Not Much to Say

Greetings and Salutations,

I think I have reached the pinnacle of my self expression. I have not much to say in the world, to the world.

It's all bullshit and I wonder if my expressing myself just makes the world a more confusing place to live.

Everyone lies to some degree, whether to a partner or to themselves.
Everyone has some degree of selfishness, whether they are aware of it or not.
Everyone has some degree of negativity that skews their perception of events.

* * *
I don't know if I need to be more confrontational with people. I think due to my belief in non violence, it has led me to become weak. There are people out there I should beat up but I don't because I don't believe in violence. I don't want to get involved in drama. I only speak up when I feel necessary but I generally don't fight as much. I don't need to be dragged down by people's low emotional intelligence and their inability to deal with their internal strife.

I don't think I am complacent but sometimes I think maybe people need to see someone get angry at them. We are such a permissive society. Some people probably need to hear that they are acting like an asshole or a whore or too selfish. Sometimes we all need a stern warning about our behaviour.

Unamused

Greetings and Salutations,

I have regretably joined Facebook even though I did say that I would consider joining 6 months from now (I said this probably last month). Have I succumbed to social pressure or curiosity? Most likely curiosity. I am not impressed with this. The initial adrenlin rush of adding friends to my list is dissipating. As a pragmatist, I see very little use in how this tool would be useful in my life.

I did find my ex best friend whom I 'dumped' about 8 years ago because I felt our friendship was going weird. I have heard from her. If I were to rekindle a lost friendship, that one might be the one I think has some hope.

A friend from high school had several other people from high school on her list. Many of these people I didn't care for and I although I do not harbour resentment, I do not care to add them to my friends list. The reality of life is that we will encounter all these people and only a few we find some connection.
I looked at the friends list of several other people and they had over 500. I could not imagine having that many friends. Although I tend to get along with most people, I find it very difficult to have a geniune connection with most people. Why? I don't know. I know that I am different from people but I don't think I'm so unique that I can't relate to people.

Actually I don't think it's difficult for me to have a genuine connection with people. I think for many people, they have difficulty being open and honest with others because they are not open and honest with themselves.

I have also noticed many of the women under 30 use pictures of themselves with their wedding dress on. I wonder if it's because a)this is the only good picture of themself that they have available b)it's the most recent photo they have or c)because their identity is largely tied up with the idea that getting married is a sign one has made it.

I believe the answer is c. I believe for many of these young women, their self concept is largely defined by the fact that they now have someone and they place such value on marriage.

I am sure for some Facebook has been useful in their life. Facebook your time is ticking.

* * *
Many of my readers may not know this however I plan on taking a vacation to Vancouver this year from June 1-10. So if you are attracted to me, that would be a good time to 'accidently' run into me in Vancouver and you can profess your love for me and how amazing you think I am.

Yes this is one of my personal fantasies. A really tiny portion of my soul - probably .07% believes that some guy I know secretly harbours feelings for me but is too afraid to tell me in fear that I will break his heart by telling him I'm not interested. The odds of me telling a guy I am not interested and breaking his heart is quite high.

But the point is that I still harbour this fantasy of a guy I know harbouring feelings and then expressing them. It's not really the breaking his heart part that is my fantasy.

Anyways, I plan on white river rafting for 3 days. I really want to do that and everything else after that will be icing on the cake.

Help End the Tiger Trade

Greetings and Salutations fellow e-friends,

I received an email from the WWF (world wildlife fed, not the wrestling organization) that has some petition to sign for helping the tigers. Also, you can upload your picture to be apart of a tiger mosaic. If this petition idea appeals to you, please forward the link to your friends. Here's a blurb from my email:

"The tiger is one of the most revered, feared and popular species on Earth. Yet it is perhaps the most powerful symbol for all of our planet's endangered wildlife.
Fewer than 5,000 tigers are now found in the wild and in just 7% of the habitat they once occupied. But it gets worse... a thriving black market for tiger skins and bones threatens to wipe out wild tigers altogether.

We need your help to create the world's largest photo mosaic of this endangered species and help put an end to the tiger trade."

You can help by clicking here

An announcement

Greetings and Salutations,

I have decided to make a change of vast consequence. I have decided to renounce my nerdiness. I am sorry that I have to leave behind the nerd community of which impacted me greatly and which I have impacted as well with my love of all things accurate.
I have decided to leave my nerdy ways to pursue the path of divadom. I now consider myself a diva.

My transformation into divaness begins with the renunication of my past - that of nerdiness and high intellect. I am bringing with me to this divafication process, my committment and dedication. My transition from nerd to diva will be a gradual process but being a diva is my true calling in life.

I bid the international nerd community adieu and I say bonjour to the diva community.

I would like to thank the diva community for accepting me and who will play a pivotal role in my divafication process.

Product Review

Greetings and Salutations,

Today, as I sit here in my underwear, I will write a review about an allergy product that I have been using that I believe has been useful. Since 2003 in May I began experiencing allergies that would appear in the spring and fall. I later got tested and the test did not reveal what I was allergic to. I've tried various antihistamines and they don't seem to be strong enough and I find them to be costly.

I discovered this allergy medicine entitled Nasaleze which is manufactured by Vivitas, and their site is vivitas.com. It is a powder that you spray into your nose. Usually one spray in each nostril should be good for the day. Certain days my allergies were really bad and I probably sprayed up to 6 times total. The max dosage is 8 sprays. On my worst days, I found the Nasaleze to be 80-90% effective.

It claims to be a natural product and uses cellulose. It acts as a mucous like lining that filters out pollen and dust.

The powder does become a bit hardened when it interacts with the mucous. My only complaint with this product is that because the powder hardens a bit, it feels like there is booger in your nostril.

The product says it contains 200 doses which they claim is good for 30 days, however, I have had this for more then 30 days and I think most people would not use the full dosage to get positive results.

Overall if you suffer allergies, I recommed using this product.

We also do not use both nostrils when breathing. We use only one nostril and then it periodically switches.

Here Comes the Quadratic Equation

Greetings and Salutations,

There was this article in the paper that featured the picture of the Google founders. They are only 6 years my senior and I found one of them particularly cute - Sergei Brin. The other guy, Larry Page was cute but more geeky cute. I don't know what their marital status is, however, I would be interested in dating Mr. Brin. He's a math and science guy so he would sure be interesting to be nerdy with.

I declare that I would like to be...
Mrs. Google

All About Me

Greetings and Salutations,

This post will not be about me talking about Easter and what it signifies to the millions of Christians around the world. Easter isn't just about Jesus resurrecting after he died. It represents hope that good will prevail over evil. It represents renewal and the opportunity for those who have made mistakes to make things right.

No this post isn't about this holiday, it is like many of my other posts. This post will be about me.

I purchased a couple of dvds from the Wild Goose qigong series a few weeks ago. I thought they would be the last 2 that I buy but I discovered that there was one more available. It was the instructor's first video and it was originally in video format but became reformatted to dvd. He has 2 sites, one that features his dvds and the other has some qigong articles and his upcoming workshops. That site also has a link for qigong dvds. So the main site actually didn't actually feature this video. So I ended up buying it this week. I could have saved on shipping but oh well!

One has volume 3 and the other volume 9. I pretty much know the form of volume 9 and I went over volume 3 a few times but don't actually have the whole routine memorized.
I also starting practising this other form yesterday entitled Liu He Ba Fa which is an internal martial art but doesn't fall under the qigong category. It is known as water boxing. The form is 9 minutes long but there is a lot of arm movements and leg movements and the direction is shifting frequently.

The form has 66 forms and in the dvd, it doesn't show the individual forms in a continuous fashion. You have to select that you want to view the form if that is what you want. It is rather aggravating and so I figure I might as well learn from the full routine version, which is shown in 3 different angles. I have the slow motion function so that will help me out as well.
This form looks rather complicated but I figure it will be a form that I study on an intermittent basis.

I also ordered another dvd entitled tai chi ruler which involves using this stick that is about 12 inches long that you hold in between your palms. I read a book on it and so it looked like something I wanted to learn. The dvd comes with the 'ruler' so it should be interesting to practice this. The ruler is supposed to increase one's ability to sense qi.

* * *
I started reading a Steiner book again. I haven't been reading so much as I have been practising various mantra disciplines. The book is entitled The Mission of the Folk Souls. Steiner is one of those thinkers who will begin this lecture talking about various things which at first may seem irrelevant to the subject but then by the end of the lecture series it all starts to make sense. So as I am reading this book I get impatient as I would like for him to cut to the chase. I'm 4 lectures into it so it should be getting more interesting.

* * *
I have been obsessed with finding a condo as I am itching to get out. Renting is an option as well and maybe that's what I'll have to do since I haven't found any that I liked that are in my price range. They both have their pros and cons. I find it odd that someone like me, who has a highly independent nature, has this difficulty with moving out. I'm not going to waste my time analyzing why but it is something I wonder about.

It would just be so much easier if I had a boyfriend and was pregnant.

seepage

Reason #666 for wanting to move out of my parent's house:

My dad is currently watching a television program featuring a mass where they are going through the stations of the cross.
It also features Gregorian chant

RRRRRRRRRRR

Grrrrrreetings and Salutations,

I won yesterrrrrday my firrrrrrst prrrrrize frrrom the Tim Horrrton's Rrroll up the Rrrrim to Win contest. I norrrmally don't consume Tim Horrrton's prrrroducts but have been known to occasionally have a medium hot chocolate. I've been buying Tim's just to play the game. I managed to win a coffee afterrr purrrrrchasing 5 medium hot chocolates overrrrrr the span of 2 weeks.


rrrrrrrrrrr

Happy Internet Day

Greetings and Salutations,

Today I am declaring that the world needs a day to celebrate the internet. Today I choose to make it Internet day which is a day in celebration of the wonderful and beauty of the internet.

I love the internet and I am grateful that I have access to it on a regular basis. I enjoy the quickened ability to search for things, whether I am looking for information or things to purchase that I may not easily find in stores such as my qigong dvds.

I also enjoy that the internet is a fairly democratic medium.

I do not know how else to express my appreciation of the internet but oh internet how do I love thee!

Happy Internet Day!

Merry Springmas

Greetings and Salutations,

It is officially spring. Actually I think it was officially spring yesterday. Yeah it's still cold outside!

Da bomb

Greetings and Salutations,

I started getting back into my kettlebell weightlifting. It seeems that SAD has caused me to lose motivation to exercise. I have a 26 and 35 pound kettlebell and it was actually challenging to do the one arm press with my 26 pounder. When I first started, I had managed to do one arm presses with some ease but that's what a couple of months of not training does to your strength. I think I pudged up a bit this winter. I still do my qigong and go for brief walks on my lunch.

*
I started putting sprouts in my sandwich today. I used to feed my canaries sprouts and would make them at home. I read that sprouts are good for humans so I did feel odd eating them but I enjoyed adding them to my sandwich. The ones I ate are not home made. I might want to look up on the internet for what seeds to use because when I made them for my canaries, I would use their bird seeds.

*
I have been at my job for over 6 months. My 6 months was on February 28 which also happened to be the 2 year anniversay of my grandfather's death.

This also means that I get dental benefits which will be useful as I will be needing my wisdom teeth taken out. I have 2 already out but I still have 2 remaining.
*
I am so freaking horny. I need a man!

Humanity

Greetings and Salutations,

My study group (i.e. book club) has begun reading Steiner's collection of essays entited 'The Renewal of the Social Organism'. These articles have been published in newspapers way back in the early 1900s and basically discuss ideas about organizing society. His basic idea is commonly referred to as a "Threefold Society" which means that these 3 parts - economic, political and cultural (education) must be autonomous because many social problems arise when, for example the economic sphere dictates what goes on in the education sphere. The education sphere should dictate its own mandate and not be influenced by the economic sphere.

He discusses many more aspects about society and the individual.
Several years ago I got several of his books on this topic because it was something that I was deeply concerned about. I want to be a proactive member of humanity. I want my words to have some effect. Not because I am rich or I have status but simply because I am a human. Much of what I feel and what I desire, I think are similar to what many others have, whether they are conscious of it or not.

Steiner's books and lectures on society and economics are rather thick to grasp and demand some rigourous thinking from the reader. I do believe based on my observation of life that there is an unconscious working out of this three fold idea. I think many of those in the anthroposophical community have this notion that this idea just isn't doable but I can see that in the world there is this great struggle towards this threefold idea. People just don't have this idea. People just don't think about society. Perhaps if this idea was more known, the process of evolution for humanity would speed up.

I am optimistic about the state of humanity's future. There are things humans do that is just disgusting and evil. But this is part of becoming human. I know evolving can be a messy process and that is to be expected. Humanity has alot of work ahead but I think it is doable.

Is my optimisim because I am young and naive?
I do not believe so because I have contemplated these issues and the evils of humanity. I have struggled with my own anxieties about the world. I know how the ego operates.

Cynicism and negativity does not create strong wills. It does not lead one to action or to think of alternatives.
I choose to think, to question and to challenge.

Go Humanity Go!

Lesbian Dreams

Greetings and Salutations,

Alright so I had some interesting lesbian dream this morning. I'm not a lesbian at all. I've never been with a woman. I've thought about it but I never really felt much attraction to women. I can appreciate a good looking woman. I might be willing to make out with a woman but...
I am a fan of the penis and a huge fan of the penis in the vagina, especially my vagina.

When I was in grade 9 my friends starting calling me a dyke. This was probably a few months into starting grade 9. These were my friends from elementary school and at this point many miner niners would still hang out with their friends from elementary school. I am surprised how high school can change some people into jerks and that's what happened with some of my friends. I didn't have a boyfriend and didn't date. I was one of those shy kids so although I like guys, I was rather quite scared of them. My 'friend', who I'll call Lisa (which is by the way her real name) starting calling me a dyke and then my other 'friend' Amanda (which is her real name as well) would join in. Amanda was one of those people who was really nice but when she was with Lisa she became a different person and would follow Lisa. Those 2 had some weird relationship. They would always have a fight, break up and then be friends again.

Perhaps Lisa was projecting her fears of being a lesbian onto me, a blazing hot sex goddess trapped in the body of a shy, genius nerd.

Because they kept calling me a dyke, I seriously began contemplating whether I really was a lesbian. But I came to realize that I wasn't. I wish I had stopped hanging out with them at lunch sooner and eventually I did find other friends to hang out. Ones that were more accepting towards me.

So this brings me back to my lesbian dream. I had a lesbian dream a few years ago that was quite explicit, which I will not go into. I'm secure with my sexuality and what I like. So maybe for other women, having a lesbian dream might freak them out. But for me, I try and be aware of what my subconscious is saying.

My lesbian dream was not really sexual in nature. Some woman was present and we both felt drawn to each other and attracted to each other. It wasn't sexual. We had this feeling of love and connection with each other. She would reach out and was feeling the energy around my hands. She liked me and I liked her. We were falling in love.

Perhaps this dream was symbolic of me accepting my feminin nature.

False Advertising

Today my co-workers and I ordered pitas from an undisclosed Pita store (here's a hint... it's called Extreme Pita). We all ordered combos and you have the option of getting a snack like cookies or chips. I went with cookies. I went with the double chocolate cookies.

I went to pick up the order as we called it in. I had faith that these cookies would be double cookie as the name implies. After I finished my pita, I began to eat my cookies. Apparently these cookies contain white chocolate chips as well. I felt betrayed. Here I was expecting just chocolate in my cookies. I don't want no whitie chocolate chips. I didn't want cookies that had 2 different types of chocolate.

These cookies should have been called something else. Something like double chocolate with white chocolate chips or jungle fever double chocolate or mottled double chocolate.

I shake my first in rage.

Skinner update

Greetings and Salutations,

We had contacted the vet today and the doctor told us to use a cotton ball with hydrogen peroxide with warm water on the injured areas. It appears Skinner will recover. Hopefully he will recover quickly and start using his injured leg more. And sing again.

An insider's job

Greetings and Salutations,

The family canary, Skinner is currently not doing well. I have previously mentioned that he faces danger from external birds, however the greater evil lies within the house. Skinner has a band on his leg which is common for birds. He was picking at it yesterday and my parents decided to take the leg band off.
The band was successfully removed.

My parents also decided to trim his nails since it appeared long to them. The first nail was trimmed. For the second nail, Skinner flinched and my dad ended up cutting too much of his nail, causing him to bleed profusely.

Bird nails have a blood vessel in them. You are to trim the nail 1/8 of an inch from that blood vessel. It is possible that a bird can bleed to death if you cut the blood vessel.

Skinner is surviving. The incident happened yesterday around 4 pm. He has been standing on his good leg for most of the evening. For this who do not know, canaries sleep standing on one leg. I do not know if excessive use of just one leg causes stress on the leg. He can fly and I have seen his stand on his damaged leg, but usually it is brief. I was concerned that he might die overnight but he made it through. I'm no doctor but I think if he lost too much blood, he would probably die within a few hours.

He has blood on his cheek and his belly, as he relaxs his damaged leg against his belly. How he got blood on his face is unclear.

It deeply saddens me to see an innocent creature suffer because of an accident. Let this be a lesson for those who care for birds. I have suggested to my parents to contact the vet for suggestion on aftercare, which they will do this afternoon. I don't think he needs medicine for preventing an infection as it was just his nail that was cut and not skin. I think he will probably just need to have his leg hand washed.

Skinner also has stopped singing and hopefully he will recover quickly from this genuine tragedy.

I love you Skinner!

A poem...

The trappings of existence has befallen the many
Crafted by an unknown intelligence
We wander
The trappings are many
The knowers are few

Segregation
Elimination
Discrimination

The temptation has yielded a fruit of unbearable consequences
The salvation exists
We mine for this salvation
The cost is high

Unrelenting is the pain
To go back crosses the mind
Comforted by the familiar
Warmed by the safe
Mortifed by the realization of ossification

A longing pervades
A desire persists
A decision is made

The sword is sharpened
The vision expands
The heart engulfs

Skinner Stalking

Greetings and Salutations Carriers of Cerebral fluid,

My canary Skinner is located near the window. It has given him new life to be placed in that location, however, today I was exposed to the harsh reality of how vulnerable my canary is to potential stalkers.

I was sitting on the couch reflecting upon whether I will attain Buddahood or not when I suddenly saw a Cardinal dive towards our window aiming straight for Skinner. The impact of the bird against the window startled me. Fortunately the Cardinal was okay. I don't think Skinner realized that another bird was after him.

My mother came into the living room and asked me why I was so upset and I notified her about the bird situation. She told me that the Cardinal was lurking around in the morning.

I am scared for my Skinner. He is being stalked.
I began contemplating what was the intention of this Cardinal? Did the Cardinal want to eat him? Or play with him?

Yesterday I had also noticed that another bird was fluttering in front of our window. Skinner seems to be popular. The bird from yesterday seemed curious about Skinner but today, this Cardinal seemed ready to attack. Although technically the only way an outsider bird will be able to hurt Skinner is if it waits by the side door until someone in my family leaves or enters the house. It would then have to fly into the living room, open the cage door either with its beak or feet and then begin to continuously peck at Skinner until he bleeds to death.

Or the bird would have to learn karate and break our front window. Both have a slim chance of actually happening. Skinner enjoys his location and I should hope that he doesn't get traumatized from other birds wanting to attack him.

Seepage in the brain

Reason #27 for wanting to move out of my parents house:

My mother is currently playing music by Engelbert Humperdinck.