Greetings all,
I have to rant about this topic of Donation. I was in a meetup group and the guy was running a meditation group and he advertised in other places. Typically with meetups, I think the site is geared more for socializing but some people use it to promote their own services, which I am okay with to some degree.
I think meditation groups should be free and if you run them, it should be by pure donation. Most people who run a group, there is a monthly fee and usually some charge a small fee and the rest goes to charity.
Now I have been to one of his concerts as he had meetups for sound meditation and he is a musician as well and occasionally performs. For the meetups and for the concert, they write 'a suggested donation of $10'. For a meetup he just writes on the site the suggested donation. I think $10 is much too much for a meditation group. It's not so bad for an hour concert. Usually people charge a toonie every few events. As well, I feel if I am meditating in a group, I as a meditator am helping the people in the group because I have read that when you meditate in a group, we essentially are helping each other out because some of us are clearer then others in certain areas and I may be blocked in one area and for another, that area might be clear so by being in a group with them, it helps me and vice versa. I feel it is a very personal and co-operative experience. I understand there may be costs but sometimes I think the cost is a little too much
Anyways, the point is making a donation is a free deed and you should not tell people how much they should be donated, because then it no longer becomes a donation. You are telling me what to pay and acting like a retailer!
I've been reading a book called Predictably Irrational and the writer/economist had some interesting concepts. One that I enjoyed learning about was that people would rather do something for free then to do it on a reduced fee. If I wasn't told how much money I should be donating, maybe I'd offer more and maybe they'd collect more.
I feel guilty on some degree since I wind up not paying the suggested donation and it is a turn off and demotivates me. The guy hasn't had any meetups lately but I haven't wanted to go simply because I don't like the idea of being told how much I should pay as a donation.
Suggested Donation is an illusory term!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Ya Gotta Wonder Sometimes
Greetings all,
I had a friend post some article on facebook about how people's EI runs out and they still have no work.
That's what happened to me. My EI ran out in June and I didn't have a job until September and I had a few temp assignments in August so I was without income for 2 months.
I survived because I had savings. Mind you this was money I was going to use eventually for a down payment on a condo and I had lost some money because of this recession so this was a very traumatizing experience for me, especially since I am naturally a saver. So now I am focusing on rebuilding my savings but also on keeping my spending low so I can build up my savings again.
I think people need to realize that it's not up the government to take care of you and while they have a bad reputation and I think sometimes get too much flak, we the people have to take responsibility for our own lives. We complain if the government is doing too much regulating and messing in our lives but then when things go awry, we just blame them. Sometimes the blame is justified, other times it's not.
I think people need to reexamine how they spend their money and focus on saving it and that's not something the government can do for you. Sure maybe they can provide some incentives.
Security seems to be a myth these days so we have to create our own sense of security. If I didn't have my savings, I'd probably be freaking out more when I was out of work with no income (I could have asked for money from my parents but didn't want it to get to that point)
It's not realistic to live in the moment all the time. You have to think of your own future and plan to some degree and be prepared. There are setbacks in life and your best solution is to be prepared.
I had a friend post some article on facebook about how people's EI runs out and they still have no work.
That's what happened to me. My EI ran out in June and I didn't have a job until September and I had a few temp assignments in August so I was without income for 2 months.
I survived because I had savings. Mind you this was money I was going to use eventually for a down payment on a condo and I had lost some money because of this recession so this was a very traumatizing experience for me, especially since I am naturally a saver. So now I am focusing on rebuilding my savings but also on keeping my spending low so I can build up my savings again.
I think people need to realize that it's not up the government to take care of you and while they have a bad reputation and I think sometimes get too much flak, we the people have to take responsibility for our own lives. We complain if the government is doing too much regulating and messing in our lives but then when things go awry, we just blame them. Sometimes the blame is justified, other times it's not.
I think people need to reexamine how they spend their money and focus on saving it and that's not something the government can do for you. Sure maybe they can provide some incentives.
Security seems to be a myth these days so we have to create our own sense of security. If I didn't have my savings, I'd probably be freaking out more when I was out of work with no income (I could have asked for money from my parents but didn't want it to get to that point)
It's not realistic to live in the moment all the time. You have to think of your own future and plan to some degree and be prepared. There are setbacks in life and your best solution is to be prepared.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
What Goes Around Sorta Comes Around
Greetings all,
I did my first stand up show 2 years ago back on February 4 at The Rivoli. I found out as well that for the show Last Comic Standing, they had open auditions at the Yuk Yuk's in downtown Toronto. This was on Valentine's day so I skipped work and made my way down there.
I didn't know what to expect but I managed to get interviewed by the host. I don't know if I made it to air, but I think I stood out from the crowd because I was wearing my Canadian olympic winter hat which has the Canadian Leaf around it. Some of the comics that got to go in were already booked space via their agency so the people waiting in line were essentially unpaid extras. I was there for half the day at least waiting in the cold. They were going to let 25 go through and get a spot for the show last night. We got to go in small groups to try our jokes. I heard in line they were looking more for characters, so the one guy in my group did a character and actually got to be in the 25 that got to performed.
I know Yuk's has this annual contest where they award the winner some money. I actually found out from someone they are doing warm up type shows so I'll actually get to perform for one of them on Valentine's day. This will be my first show at Yuk's as I've been getting my experience in independently run open mics. I've tried a few times to get a spot on Yuk's but to no success and now that my book group meets on Tuesday, I haven't really bothered trying again.
I don't know what to expect from this but it is sort of a moment of what goes around comes around.
I did my first stand up show 2 years ago back on February 4 at The Rivoli. I found out as well that for the show Last Comic Standing, they had open auditions at the Yuk Yuk's in downtown Toronto. This was on Valentine's day so I skipped work and made my way down there.
I didn't know what to expect but I managed to get interviewed by the host. I don't know if I made it to air, but I think I stood out from the crowd because I was wearing my Canadian olympic winter hat which has the Canadian Leaf around it. Some of the comics that got to go in were already booked space via their agency so the people waiting in line were essentially unpaid extras. I was there for half the day at least waiting in the cold. They were going to let 25 go through and get a spot for the show last night. We got to go in small groups to try our jokes. I heard in line they were looking more for characters, so the one guy in my group did a character and actually got to be in the 25 that got to performed.
I know Yuk's has this annual contest where they award the winner some money. I actually found out from someone they are doing warm up type shows so I'll actually get to perform for one of them on Valentine's day. This will be my first show at Yuk's as I've been getting my experience in independently run open mics. I've tried a few times to get a spot on Yuk's but to no success and now that my book group meets on Tuesday, I haven't really bothered trying again.
I don't know what to expect from this but it is sort of a moment of what goes around comes around.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I am not a Man Hater!
Greetings all,
I know lately I seem to be bitching about men. I was bitching at lunch at work earlier this week and was hissing at my male co-workers as a bunch of us usually go down to the underground food court to eat lunch (there is no lunch room in our building). Somehow we talked about men and I was frustrated in general about them.
I really don't hate men but gees louise sometimes I just don't get men and what they do. I just find their behaviour illogical at times!
Why can't men just behave the way you want them to or the way you think they should??!!
Yes I understand that you really can't control anyone and that people need to have their freedom respected.
Men, if you are frustrated by the women in your life, believe me you probably frustrate us as much and possibly more!
I know lately I seem to be bitching about men. I was bitching at lunch at work earlier this week and was hissing at my male co-workers as a bunch of us usually go down to the underground food court to eat lunch (there is no lunch room in our building). Somehow we talked about men and I was frustrated in general about them.
I really don't hate men but gees louise sometimes I just don't get men and what they do. I just find their behaviour illogical at times!
Why can't men just behave the way you want them to or the way you think they should??!!
Yes I understand that you really can't control anyone and that people need to have their freedom respected.
Men, if you are frustrated by the women in your life, believe me you probably frustrate us as much and possibly more!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My Job
Greetings all,
I've actually been trained last week on doing something new for my job. I'm in administration for an international insurance company. I am now issuing and doing billing for this new customer group. I find though, this company doesn't train the employees properly and they need to be more stricter and having actual training guides. Since I've had so many jobs, I know and expect to be properly trained. Their style of training seems to be 'on the fly' and they need to do something about it because sometimes the trainee doesn't receive all the necessary details to do the job properly.
I was as well being trained by a new person who's only been at the company for a month. I've been there since September. While she has been as compentent as possible about how to handle this new group, it's really the job of the company to make our jobs as clear and simple as possible.
I don't think it was smart of them as well to be putting new people on this new group. It was messy enough to deal with but as well having to deal with learning new processes, it would have made more sense to have experienced people doing this and training us on something else.
I think that's what I find frustrating about this job. It has so many members but it seems so disorganized and frankly I think management needs to run a tighter ship! I've made a few errors on billing, simply because I wasn't properly trained and usually the mistakes result from a simple changing of some date in the system.
It angers me because then I feel stupid. I am a good worker and don't like making errors like this. And then it creates more problems down the line and in the end is an annoyance for customers. I know it's not my fault. It would be my fault if I was told and kept making the same mistake. It really is the responsibility of the employer to ensure people are properly trained and to know the processes.
Sometimes I wonder if I should quit my job and find something else and work for a company that is at least a bit more organized in training. I know not all companies are perfect but it makes me wonder.
The flip side is that I want to be a professional comedian so I don't want to be changing jobs all the time. But then, why should I stay at a place that gets annoying at times?
I hate suffering and frankly wonder, how much BS should one tolerate? When should one walk away? How do you know when to tough it out or leave?
Anyways, I'll see what happens in the next few months. It is a hassle after all to find a job and I'd rather focus on my comedy.
I've actually been trained last week on doing something new for my job. I'm in administration for an international insurance company. I am now issuing and doing billing for this new customer group. I find though, this company doesn't train the employees properly and they need to be more stricter and having actual training guides. Since I've had so many jobs, I know and expect to be properly trained. Their style of training seems to be 'on the fly' and they need to do something about it because sometimes the trainee doesn't receive all the necessary details to do the job properly.
I was as well being trained by a new person who's only been at the company for a month. I've been there since September. While she has been as compentent as possible about how to handle this new group, it's really the job of the company to make our jobs as clear and simple as possible.
I don't think it was smart of them as well to be putting new people on this new group. It was messy enough to deal with but as well having to deal with learning new processes, it would have made more sense to have experienced people doing this and training us on something else.
I think that's what I find frustrating about this job. It has so many members but it seems so disorganized and frankly I think management needs to run a tighter ship! I've made a few errors on billing, simply because I wasn't properly trained and usually the mistakes result from a simple changing of some date in the system.
It angers me because then I feel stupid. I am a good worker and don't like making errors like this. And then it creates more problems down the line and in the end is an annoyance for customers. I know it's not my fault. It would be my fault if I was told and kept making the same mistake. It really is the responsibility of the employer to ensure people are properly trained and to know the processes.
Sometimes I wonder if I should quit my job and find something else and work for a company that is at least a bit more organized in training. I know not all companies are perfect but it makes me wonder.
The flip side is that I want to be a professional comedian so I don't want to be changing jobs all the time. But then, why should I stay at a place that gets annoying at times?
I hate suffering and frankly wonder, how much BS should one tolerate? When should one walk away? How do you know when to tough it out or leave?
Anyways, I'll see what happens in the next few months. It is a hassle after all to find a job and I'd rather focus on my comedy.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Ball-less men
Greetings all,
I feel like I'm pretty tough and that you just can't mess with me. Sure I may seem soft spoken at times but if I need to, I have no problem standing up for myself or for others.
I sometimes feel like I have more balls then most people, which is frustrating at times - because people would rather cower in fear than stand up for you or for themselves. People who are fearful like that and lack courage, are not to be trusted in my eyes.
But most of all, sometimes I feel like I have more balls then most men, which means I'll probably have a harder finding a good, strong, courageous, reliable man.
Oh well, I am sure they are out there somewhere!
I feel like I'm pretty tough and that you just can't mess with me. Sure I may seem soft spoken at times but if I need to, I have no problem standing up for myself or for others.
I sometimes feel like I have more balls then most people, which is frustrating at times - because people would rather cower in fear than stand up for you or for themselves. People who are fearful like that and lack courage, are not to be trusted in my eyes.
But most of all, sometimes I feel like I have more balls then most men, which means I'll probably have a harder finding a good, strong, courageous, reliable man.
Oh well, I am sure they are out there somewhere!
Monday, January 11, 2010
I want a Boyfriend!
Greetings all,
I haven't had an official boyfriend in probably like 4 years. I was at the Dollar Store and they've got Valentine's stuff up already. I'm not desperate or anything but I'd like a boyfriend. They can be such fun to play with sometimes!
I haven't had an official boyfriend in probably like 4 years. I was at the Dollar Store and they've got Valentine's stuff up already. I'm not desperate or anything but I'd like a boyfriend. They can be such fun to play with sometimes!
Thursday, January 07, 2010
A Prized Possession
Greetings all,
I thought I'd talk about my favourite possession. This is an object that I bought that makes me happy that I bought it. I was actually quite reluctant to buy it. The reason being is that I don't like to accumulate too much stuff and having things that I don't use. I am definitely an anti-knick-knack person. My philosophy is if I can't use it and enjoy it, I have no use for it and will not buy it!
This object is a drinking glass, that I use strictly for water, since I am a habitual water drinker. This is what it looks like:
Now just to point out, that pill bottle on the left is my Vitamin D pills, I am not on any medication, contrary to public suggestion.
This is a glass that obviously shows my sign - Capricorn. I'm not really into horoscopes, I'm open to the possibility that there may be some truth to them but at my core, I am a skeptic - a skeptic of everything. This glass was something I was skeptical to buy.
I didn't want to be one of those flaky hippy type people who believe in horoscopes and actually own a possession related to horoscopes.
I am not sure exactly why I like this glass. The message on it reads:
Capricorns have a most endearing sense of humour, they have great insight and patience is one of their virtues.
Do I like the message of it? I think I do have insight and a sense of humour, but patience? I mean I know I am not patient. I want what I want when I want it! Maybe patience is a virtue I am being trained to learn by the universe.
The other good thing about this glass was the price. I bought it at the Dollar Store for a dollar. I wasn't sure if I wanted to buy it and make that investment. Yes I know in hind sight, it was only a dollar plus tax but I am one of those people that tends to save and usually if I buy something, I have to think about buying it (unless of course my parents are buying it, then I just think less!)
Now we will take a look at the other side of the glass, which features this lovely goat:
Now again, we see a different pill bottle in the background, but that is just my iron pills which my doctor told me to buy since I am on the low side of the normal range. I am not a drug addict!
The goat is nice and maybe has a bit of me in it. It looks like something you don't mess with as the head is slightly lowered and it is showing its horns. It's not a sissy goat and maybe that is why I like it. It's got some spunk, kinda like me.
Finally the text is in green, Capricorn being white and the goat is outlined in brown so overall I like the look of the glass since I find green to be a soothing colour.
I thought I'd talk about my favourite possession. This is an object that I bought that makes me happy that I bought it. I was actually quite reluctant to buy it. The reason being is that I don't like to accumulate too much stuff and having things that I don't use. I am definitely an anti-knick-knack person. My philosophy is if I can't use it and enjoy it, I have no use for it and will not buy it!
This object is a drinking glass, that I use strictly for water, since I am a habitual water drinker. This is what it looks like:
Now just to point out, that pill bottle on the left is my Vitamin D pills, I am not on any medication, contrary to public suggestion.
This is a glass that obviously shows my sign - Capricorn. I'm not really into horoscopes, I'm open to the possibility that there may be some truth to them but at my core, I am a skeptic - a skeptic of everything. This glass was something I was skeptical to buy.
I didn't want to be one of those flaky hippy type people who believe in horoscopes and actually own a possession related to horoscopes.
I am not sure exactly why I like this glass. The message on it reads:
Capricorns have a most endearing sense of humour, they have great insight and patience is one of their virtues.
Do I like the message of it? I think I do have insight and a sense of humour, but patience? I mean I know I am not patient. I want what I want when I want it! Maybe patience is a virtue I am being trained to learn by the universe.
The other good thing about this glass was the price. I bought it at the Dollar Store for a dollar. I wasn't sure if I wanted to buy it and make that investment. Yes I know in hind sight, it was only a dollar plus tax but I am one of those people that tends to save and usually if I buy something, I have to think about buying it (unless of course my parents are buying it, then I just think less!)
Now we will take a look at the other side of the glass, which features this lovely goat:
Now again, we see a different pill bottle in the background, but that is just my iron pills which my doctor told me to buy since I am on the low side of the normal range. I am not a drug addict!
The goat is nice and maybe has a bit of me in it. It looks like something you don't mess with as the head is slightly lowered and it is showing its horns. It's not a sissy goat and maybe that is why I like it. It's got some spunk, kinda like me.
Finally the text is in green, Capricorn being white and the goat is outlined in brown so overall I like the look of the glass since I find green to be a soothing colour.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thanks Mom...
Greetings all,
Today I told my mom I planned to go to Peru and Brazil in 2010 for a vacation since I never got to go anywhere for vacation, being that I was out of work this year. I've been debating over to go to Peru or Brazil but then I decided I can do both. I really just want to see Manchu Picchu in Peru and then probably spend most of my time in Brazil. I have a major need to travel and explore and 2 weeks in those countries should satisfy my craving for travel.
She told me I want to do too many things. I try to keep active and busy (but within reason). I've mentioned a while ago that I'd like to get involved in a charity but she just complains that I want to do too much.
I'd rather go out and enjoy life then do whatever she does. Like knit or go to church or obsess about food.
Not my cup of tea!
So I asked what should I be focusing on then? And her response was to get married.
Wow, thanks for throwing that in my face. My mother is such a bitch!
Like I enjoy being single at 30! Of course I want to get married and have babies but I'm not going to sit at home and feel sorry for myself and make finding a husband my life's priority.
I've put myself out there and frankly I am taking a break from men. They just aren't worth the effort. I don't think I'll find anyone anyways. I've tried enough and maybe it's not in the cards for me so I might as well be happy and do whatever the fuck I want.
I know she's wanted me to get married, but her stating it should be my focus is just ridiculous!
Today I told my mom I planned to go to Peru and Brazil in 2010 for a vacation since I never got to go anywhere for vacation, being that I was out of work this year. I've been debating over to go to Peru or Brazil but then I decided I can do both. I really just want to see Manchu Picchu in Peru and then probably spend most of my time in Brazil. I have a major need to travel and explore and 2 weeks in those countries should satisfy my craving for travel.
She told me I want to do too many things. I try to keep active and busy (but within reason). I've mentioned a while ago that I'd like to get involved in a charity but she just complains that I want to do too much.
I'd rather go out and enjoy life then do whatever she does. Like knit or go to church or obsess about food.
Not my cup of tea!
So I asked what should I be focusing on then? And her response was to get married.
Wow, thanks for throwing that in my face. My mother is such a bitch!
Like I enjoy being single at 30! Of course I want to get married and have babies but I'm not going to sit at home and feel sorry for myself and make finding a husband my life's priority.
I've put myself out there and frankly I am taking a break from men. They just aren't worth the effort. I don't think I'll find anyone anyways. I've tried enough and maybe it's not in the cards for me so I might as well be happy and do whatever the fuck I want.
I know she's wanted me to get married, but her stating it should be my focus is just ridiculous!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Hate Moving
Greetings all,
I have read on some relationship forum for women and have heard other stories from men who were in relationships, how they would move in with someone quickly, like say after 3 months of dating.
Frankly, I hate the whole idea of moving and I can't even imagine rushing into something like that. I am thinking about if I should move out of my apartment, but it's such effort to find a place and then pack everything and then I'd have to hire movers, but I'd have to research them since the last ones I had were assholes.
I guess if you move in with the person you are dating, you don't worry about finding a place, but I know I like where I live, and I am fussy about where I live.
Anyways, I wonder why these people rush into relationships like that by moving in with someone that they have only known for 3 months. I know with my last ex-roommate, we didn't know each other, but that is a different scenario but I just can't fathom moving in with someone so quickly
I have read on some relationship forum for women and have heard other stories from men who were in relationships, how they would move in with someone quickly, like say after 3 months of dating.
Frankly, I hate the whole idea of moving and I can't even imagine rushing into something like that. I am thinking about if I should move out of my apartment, but it's such effort to find a place and then pack everything and then I'd have to hire movers, but I'd have to research them since the last ones I had were assholes.
I guess if you move in with the person you are dating, you don't worry about finding a place, but I know I like where I live, and I am fussy about where I live.
Anyways, I wonder why these people rush into relationships like that by moving in with someone that they have only known for 3 months. I know with my last ex-roommate, we didn't know each other, but that is a different scenario but I just can't fathom moving in with someone so quickly
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Merry Christmas!
Greetings all,
I spent my Christmas in Hamilton and left work on the 24th at 2. We were supposed to stay until 3 but frankly I was getting fed up of work and took off. My boss already took off early too and it seems other people in other departments were so I don't think it was much of a big deal. I was sick with a cold all week so I was irritable as well and just wanted to get out of there and get ready for Hamilton.
My Christmas with family is usually boring. I did some kundalini yoga yesterday and took it easy. Today my mother and I went for a hike but first we went by the casino, near the falls and I ended up winning $200 after playing a couple of slot machines for about 5 minutes. I played a bit more and then we left to go for a hike. Sometimes I would hike first and then go to the casino but I felt that it was better to end on a positive note since sometimes when I went to the casino, I wouldn't win much. I felt as well going for a hike was a more 'spiritually' oriented activity and gambling 'sinful' so I would rather do the sinful act first and atone with something evolved.
They really are quite opposite environments. The casino being loud with all the noise, people being mindless, whereas Hilton Falls is more calm, inspiring.
I spent my Christmas in Hamilton and left work on the 24th at 2. We were supposed to stay until 3 but frankly I was getting fed up of work and took off. My boss already took off early too and it seems other people in other departments were so I don't think it was much of a big deal. I was sick with a cold all week so I was irritable as well and just wanted to get out of there and get ready for Hamilton.
My Christmas with family is usually boring. I did some kundalini yoga yesterday and took it easy. Today my mother and I went for a hike but first we went by the casino, near the falls and I ended up winning $200 after playing a couple of slot machines for about 5 minutes. I played a bit more and then we left to go for a hike. Sometimes I would hike first and then go to the casino but I felt that it was better to end on a positive note since sometimes when I went to the casino, I wouldn't win much. I felt as well going for a hike was a more 'spiritually' oriented activity and gambling 'sinful' so I would rather do the sinful act first and atone with something evolved.
They really are quite opposite environments. The casino being loud with all the noise, people being mindless, whereas Hilton Falls is more calm, inspiring.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Good Riddance 2009!
Greetings all,
I have made plans to go out for New Year's and hopefully will enjoy more then last year's (which was for 2009). I will be glad when this year is officially over. It has been the worst year of my life. And it didn't even start out well as I made plans for New Year's and ended up buying tickets for the wrong event. I was looking forward to New Year's this year and the event I was at was not as fun as I wanted it to be. Major letdown, but life goes on. It was full of older people. I tried to make the best of it but I think it was symbolic of how the rest of the year, every thing was falling apart.
Things were looking better for me in September. So 2/3s of the year were hellish and difficult but because the majority of the year was so bad, I feel it overides the rest of the year where things were better.
My year in a nutshell:
- dealing with a roommate who went psycho and made my life miserable for a month. followed by stalking me in my home for several days after she officially moved out (creepy!)
- dealing with a woman who ran a spiritual meetup but was a spiritual poser and had sent me negative energy. being that I was emotionally vulnerable, I was not as quick to discern that she had no spiritual authority, although she was rather arrogant and cocky that she did
- having some crazy woman try to steal my purse after I spent an afternoon job hunting at the library
- finding out my so called friend stole my wallet and said her 2 year daughter took it and used it to make a purchase at the grocery store. It took me a while to even decide to report this to the police but she had moved to PEI at this point so it was too late
- being unemployed for 8 months (not including the 4 months from last year) and having no money coming in for 3 months, thanks to this recession
- having feelings for someone whom I have known for a couple of years (long distance situation) and realizing that things weren't going to go anywhere, even though I thought this situation had some chance to work out and then deciding to end it (we were not officially a couple, which is what I wanted and that didn't seem to be happening) and officially deleting all my saved emails and my skype account
- having to deal with this all on my own, and wanting to kill myself because some days the pain was just too intense
All of this bullshit happened while I was unemployed. Life is stressful already when you are unemployed but this was just too much to deal with.
This whole year has shaken me and my ego and I am now trying to make something out of my life. This year was a blow to my ego and I am still licking the wounds. I need no patronizing and to be told to focus on the positive. The positive was just a drop in the ocean of misery I was in this year.
The good things that happened were:
- moving to Toronto. My apartment is not the greatest and I think my super is lazy and an ass but I like living in this city. There is always something to do
- finding a job. It's not my ideal job but it is paying my bills while I figure out what to do with my life
- joining an anthroposophical book group for young people where we are discussing Towards Social Renewal
- learning violin. I have gotten a new instructor, whom I think is probably better then the last so I should hopefully progress more
I have a lot of work ahead of me but I should hope next year things will get better. I hope this year will just be a year to forget and a distant memory.
I have made plans to go out for New Year's and hopefully will enjoy more then last year's (which was for 2009). I will be glad when this year is officially over. It has been the worst year of my life. And it didn't even start out well as I made plans for New Year's and ended up buying tickets for the wrong event. I was looking forward to New Year's this year and the event I was at was not as fun as I wanted it to be. Major letdown, but life goes on. It was full of older people. I tried to make the best of it but I think it was symbolic of how the rest of the year, every thing was falling apart.
Things were looking better for me in September. So 2/3s of the year were hellish and difficult but because the majority of the year was so bad, I feel it overides the rest of the year where things were better.
My year in a nutshell:
- dealing with a roommate who went psycho and made my life miserable for a month. followed by stalking me in my home for several days after she officially moved out (creepy!)
- dealing with a woman who ran a spiritual meetup but was a spiritual poser and had sent me negative energy. being that I was emotionally vulnerable, I was not as quick to discern that she had no spiritual authority, although she was rather arrogant and cocky that she did
- having some crazy woman try to steal my purse after I spent an afternoon job hunting at the library
- finding out my so called friend stole my wallet and said her 2 year daughter took it and used it to make a purchase at the grocery store. It took me a while to even decide to report this to the police but she had moved to PEI at this point so it was too late
- being unemployed for 8 months (not including the 4 months from last year) and having no money coming in for 3 months, thanks to this recession
- having feelings for someone whom I have known for a couple of years (long distance situation) and realizing that things weren't going to go anywhere, even though I thought this situation had some chance to work out and then deciding to end it (we were not officially a couple, which is what I wanted and that didn't seem to be happening) and officially deleting all my saved emails and my skype account
- having to deal with this all on my own, and wanting to kill myself because some days the pain was just too intense
All of this bullshit happened while I was unemployed. Life is stressful already when you are unemployed but this was just too much to deal with.
This whole year has shaken me and my ego and I am now trying to make something out of my life. This year was a blow to my ego and I am still licking the wounds. I need no patronizing and to be told to focus on the positive. The positive was just a drop in the ocean of misery I was in this year.
The good things that happened were:
- moving to Toronto. My apartment is not the greatest and I think my super is lazy and an ass but I like living in this city. There is always something to do
- finding a job. It's not my ideal job but it is paying my bills while I figure out what to do with my life
- joining an anthroposophical book group for young people where we are discussing Towards Social Renewal
- learning violin. I have gotten a new instructor, whom I think is probably better then the last so I should hopefully progress more
I have a lot of work ahead of me but I should hope next year things will get better. I hope this year will just be a year to forget and a distant memory.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Speed Dating
Greetings all,
I went on a speed dating event on Wednesday as it was free for me. It was free because I went to one of their other events and I guess they have me on their mailing list and someone cancelled so to keep the number of men and women as balanced as possible, they were giving away a couple of free spots.
I didn't get any matches. I must have said yes to 4 or 5 different men out of probably 20.
I've done speed dating twice and a speed hating event, which is really speed dating with a twist - you talk about what you hate.
I'm somewhat annoyed that with all 3 events, I never managed one match. I am trying not to take it personally but how the hell does that happen? Not even one match and I've done this 3 times??
Well I don't think speed dating is for me. I wonder what the success rate is. I feel it's hard to decide in 3 - 5 minutes if this person is right for you, but then again maybe really that is all it takes to formulate a decision. I would think in some cases, chemistry is instant but in others it can build over time.
Chemistry is definitely noticeable in the beginning and this time around this is what I focused on. I felt some attraction for the guys I said yes to.
here's an article that suggests it's a better form of dating
http://www.love-sessions.com/speed_dating.htm
I'm taking a hiatus from dating so I probably shouldn't have gone to this but they had appetizers and I wanted some free food. They had pizza and it was so good. I think the pizza was the best thing of the night. As well someone talked to me about books and he gave some good book suggestions
I went on a speed dating event on Wednesday as it was free for me. It was free because I went to one of their other events and I guess they have me on their mailing list and someone cancelled so to keep the number of men and women as balanced as possible, they were giving away a couple of free spots.
I didn't get any matches. I must have said yes to 4 or 5 different men out of probably 20.
I've done speed dating twice and a speed hating event, which is really speed dating with a twist - you talk about what you hate.
I'm somewhat annoyed that with all 3 events, I never managed one match. I am trying not to take it personally but how the hell does that happen? Not even one match and I've done this 3 times??
Well I don't think speed dating is for me. I wonder what the success rate is. I feel it's hard to decide in 3 - 5 minutes if this person is right for you, but then again maybe really that is all it takes to formulate a decision. I would think in some cases, chemistry is instant but in others it can build over time.
Chemistry is definitely noticeable in the beginning and this time around this is what I focused on. I felt some attraction for the guys I said yes to.
here's an article that suggests it's a better form of dating
http://www.love-sessions.com/speed_dating.htm
I'm taking a hiatus from dating so I probably shouldn't have gone to this but they had appetizers and I wanted some free food. They had pizza and it was so good. I think the pizza was the best thing of the night. As well someone talked to me about books and he gave some good book suggestions
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Review of Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man"
Greetings all,
I was at the library and one of the books I took out was Steve Harvey's book "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man"
I got a couple of chapters into it and he talked about there are 3 ways men show love. The 2 I remember was protecting you and providing for you. I forgot the 3rd P.
He shares a story about how he was on a boat with some people and his wife was scuba diving. He did not go with her and he started freaking out and threatening those on the boat that she better be alive or they all have to save her.
I was thinking, he doesn't sound like he is protecting her, he sounds more like a control freak. The kicker for me was when he said that she was an adventurous girl and now doesn't do as much of the stuff she used to (like para sailing, etc)
I would think this is not demonstrating he is protecting her.
As well, this wife has probably lost an important piece of her personality as she has ended up sacrificing hobbies that made her happy - just to keep her man calm, when in reality he is the one that needs to deal with his issues. This is not the basis of a happy and emotionally balanced relationship.
I think this is sending a dangerous message to women - that it is okay to tolerate a control freak, who claims he is protecting you. That to me is showing that you are concerned about her safety and trying to protect her in healthy ways.
I would think if he were concern, he'd fret about making sure she was prepared with her oxygen tank, etc and ensuring she was properly certified.
Another example was that he shares a story of his dad threatening to kill the insurance man who was being rude to his wife. Threatening one's life is taking it to the extreme. I can understand speaking to him and telling him to stop harassing them but again that shows to me that this is an unhealthy form of protecting a woman.
Steve Harvey is condoning violence and that is not cool!
I would not want to be with a man who was a control freak. I'd rather be happy alone!
That is not love!
I was at the library and one of the books I took out was Steve Harvey's book "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man"
I got a couple of chapters into it and he talked about there are 3 ways men show love. The 2 I remember was protecting you and providing for you. I forgot the 3rd P.
He shares a story about how he was on a boat with some people and his wife was scuba diving. He did not go with her and he started freaking out and threatening those on the boat that she better be alive or they all have to save her.
I was thinking, he doesn't sound like he is protecting her, he sounds more like a control freak. The kicker for me was when he said that she was an adventurous girl and now doesn't do as much of the stuff she used to (like para sailing, etc)
I would think this is not demonstrating he is protecting her.
As well, this wife has probably lost an important piece of her personality as she has ended up sacrificing hobbies that made her happy - just to keep her man calm, when in reality he is the one that needs to deal with his issues. This is not the basis of a happy and emotionally balanced relationship.
I think this is sending a dangerous message to women - that it is okay to tolerate a control freak, who claims he is protecting you. That to me is showing that you are concerned about her safety and trying to protect her in healthy ways.
I would think if he were concern, he'd fret about making sure she was prepared with her oxygen tank, etc and ensuring she was properly certified.
Another example was that he shares a story of his dad threatening to kill the insurance man who was being rude to his wife. Threatening one's life is taking it to the extreme. I can understand speaking to him and telling him to stop harassing them but again that shows to me that this is an unhealthy form of protecting a woman.
Steve Harvey is condoning violence and that is not cool!
I would not want to be with a man who was a control freak. I'd rather be happy alone!
That is not love!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Towards Social Renewal
Greetings all,
I recently joined a new anthroposophical book group and we started meeting last week. I just found out about them as well last week in the Steiner Centre e-newsletter. The guy who hosts lives near where I live. When it warms up I potentially can walk as it's probably a 20 minute walk but since it's so damn dark so early, I'd feel safer driving.
The group is for young anthroposophists, although we have one guy who is 'old' but I think he knows some of the people in the group. There are some guys in my group, a few which are 'hotties'. There's about 5 or 6 guys and one other girl (not including me). It's a switch from my last book group which had mainly older women and one guy close to my age and one older man (everyone was pretty much over 40 when I joined).
I read the book for the first time probably when I was like 23 or 25 so it's been quite a long time. The biggest thing I remember was that the spheres of economy, politics (rights) and culture/spirit, had to be autonomous. I wonder what I'll get out of reading this book again.
Steiner wrote it after the first World War, so a lot I think has changed but I am sure the principles are still timely and relevant. I know lots of people are cynical about the way our society is but I think humanity is evolving and progressing, I just think it takes time and I think we sometimes don't look back to how far we have come.
I think it would be foolish to say there aren't things that need to be worked out, rights that need to be established, laws that need to be honoured, evil that needs to be dealt with.
I think in the past 1000 years there has been progress. People have various rights and have access to education and other resources. I think humanity is trying to work together to some degree.
Anyways, I think change is possible but I think it requires as Steiner talks about, social will.
I think humanity is evolving, although maybe not as smoothly as possible, but I think nevertheless, progress is being made. I know that might sound naive but I really feel it's possible, it just takes some time and effort.
Besides, most of the problems that are created, are really problems humanity has created for itself so I think as well that is why these things can be solved. Society is a human construct so if it's a mess we made, then surely it can be a mess we clean up.
I recently joined a new anthroposophical book group and we started meeting last week. I just found out about them as well last week in the Steiner Centre e-newsletter. The guy who hosts lives near where I live. When it warms up I potentially can walk as it's probably a 20 minute walk but since it's so damn dark so early, I'd feel safer driving.
The group is for young anthroposophists, although we have one guy who is 'old' but I think he knows some of the people in the group. There are some guys in my group, a few which are 'hotties'. There's about 5 or 6 guys and one other girl (not including me). It's a switch from my last book group which had mainly older women and one guy close to my age and one older man (everyone was pretty much over 40 when I joined).
I read the book for the first time probably when I was like 23 or 25 so it's been quite a long time. The biggest thing I remember was that the spheres of economy, politics (rights) and culture/spirit, had to be autonomous. I wonder what I'll get out of reading this book again.
Steiner wrote it after the first World War, so a lot I think has changed but I am sure the principles are still timely and relevant. I know lots of people are cynical about the way our society is but I think humanity is evolving and progressing, I just think it takes time and I think we sometimes don't look back to how far we have come.
I think it would be foolish to say there aren't things that need to be worked out, rights that need to be established, laws that need to be honoured, evil that needs to be dealt with.
I think in the past 1000 years there has been progress. People have various rights and have access to education and other resources. I think humanity is trying to work together to some degree.
Anyways, I think change is possible but I think it requires as Steiner talks about, social will.
I think humanity is evolving, although maybe not as smoothly as possible, but I think nevertheless, progress is being made. I know that might sound naive but I really feel it's possible, it just takes some time and effort.
Besides, most of the problems that are created, are really problems humanity has created for itself so I think as well that is why these things can be solved. Society is a human construct so if it's a mess we made, then surely it can be a mess we clean up.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
How do You Stay Sane?
Greetings all,
I wonder how people in this world stay sane and emotionally centered and calm. I am very disciplined in my spiritual practice, although I don't talk about it to others.
I have done hatha yoga for 8 years, qigong for 3 and now have been doing kundalini yoga for over a year and a half. I also have experience working with sanskrit mantras for 4 years.
I also keep a journal to write down my fears, anger, frustrations, etc.
I often wonder, how does everyone else keep sane?
I think I'd be in a mental institute or massively fucked up if I didn't make use of these calming spiritual tools. This world seems mad for me and I shudder to think how stressed I would be if I didn't have access to this information that is readily available to people.
I'm sure people centre themselves in other ways but I wonder how effective it is in helping them to truly relax.
I wonder how people in this world stay sane and emotionally centered and calm. I am very disciplined in my spiritual practice, although I don't talk about it to others.
I have done hatha yoga for 8 years, qigong for 3 and now have been doing kundalini yoga for over a year and a half. I also have experience working with sanskrit mantras for 4 years.
I also keep a journal to write down my fears, anger, frustrations, etc.
I often wonder, how does everyone else keep sane?
I think I'd be in a mental institute or massively fucked up if I didn't make use of these calming spiritual tools. This world seems mad for me and I shudder to think how stressed I would be if I didn't have access to this information that is readily available to people.
I'm sure people centre themselves in other ways but I wonder how effective it is in helping them to truly relax.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Is there something wrong with me?
Greetings all,
I think many people probably feel this way about themselves, i.e. that they feel like something is wrong with them. Today I was wondering if maybe what I really am feeling, is me becoming aware of some of my 'weaknesses' that I may not have wanted to acknowledge. I know that I do have some limitations and weaknesses and for the most part I accept them but maybe I'm becoming aware of other things. I guess we all possess strengths and weaknesses.
Being that I possess a raging ego, maybe this is sort of a process of humbling.
I feel that I am socially ackward too. Like people scare me. I think once I get used to seeing the same people, the fear dissipates.
I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but when I took my career exploration workshop back in August, we got to take the official Myers-Briggs personality test. I was an INTP. I got to keep the test and technically I am an INTJ as well since my J(judging) and P(perceiving) were tied and the way they structure the test is that P takes precedence if there is a tie.
My thinking and feeling were the ones with the most difference. My introvert (I) and extrovert were quite close as I probably have become more extroverted over the years. My score for thinking was 20 and my feeling was 4.
I wonder if this is why I feel like something is wrong with me. Maybe I am too strong of a thinker. A lot of things people do doesn't make sense to me. I guess maybe because I can be so logical, alot of emotional decisions people make just doesn't make sense to me.
I think this affects how I feel as a woman as well, because typically we women are the 'emotional' ones but I actually have a high ability to shut out my emotions, which I find can be an unhealthy thing so that is why I consciously try to talk about my feelings but it's not natural for me.
Sometimes when I am around women, I just can't relate to what they talk about. I don't really like shopping. I know actually I am not the only one as I mentioned to some other women and I know at least a few that aren't shoppers. I know women don't always talk about this stuff but sometimes they do and I just don't get it.
I am trying to increase my emotional intelligence but it is hard. I can just be very cold about situations simply because I look at them logically but I think as a thinker, I do care about being fair and compassionate.
I am in a very weird place in my life. I am almost done being 30 but I feel odd. I am no longer able to slack off in life, like in your 20s, you can get away with doddling but now it's crunch time, otherwise by the time I hit 40 I'll be messed up and unhappy.
I have read that Marriage is one of the big markers into adulthood. I wonder though if I would gain some 'credibility' as an adult if I were to get married. I also had this fear that I would settle but then I realized I probably wouldn't because it's just not in my nature to settle.
I don't have the 'career' thing going.
It is frustrating because I know of several people my age who have nice careers and are married with children. I still feel like a child, even though I am responsible at work and pay my bills. I get the freedom to do what I want. When am I going to start feeling like an adult?
I think these are my current neurotic thoughts and insecurities going on.
I think many people probably feel this way about themselves, i.e. that they feel like something is wrong with them. Today I was wondering if maybe what I really am feeling, is me becoming aware of some of my 'weaknesses' that I may not have wanted to acknowledge. I know that I do have some limitations and weaknesses and for the most part I accept them but maybe I'm becoming aware of other things. I guess we all possess strengths and weaknesses.
Being that I possess a raging ego, maybe this is sort of a process of humbling.
I feel that I am socially ackward too. Like people scare me. I think once I get used to seeing the same people, the fear dissipates.
I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but when I took my career exploration workshop back in August, we got to take the official Myers-Briggs personality test. I was an INTP. I got to keep the test and technically I am an INTJ as well since my J(judging) and P(perceiving) were tied and the way they structure the test is that P takes precedence if there is a tie.
My thinking and feeling were the ones with the most difference. My introvert (I) and extrovert were quite close as I probably have become more extroverted over the years. My score for thinking was 20 and my feeling was 4.
I wonder if this is why I feel like something is wrong with me. Maybe I am too strong of a thinker. A lot of things people do doesn't make sense to me. I guess maybe because I can be so logical, alot of emotional decisions people make just doesn't make sense to me.
I think this affects how I feel as a woman as well, because typically we women are the 'emotional' ones but I actually have a high ability to shut out my emotions, which I find can be an unhealthy thing so that is why I consciously try to talk about my feelings but it's not natural for me.
Sometimes when I am around women, I just can't relate to what they talk about. I don't really like shopping. I know actually I am not the only one as I mentioned to some other women and I know at least a few that aren't shoppers. I know women don't always talk about this stuff but sometimes they do and I just don't get it.
I am trying to increase my emotional intelligence but it is hard. I can just be very cold about situations simply because I look at them logically but I think as a thinker, I do care about being fair and compassionate.
I am in a very weird place in my life. I am almost done being 30 but I feel odd. I am no longer able to slack off in life, like in your 20s, you can get away with doddling but now it's crunch time, otherwise by the time I hit 40 I'll be messed up and unhappy.
I have read that Marriage is one of the big markers into adulthood. I wonder though if I would gain some 'credibility' as an adult if I were to get married. I also had this fear that I would settle but then I realized I probably wouldn't because it's just not in my nature to settle.
I don't have the 'career' thing going.
It is frustrating because I know of several people my age who have nice careers and are married with children. I still feel like a child, even though I am responsible at work and pay my bills. I get the freedom to do what I want. When am I going to start feeling like an adult?
I think these are my current neurotic thoughts and insecurities going on.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
My Rapper Name
Greetings all,
I went to an event in Toronto called Hip Hop Karaoke on Friday night. It's a little different then regular karaoke because first of all, it focuses on hip hop songs and secondly it is like going to a concert with the singers as the performers.
There was a stage and people would dance in the crowd. There was not too many places to sit. The place was packed and it had the vibe of a concert. It was cool to be there. Also some people from NYC showed up because they do this in New York as well.
I decided that I needed to come up with a rapper name and so I came up with it last Saturday, in my car driving to Hamilton.
My rapper name is MC Cussalot. Because I cuss a lot. Bitch
(that is my tag line as well)
I rapped Maestro Fresh Wes' song Let Your Backbone Slide. I apparently did good and someone was telling me that he heard I 'destroyed' the house. I memorized that song a few years ago but with most rap songs, if you are going to perform them, it certainly helps to know the words.
They have this once a month so I think I would like to go back there again.
I went to an event in Toronto called Hip Hop Karaoke on Friday night. It's a little different then regular karaoke because first of all, it focuses on hip hop songs and secondly it is like going to a concert with the singers as the performers.
There was a stage and people would dance in the crowd. There was not too many places to sit. The place was packed and it had the vibe of a concert. It was cool to be there. Also some people from NYC showed up because they do this in New York as well.
I decided that I needed to come up with a rapper name and so I came up with it last Saturday, in my car driving to Hamilton.
My rapper name is MC Cussalot. Because I cuss a lot. Bitch
(that is my tag line as well)
I rapped Maestro Fresh Wes' song Let Your Backbone Slide. I apparently did good and someone was telling me that he heard I 'destroyed' the house. I memorized that song a few years ago but with most rap songs, if you are going to perform them, it certainly helps to know the words.
They have this once a month so I think I would like to go back there again.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The Violinist
Greetings all,
I have been taking violin lessons starting I think in October. I'm renting my violin because I wanted to rent one out first to see if I liked the instrument. I actually enjoy playing it so I plan on actually buying myself one.
My instructor is 21 but has been playing it since 4. I think she went to a school for it. She is British as well. I am not sure if I like her though. She seems to be doing an okay job as an instructor but I wonder if she is too hung up on how her teachers were. For example, I got to learn a piece from the Suzuki book but she didn't want me to write down anything and she made notes on my book (with my permission). I personally learn better when I write things out and she didn't want me to get into the habit of writing out what each note is or how to play it. I think that I'm new to this so it would make sense to do it in the beginning and eventually I won't need to.
Also she doesn't seem to want to show me how to tune the top part of my violin because it's 'too difficult'. There are tuners on the bottom and they do the job fine. I don't know if others would agree that I don't really need to learn that but I'm one of those people that if I want to know something or have a question, I want answers or how to do it!
I could probably try another instructor but I am not sure.
She has said playing violin is one of the hardest instruments. Is she saying this because her teachers have told her it is? Because violin has to maintain this image of being hard because it's a classical instrument? I think playing the guitar is harder because I have experience playing it. I am doing well as a beginner and I think maybe that's because of my guitar experience. A violin has 2 less strings and it is more compact to play. One thing in the beginning I kept doing was overstretching my fingers but that's because that's how you have to play the guitar so I think my muscles are now learning a new set of skills.
The only thing tricky I find is that you have to be precise in violin and where you are to put your fingers, is not clearly identified as in a guitar (by the frets)
I don't think violin uses chords so that's another reason why I think it's easier to learn. I am enjoying it though and find it soothing to play.
I have been taking violin lessons starting I think in October. I'm renting my violin because I wanted to rent one out first to see if I liked the instrument. I actually enjoy playing it so I plan on actually buying myself one.
My instructor is 21 but has been playing it since 4. I think she went to a school for it. She is British as well. I am not sure if I like her though. She seems to be doing an okay job as an instructor but I wonder if she is too hung up on how her teachers were. For example, I got to learn a piece from the Suzuki book but she didn't want me to write down anything and she made notes on my book (with my permission). I personally learn better when I write things out and she didn't want me to get into the habit of writing out what each note is or how to play it. I think that I'm new to this so it would make sense to do it in the beginning and eventually I won't need to.
Also she doesn't seem to want to show me how to tune the top part of my violin because it's 'too difficult'. There are tuners on the bottom and they do the job fine. I don't know if others would agree that I don't really need to learn that but I'm one of those people that if I want to know something or have a question, I want answers or how to do it!
I could probably try another instructor but I am not sure.
She has said playing violin is one of the hardest instruments. Is she saying this because her teachers have told her it is? Because violin has to maintain this image of being hard because it's a classical instrument? I think playing the guitar is harder because I have experience playing it. I am doing well as a beginner and I think maybe that's because of my guitar experience. A violin has 2 less strings and it is more compact to play. One thing in the beginning I kept doing was overstretching my fingers but that's because that's how you have to play the guitar so I think my muscles are now learning a new set of skills.
The only thing tricky I find is that you have to be precise in violin and where you are to put your fingers, is not clearly identified as in a guitar (by the frets)
I don't think violin uses chords so that's another reason why I think it's easier to learn. I am enjoying it though and find it soothing to play.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Just Can't Shake It
Greetings all,
Well I haven't seen my ex roommate since February. That was almost 9 months ago but I still think about her. I told my bookgroup peeps my situation several months ago and one of them said that he was in a similar situation where someone was quite hurtful to him and it took months to shake off the hurtful comments.
I guess I was aware of some level she was a bitch but she was an emotional whack job and needs some counselling. I was at a gaming store and saw the gaming systems and I was reminded that she wouldn't even let me play with her Wii. She just kept it for herself. What kind of selfish person behaves that way?
The thing though is my big thing was being able to pay rent on time. She was good at that so I guess I didn't care so much about other things like sharing the Wii or what not. I guess I could tolerate some of her drama queen behaviour because in my mind I already decided that I really didn't like her much.
I guess this was a learning experience. Although I wanted a roommate and got one, this one was not the kind I liked. I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust living with someone again. I know it'll take me a while to even consider moving in with someone or getting a roommate. I hate the hassle of searching for one if it doesn't work out.
Well I haven't seen my ex roommate since February. That was almost 9 months ago but I still think about her. I told my bookgroup peeps my situation several months ago and one of them said that he was in a similar situation where someone was quite hurtful to him and it took months to shake off the hurtful comments.
I guess I was aware of some level she was a bitch but she was an emotional whack job and needs some counselling. I was at a gaming store and saw the gaming systems and I was reminded that she wouldn't even let me play with her Wii. She just kept it for herself. What kind of selfish person behaves that way?
The thing though is my big thing was being able to pay rent on time. She was good at that so I guess I didn't care so much about other things like sharing the Wii or what not. I guess I could tolerate some of her drama queen behaviour because in my mind I already decided that I really didn't like her much.
I guess this was a learning experience. Although I wanted a roommate and got one, this one was not the kind I liked. I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust living with someone again. I know it'll take me a while to even consider moving in with someone or getting a roommate. I hate the hassle of searching for one if it doesn't work out.
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