Greetings all,
I'm not one of those people that obsesses over cleaning up after myself. I'm not a slob either and so I am in the middle. Not the cleanest but certainly not the messiest.
My friend and former roommate were the type of people that couldn't go to bed if they didn't have their dishes clean. It would bother them. I like my friend. My former roommate... we've established she is crazy.
So these people demonstrate an obsessiveness towards cleaning and my theory on why some people are obsessive over cleaning is because they have some belief that they have where they equate their character with having a clean place. Basically somewhere in their mind, they believe that if things are not clean, they are a bad person.
I don't have that belief about myself, mainly because I know I'm a good person and whether I keep my apartment perfectly clean is not a reflection of my innate goodness. I am still wonderful even if I do the dishes every other day. I can be as messy as I want to be and I am still lovable.
It just makes me an untidy person, not a bad person, or an unworthy or unlovable person.
So for these people who are anal about cleaning, it is time they take a good look at the beliefs they have about being clean because the reality is a good person doesn't have to be perfectly clean.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
The Reality of Life
Greetings all,
I was talking to my former coworker tonight and we talked about how people were getting downsized in my former company. I have learned from life and am observing with this economic situation we are experiencing that it is pointing out the reality of life and that is no one really has control. A company can only prepare itself so much but shit happens and no one is to blame. No one really controls what happens and here we are living these lives where we try to control things and invest the time it takes to maintain these control mechanisms that we have.
It's just easier if we accept that we aren't in control of what happens to our external world and that the only control we have is over our emotions and how we chose to react to the events life throws at us.
I remember telling someone in my book group a few weeks ago that I felt panicked that I didn't have control over things but as I expressed these words, I knew I at least had control over myself but at that time that didn't seem good enough.
I wanted some control over the external world but the reality is, I'll never have that and no human will ever possibly have it.
And it really doesn't seem good enough to have control over our inner world but really when life takes things away from us, that is all we have and maybe we just need to start properly nurturing this inner self.
Our homes can be destroyed by Mother Nature, our lives can be taken away by our fellow humans, our livelihood can be taken away by the sheer lack of demand for it. But all we will ever have is what is inside our hearts.
So doesn't it make sense to take care of our inner needs and take care of our emotional business and make that as the foundation for how we go out into the world?
Let's all accept this reality that no one is in control, despite the illusion that sometimes it seems someone is in control and get down to business of living our lives.
I was talking to my former coworker tonight and we talked about how people were getting downsized in my former company. I have learned from life and am observing with this economic situation we are experiencing that it is pointing out the reality of life and that is no one really has control. A company can only prepare itself so much but shit happens and no one is to blame. No one really controls what happens and here we are living these lives where we try to control things and invest the time it takes to maintain these control mechanisms that we have.
It's just easier if we accept that we aren't in control of what happens to our external world and that the only control we have is over our emotions and how we chose to react to the events life throws at us.
I remember telling someone in my book group a few weeks ago that I felt panicked that I didn't have control over things but as I expressed these words, I knew I at least had control over myself but at that time that didn't seem good enough.
I wanted some control over the external world but the reality is, I'll never have that and no human will ever possibly have it.
And it really doesn't seem good enough to have control over our inner world but really when life takes things away from us, that is all we have and maybe we just need to start properly nurturing this inner self.
Our homes can be destroyed by Mother Nature, our lives can be taken away by our fellow humans, our livelihood can be taken away by the sheer lack of demand for it. But all we will ever have is what is inside our hearts.
So doesn't it make sense to take care of our inner needs and take care of our emotional business and make that as the foundation for how we go out into the world?
Let's all accept this reality that no one is in control, despite the illusion that sometimes it seems someone is in control and get down to business of living our lives.
Greetings and Salutations,
I was over at my friend's on Tuesday and went to pick up subs for us at Subway. It was around 7 pm and dark. I am walking on Lakeshore, a high traffic area with the occasional pedestrian. On my way back, some guy walks by me and says 'hello' and as we pass I hear him say 'you're beautiful'.
I enjoy compliments as much as the next person and occasionally pester people for compliments to stroke my ego. At least I know I want my ego stroked so knowing that I want my ego stroked, seems harmless.
Another incident happened while I was on a date with a guy. We were at this dessert place and this man, probably in his 40s - who also happen to be sporting the homeless man look - kept staring at me. He was with a couple of friends. I wondered why he kept staring over at me and my date said it was because I was attractive.
I guess I am attractive but at the same time, I don't get it. Why did that first guy on the street say I am beautiful? When a stranger says something like that to you, I always wonder if they are crazy and have a sane mind. But really what are you supposed to do when you see someone who is a stranger and whom you find attractive?
The guy sporting the homeless man look... what was he really thinking? I wonder to myself, is there something showing that shouldn't be, do I look funny?
I don't think I am insecure but I usually approach things like that from a different angle. If guys are staring at me, I usually don't think it's because of my looks.
My ex friend was a hottie and I would tell him that but he just didn't think he was and I guess I am the same way although I do look in the mirror and think I am hot but then I forget about it and focus on other things.
So maybe that's why I don't get that whole hot/beautiful concept because I focus on it on certain times and moments and usually when I get compliments I am focused on other things.
Damn it I just want people to fawn over me when I am doing it to myself. Or fawning over me when I tell them to, not out of their own free will! Sheesh...
Synchronize your worshiping of me when I am worshiping myself...
Is that too much to ask??!!
I was over at my friend's on Tuesday and went to pick up subs for us at Subway. It was around 7 pm and dark. I am walking on Lakeshore, a high traffic area with the occasional pedestrian. On my way back, some guy walks by me and says 'hello' and as we pass I hear him say 'you're beautiful'.
I enjoy compliments as much as the next person and occasionally pester people for compliments to stroke my ego. At least I know I want my ego stroked so knowing that I want my ego stroked, seems harmless.
Another incident happened while I was on a date with a guy. We were at this dessert place and this man, probably in his 40s - who also happen to be sporting the homeless man look - kept staring at me. He was with a couple of friends. I wondered why he kept staring over at me and my date said it was because I was attractive.
I guess I am attractive but at the same time, I don't get it. Why did that first guy on the street say I am beautiful? When a stranger says something like that to you, I always wonder if they are crazy and have a sane mind. But really what are you supposed to do when you see someone who is a stranger and whom you find attractive?
The guy sporting the homeless man look... what was he really thinking? I wonder to myself, is there something showing that shouldn't be, do I look funny?
I don't think I am insecure but I usually approach things like that from a different angle. If guys are staring at me, I usually don't think it's because of my looks.
My ex friend was a hottie and I would tell him that but he just didn't think he was and I guess I am the same way although I do look in the mirror and think I am hot but then I forget about it and focus on other things.
So maybe that's why I don't get that whole hot/beautiful concept because I focus on it on certain times and moments and usually when I get compliments I am focused on other things.
Damn it I just want people to fawn over me when I am doing it to myself. Or fawning over me when I tell them to, not out of their own free will! Sheesh...
Synchronize your worshiping of me when I am worshiping myself...
Is that too much to ask??!!
Monday, February 23, 2009
The Politics of Being a Girl
Greetings all,
I was talking with one of my friends on Saturday and we used to go to the same high school for about 2 years but then she moved away. We didn't know each other in high school but my one friend was friends with someone and I became friends with that person who was friends with this girl who I was talking to and who I consider my friend now.
Anyways, these people I knew in high school, when we get together we talk about high school for some odd reason. I normally don't like to talk about the past but it comes up sometimes.
My friend was telling me about this one girl, Nada, who left the high school after a year and I found out it was the same girl that picked on me. I told my friend of the time when I was in grade 9. I was still hanging out with my friends from elementary school and one of them had a boyfriend and they were trying to do the standard 'trying to find Paula a boyfriend' scheme (BTW I was no longer hanging out with them when I was in grade 10. They went weird on me and became mean). They wanted me to go after this one guy named Tom and although he was cute I don't think I was really interested in him. This guy was in the same social circle as my friend's boyfriend. I liked a couple of other guys in that group but I don't recall if I kept that to myself or shared that with my friends.
They had me call up this guy on a Sunday afternoon. I was shy and I really didn't want to but I did just to get my friends off my back about this. I don't know if I actually talked to him but I am pretty sure I hung up on him after he said hello to me. I was really scared and so I panicked.
The next day 2 girls came up to me, in a non-friendly manner, about why I hung up on Tom. The one girl, Kelly who was in grade 10, I found her to be intimidating and she was a bit bigger and taller then me (me being 5'6"). The other girl was Nada. These 2 girls, only confronted me the one time but it deeply frightened me.
I usually kept to myself and so was quite taken aback when they confronted me about this. Me being the introvert, didn't know what to say and frankly I shut down and had little to say. For the rest of my high school years, seeing Kelly made me uncomfortable. She was in one of my classes as well either when I was in grade 10 or 11.
I didn't find Nada intimidating, mainly because she was shorter then me. Since she left the high school, I never had to deal with the uncomfortableness of seeing her.
My friend was telling me that apparently both of these girls had crushes on Tom and so I now understood why they came after me. They perceived me as a threat. The reality was that I wasn't a threat and wasn't even interested in this guy.
I am pretty much over the pain of my high school years and so this story amuses me mildly.
I call this post The Politics of Being a Girl simply because some girls are like this. They just confront you on stupid things like hanging up on a boy. It's really up to the boy to decide if he likes you and there is no point in fighting over a boy.
I never believed in fighting for a man and I never have and never will. No man is ever worth to me to fight over another woman with.
My friend's mother instilled in her to let the boys chase after you and sometime last year she gave me advice (which I honestly probably didn't pay attention to) to date multiple guys and don't give up the sex early and let them pursue you. It took me a few books and much emotional processing to finally come to that understanding. I think she was very lucky to have learned that lesson and I am glad to have learned that as well, even though I didn't learn it as quickly as I would have liked.
I was talking with one of my friends on Saturday and we used to go to the same high school for about 2 years but then she moved away. We didn't know each other in high school but my one friend was friends with someone and I became friends with that person who was friends with this girl who I was talking to and who I consider my friend now.
Anyways, these people I knew in high school, when we get together we talk about high school for some odd reason. I normally don't like to talk about the past but it comes up sometimes.
My friend was telling me about this one girl, Nada, who left the high school after a year and I found out it was the same girl that picked on me. I told my friend of the time when I was in grade 9. I was still hanging out with my friends from elementary school and one of them had a boyfriend and they were trying to do the standard 'trying to find Paula a boyfriend' scheme (BTW I was no longer hanging out with them when I was in grade 10. They went weird on me and became mean). They wanted me to go after this one guy named Tom and although he was cute I don't think I was really interested in him. This guy was in the same social circle as my friend's boyfriend. I liked a couple of other guys in that group but I don't recall if I kept that to myself or shared that with my friends.
They had me call up this guy on a Sunday afternoon. I was shy and I really didn't want to but I did just to get my friends off my back about this. I don't know if I actually talked to him but I am pretty sure I hung up on him after he said hello to me. I was really scared and so I panicked.
The next day 2 girls came up to me, in a non-friendly manner, about why I hung up on Tom. The one girl, Kelly who was in grade 10, I found her to be intimidating and she was a bit bigger and taller then me (me being 5'6"). The other girl was Nada. These 2 girls, only confronted me the one time but it deeply frightened me.
I usually kept to myself and so was quite taken aback when they confronted me about this. Me being the introvert, didn't know what to say and frankly I shut down and had little to say. For the rest of my high school years, seeing Kelly made me uncomfortable. She was in one of my classes as well either when I was in grade 10 or 11.
I didn't find Nada intimidating, mainly because she was shorter then me. Since she left the high school, I never had to deal with the uncomfortableness of seeing her.
My friend was telling me that apparently both of these girls had crushes on Tom and so I now understood why they came after me. They perceived me as a threat. The reality was that I wasn't a threat and wasn't even interested in this guy.
I am pretty much over the pain of my high school years and so this story amuses me mildly.
I call this post The Politics of Being a Girl simply because some girls are like this. They just confront you on stupid things like hanging up on a boy. It's really up to the boy to decide if he likes you and there is no point in fighting over a boy.
I never believed in fighting for a man and I never have and never will. No man is ever worth to me to fight over another woman with.
My friend's mother instilled in her to let the boys chase after you and sometime last year she gave me advice (which I honestly probably didn't pay attention to) to date multiple guys and don't give up the sex early and let them pursue you. It took me a few books and much emotional processing to finally come to that understanding. I think she was very lucky to have learned that lesson and I am glad to have learned that as well, even though I didn't learn it as quickly as I would have liked.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Why I Dislike Know-It-Alls
Greetings all,
I had a coffee date with someone I met online. I could tell he wasn't my type based on the 2 phone conversations we had.
We had decided to meet at Chapters and this one didn't have a Starbucks. He assumed they all have Starbucks so he wasn't anticipating it not having one. I actually never went to that Chapters but I guess maybe intuitively I knew it didn't have a Starbucks so I said on the phone that maybe it doesn't have a Starbucks and he just assumed they all do, which I responded to by saying that not all of them do have a Starbucks.
Well it turns out I was right.
Anyways, we went to a Licks a few stores down and he asked what I did that day so I told him I was working on my You Tube project where I talk about Rudolf Steiner's book Philosophy of Freedom. He asked me what the book was about and so I proceeded to tell him the theories he outlines and how Steiner says Freedom is the highest level of morality achieved. I pointed out his concept of reality being the combination of percept (an object of observation eg something you can see, touch, hear, etc) and concept.
He proceeded to say how wrong this concept of Freedom was and frankly it started to irritate me. First of all, if you haven't read the book, stop acting like an expert. I can see arguing the ideas, based on what I say but to just act like you've poked holes in the book and thus proved it to be inaccurate and just the author's opinion got on my nerves.
I talked about it a bit more and pointed out how you have to have some understanding of history as well to appreciate his ideas and then he points out how he has a degree in Political Science.
So... what?
I've dated a guy who had one as well but that's not history, it may just cover the history of Politics but if you want to know more about history, you get a history degree.
The way I see it, everything is really just one perspective and the whole point is to get things from as many different angles as possible to form a good conception of reality. These know-it-all types just have one point of view and think that's it and they are right.
Get lost I say!
He made a few points I could agree with but I just found him too mentally rigid. You've got to be flexible and creative when it comes to knowledge. Your world view needs to be adaptable because what was true today may not be true tomorrow and what was false today may not be false tomorrow.
He was arguing that people are too lazy to take freedom too seriously, which I can believe to some degree. Sure people don't vote sometimes but it's really because people don't appreciate the rights that they do have. I'm sure if you lived in a country that had a totalitarian government and then one day it was overthrown and became a legitimate democratic government, you'd get off your ass and make sure you vote.
I think many people in these G8 countries take what freedoms we have for granted. We think we know poverty when we don't. We have access to clean water, garbage removal, healthcare, etc and there are places that don't have any of that.
He argued people only want freedom for superficial things like going to Wendys or McDonalds. I likened this to kids growing up rich. They just grew up knowing this reality of having it all so they need to realize how fortunate they are and that not everyone grew up with having whatever they want. Not everyone grows up living in a free country.
I disagree mainly because people go to wars and die so that we all can enjoy the freedoms we have. I may not live in a perfect country but at least it provides my basic freedoms.
It really is up to the individual to decide how politically involved they want to be. Whether it's just knowing what's going on politically, or taking a more active role like participating as a volunteer in a political campaign.
Democracy is not a spectator sport and people need to realize that to have a democratic country took some work and some sacrifice by people who fought and struggled. The least we can do is appreciate the work that went into forming a democracy. It's also going to take some work and effort to maintain a democratic system as well.
Freedom is something worth fighting for and regardless of what anyone says, we all desire to be free and to feel in control of the direction of our lives.
The thing that bothered me throughout the evening was just how he had his opinion and that was it. There was no debating ideas. He had his opinions and seemed firmly attached to them. This was no fun for me. I like to debate as much as anyone but I think they are more fruitful when people are willing to modify and enhance their own perspective, based on hearing the other's point of view.
In improv, someone starts a scene and then another person comes in and adds something to the scene. The one person has their set of ideas and the other their own and the whole point is to accept each other and then make the scene work and create something different. This to me is what debating is all about. You have your ideas and they have theirs. Try to come up with something different and creative, instead of just sticking to your ideas. The scene in improv doesn't move forward unless you are willing to compromise and essentially play with your partner.
This is why I don't like know-it-alls, because they just don't know how to play.
I had a coffee date with someone I met online. I could tell he wasn't my type based on the 2 phone conversations we had.
We had decided to meet at Chapters and this one didn't have a Starbucks. He assumed they all have Starbucks so he wasn't anticipating it not having one. I actually never went to that Chapters but I guess maybe intuitively I knew it didn't have a Starbucks so I said on the phone that maybe it doesn't have a Starbucks and he just assumed they all do, which I responded to by saying that not all of them do have a Starbucks.
Well it turns out I was right.
Anyways, we went to a Licks a few stores down and he asked what I did that day so I told him I was working on my You Tube project where I talk about Rudolf Steiner's book Philosophy of Freedom. He asked me what the book was about and so I proceeded to tell him the theories he outlines and how Steiner says Freedom is the highest level of morality achieved. I pointed out his concept of reality being the combination of percept (an object of observation eg something you can see, touch, hear, etc) and concept.
He proceeded to say how wrong this concept of Freedom was and frankly it started to irritate me. First of all, if you haven't read the book, stop acting like an expert. I can see arguing the ideas, based on what I say but to just act like you've poked holes in the book and thus proved it to be inaccurate and just the author's opinion got on my nerves.
I talked about it a bit more and pointed out how you have to have some understanding of history as well to appreciate his ideas and then he points out how he has a degree in Political Science.
So... what?
I've dated a guy who had one as well but that's not history, it may just cover the history of Politics but if you want to know more about history, you get a history degree.
The way I see it, everything is really just one perspective and the whole point is to get things from as many different angles as possible to form a good conception of reality. These know-it-all types just have one point of view and think that's it and they are right.
Get lost I say!
He made a few points I could agree with but I just found him too mentally rigid. You've got to be flexible and creative when it comes to knowledge. Your world view needs to be adaptable because what was true today may not be true tomorrow and what was false today may not be false tomorrow.
He was arguing that people are too lazy to take freedom too seriously, which I can believe to some degree. Sure people don't vote sometimes but it's really because people don't appreciate the rights that they do have. I'm sure if you lived in a country that had a totalitarian government and then one day it was overthrown and became a legitimate democratic government, you'd get off your ass and make sure you vote.
I think many people in these G8 countries take what freedoms we have for granted. We think we know poverty when we don't. We have access to clean water, garbage removal, healthcare, etc and there are places that don't have any of that.
He argued people only want freedom for superficial things like going to Wendys or McDonalds. I likened this to kids growing up rich. They just grew up knowing this reality of having it all so they need to realize how fortunate they are and that not everyone grew up with having whatever they want. Not everyone grows up living in a free country.
I disagree mainly because people go to wars and die so that we all can enjoy the freedoms we have. I may not live in a perfect country but at least it provides my basic freedoms.
It really is up to the individual to decide how politically involved they want to be. Whether it's just knowing what's going on politically, or taking a more active role like participating as a volunteer in a political campaign.
Democracy is not a spectator sport and people need to realize that to have a democratic country took some work and some sacrifice by people who fought and struggled. The least we can do is appreciate the work that went into forming a democracy. It's also going to take some work and effort to maintain a democratic system as well.
Freedom is something worth fighting for and regardless of what anyone says, we all desire to be free and to feel in control of the direction of our lives.
The thing that bothered me throughout the evening was just how he had his opinion and that was it. There was no debating ideas. He had his opinions and seemed firmly attached to them. This was no fun for me. I like to debate as much as anyone but I think they are more fruitful when people are willing to modify and enhance their own perspective, based on hearing the other's point of view.
In improv, someone starts a scene and then another person comes in and adds something to the scene. The one person has their set of ideas and the other their own and the whole point is to accept each other and then make the scene work and create something different. This to me is what debating is all about. You have your ideas and they have theirs. Try to come up with something different and creative, instead of just sticking to your ideas. The scene in improv doesn't move forward unless you are willing to compromise and essentially play with your partner.
This is why I don't like know-it-alls, because they just don't know how to play.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I Like Being Right
Greetings all,
I have been attending this one meetup group where they discuss various spiritual/emotional type topics and a topic a couple of weeks ago was on would you rather be happy or be right because you can't be both. Okay in all honestly, I am willing to trade some level of happiness to be validated as right. Like maybe 2-5% of my happiness, just to bask in the after glow of being right.
The group leader made an important point of pointing out that when you are right, you are only right for the moment and then you are back to being unhappy, but if you choose to be happy, then you will always be happy.
I don't know for me, but I'm just not ready to be happy all the time. I'm comfortable with having a certain level of unhappiness because I probably don't know any better and I'm okay with that. And I don't think I like the idea of being happy all the time. I can't help sometimes to get a little angry about things or get frustrated. I am human after all and this wanting to be happy all the time non-sense, is just too much pressure for me. I just want to be real and honest with myself all the time or as much as possible. Screw this happiness crap!
I could argue as well that I am happy when I am right but I don't think that is true. Well I think it's true some of the time. I am actually quite pleased when someone who is wrong actually eventually realizes that I was right and then tells me so. It's no fun to pester people about you being right, it's more enjoyable when they come to say that you are right on their own. I delight in seeing people evolve and to me I see it as highly admirable when you can admit you are wrong (and thus proving I am right)
I sometimes think there is a problem with not being willing to stand up to someone who thinks they are right when they are not. I guess I am a bit of a fighter so I don't mind saying something that makes people uncomfortable because I still have this love for the truth. I don't realistically go around always defending what I think is truth (my idea of truth is if I can find it on wikipedia)
I see a whole flaw in this contrast of either be happy or be right. I really don't think it works like that all the time. Maybe some of the time.
I think if you are always willing to back down on being right when you are, then it just opens the door for people to take advantage of you. I think like most things in life, you have to decide which battles to fight and which ones to walk away from. I've walked away from some, but others I just won't. Somebody has to stand up for what's right and speak out when someone is spreading lies or causing harm.
BTW, I can admit to when I am wrong and do so when I realize the error of my thoughts and/or actions.
I have been attending this one meetup group where they discuss various spiritual/emotional type topics and a topic a couple of weeks ago was on would you rather be happy or be right because you can't be both. Okay in all honestly, I am willing to trade some level of happiness to be validated as right. Like maybe 2-5% of my happiness, just to bask in the after glow of being right.
The group leader made an important point of pointing out that when you are right, you are only right for the moment and then you are back to being unhappy, but if you choose to be happy, then you will always be happy.
I don't know for me, but I'm just not ready to be happy all the time. I'm comfortable with having a certain level of unhappiness because I probably don't know any better and I'm okay with that. And I don't think I like the idea of being happy all the time. I can't help sometimes to get a little angry about things or get frustrated. I am human after all and this wanting to be happy all the time non-sense, is just too much pressure for me. I just want to be real and honest with myself all the time or as much as possible. Screw this happiness crap!
I could argue as well that I am happy when I am right but I don't think that is true. Well I think it's true some of the time. I am actually quite pleased when someone who is wrong actually eventually realizes that I was right and then tells me so. It's no fun to pester people about you being right, it's more enjoyable when they come to say that you are right on their own. I delight in seeing people evolve and to me I see it as highly admirable when you can admit you are wrong (and thus proving I am right)
I sometimes think there is a problem with not being willing to stand up to someone who thinks they are right when they are not. I guess I am a bit of a fighter so I don't mind saying something that makes people uncomfortable because I still have this love for the truth. I don't realistically go around always defending what I think is truth (my idea of truth is if I can find it on wikipedia)
I see a whole flaw in this contrast of either be happy or be right. I really don't think it works like that all the time. Maybe some of the time.
I think if you are always willing to back down on being right when you are, then it just opens the door for people to take advantage of you. I think like most things in life, you have to decide which battles to fight and which ones to walk away from. I've walked away from some, but others I just won't. Somebody has to stand up for what's right and speak out when someone is spreading lies or causing harm.
BTW, I can admit to when I am wrong and do so when I realize the error of my thoughts and/or actions.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Valentine's Day
Greetings all,
Happy Valentine's Day. Since I am single, it's just another day for me and I'll be hanging with my female friends and hopefully have a few good laughs.
I'm on facebook and saw that they have a multi-coloured rose gift available for $500. Usually their e-gifts are $1 but they certainly were money hungry today. How insane is that? As a woman, I would never allow a man to buy me that. It's just not sensible! They had another rose for $50. I can't imagine spending that money on something unreal. I'd be happy to get some flowers, dinner and sex. Really the sex and being seduced is what I want. Hell I'd be content with having the man write me a 500 word essay on how wonderful I am.
Screw the flowers, give me the sex and an essay on me!
Happy Valentine's Day. Since I am single, it's just another day for me and I'll be hanging with my female friends and hopefully have a few good laughs.
I'm on facebook and saw that they have a multi-coloured rose gift available for $500. Usually their e-gifts are $1 but they certainly were money hungry today. How insane is that? As a woman, I would never allow a man to buy me that. It's just not sensible! They had another rose for $50. I can't imagine spending that money on something unreal. I'd be happy to get some flowers, dinner and sex. Really the sex and being seduced is what I want. Hell I'd be content with having the man write me a 500 word essay on how wonderful I am.
Screw the flowers, give me the sex and an essay on me!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thought Swirlings
Greetings all,
I've had a couple of shows, one on Sunday and the other last Tuesday. I am still trying new material and feel like I am getting better at this stand up thing. It's weird though but I wonder why the hell do I do it? What motivates me to get up in front of people and then talk and perform in attempts to make them laugh?
I often wonder why I do what I do but I just don't understand. I don't totally understand myself and I guess I have to accept that. All I know is that I have this urge and these ideas and performing seems to be my only outlet.
I think as well I am too serious and wonder why the hell do I like making people laugh? Aren't comedians supposed to be happy and joking all the time? Cause I know I'm not like that.
I think lots of artists ask themselves why do I do this and it really just leads them nowhere. Who cares? Just do it. Shut up and stop analyzing why you feel this need to perform, or to paint or to make music. Who gives a shit?
I know I shouldn't analyze but isn't that the nature of the mind? Why can't my mind just develop some addiction? Oh no wait it does. It's called analyzing. Minds are addicted to analyzing.
* * *
Alright then, who cares about my silly thoughts about being a comedian. I'm going to talk about fear. I've had roommate issues but alongside that I've had my own separate issues and have been feeling like I am in this constant state of fear. It could be that because of my spiritual practice, I am bringing up these issues that I have long suppressed.
I'm just feeling this fear of everything and I am noticing it when I am socializing with people. I meet new people all the time but I can feel that I am scared of them and don't feel relaxed. I know this isn't normal and I guess now I need to consciously relax.
I've realized last night that my major block seems to be that I don't feel worthy in my life. Like not worthy of love or of the good things and so maybe that's partly why I am fearful of people. I try to protect myself and am scared that I will get hurt but I am starting to get some rational insight into this.
So I have been telling myself that I am worthy and it seems to have opened up my heart a little. I seemed to be letting go of something.
I'm very confused about things but I should hope things make more sense eventually.
I've had a couple of shows, one on Sunday and the other last Tuesday. I am still trying new material and feel like I am getting better at this stand up thing. It's weird though but I wonder why the hell do I do it? What motivates me to get up in front of people and then talk and perform in attempts to make them laugh?
I often wonder why I do what I do but I just don't understand. I don't totally understand myself and I guess I have to accept that. All I know is that I have this urge and these ideas and performing seems to be my only outlet.
I think as well I am too serious and wonder why the hell do I like making people laugh? Aren't comedians supposed to be happy and joking all the time? Cause I know I'm not like that.
I think lots of artists ask themselves why do I do this and it really just leads them nowhere. Who cares? Just do it. Shut up and stop analyzing why you feel this need to perform, or to paint or to make music. Who gives a shit?
I know I shouldn't analyze but isn't that the nature of the mind? Why can't my mind just develop some addiction? Oh no wait it does. It's called analyzing. Minds are addicted to analyzing.
Alright then, who cares about my silly thoughts about being a comedian. I'm going to talk about fear. I've had roommate issues but alongside that I've had my own separate issues and have been feeling like I am in this constant state of fear. It could be that because of my spiritual practice, I am bringing up these issues that I have long suppressed.
I'm just feeling this fear of everything and I am noticing it when I am socializing with people. I meet new people all the time but I can feel that I am scared of them and don't feel relaxed. I know this isn't normal and I guess now I need to consciously relax.
I've realized last night that my major block seems to be that I don't feel worthy in my life. Like not worthy of love or of the good things and so maybe that's partly why I am fearful of people. I try to protect myself and am scared that I will get hurt but I am starting to get some rational insight into this.
So I have been telling myself that I am worthy and it seems to have opened up my heart a little. I seemed to be letting go of something.
I'm very confused about things but I should hope things make more sense eventually.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
A Basic Conclusion
Greetings all,
I have been doing the online dating thing for a while and I met with someone last night who's been advising me on the roommate situation since he's had experience dealing with tenants. He asked how do I screen out the crazy people out there because he seemed to be encountering lots of crazy people in his life.
I said that I have a procedure to meet me and I clearly state so in my profile the procedure to meet me and explain that it is purely for safety purposes. My procedures are as follows:
1. we exchange a few messages (demonstration of basic communication skills a must)
At this stage you can see a lot about a person and their mentality just by asking the right questions. I think it's easier to see people who have negative attitudes based on their thought processes, which I think is easier to spot in text format. You can definitely see when someone writes something and it makes no sense. Negative and unhealthy people usually think distortedly but at the same time, someone who is a good liar always says the right thing. There are signs to be found if someone is basically being genuine.
2. I give out my # if I feel safe and comfortable enough
Again, not everyone I message I give out my #. They also do not pester me for my # right away and usually pester that pester me for my #, don't get it.
One guy I corresponded with was wanting my # but I explained I don't give it out right away and then he got suspicious, like what have you got to hide? I explained my process and he basically didn't respect it and things just ended since he wasn't understanding my position.
3. we talk at least once before arranging to meet in a public place
At this point, talking over the phone as well gives me a better sense of the person and many people I do chat with on the phone, we never meet because perhaps they knew this wasn't a match.
I find that the people who are crazy do not respect the boundaries that I set up for myself. Most people respect these rules because they are reasonable but people with issues usually just want my # right away or want to meet right away and I don't think that is appropriate.
So my basic conclusion in how to watch out for the signs that you may be dealing with a crazy is that they basically are not willing to respect the boundaries that you have set up to protect yourself. They may argue and protest against it.
It is the normal people who respect the boundaries and therefore do not make you skip steps that you clearly outline.
I have been doing the online dating thing for a while and I met with someone last night who's been advising me on the roommate situation since he's had experience dealing with tenants. He asked how do I screen out the crazy people out there because he seemed to be encountering lots of crazy people in his life.
I said that I have a procedure to meet me and I clearly state so in my profile the procedure to meet me and explain that it is purely for safety purposes. My procedures are as follows:
1. we exchange a few messages (demonstration of basic communication skills a must)
At this stage you can see a lot about a person and their mentality just by asking the right questions. I think it's easier to see people who have negative attitudes based on their thought processes, which I think is easier to spot in text format. You can definitely see when someone writes something and it makes no sense. Negative and unhealthy people usually think distortedly but at the same time, someone who is a good liar always says the right thing. There are signs to be found if someone is basically being genuine.
2. I give out my # if I feel safe and comfortable enough
Again, not everyone I message I give out my #. They also do not pester me for my # right away and usually pester that pester me for my #, don't get it.
One guy I corresponded with was wanting my # but I explained I don't give it out right away and then he got suspicious, like what have you got to hide? I explained my process and he basically didn't respect it and things just ended since he wasn't understanding my position.
3. we talk at least once before arranging to meet in a public place
At this point, talking over the phone as well gives me a better sense of the person and many people I do chat with on the phone, we never meet because perhaps they knew this wasn't a match.
I find that the people who are crazy do not respect the boundaries that I set up for myself. Most people respect these rules because they are reasonable but people with issues usually just want my # right away or want to meet right away and I don't think that is appropriate.
So my basic conclusion in how to watch out for the signs that you may be dealing with a crazy is that they basically are not willing to respect the boundaries that you have set up to protect yourself. They may argue and protest against it.
It is the normal people who respect the boundaries and therefore do not make you skip steps that you clearly outline.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Just When You Thought it was Safe
Greetings all,
I had my book group meeting on Sunday night and was feeling a bit relieved and letting out deep sighs of relief due to the roommate moving out by 2pm yesterday.
I began cleaning up her dishes and put the chain lock on my door, just to feel safe from her.
As I was in the middle of my cleaning, around 10pm the ex roommate barges in and breaks through the chain door and insists she still has the right to be there. She tells me she is going to have a party as well.
Honestly when I looked back at this it feels like she is one of those monsters in the movies that you kill but really you never quite killed them and they come back after you.
Like honestly, why are you coming back. Leave me alone, you have a place.
Does she really think she can get away with having another party???
So I ran downstairs to talk to the supers but they said I had to call the cops as she is not on the lease. I did call the cops and as I took the elevator down to see the supers, her dog gets with me in the elevator and eventually the ex roommate comes down to get him and she is yelling at me how I am crazy.
I waited a while for the cops and this time 3 showed up. I told them the situation. I am not happy that these people really can't help me and they didn't even write up a report. I think the female cop was more sympathetic towards me then the one in charge. They say she still has access rights because of her deposit but honestly nothing of hers is left besides her food, which she is taking her sweet ass time picking up.
I have met someone online who's been in my situation so he is giving me the advice that I can take legally. I also have another friend who is a regular reader giving me advice as well on this situation. So it was good that I had people to talk to. I talked to this guy late last night as well so I really appreciate him telling what I can do and to stay calm.
I got my locks changed today, although I am still required to give her access. She came into the apartment 3 times, one of which I wasn't around and when I came back I saw that my shower curtain was closed and I knew I left it open. I knew it was her. It was unbelievably sick and twisted to me. Like from the movie Sleeping With the Enemy.
I told the supers what happened as well and apologized for disturbing them. I really just didn't know what to do because I felt invaded and this person thinks its okay to do what she is doing when it is not.
The guy I was consulting was saying I need to get her to sign a notice but she was demanding that I give her cash, which I explained that I would be willing to give her deposit after inspecting for damages and that I'd give a cheque.
He said that since I've tried negotiating with her, then I can just send a form to get the legal process started to get her evicted. The form is called N4. It states that she is required to give me rent for February or give me a signed notice for when she is terminating her tenancy. He says this should be enough to get her to write a notice and she will lose her rights to the deposit.
He gave me 2 copies and we mailed them out tonight. She should be getting it at her work place by Wednesday.
I barely slept last night and probably had 3 hours sleep. I feel better though that I changed the locks. The guy said though I still have to let her in but she probably doesn't come for too long and seems to focus just on getting her stuff so really it's in her best interest to get more things and leave since she does have access but it's controlled access. Also he said if she calls the cops she'd have to produce a contract that she lives there but she'd only do that if I denied her access which I am not doing at this point since I am allowing her to pick up her things.
She even had the nerve to knock at the door of our neighbor across the hall (whom I mentioned helped her a couple of weeks ago move some of her boxes). It was between 10.30 to 11pm and she kept knocking at her door, wanting her neighbor for support as the cops talked to her. The female cop definitely did some eye roll or at least very subtly so I could tell she thought that was lame and the neighbor as well looked very tired and like she was being forced.
When I spoke to the supers as well I was told the neighbor across the hall recently lost a good friend. I don't know why the ex roommate had to bring this innocent bystander into the process when this issue is between her and I.
So not cool!
I told my parents this situation and had them watch my place as I went to get my lock rekeyed and my dad just thinks I should give her the deposit. At this point I either go big or go home. I tolerated this bitch's abuse and tauntings during January and I am not about to give up now. I will teach this girl a lesson and do it the legal way.
If she thinks she can do what she pleases, she is wrong. There are contracts and procedures to follow. The guy I was talking with says it might be easier to just give her the deposit because of the mental stress it is costing but already in January the stress I had was worth more then $250. I either should have given it first thing but now I will put up a fight because it's not right to me. She's stressed me out already so it doesn't matter if it's prolonged.
I also recorded her tonight as my other friend suggested. She kept telling me to stop taping and she would come after my camera but I told her it was for my lawyers. I think I would like to post it on you tube but would have to blur out her face for legal reasons. It was quite funny and empowering for me to tape her. I brought the chairs for her left behind from the patio table, a stack of papers left in a bag, dog toys and a cup by the door for her and all she took was some small bag of food and I was encouraging her to take the rest of her things which I have on tape that she is saying no to and that she will take what she wants.
I don't think I need more footage as I don't want to antagonize her too much.
I had my book group meeting on Sunday night and was feeling a bit relieved and letting out deep sighs of relief due to the roommate moving out by 2pm yesterday.
I began cleaning up her dishes and put the chain lock on my door, just to feel safe from her.
As I was in the middle of my cleaning, around 10pm the ex roommate barges in and breaks through the chain door and insists she still has the right to be there. She tells me she is going to have a party as well.
Honestly when I looked back at this it feels like she is one of those monsters in the movies that you kill but really you never quite killed them and they come back after you.
Like honestly, why are you coming back. Leave me alone, you have a place.
Does she really think she can get away with having another party???
So I ran downstairs to talk to the supers but they said I had to call the cops as she is not on the lease. I did call the cops and as I took the elevator down to see the supers, her dog gets with me in the elevator and eventually the ex roommate comes down to get him and she is yelling at me how I am crazy.
I waited a while for the cops and this time 3 showed up. I told them the situation. I am not happy that these people really can't help me and they didn't even write up a report. I think the female cop was more sympathetic towards me then the one in charge. They say she still has access rights because of her deposit but honestly nothing of hers is left besides her food, which she is taking her sweet ass time picking up.
I have met someone online who's been in my situation so he is giving me the advice that I can take legally. I also have another friend who is a regular reader giving me advice as well on this situation. So it was good that I had people to talk to. I talked to this guy late last night as well so I really appreciate him telling what I can do and to stay calm.
I got my locks changed today, although I am still required to give her access. She came into the apartment 3 times, one of which I wasn't around and when I came back I saw that my shower curtain was closed and I knew I left it open. I knew it was her. It was unbelievably sick and twisted to me. Like from the movie Sleeping With the Enemy.
I told the supers what happened as well and apologized for disturbing them. I really just didn't know what to do because I felt invaded and this person thinks its okay to do what she is doing when it is not.
The guy I was consulting was saying I need to get her to sign a notice but she was demanding that I give her cash, which I explained that I would be willing to give her deposit after inspecting for damages and that I'd give a cheque.
He said that since I've tried negotiating with her, then I can just send a form to get the legal process started to get her evicted. The form is called N4. It states that she is required to give me rent for February or give me a signed notice for when she is terminating her tenancy. He says this should be enough to get her to write a notice and she will lose her rights to the deposit.
He gave me 2 copies and we mailed them out tonight. She should be getting it at her work place by Wednesday.
I barely slept last night and probably had 3 hours sleep. I feel better though that I changed the locks. The guy said though I still have to let her in but she probably doesn't come for too long and seems to focus just on getting her stuff so really it's in her best interest to get more things and leave since she does have access but it's controlled access. Also he said if she calls the cops she'd have to produce a contract that she lives there but she'd only do that if I denied her access which I am not doing at this point since I am allowing her to pick up her things.
She even had the nerve to knock at the door of our neighbor across the hall (whom I mentioned helped her a couple of weeks ago move some of her boxes). It was between 10.30 to 11pm and she kept knocking at her door, wanting her neighbor for support as the cops talked to her. The female cop definitely did some eye roll or at least very subtly so I could tell she thought that was lame and the neighbor as well looked very tired and like she was being forced.
When I spoke to the supers as well I was told the neighbor across the hall recently lost a good friend. I don't know why the ex roommate had to bring this innocent bystander into the process when this issue is between her and I.
So not cool!
I told my parents this situation and had them watch my place as I went to get my lock rekeyed and my dad just thinks I should give her the deposit. At this point I either go big or go home. I tolerated this bitch's abuse and tauntings during January and I am not about to give up now. I will teach this girl a lesson and do it the legal way.
If she thinks she can do what she pleases, she is wrong. There are contracts and procedures to follow. The guy I was talking with says it might be easier to just give her the deposit because of the mental stress it is costing but already in January the stress I had was worth more then $250. I either should have given it first thing but now I will put up a fight because it's not right to me. She's stressed me out already so it doesn't matter if it's prolonged.
I also recorded her tonight as my other friend suggested. She kept telling me to stop taping and she would come after my camera but I told her it was for my lawyers. I think I would like to post it on you tube but would have to blur out her face for legal reasons. It was quite funny and empowering for me to tape her. I brought the chairs for her left behind from the patio table, a stack of papers left in a bag, dog toys and a cup by the door for her and all she took was some small bag of food and I was encouraging her to take the rest of her things which I have on tape that she is saying no to and that she will take what she wants.
I don't think I need more footage as I don't want to antagonize her too much.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Nah nah nah nah. Nah nah nah nah. Hey hey hey. Goodbye!
Greetings all,
My now ex-roommate is officially out of my apartment!
She was done about 45 minutes ago and I pretty much stayed in my room. She had a bunch of friends help her.
She stole my message board that she liked to write childish messages on. Perhaps it's a security thing for her.
This pisses me off greatly!
She still didn't do the dishes since the 13th and she left a bunch of crap from her party.
I'm glad she's gone. She seems to think I'm the crazy one, but the reality is she is the one with the problem.
Here are some pics left from the mess.
This is how the carpet was from her party, which she never tidied up
Didn't change the toilet paper properly when she had her party
Messy carpet. Insert joke here.
Filler paper left from her packing.
Always have time for Tim Horton's!
The leftover mess from her party
Leftover mess from party
No pics of the leftover dishes, which I've shown in a previous entry.
My now ex-roommate is officially out of my apartment!
She was done about 45 minutes ago and I pretty much stayed in my room. She had a bunch of friends help her.
She stole my message board that she liked to write childish messages on. Perhaps it's a security thing for her.
This pisses me off greatly!
She still didn't do the dishes since the 13th and she left a bunch of crap from her party.
I'm glad she's gone. She seems to think I'm the crazy one, but the reality is she is the one with the problem.
Here are some pics left from the mess.
This is how the carpet was from her party, which she never tidied up
Didn't change the toilet paper properly when she had her party
Messy carpet. Insert joke here.
Filler paper left from her packing.
Always have time for Tim Horton's!
The leftover mess from her party
Leftover mess from partyNo pics of the leftover dishes, which I've shown in a previous entry.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Mensa Wannabe-er
Greetings all,
Today I did the Mensa Home Prep Test to see if I have a chance at passing the real Mensa test. Mensa is an organization for people who possess the top 2% IQs in the world.
Why the hell would I try out for this organization? Well I've been professing for the past 10 years that I am a genius so I figure I probably should actually put it to the test since I've never taken a real IQ test, only online ones. I think if I don't pass this Mensa prep test, at least maybe I'll take a real IQ to see how smart I am intellectually.
If I pass this Home Prep Test, then I can either submit an IQ test that was supervised or take their monthly supervised tests.
I actually took a bit longer to do it and actually was expecting more math type questions, much like a typical IQ test. There were 6 sections in this test categorized as follows: Synonyms, Classification, Opposites, Analogies, Completion (paragraph missing some words, which you choose from a list of possible words) and Inferences.
I found it was too much word selection and it started messing with my head. I think I did okay but I mailed it back today and will have to wait to see my results. As mentioned earlier, I was disappointed that it didn't have more math questions, because I'd probably be done faster.
I read a book a few years ago entitled Losing Our Minds: Gifted Children Left Behind by Deborah Ruf. It talked about the difficulties these gifted children experience and it also had classifed the various levels of giftedness. I always thought perhaps I was gifted and after reading that book, I concluded that if I am gifted, I am probably on the lowest rung because what some of these kids thought about at a young age was impressive.
I know I am probably smarter then average. I probably seem insecure about my intelligence but the reality is I am. I chose to drop out of my first year university, not because I was doing poorly, in fact I excelled in many of my courses, but because like many people my age, I didn't know what I wanted to major in and I saw little point in investing $4000 to go take something that I was unsure of.
I love learning but I had to say goodbye to the intellectual world because somewhere in my heart I knew what I needed to learn, I could not learn in an academic setting. So I went into the world of work and have struggled to find my place in this world. I long to be a comedian, a performer, an artist.
But I can never get that academic recognition that my nerd heart so desires.
I need to know how smart I am. I know I am not the highest level of genius. Maybe I am not a genius at all. But I need to know how intellectually smart I am.
I think being above average intelligence can have it's drawbacks, which I learned about in Losing Our Minds: Gifted Children Left Behind. Lots of thoughts and ideas about things go through your mind and learning can become an obsession. There is a loneliness as well because sometimes some people are just not smart enough to get what you are saying or understand your ideas.
Over the years I keep looking for smart people to be my friends because at least I take comfort in that. Being around stupid people is just too painful for me.
Even if you are not intellectually minded, being kind and being open to learning is just as fine.
Today I did the Mensa Home Prep Test to see if I have a chance at passing the real Mensa test. Mensa is an organization for people who possess the top 2% IQs in the world.
Why the hell would I try out for this organization? Well I've been professing for the past 10 years that I am a genius so I figure I probably should actually put it to the test since I've never taken a real IQ test, only online ones. I think if I don't pass this Mensa prep test, at least maybe I'll take a real IQ to see how smart I am intellectually.
If I pass this Home Prep Test, then I can either submit an IQ test that was supervised or take their monthly supervised tests.
I actually took a bit longer to do it and actually was expecting more math type questions, much like a typical IQ test. There were 6 sections in this test categorized as follows: Synonyms, Classification, Opposites, Analogies, Completion (paragraph missing some words, which you choose from a list of possible words) and Inferences.
I found it was too much word selection and it started messing with my head. I think I did okay but I mailed it back today and will have to wait to see my results. As mentioned earlier, I was disappointed that it didn't have more math questions, because I'd probably be done faster.
I read a book a few years ago entitled Losing Our Minds: Gifted Children Left Behind by Deborah Ruf. It talked about the difficulties these gifted children experience and it also had classifed the various levels of giftedness. I always thought perhaps I was gifted and after reading that book, I concluded that if I am gifted, I am probably on the lowest rung because what some of these kids thought about at a young age was impressive.
I know I am probably smarter then average. I probably seem insecure about my intelligence but the reality is I am. I chose to drop out of my first year university, not because I was doing poorly, in fact I excelled in many of my courses, but because like many people my age, I didn't know what I wanted to major in and I saw little point in investing $4000 to go take something that I was unsure of.
I love learning but I had to say goodbye to the intellectual world because somewhere in my heart I knew what I needed to learn, I could not learn in an academic setting. So I went into the world of work and have struggled to find my place in this world. I long to be a comedian, a performer, an artist.
But I can never get that academic recognition that my nerd heart so desires.
I need to know how smart I am. I know I am not the highest level of genius. Maybe I am not a genius at all. But I need to know how intellectually smart I am.
I think being above average intelligence can have it's drawbacks, which I learned about in Losing Our Minds: Gifted Children Left Behind. Lots of thoughts and ideas about things go through your mind and learning can become an obsession. There is a loneliness as well because sometimes some people are just not smart enough to get what you are saying or understand your ideas.
Over the years I keep looking for smart people to be my friends because at least I take comfort in that. Being around stupid people is just too painful for me.
Even if you are not intellectually minded, being kind and being open to learning is just as fine.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Modifying my Relationship Strategy
Greetings all,
I have previously informed my wonderful readers that I have been following a book entitled Getting to I Do by Patricia Allen as it is a relationship book to help you use the right strategies to get married.
I recently read Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherri Argov and I personally found this to be a more simple strategy. It, like many other dating books, point out how the woman has to let the man chase her in the beginning but also to live your own life and make yourself happy first. (duh...that's what I've been doing for the past 30 years so I've gotten that covered)
I liked the part where she points out how the woman acts after sex is what is important and that to be cool and calm and move on with your life and not get so attached to the man and basically let him come after you.
I liked that advice since I never have read anywhere or heard anyone talk about how to behave AFTER sex. I am not sure how I act after sex since it's been so long but I don't think I was overly clingy anyways. Although I like to cuddle for a bit after it's over.
In Pat's book she talks about giving the man the exclusive talk after you've been dating for a while and he wants to take things on a physical level. Namely, you ask to be exclusive and monogamous and expect this to be continuous and not a one night stand. Also to state your desire that you are eventually looking to get married, although it may not be with him.
I thought about this and I realized if I were a man and a woman I dated started talking to me like that, I'd probably just say yes to shut her up, even if I wasn't willing to marry and I already knew I wasn't willing to marry her.
Some woman has to be the woman before the Wife. It just might be you!
No worries!
The reality is guys will say anything to get into your pants and you can't be so fixated on getting married, that you forget to screen and scrutinize your suitors. You have to look for someone whose company you enjoy.
Besides if you bug a man for marriage early on, it'll make him less likely to want to do it. Much like in real life, if you nag people or pester people, it makes them not want to do that very thing you want them to do!
I am in an email group for people following the Pat Allen strategies but I am thinking of leaving that group. Some of these women are desperate losers. One of them is still pining for her ex and he is already in a relationship with another woman who is more then 15 years younger then him. She's let him recontact her at least 3 times since she dumped him. The new girlfriend even snooped through his email to contact her and she actually had conversations with the new girlfriend. If that were me being contacted, especially by the new girlfriend I'd say 'get lost!'
It's called moving on. You are now just 'the other woman'.
You never will know how to be a winner unless you know how to accept loss!!
This sad soul is in her early 40s by the way.
There is another woman as well who is 53 and was recently telling us of a married man whom she fell in love with whom she met online but naively didn't know he was married. There is another man whom she rejected back in the day and he married and had kids and has entered her life and I think she maybe thinks they might hook up.
Ummm, does marriage not mean anything to these women?
But isn't it ironic though, these women who so desperately want marriage, think it's okay to interfere with men who are already in monogamous relationships, whether they are married or not.
I don't know but I have never been in a situation like this where I go after exes who have girlfriends or let myself fall in love with a married man. I know better. I'm smart and have self respect but most of all I have this thing called morals and ethics. Ah yes pesky ethics!! I tried telling these women how wrong they were but they do not seem to get it and think I am being harsh.
The truth is if they will do it with you, they will do it to you. (Thanks Dr. Phil for that one)
I find the members in this email group take her work too seriously and focus too much on being Yin (since that is what they have chosen... the concept of the book involves choosing an energy style - yin or yang). I find they try too hard and complain alot about their mistakes. I personally think you need to just accept who you are and not try to be someone you are not. You lose so much of who you are when you try to follow these rules and try and be perfect.
Anyways, I will take some of her advice and use what works for me because I think the book has some useful points. I will also take from the other book as well whatever tips that will help me out.
I don't think I will follow GTID strategies on getting a commitment from a man or how to get them to marry you. In WMMB, the author states you can get a man to propose without even using the M-word.
And isn't that what men really want? Don't they really want to believe marrying a woman was THEIR idea? What kind of person would I be if I insisted on it??!!
I know for me, the best thing I have been doing is dating multiple men and letting them chase after me and pretty much not having sex too early. Following those pieces of advice has helped me out alot and so that's probably why I don't stress as much on what I say to men or how I act since I am overall a good person.
I have previously informed my wonderful readers that I have been following a book entitled Getting to I Do by Patricia Allen as it is a relationship book to help you use the right strategies to get married.
I recently read Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherri Argov and I personally found this to be a more simple strategy. It, like many other dating books, point out how the woman has to let the man chase her in the beginning but also to live your own life and make yourself happy first. (duh...that's what I've been doing for the past 30 years so I've gotten that covered)
I liked the part where she points out how the woman acts after sex is what is important and that to be cool and calm and move on with your life and not get so attached to the man and basically let him come after you.
I liked that advice since I never have read anywhere or heard anyone talk about how to behave AFTER sex. I am not sure how I act after sex since it's been so long but I don't think I was overly clingy anyways. Although I like to cuddle for a bit after it's over.
In Pat's book she talks about giving the man the exclusive talk after you've been dating for a while and he wants to take things on a physical level. Namely, you ask to be exclusive and monogamous and expect this to be continuous and not a one night stand. Also to state your desire that you are eventually looking to get married, although it may not be with him.
I thought about this and I realized if I were a man and a woman I dated started talking to me like that, I'd probably just say yes to shut her up, even if I wasn't willing to marry and I already knew I wasn't willing to marry her.
Some woman has to be the woman before the Wife. It just might be you!
No worries!
The reality is guys will say anything to get into your pants and you can't be so fixated on getting married, that you forget to screen and scrutinize your suitors. You have to look for someone whose company you enjoy.
Besides if you bug a man for marriage early on, it'll make him less likely to want to do it. Much like in real life, if you nag people or pester people, it makes them not want to do that very thing you want them to do!
I am in an email group for people following the Pat Allen strategies but I am thinking of leaving that group. Some of these women are desperate losers. One of them is still pining for her ex and he is already in a relationship with another woman who is more then 15 years younger then him. She's let him recontact her at least 3 times since she dumped him. The new girlfriend even snooped through his email to contact her and she actually had conversations with the new girlfriend. If that were me being contacted, especially by the new girlfriend I'd say 'get lost!'
It's called moving on. You are now just 'the other woman'.
You never will know how to be a winner unless you know how to accept loss!!
This sad soul is in her early 40s by the way.
There is another woman as well who is 53 and was recently telling us of a married man whom she fell in love with whom she met online but naively didn't know he was married. There is another man whom she rejected back in the day and he married and had kids and has entered her life and I think she maybe thinks they might hook up.
Ummm, does marriage not mean anything to these women?
But isn't it ironic though, these women who so desperately want marriage, think it's okay to interfere with men who are already in monogamous relationships, whether they are married or not.
I don't know but I have never been in a situation like this where I go after exes who have girlfriends or let myself fall in love with a married man. I know better. I'm smart and have self respect but most of all I have this thing called morals and ethics. Ah yes pesky ethics!! I tried telling these women how wrong they were but they do not seem to get it and think I am being harsh.
The truth is if they will do it with you, they will do it to you. (Thanks Dr. Phil for that one)
I find the members in this email group take her work too seriously and focus too much on being Yin (since that is what they have chosen... the concept of the book involves choosing an energy style - yin or yang). I find they try too hard and complain alot about their mistakes. I personally think you need to just accept who you are and not try to be someone you are not. You lose so much of who you are when you try to follow these rules and try and be perfect.
Anyways, I will take some of her advice and use what works for me because I think the book has some useful points. I will also take from the other book as well whatever tips that will help me out.
I don't think I will follow GTID strategies on getting a commitment from a man or how to get them to marry you. In WMMB, the author states you can get a man to propose without even using the M-word.
And isn't that what men really want? Don't they really want to believe marrying a woman was THEIR idea? What kind of person would I be if I insisted on it??!!
I know for me, the best thing I have been doing is dating multiple men and letting them chase after me and pretty much not having sex too early. Following those pieces of advice has helped me out alot and so that's probably why I don't stress as much on what I say to men or how I act since I am overall a good person.
Roommate Update
Greetings all,
Well my roommate had her party on Friday and I thought she would do the right thing and finally do the dishes she has stopped doing since january 13th. I arrived home at 2.30 am and thankfully the party was over. Two of her friends slept on her couches.
The roommate did some cleaning up, like took some bottles away and wiped down my glass dining table but the place was still messy.
When I went to have breakfast, I noticed that the large plates that she normally uses were not there. So I wondered, where are my dishes then since they were no longer in her sink and I assumed she did them? I opened the sink cupboard and lo and behold are her dirty dishes!
So yesterday I took away some of the remaining dishes and saw that she used a couple of my small coffee mugs, you know the ones for cappucino? I figured she probably would start cleaning but since she hasn't, I took away pretty much all the dishes and left only what utensils were remaining, like the knives, forks, etc.
I think that's pretty sad and pathetic for a 27 year old woman to be doing that and it's sad that I've had to do this. I feel like I am disciplining a child. It is absurd.
It gets me angry though but I am trying to relax because she wins if I am angry. I am tired of her and look forward to her ugly ass out of my place. I will have to find out from the supers when she booked the elevator.
While I was having breakfast Saturday morning, I was scanning my book shelf as it is in the common area and noticed someone stole my Peach Schnapps. I don't drink often but certainly do not appreciate some punk stealing my alcohol.
Six more days! Counting the days!
Well my roommate had her party on Friday and I thought she would do the right thing and finally do the dishes she has stopped doing since january 13th. I arrived home at 2.30 am and thankfully the party was over. Two of her friends slept on her couches.
The roommate did some cleaning up, like took some bottles away and wiped down my glass dining table but the place was still messy.
When I went to have breakfast, I noticed that the large plates that she normally uses were not there. So I wondered, where are my dishes then since they were no longer in her sink and I assumed she did them? I opened the sink cupboard and lo and behold are her dirty dishes!
So yesterday I took away some of the remaining dishes and saw that she used a couple of my small coffee mugs, you know the ones for cappucino? I figured she probably would start cleaning but since she hasn't, I took away pretty much all the dishes and left only what utensils were remaining, like the knives, forks, etc.
I think that's pretty sad and pathetic for a 27 year old woman to be doing that and it's sad that I've had to do this. I feel like I am disciplining a child. It is absurd.
It gets me angry though but I am trying to relax because she wins if I am angry. I am tired of her and look forward to her ugly ass out of my place. I will have to find out from the supers when she booked the elevator.
While I was having breakfast Saturday morning, I was scanning my book shelf as it is in the common area and noticed someone stole my Peach Schnapps. I don't drink often but certainly do not appreciate some punk stealing my alcohol.
Six more days! Counting the days!
Stomach Flu?
Greetings all,
I think I got a stomach flu on Saturday night. I went over to a friend's and my stomach was starting to ache and we were playing Rockband. My favourite is the drums so I always make sure I get to play that since I always enjoy hitting things.
The night didn't end well since my dinner chose to revisit me. I went home only to see more of my dinner revisiting me.
My stomach hurt for Sunday and Monday. I was better on Monday and now my stomach has mild pain. I had a fever as well on Sunday. I am not sure if this was food poisoning or a stomach flu but I read the symptoms for stomach flu and not food poisoning so that's why I figure it must be the stomach flu.
I am quite tired now but I am going out since I have been cooped up for 2 days.
I have never been sick like this as my stomach has never caused problems for me.
I think I got a stomach flu on Saturday night. I went over to a friend's and my stomach was starting to ache and we were playing Rockband. My favourite is the drums so I always make sure I get to play that since I always enjoy hitting things.
The night didn't end well since my dinner chose to revisit me. I went home only to see more of my dinner revisiting me.
My stomach hurt for Sunday and Monday. I was better on Monday and now my stomach has mild pain. I had a fever as well on Sunday. I am not sure if this was food poisoning or a stomach flu but I read the symptoms for stomach flu and not food poisoning so that's why I figure it must be the stomach flu.
I am quite tired now but I am going out since I have been cooped up for 2 days.
I have never been sick like this as my stomach has never caused problems for me.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The Blair Witch Project
Greetings all,
I was actually watching the Blair Witch project at my friend's last night. I never actually watched it when it first came out 10 years. I was in high school and it seemed like everyone was talking about it.
I think the concept of the movie was decent and thought it was put together well enough but the realist in me just gets angry at the choices the characters make in the film. This movie is a mockumentary and so is imitating the style of documentaries.
I don't know how old the characters are supposed to be in the movie but I am assuming they are supposed to be around 25. They all looked like they were people who probably finished high school and bummed around for a few years and then decided to go back to school so they don't seem too naive to me and the Heather chick just looked old so I figured she was a mature student like the rest of her crew mates.
I worked up in Yellowknife back in 2003 for the summer so I know a bit about the reality of being out in the bush and although they are supposed to be film makers, they were not well prepared for life in the bush.
First of all, if you are going into an area where there are no trails, you use trail markers to help you find your way back so that you don't get lost. These idiots probably wouldn't have gotten so lost if they just brought fucking trail markers!!!
Secondly, the crew seemed like a bunch of wimps. Especially that Michael guy.
oooooooo you're lost Michael, now you gotta pull a hissy fit and make a big scene about being lost! What kind of man whines about being lost? You're never lost if you are a man, there is always a way out.
Honestly, if you are lost, what good does it do to yell and freak out? Then eventually Heather yells at him and has her dramatic freak out.
People, what ever happened to team work and to toughing it out!!!
Stick together and shut the fuck up!
They had a compass too and you mean to tell me they couldn't find their way out?
There was a river too and they could have just walked along side the river, either up stream or down stream, depending on where it would go. Everyone knows most rivers don't go in a circle!
So as you can see, I was very angry watching this movie.
I didn't even see them eat and I think that angered me as well. How can you be out on the bush doing all this hiking without eating??? You need to eat! Maybe Michael was so angry about being lost because he was really hungry.
Finally the ending I did not like. What are these idiots doing going into an abandoned house at night? You guys just lost Josh and are asking for trouble! The screaming at the end by Heather was cliched as well. Like okay, we get it you are scared. But nobody made you go into this abandoned house at night eh!
I hated this movie by the way...
I was actually watching the Blair Witch project at my friend's last night. I never actually watched it when it first came out 10 years. I was in high school and it seemed like everyone was talking about it.
I think the concept of the movie was decent and thought it was put together well enough but the realist in me just gets angry at the choices the characters make in the film. This movie is a mockumentary and so is imitating the style of documentaries.
I don't know how old the characters are supposed to be in the movie but I am assuming they are supposed to be around 25. They all looked like they were people who probably finished high school and bummed around for a few years and then decided to go back to school so they don't seem too naive to me and the Heather chick just looked old so I figured she was a mature student like the rest of her crew mates.
I worked up in Yellowknife back in 2003 for the summer so I know a bit about the reality of being out in the bush and although they are supposed to be film makers, they were not well prepared for life in the bush.
First of all, if you are going into an area where there are no trails, you use trail markers to help you find your way back so that you don't get lost. These idiots probably wouldn't have gotten so lost if they just brought fucking trail markers!!!
Secondly, the crew seemed like a bunch of wimps. Especially that Michael guy.
oooooooo you're lost Michael, now you gotta pull a hissy fit and make a big scene about being lost! What kind of man whines about being lost? You're never lost if you are a man, there is always a way out.
Honestly, if you are lost, what good does it do to yell and freak out? Then eventually Heather yells at him and has her dramatic freak out.
People, what ever happened to team work and to toughing it out!!!
Stick together and shut the fuck up!
They had a compass too and you mean to tell me they couldn't find their way out?
There was a river too and they could have just walked along side the river, either up stream or down stream, depending on where it would go. Everyone knows most rivers don't go in a circle!
So as you can see, I was very angry watching this movie.
I didn't even see them eat and I think that angered me as well. How can you be out on the bush doing all this hiking without eating??? You need to eat! Maybe Michael was so angry about being lost because he was really hungry.
Finally the ending I did not like. What are these idiots doing going into an abandoned house at night? You guys just lost Josh and are asking for trouble! The screaming at the end by Heather was cliched as well. Like okay, we get it you are scared. But nobody made you go into this abandoned house at night eh!
I hated this movie by the way...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Can a Dumbass Outsmart a Self Professed Genius?
Greetings all,
Well last night I went out and the roommate was taping up some boxes and our neighbor across from us was helping her (why... she must have been brainwashed to!). As I put my coat on the roommate, again in an attempt to piss me off, said she is glad to be getting out of here.
You know I'm probably the best roommate one could possibly have because I, 1. am laid back 2. am financially responsible 3. nice and willing to compromise and 4. keep things fairly clean and organized.
It annoys me because I know I have been a good person during her stay here and she just doesn't seem to appreciate me. I am not someone who gives and gives but I think I was respectful enough towards her and here she is continuously disrespecting me. I am aware that is her issue and I do not need to look to her to know that I am a good person.
Anyways, she is having her party on Friday so I am hoping it doesn't get out of hand. It usually doesn't so I will just keep to myself and hopefully go out as well.
When I came back, most of her boxes were gone and she finally took out the garbage. I figure for her party she will do her dishes. At this point I am just keeping to myself and praying to the good Lord to protect my furniture and belongings.
I realized last night as I was making my way out to a meetup that she probably only said that she was staying until the 15th because that's what she's paid for as a trick to get me to give her back the deposit. Since I've lived with her, I know she is one of these people that just can't seem to accept a loss graciously and so I know she has been plotting with her friends and perhaps family to figure out how to get the deposit back.
In my mind, I am entitled to 6 weeks notice and so I am keeping the deposit. She must think I am stupid or something but I am not compromising. I am sure she will be out by the 1st. I think perhaps the worst is over. She may be realizing that I will not give in to her childish ways.
I spoke to a lawyer yesterday and he said I could change the locks on her without notice but I may be at risk to be taken to court since it was not written in the contract. So that is something to keep in mind folks if you have someone move in with you to include a clause for changing the locks without notice.
I think even if I were to change the locks, I just think it would make things worse. This is what is odd for me to accept. All I really have to do is keep staying calm and do nothing and not enforce the rules in the contract. As much as I want to clarify things to her again, she doesn't want to listen and there is no point trying to force someone to listen when they aren't even there emotionally and are just in an unstable emotional state.
Well last night I went out and the roommate was taping up some boxes and our neighbor across from us was helping her (why... she must have been brainwashed to!). As I put my coat on the roommate, again in an attempt to piss me off, said she is glad to be getting out of here.
You know I'm probably the best roommate one could possibly have because I, 1. am laid back 2. am financially responsible 3. nice and willing to compromise and 4. keep things fairly clean and organized.
It annoys me because I know I have been a good person during her stay here and she just doesn't seem to appreciate me. I am not someone who gives and gives but I think I was respectful enough towards her and here she is continuously disrespecting me. I am aware that is her issue and I do not need to look to her to know that I am a good person.
Anyways, she is having her party on Friday so I am hoping it doesn't get out of hand. It usually doesn't so I will just keep to myself and hopefully go out as well.
When I came back, most of her boxes were gone and she finally took out the garbage. I figure for her party she will do her dishes. At this point I am just keeping to myself and praying to the good Lord to protect my furniture and belongings.
I realized last night as I was making my way out to a meetup that she probably only said that she was staying until the 15th because that's what she's paid for as a trick to get me to give her back the deposit. Since I've lived with her, I know she is one of these people that just can't seem to accept a loss graciously and so I know she has been plotting with her friends and perhaps family to figure out how to get the deposit back.
In my mind, I am entitled to 6 weeks notice and so I am keeping the deposit. She must think I am stupid or something but I am not compromising. I am sure she will be out by the 1st. I think perhaps the worst is over. She may be realizing that I will not give in to her childish ways.
I spoke to a lawyer yesterday and he said I could change the locks on her without notice but I may be at risk to be taken to court since it was not written in the contract. So that is something to keep in mind folks if you have someone move in with you to include a clause for changing the locks without notice.
I think even if I were to change the locks, I just think it would make things worse. This is what is odd for me to accept. All I really have to do is keep staying calm and do nothing and not enforce the rules in the contract. As much as I want to clarify things to her again, she doesn't want to listen and there is no point trying to force someone to listen when they aren't even there emotionally and are just in an unstable emotional state.
The Necessity of Rules and Structure
Greetings all,
I have been thinking about this concept of structure and rules. I have always been a bit of a rebellious person and usually despised structure and rules because I always felt they were stifling. As a creative person, rules and order seemed evil.
I have grown up over these past few years and have begun to see that having structure and rules in one's life does not have to lead to stifling of creativity.
I never liked the way this Western society was structured. It was too rigid for me and I always felt like there's more to life then just doing things by the book - doing the whole typical go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, retire and die. I think in my search for meaning in this life I did realize that there is nothing wrong with pursuing those things because pursuing those things can lead to happiness.
I guess it boils down to creating a life that you desire and many of us actually desire the same things. Being fulfilled, love, friendship, etc. All these inner qualities must manifest in the physical world to attain true happiness. You can't have one without the other. You can't just have the inner qualities without the materialized and you can't have some material object or desire without some understanding of your inner world.
I think the simplest example from my own personal life is that of my desire for a companion and love. I have many lovely and supportive friends but there is that feeling of missing something. Some people may be happy to be single but it causes me a certain discomfort. I am still happy for the most part but having that companion would make things happier for me. You can never have too much happiness! This inner desire can only be fulfilled when the corresponding materialization appears.
Anyways, I see structures like governments and businesses as just inevitable. I think I got over my detest over the government early on because I understand why we have governments. They are necessary structures to have to keep humans organized. We have so many people in a country and there has to be a way to organize things to maintain some level of peace and order. There are always going to be people trying to organize ways that are unhealthy and destructive but the ideal is to have these structures that foster healthy human behaviour and the peak of attaining a structure and system is one where people feel freedom and feel in control of their own lives.
I guess if you look at countries in the world where there is a lack of government, there is quite a lot of violence, ignorance and disorder. There's that as well in democratic countries but not to the same degree. There is still that sense of law, order and justice. I see the lack of democratic government in these nations as well as a result of a lack of education but does not the desire for education stem from the realization of needing things to be organized? To have structure?
I probably have more to say on this topic but perhaps another time.
I have been thinking about this concept of structure and rules. I have always been a bit of a rebellious person and usually despised structure and rules because I always felt they were stifling. As a creative person, rules and order seemed evil.
I have grown up over these past few years and have begun to see that having structure and rules in one's life does not have to lead to stifling of creativity.
I never liked the way this Western society was structured. It was too rigid for me and I always felt like there's more to life then just doing things by the book - doing the whole typical go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, retire and die. I think in my search for meaning in this life I did realize that there is nothing wrong with pursuing those things because pursuing those things can lead to happiness.
I guess it boils down to creating a life that you desire and many of us actually desire the same things. Being fulfilled, love, friendship, etc. All these inner qualities must manifest in the physical world to attain true happiness. You can't have one without the other. You can't just have the inner qualities without the materialized and you can't have some material object or desire without some understanding of your inner world.
I think the simplest example from my own personal life is that of my desire for a companion and love. I have many lovely and supportive friends but there is that feeling of missing something. Some people may be happy to be single but it causes me a certain discomfort. I am still happy for the most part but having that companion would make things happier for me. You can never have too much happiness! This inner desire can only be fulfilled when the corresponding materialization appears.
Anyways, I see structures like governments and businesses as just inevitable. I think I got over my detest over the government early on because I understand why we have governments. They are necessary structures to have to keep humans organized. We have so many people in a country and there has to be a way to organize things to maintain some level of peace and order. There are always going to be people trying to organize ways that are unhealthy and destructive but the ideal is to have these structures that foster healthy human behaviour and the peak of attaining a structure and system is one where people feel freedom and feel in control of their own lives.
I guess if you look at countries in the world where there is a lack of government, there is quite a lot of violence, ignorance and disorder. There's that as well in democratic countries but not to the same degree. There is still that sense of law, order and justice. I see the lack of democratic government in these nations as well as a result of a lack of education but does not the desire for education stem from the realization of needing things to be organized? To have structure?
I probably have more to say on this topic but perhaps another time.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Messages from Someone with Issues
I will just let these photos speak for themselves!
Bosley is her dog.
The red cup she wanted me to replace. I just washed it instead. Good as new!
I was using her desk chair since she moved in since she got rid of her desk.
I think she feels this message was worth posting twice to me.
Someone does not want to take out the trash
Someone has been not doing dishes since the cops were called
Smoking is not allowed as stated in contract but someone is retaliating because the cops were called
The roommate says she will stay until the 15th of February unless I give her the deposit back (we were told by the police to not speak to each other anyways). She told me this last night and I politely told her to take out the garbage and dishes. She just had to write this the next day.
Bosley is her dog.
The red cup she wanted me to replace. I just washed it instead. Good as new!
I was using her desk chair since she moved in since she got rid of her desk.
I think she feels this message was worth posting twice to me.
Someone does not want to take out the trash
Someone has been not doing dishes since the cops were called
Smoking is not allowed as stated in contract but someone is retaliating because the cops were called
The roommate says she will stay until the 15th of February unless I give her the deposit back (we were told by the police to not speak to each other anyways). She told me this last night and I politely told her to take out the garbage and dishes. She just had to write this the next day.
Monday, January 19, 2009
One of those Days
Greetings all,
You know there are some days where nothing bothers me and I am highly confident. Well today has not been one of those days. I'm sure I'll get back to being my normal confident self soon but things are looking rough for me.
Everything just seems hopeless and bleak and I feel like I'll never achieve my goals and dreams. I'll just be in this state of endless searching and never acquiring what I desire deep in my heart.
Fear and anxiety are riddling my mind. I must dig deep and keep hope alive.
You know there are some days where nothing bothers me and I am highly confident. Well today has not been one of those days. I'm sure I'll get back to being my normal confident self soon but things are looking rough for me.
Everything just seems hopeless and bleak and I feel like I'll never achieve my goals and dreams. I'll just be in this state of endless searching and never acquiring what I desire deep in my heart.
Fear and anxiety are riddling my mind. I must dig deep and keep hope alive.
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