. For the past few days I was really feeling down, again I think this was due to my meditation. I had one of my most intense meditation experiences with Sat kriya on Wednesday. I went out during the evening and in the morning had spoken to an employment counsellor. I am 2 points shy of qualifying for Second Career, so It would be difficult for me as according to the labour market, it does not say office administration is a dying field. If it was, I'd have a good chance for my case. So now I am left with what to do with myself. I can still find a job and go to school part time.
Anyways,I had been feeling down and I have been doing my sodarshan for 22 minutes and I did Sat Kriya for 22 minutes and at the 11 minute point, I just had enough of things and felt myself standing up to the bullshit in my life. I was really pushing past some deep seated fears and it was intense. It was weird and emotional at the same time. I felt better the next day but I still feel there is more emotional debris lodged in my head and I just want it out. All out! I just don't know how long it will take, as I have done lots of emotional work on myself. I have made progress.
I find sodarshan hard at times, because I think it is really challenging to my ego and the negativity I hold on to.
I went out Wednesday night and felt really out of it and spacey. I was glad that I cleared out my emotional stuff Wednesday night as I felt better on Thursday.
I don't believe in books like The Secret, because based on my own experience, I find the only way to become more positive is by really feeling the negative feelings and letting them go. A kundalni book mentions this that many techniques just force you to replace one thought with another, but that never gets to the root of the issue. The point is to get to the core belief and really experience the pain behind it.
I feel I am looking for some permanency in life but most of what we experience is only temporary. I know in theory, the only permanent thing is our soul and spirit. Experiencing it is another story. I do feel like my mind is so untrained and that I have over identified myself with my mind. I have experienced this feeling before but I am experiencing it on a deeper level. I do feel like my mind is supposed to serve me, but it has a mind of its own, which is no good for me.
I have felt these past few days that I am looking outside of my self for answers that I know intellectually are inside of me. I feel like I am trying to see what others have done and I think if I do what they did, maybe I can figure out what to do but I have to really accept that I am unique and that my path is unique. Maybe I am afraid of my own light and strength because I don't want to stick out or something. Maybe by being great, I feel that it separates me from people. I am not sure yet how to interpret this. I have a hard time accepting this at times because I want some formula to success that I can copy but it doesn't work like this. I don't know if I'll ever be successful. It's obviously important to me, but success is really something I determine for myself. No one can tell me if I am a success or not. It's up to me to decide.
I feel as well, that I need to be at peace with myself and what happens around me. I think this meditation has brought to my awareness, the thoughts that aren't nice but I have to acknowledge them.
I just want to be free but I see how I am limiting myself and basically imprisoning myself.
Time seems to move so fast. You just want to make it stop. I think on some level, the way time moves, it is scary. I have no control over it and we can't make it stop.
I had another challenging week. For the past few days I was really feeling down, again I think this was due to my meditation. I had one of my most intense meditation experiences with Sat kriya on Wednesday. I went out during the evening and in the morning had spoken to an employment counsellor. I am 2 points shy of qualifying for Second Career, so It would be difficult for me as according to the labour market, it does not say office administration is a dying field. If it was, I'd have a good chance for my case. So now I am left with what to do with myself. I can still find a job and go to school part time.
Anyways,I had been feeling down and I have been doing my sodarshan for 22 minutes and I did Sat Kriya for 22 minutes and at the 11 minute point, I just had enough of things and felt myself standing up to the bullshit in my life. I was really pushing past some deep seated fears and it was intense. It was weird and emotional at the same time. I felt better the next day but I still feel there is more emotional debris lodged in my head and I just want it out. All out! I just don't know how long it will take, as I have done lots of emotional work on myself. I have made progress.
I find sodarshan hard at times, because I think it is really challenging to my ego and the negativity I hold on to.
I went out Wednesday night and felt really out of it and spacey. I was glad that I cleared out my emotional stuff Wednesday night as I felt better on Thursday.
I don't believe in books like The Secret, because based on my own experience, I find the only way to become more positive is by really feeling the negative feelings and letting them go. A kundalni book mentions this that many techniques just force you to replace one thought with another, but that never gets to the root of the issue. The point is to get to the core belief and really experience the pain behind it.
I feel I am looking for some permanency in life but most of what we experience is only temporary. I know in theory, the only permanent thing is our soul and spirit. Experiencing it is another story. I do feel like my mind is so untrained and that I have over identified myself with my mind. I have experienced this feeling before but I am experiencing it on a deeper level. I do feel like my mind is supposed to serve me, but it has a mind of its own, which is no good for me.
I have felt these past few days that I am looking outside of my self for answers that I know intellectually are inside of me. I feel like I am trying to see what others have done and I think if I do what they did, maybe I can figure out what to do but I have to really accept that I am unique and that my path is unique. Maybe I am afraid of my own light and strength because I don't want to stick out or something. Maybe by being great, I feel that it separates me from people. I am not sure yet how to interpret this. I have a hard time accepting this at times because I want some formula to success that I can copy but it doesn't work like this. I don't know if I'll ever be successful. It's obviously important to me, but success is really something I determine for myself. No one can tell me if I am a success or not. It's up to me to decide.
I feel as well, that I need to be at peace with myself and what happens around me. I think this meditation has brought to my awareness, the thoughts that aren't nice but I have to acknowledge them.
I just want to be free but I see how I am limiting myself and basically imprisoning myself.
Time seems to move so fast. You just want to make it stop. I think on some level, the way time moves, it is scary. I have no control over it and we can't make it stop.
Friday, April 08, 2011
Sodarshan Chakra Kriya
Greetings all,
For the past few weeks I have been working with Sodarshan Chakra Kriya which has been labeled as the highest meditation to do in Kundalini yoga. I tried it last year a few times and noticed nothing. I first tried it for 10 days and then months later for 30 days. I didn't feel very much so I never bothered to finish my 40 day discipline. I am starting it up again and for some reason, it actually seems to be bringing up stuff and has been intense emotionally.
I have been reading some people's experiences with this meditation and other meditations in general and there seems to be a lot of emotional stuff that comes up and gets processed and for some it would cause some depression if they did it too much.
These past 2 weeks have been hard for me, especially since I've been job searching for over 6 months and I am in some sense giving up. You can't put all this effort into something and get no payoff.
This week I have been feeling really heavy and I think it's the meditation. Last night was intense emotionally for me but I still feel some heaviness. I was posting on the forum how doing this can make you feel like you are crazy and sometimes you wonder if you are addicted to the negative emotions. But I think it can be hard to realize there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I know with other meditations I did, it was intense in the beginning and eventually calmness would be experienced and it wasn't always about feeling anger or sadness, etc.
I definitely felt myself resisting something and I just surrendered to it, although with great difficulty and reluctance.
I have to make sure I stay grounded so I do navel sets and might go back to doing nahbi kriya. I was doing various ones and it's important to do navel work so that it keeps you grounded but also helps to maintain the effects of meditation longer. I am cleaning my apartment today so that is good.
For the past few weeks I have been working with Sodarshan Chakra Kriya which has been labeled as the highest meditation to do in Kundalini yoga. I tried it last year a few times and noticed nothing. I first tried it for 10 days and then months later for 30 days. I didn't feel very much so I never bothered to finish my 40 day discipline. I am starting it up again and for some reason, it actually seems to be bringing up stuff and has been intense emotionally.
I have been reading some people's experiences with this meditation and other meditations in general and there seems to be a lot of emotional stuff that comes up and gets processed and for some it would cause some depression if they did it too much.
These past 2 weeks have been hard for me, especially since I've been job searching for over 6 months and I am in some sense giving up. You can't put all this effort into something and get no payoff.
This week I have been feeling really heavy and I think it's the meditation. Last night was intense emotionally for me but I still feel some heaviness. I was posting on the forum how doing this can make you feel like you are crazy and sometimes you wonder if you are addicted to the negative emotions. But I think it can be hard to realize there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I know with other meditations I did, it was intense in the beginning and eventually calmness would be experienced and it wasn't always about feeling anger or sadness, etc.
I definitely felt myself resisting something and I just surrendered to it, although with great difficulty and reluctance.
I have to make sure I stay grounded so I do navel sets and might go back to doing nahbi kriya. I was doing various ones and it's important to do navel work so that it keeps you grounded but also helps to maintain the effects of meditation longer. I am cleaning my apartment today so that is good.
Monday, April 04, 2011
Greetings all,
I had a group interview on Friday. I'm tired of job searching and I think if I don't get this job, I'm going to go back to school. Just fed of not finding anything. I have had more interviews and sent out more resumes then back in 2009 and it's just ridiculous. Not sure at this point if I would go to university or college. College might make it easier to get a job and I might potentially qualify for Second Career and get my schooling paid for. My only problem is that I have really nothing that I am drawn to. I would want to go take a program that the graduates are in demand. Too many schools just crank out diplomas to make money, not really paying attention that their students may not find work in their field.
If I go to university, there are many programs I could take. I just know comedy is something I am interested in but I don't see how going to school would be useful so I probably would take something like math or economics. I like psychology or environmental science. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I am not sure where I see myself.
The other option was to just take a crappy job like a waitress and pursue my comedy on the side. I think either way, I will pursue comedy because I think doing that makes me most happiest. I think to be a professional, I have to hustle more and I'm just not at that level and that might take time.
I hate my life sometimes. Damn karma!
I had a group interview on Friday. I'm tired of job searching and I think if I don't get this job, I'm going to go back to school. Just fed of not finding anything. I have had more interviews and sent out more resumes then back in 2009 and it's just ridiculous. Not sure at this point if I would go to university or college. College might make it easier to get a job and I might potentially qualify for Second Career and get my schooling paid for. My only problem is that I have really nothing that I am drawn to. I would want to go take a program that the graduates are in demand. Too many schools just crank out diplomas to make money, not really paying attention that their students may not find work in their field.
If I go to university, there are many programs I could take. I just know comedy is something I am interested in but I don't see how going to school would be useful so I probably would take something like math or economics. I like psychology or environmental science. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I am not sure where I see myself.
The other option was to just take a crappy job like a waitress and pursue my comedy on the side. I think either way, I will pursue comedy because I think doing that makes me most happiest. I think to be a professional, I have to hustle more and I'm just not at that level and that might take time.
I hate my life sometimes. Damn karma!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Kundalini Teacher
Greetings all,
I had ran into a Kundalini teacher on the street last week. I only took one of her classes. This was a donation class so she was teaching it for free. The class was supposed to be an hour. She was late by about 10 minutes and we ended up only doing a few exercises. There were 4 of us and during one exercise a student challenged her about an exercise. She was saying that she did it another way and the teacher wanted her to do it as she said to do it. I guess the student was being a bit of a brat because it may have been better to speak out about the exercise after class. When you are learning something, usually it is best to just follow the instructions and I didn't see a point in bringing up how you've done it differently.
However, as mentioned, we didn't spend much time doing exercises and I think for about 15-20 minutes, the teacher was lecturing us. She was lecturing about how when she says how to do something, that is how we do it and she lectured on about other things and overall, I felt this class was a waste of time. We could have done a few more exercises and I probably would have felt the class was useful. I basically felt she was being anal and a control freak. She seemed uptight and angry, considering she was a KY teacher. Most teachers that I meet that are yoga teachers, they are fairly laid back and happy. They are not normally angry and so controlling.
I had spoken to someone about her and it looks like she was just this type of person and it just wasn't her having an off day.
So when I ran into her, I got this vibe that was negative. I felt like on some level this 'nazi' vibe. Now I'm not saying she was a nazi but just this vibe of being controlling and angry. She seemed like she had some dark and negative energy in her that was very deeply embedded into her character.
Now for me, I don't understand how someone can be a teacher and not have this work affect them. I would think it helps one to deal with these undesireable qualities like being a control freak and being angry. There was a darkness to her soul and I wonder why.
Is she not serious about working on herself and so just goes through the motions? I wonder how long she has been doing this for and how much she practices.
If you do something good for you, surely it must affect you positively over time. I guess it is possible that kundalini yoga has helped her and maybe without it, she'd be even more angry and controlling.
I had ran into a Kundalini teacher on the street last week. I only took one of her classes. This was a donation class so she was teaching it for free. The class was supposed to be an hour. She was late by about 10 minutes and we ended up only doing a few exercises. There were 4 of us and during one exercise a student challenged her about an exercise. She was saying that she did it another way and the teacher wanted her to do it as she said to do it. I guess the student was being a bit of a brat because it may have been better to speak out about the exercise after class. When you are learning something, usually it is best to just follow the instructions and I didn't see a point in bringing up how you've done it differently.
However, as mentioned, we didn't spend much time doing exercises and I think for about 15-20 minutes, the teacher was lecturing us. She was lecturing about how when she says how to do something, that is how we do it and she lectured on about other things and overall, I felt this class was a waste of time. We could have done a few more exercises and I probably would have felt the class was useful. I basically felt she was being anal and a control freak. She seemed uptight and angry, considering she was a KY teacher. Most teachers that I meet that are yoga teachers, they are fairly laid back and happy. They are not normally angry and so controlling.
I had spoken to someone about her and it looks like she was just this type of person and it just wasn't her having an off day.
So when I ran into her, I got this vibe that was negative. I felt like on some level this 'nazi' vibe. Now I'm not saying she was a nazi but just this vibe of being controlling and angry. She seemed like she had some dark and negative energy in her that was very deeply embedded into her character.
Now for me, I don't understand how someone can be a teacher and not have this work affect them. I would think it helps one to deal with these undesireable qualities like being a control freak and being angry. There was a darkness to her soul and I wonder why.
Is she not serious about working on herself and so just goes through the motions? I wonder how long she has been doing this for and how much she practices.
If you do something good for you, surely it must affect you positively over time. I guess it is possible that kundalini yoga has helped her and maybe without it, she'd be even more angry and controlling.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Greetings all,
Still job searching and generally getting frustrated. I figured I'd have found a job by February. I've applied to more jobs and have had more interviews then when I was job hunting back in 2009 and I have more experience and skills and yet still no job. I really don't know what to make of this and frankly I do not want to go back to school. If I go, I don't want to go because I feel desperate, which is what I am feeling at times. I want to go cause I want to, out of my own free will.
* * *
The family cat Sally apparently has a male suitor after her. A few weeks ago my dad was outside and a cat started to rub himself against him. Apparently my dad had Sally's fur on him so that was what he was attracted to. As well this tom cat tried to come into our house. I am guessing he can sense Sally. This is quite terrible that my cat has more guys after her then me. I'm just in a fictional facebook relationship with a candy dispenser!
I am wondering if I should dump my fictional boyfriend on facebook. My friend sometimes puts him in inappropriate situations like some of his female friends will kiss my Shroom, which makes it look like he is cheating on me. Shroom is supposed to be a good and loving and devoted boyfriend. Not some playboy.
* * *
The dating/relationship forum for women is still up but no one is posting as it was to close on the 18th. Someone took the initiative to start a new one and I got to check it out. I have no motivation to continue with this board but I wanted to see what it looks like. I may check it out on occasion to see how it's doing. Right now it seems like there aren't too many posters posting but I'm sure that will change in time. Not that I care because I've learned all I can about men and I'm done with having discussions about them!
Still job searching and generally getting frustrated. I figured I'd have found a job by February. I've applied to more jobs and have had more interviews then when I was job hunting back in 2009 and I have more experience and skills and yet still no job. I really don't know what to make of this and frankly I do not want to go back to school. If I go, I don't want to go because I feel desperate, which is what I am feeling at times. I want to go cause I want to, out of my own free will.
The family cat Sally apparently has a male suitor after her. A few weeks ago my dad was outside and a cat started to rub himself against him. Apparently my dad had Sally's fur on him so that was what he was attracted to. As well this tom cat tried to come into our house. I am guessing he can sense Sally. This is quite terrible that my cat has more guys after her then me. I'm just in a fictional facebook relationship with a candy dispenser!
I am wondering if I should dump my fictional boyfriend on facebook. My friend sometimes puts him in inappropriate situations like some of his female friends will kiss my Shroom, which makes it look like he is cheating on me. Shroom is supposed to be a good and loving and devoted boyfriend. Not some playboy.
The dating/relationship forum for women is still up but no one is posting as it was to close on the 18th. Someone took the initiative to start a new one and I got to check it out. I have no motivation to continue with this board but I wanted to see what it looks like. I may check it out on occasion to see how it's doing. Right now it seems like there aren't too many posters posting but I'm sure that will change in time. Not that I care because I've learned all I can about men and I'm done with having discussions about them!
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