Tax Refund Spam

Greetings all,

I regularly get spam like everyone else. I have a gmail account so pretty much all spam goes into its own folder which I don't have to deal with. I do review them when deleting them to make sure some legitimate emails do not get put in the wrong folder.

Today I got an email from someone who claimed they were from the Canada Revenue Agency, the taxman for Canadians. It claimed I had a form to fill out so I could get my refund of fifty some odd dollars. I knew it was a scam but filled out the form for fun. Please see below for my response.




To learn more about these scams visit the following links:
http://www.itworldcanada.com/news/canadians-duped-by-tax-refund-scam/108709
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/canadian-tax-refund-scam-emails.shtml

It's pretty sad that there are people out there that try to screw over people and do so with intent.

The Direction Whisperer

Greetings all,

I have decided to name myself The Direction Whisperer among my other names such as Meandering Falls, Dances with Ikea Furniture and my favourite Your Royal Awesomeness.

Now there is a reason for why I have chosen to name myself as such.

I have encountered many times in Toronto where people ask me for directions. For whatever reason, people like to approach me and ask for directions. I happen to be good at it since I am geographically inclined and I always keep a compass on me so I always know where magnetic North is. I, by the way, am not a native Torontonian as I am a long time Hamiltonian.

Back in October of this year I had noticed more and more people were coming up to me asking for directions when I would go outside for my breaks at work. I tend to walk around my area as I need to get away from my computer and get somewhat fresher air and exercise. I work in the University and Dundas area.

I would have someone asking me where the Embassy was. I didn't know but I asked for the address and said it was across the street and he found the place.

One week I had up to 4 people asking me for directions. I was walking down to my office and was part of a large crowd of people who just got off the subway and one woman comes from behind me and asks if she was going the right way and I asked for the address and told her where. Another time that week I was just browsing through a store, eating an apple. The clerk didn't want me to dirty clothes so she offered me a tissue. I declined and ended up leaving because I could tell she was paranoid that I'd ruin the clothes, even though I was very careful. I walked around the block and some woman came from a building and asked me which way was Dundas and I pointed to the street and kept on enjoying my apple. If I didn't leave that store at the moment that I did, I never would have been able to give directions to that woman. I am just in tune with those who are lost and directionally challenged and in need of direction.

Even when I didn't know where the place the person was looking for, I happened to be with someone who knew. I was with a co-worker and one day we were going the Market that occurs at City Hall. This person needed to see some doctor on a street I never heard of but my co-worker knew. I was just the conduit that day.

I just decided to simply name myself The Direction Whisperer. I guide the lost and directionally challenged in Toronto and ensure they get to their destination. I humbly embrace my new calling.

Stop Online Spying

Please sign the epetition to stop Online Spying.

The government is trying to push through an anti-Internet set of electronic surveillance laws that will invade your privacy and cost you money. These bills will force every big Internet provider to monitor, record and surrender our personal information to "authorities" without a warrant.

If these bills pass a range of "authorities" will have the ability to invade the private lives of law-abiding Canadians and our families using wired Internet and mobile devices, and the cost of those millions of dollars of spying technology will be passed down to YOU.

This bizarre legislation will create Internet surveillance that is:

Warrantless: A range of "authorities" will have the ability to invade the private lives of law-abiding Canadians and our families using wired Internet and mobile devices, without justification.
Invasive: The laws leave our personal and financial information less secure and more susceptible to cybercrime.
Costly: Internet services providers may be forced to install millions of dollars worth of spying technology and the cost will be passed down to YOU.

If enough of us speak out now the government will have no choice but to stop this mandatory online spying scheme.

If enough of us speak out now the Government will have no choice but to stop this mandatory online spying scheme. Sign the Stop Online Spying petition now.

Goodbye Gumballs!

Greetings all,

I have written a few times about a gumball machine business I owned and that last year I had begun the steps to close it down.

Well this week I officially have put this beast to rest and all I have to do is just put together my final book keeping for income tax purposes for next year.

Last year in August I managed to take out all the machines in Hamilton. I had a few in Burlington and for some reason I thought it was best to find a job and then I can finish with getting the machines out in Burlington.

I got them out a few weekends ago and I thought I should have done this when I had more free time, when I was out of work. It took 2 weekends to sort out everything because I began disassembling the gumball machines the first weekend. I had my parents and brother empty out the sand in the stands as I put sand in them to give it weight. I initially emptied one stand but found it difficult. The sand was damp so my dad thought it would be best to let it air dry so I think it made it easier for my family to empty them.

The following weekend I got the other machines in Burlington out. Altogether I had 17 machines, which means I had 8 missing over the years that I didn't replace since I was no longer interested in the business. I found out that one of the machines I placed in a mechanic shop in Burlington wasn't there so that was annoying. I just don't know why people don't notify you of these things.

I had my mother take the metal portions of the gumball machines to a metal scrap company and I got $47 out of it. I was hoping to scrap my plastic parts and get some money out of it. The globe was made of polycarbonate and the stand was made of polyethelene. I had my mom contact a few places in Hamilton but only one was in business and they don't give money. I called a couple of places in my area and one place said that they only accept plastic at the minimum of 10,000 lbs. My stands weighed 9.3 lbs so the weight in total would be well under 200lb and not accepted.

We decided the best option was to go with the company in Hamilton to dump the scrap. Unfortunately my parent's useless Cadillac would have to make 3 trips to get all the globes and stands out so they got them to pick up the plastic for $15.

I was upset about this because I wanted some money out of the plastic. Maybe I could have called a few more plastic companies but I figure they are all the same.

I was sad about how things turned out. I had a dream that night that a woman was going to start her own gumball machine business and I was giving her advice. I told her it's important to have passion for what you do. I told her that some locations do better then others so if you have one in a poor location, to relocate it and you do better if you were the type of person who didn't mind making cold calls. I had someone find me locations but that cost money. If I were more extroverted, I probably would have made calls but I had alot of fear and lack of skill in this area.

* * *
I also had to put an end to another business endeavor which didn't end favourably for me which I wrote about years ago. In that post I briefly discussed how I purchased those point-of-sale machines back in 2003. The company became public and the monthly money I was getting got converted into shares. I had noticed some time ago that their stock was no longer viewable on the TSX and so I eventually found out that their company was private and that I was forced to cash in my shares. I have to look into this because I didn't know that a public company can become private. I went yesterday to fill out the forms to claim my shares. I won't get much money back. I did all the right things and this was a business that went well until they became public. It's hard to not get upset about the loss. My attempts to improve my life financially didn't seem to go in my favour.

I decided that I'll put whatever money that comes to me from that company into my RSP so that I can use it for a down payment for a house as I have learned that first time home owners can take out money and pay it back in 15 years with no interest.

* * *
I don't know if I'm over these failed business endeavors. I do know that I need to move on and learn from these experiences and hopefully prosper and make better decisions.

Time to Say Good Bye!

Greetings all,

I have been mulling this over in my mind for a while now. I have not been doing stand up comedy very often these past few months, mainly because this year I was stressed about not having work and focusing on that. Once I found a job, I wasn't really doing much shows.

I decided officially it's time to say goodbye to stand up and to improv. I have met many interesting and funny people but I just don't think I have what it takes to become professional, which was something I was hoping for.

A few years ago I kept seeing myself on stage, alone and it took me months before I found the courage to try stand up again. I did stand up at my high school talent show and had a hard time with it, even though I did well. I began doing improv and loved it and it helped me to gain confidence as a performer.

For whatever reason, I just feel like I just don't have what it takes. I realize it takes dedication to become at the level I had envisioned myself at and frankly I just don't think I have that dedication. I don't know if I ever will. I thought comedy was a lover I was devoted to but my experience has made me think otherwise. I am very dedicated to my kundalini yoga and meditation practice so I know I have a capacity for commitment and discipline but right now I cannot devote that attention to it as it was quite hard for me. Some days it's hard and I just think it's time to move on. Maybe in a few years time I'll want to try it again but I have lost all motivation to perform and I'm okay with that.

I have always felt conflicted as a stand up person mainly because improv is my background. I liked being spontaneous in improv but liked that in stand up I could express my own ideas and opinions. Stand up obviously requires good writing skills and an ability to stick to some routine, which for me was hard. I could not reconcile within myself these two components of my personality that I have - the spontaneous performer versus the writing stand up performer. Improv gaves me a certain satisfaction that stand up doesn't provide and vice versa, mainly because they are different forms.

I do believe that if something were meant to happen it will and right now my motivation is not there and I'm okay with that. I have other things that I want to focus my attention on. Comedy, whether through improv, humour columns or stand up has always been a part of my life. It will be sad to not have this in my life but that's how it goes.

Stand up seems very individual driven and I do like that to some degree as that's why I wanted to go back to it after many years of improv experience. It also seems like a hostile environment for women, although there has been a movement towards having more women involved as I took a few workshops just for female performers.

I think I as well had challenges connecting with my audience and rejection is difficult to accept on a regular basis. I don't think I was unfunny but at times I felt like people just didn't get it. I guess this is what doing open mics can do to you because the occasional shows that I did that had a more positive audience and not filled with other comics I felt good about.

Maybe I am an open mic burnout or just had enough of stand up? Who knows but I am done with it in my mind and we'll see if I ever feel drawn to perform again. I do tend to follow my intuition so maybe this is a blessing for me and to take a step back and refocus my priorities.

Winter Time

Greetings all,

I decided to email Old Man Winter last week because I was missing him and seriously wondering if I was being too premature in dumping him. We talked on the phone for a while on Thursday and then went out for dinner on Friday. It looks like we are back together. He does have some traits that I don't particularly care for but at this point it is tolerable. I am not sure where this will go but I will give him a chance and see what happens. I normally don't like to take someone back because people who are on again/off again are annoying.

I've asked myself if I'm just missing him because I miss sex but I don't think so. We spent a significant time not having sex and so I think I actually enjoy his presence and company.

I know I've expressed doubts about this and perhaps it won't work out but I think I have to give this a try and see where it goes.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Greetings all,

After reading about Seasonal Affective Disorder on Wikipedia and talking to a friend who has tried fish oil that contains omega 3, I decided that I would try Fish oil that contains omega 3. The reason being is that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and according to Wiki:

Winter depression is a common slump in the mood of some inhabitants of most of the Nordic countries. It was first described by the 6th century Goth scholar Jordanes in his Getica wherein he described the inhabitants of Scandza (Scandinavia). Iceland, however, seems to be an exception. A study of more than 2000 people there found the prevalence of seasonal affective disorder and seasonal changes in anxiety and depression to be unexpectedly low in both sexes. The study's authors suggested that propensity for SAD may differ due to some genetic factor within the Icelandic population. A study of Canadians of wholly Icelandic descent also showed low levels of SAD. It has more recently been suggested that this may be attributed to the large amount of fish traditionally eaten by Icelandic people, in 2007 about 90 kilograms per person per year as opposed to about 24 kg in the US and Canada, rather than to genetic predisposition; a similar anomaly is noted in Japan, where annual fish consumption in recent years averages about 60 kg per capita. Fish are high in vitamin D. Fish also contain docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), which has been shown to help with a variety of neurological dysfunctions

I've tried various things with little luck. I've taken Vitamin D, I've exercised and I've used a light box. I would still feel tired and my energy low. I didn't have my liveliness either. Considering that I don't eat fish at all as I am a fussy eater. The only fish I eat is a tuna and anchovy spread my mom makes that you use on crackers. And that I eat sporadically. I thought I'd try some fish oil to see if there is any positive effect on my system.

I went to briefly see a Naturopath last week who said that a Homeopathic remedy would be used. I looked into that and found one online which I ordered. If it doesn't help me I will probably see the Naturopath to get one that is more taylored for me rather then a general formula.

I have been on the Fish oil since Thursday so in the 5 days I do feel better and I think this has improved my symptoms a lot.

I also have been using a product that I had shipped to where my parents were staying when they were in Italy as they don't ship to Canada. The product is called Valkee. It basically is like a light box but you put into your ears as it's been on the theory that your brain can receive light not just through the eyes (as that's how the light box delivers it) but also through the ears. I've been using it for about a month now. It helps a bit but is still not enough. It helps me yawn less but it didn't help with my energy levels. It's certainly better to use then a light box as I hated having to sit in front of the light box for 30 minutes in the morning. I use it for 6 minutes twice a day.

The fish oil I have contains 800mg of EPA and 500mg of DHA so I am taking a very potent amount. I have Vitamin D that has some EPA and DHA, 42 and 50 respectively but that is not enough. We'll see how I feel by the end of the week and I'll see how my energy levels are. I may stop using my Valkee maybe next week to see if the fish oil alone is enough. By next week I should get that homeopathic remedy.

I felt really bad last year by December 21. Having SAD has and is a horrible experience. My energy levels were so low and there is a feeling of heaviness and mild depression. I would motivate myself to do things but they just seemed so much more difficult because of this problem and that in and of itself just made me feel bad because it would drag me down more. Two years ago my symptoms appeared by mid October and last until March. Last year and this year it started in mid September. It lasted until April I think and it seems like it has gotten worse.

I've had this problem for 6 years now. I had went to see my doctor 2 years ago about this problem initially and then again last year. She had me take a sleep study test and I had spoken to a counsellor who said I had mild depression. The doctor also tested my thyroid and vitamin D levels and for the most part I was normal. I knew I had SAD but they had to rule out this things.

I didn't want to be on anti depression meds because I was thinking there has to be a better way. So I'll see how the rest of the week pans out for me with the use of the fish oil. The fish oil I think has helped a lot.

Occupy Toronto!

Greetings all,

I decided to participate in the Occupy Toronto movement that is part of the Occupy Wall St. This was my first protest and it was interesting. My friend has been following this so that's how I learned about it. She actually went to New York to observe and film what was going on there.

A couple of us were there and when we started to march to the location from King and Bay, I ended up getting disoriented and lost my sense of direction. There was so many people and it was easy to lose track of where we were in the city. I didn't make a sign but I wanted to be there.

It was interesting to read what some newspapers have been saying about this movement. Many criticisms going on and I think it goes to show that they just don't get it.

I probably won't camp out since I have a job and really don't want to take time off work. I may camp on a weekend but it's a bit too cold and I think I can just visit. Camping is not really my thing.

I've always wanted to see some sort of movement and protesting going on in this country. Canadians seem so docile. We should be more like the French who protest all the time. For me it was interesting to be a part of something bigger where we all understand that something is wrong with the way things are in the world and we are at least expressing our dissatisfaction.

I don't know what this will lead to but it's interesting that it has spread across other countries. America has quite the influence but at the same time, something like this spreads because there is some sort of unsatisfaction and frustrated with the external world.

Many people came together for many different reasons. It appears Adbusters is the one who initiated this so it does make me a little suspicious of their motives. My friend seems to think the issue is really the banks. I think it's a bunch of things like the banks, the government and corporations. There was some anti rich sentiment but I don't think it necessarily means they are against people with money.

It will be interesting to see how things unfold. I'm on their Facebook group and you can see how hostile people can be towards each other. It's just a microcosm of the macrocosm as there will be people not agreeing and having different opinions.

I should hope some change comes to the world. I have done my inner work and I do wonder if people use this as a distraction from working on themself. It might feel better to make corporate greed a scapegoat. But then you can still be happy and just are genuinely opposed to their behaviour.

I can still hear reverberating in my body the words of the crowd "we are the 99%" and "we want justice".

Greetings all,

The other thing with Old Man Winter is that I didn't feel comfortable calling him my boyfriend. I would think after 2 months of dating, I should feel comfortable but for some reason, I just couldn't do it so it didn't make sense to keep dating.

Since we are in the same social circle, I saw him yesterday as our group went for a hike and we chatted about why I ended things. He seemed upset about it, which I'm not really used to seeing in a man. I told him the reasons and it just seemed like this week, he pissed me off with these minor annoyances.

Since I'm looking for something long term, I just don't see it going anywhere so why keep dating? I think he might have taken it a bit personally but for me I just think it was time to move on and yes I'll miss the good sex but I think I'm just looking for something long term.

I want to be with a man that I feel proud to declare he's my boyfriend and for whatever reason I just couldn't do it with him. I think that he and I both deserve better and it's really just a case of being mismatched and always best to not take it personally.

Ciao Old Man

Greetings all,

I ended up ending things with Old Man Winter. We have been dating for 2 months. I had been wanting to go away to Vermont for Thanksgiving weekend, which is this weekend. He didn't tell me until Monday that he had his son for this weekend (He had him last weekend and normally gets him every other weekend) I was upset about this because I really wanted to get out of this country because I haven't been travelling with much, considering I was out of work again. I couldn't shake off the anger and disappointment I felt over this. Normallly I can move on with things but the fact that I couldn't get over it means it was probably time to move on.

There have been a couple of things going on that have bothered me and although I didn't plan to end things with him last night - I did.

I say 'I guess' a lot in conversation. Some of my friends don't like it but that's how I am. I'm not going to change for anyone. I try to accept people for who they are and don't try to change them so I especially don't like how he'd bring it up a lot. It was like he couldn't tell if I meant no or yes. Usually it means yes. The other night he was bugging me about in conversation and I snapped and said that if you want a cheerleader, go out and date one as that's not how I roll.

I'm part choleric and part melancholic. So I'm not always going to be upbeat about things all the time. I'm not always going to be filled with enthusiasm. If you can't accept me for how I am, I just don't care anymore.

The other thing I was thinking was that he should be well ahead of time of when he gets his son and he seems like he's on the fly with it sometimes. I would think that you should have your schedule worked out a few months in advance and if it's been agreed that holidays are treated differently, you should know well ahead of time when you get him. I like to plan things and I'm already thinking about early retirement so I can't be with someone who's a little flakey when it comes to being organized.

I did wonder if I made a mistake and was being too quick but sometimes these things just get worse instead of getting better and sometimes you just need to nip things in the bud.

I sometimes feel like I am destined for spinsterhood. I hope not. I want to start my own family soon.

I knew this going in but I was skeptical about dating a man with a child. I thought I'd give him a chance since I felt attracted to him for so long. I guess it's okay if things don't work out but I do hope to find someone. I am just not sure if I want to try dating again. I just get so frustrated with the process and it takes so much out of me, the rejection and disappointment. Why bother with love and its search? I can take care of myself.

Death and Meditation

Greetings all,

Lately during meditation, I have observed that I am feeling this fear of death. I almost feel panicky. I'm not sure if it's an ego death that I am feeling or more so the fear of the death of the physical body. Various thoughts come up about death and dying and it obviously freaks me out. Lately I've been experiencing more of these feelings but then they pass.

I'm not really at the point where I am fearless towards death because I don't know at this point if death is really the end. I know we all talk about how the spirit never dies but I think this is sort of what I am experiencing at times - the fear that this is it.

Obviously I need to keep at my practice and see where this takes me and work with confronting the fears about death that come up but I do wonder if others have experienced this same fear about death. I almost feel alone in this but I'm sure on some level, we all think about death and ignore our fears about it.

Pubes

Greetings all,

I purchased last month a product for maintaining your pubic hair. I was thinking that there has to be some product that trims this area. My current method of womanscaping involved using scissors. Now I didn't cut myself, it was just a way to trim them and I thought it was an okay method.

I decided to do some online research and came across the following review of a trimmer. I ended up purchasing this product so now I'll be leaving my opinion on it.

I like the Ladyfair trimmer. I thought it trimmed the area fairly closely and did it quickly. It was a bit shocking for me to see all that hair gone. It was like being pre-pubes and it was a little awkward. I didn't care for the Body Bare buffer, which supposedly is to smooth out your area after you've used the trimmer. You cannot use it unless you've trimmed the area. I didn't really notice that it made that area smoother so I don't recommend that.

My current man does not like the all shaved look so I let grow out. It's obviously better then using the scissors so I can go longer without womanscaping.

Old Man Winter

Greetings all,

I have mentioned I am dating a guy in my meetup group. I found out he is not 10 years older then me but is actually 10.5 years older then me. That half a year makes a difference!

I've nicknamed him Old Man Winter because he has pre-mature grey. The one thing that bothers me when we are out in public is when we engage in PDA. I generally feel a bit uncomfortable holding his hand or kissing him mainly because he looks older then his age. He is 43 and I think he looks like he is in his early 50s or late 40s. I am 32 and tend to look younger. People think I am in my mid 20s. So obviously this looks awkward in my public. Normally I don't care what people think but being publicly affectionate with him makes me uncomfortable. I don't want people to think that he's some dirty old man macking on a some hot, innocent, young and impressionable lady.

I also found out his birthday is close to the birth date of the English Muffin. The English Muffin was born on July 6 and Old Man Winter was July 5.

I must say I enjoy having sex with him. He's got some girth on him and after having sex ,my vagina usually feels worked in for at least 24 hours. He is also pretty good at oral and I think he has set the bar. I had one guy I was with who has set the bar on what constitutes amazing oral. What I liked about him and what made him good was his passion. I could tell when he went down on me that he really enjoyed licking the female anatomy. While OMW may not have the same passion and enthusiasm, he certainly knocked my socks off. I think his passion is more subtle. But men that is the key to performing good oral - being passionate.

We've been dating for just over a month. I haven't labelled him my boyfriend and at this point I just don't feel comfortable doing so. He is one of those guys that is relationship oriented which is probably the first time I ever encountered this so he seems like he wants to call me his girlfriend. We went out last week for my first time to a golf driving range and he showed me how to golf. Afterwards we went to his place and had wonderful afternoon sex and then hung out for the rest of the day. He remembered it was his dad's birthday and he called him and they talked for a bit. He left the room we were in and then came back and he said he was seeing a girl in the meetup group. I haven't told my parent yet and usually I don't feel comfortable telling my mom I am dating someone. She knew about the English Muffin but it took me a while to tell her because I didn't think she'd get it.

My friend thinks it's weird that I haven't called him my boyfriend. She thinks that means we can still date other people. Yes that is true we probably can date others. I'm not dating anyone else at this point and I feel quite turned off from the online dating thing. I told her I didn't care for a label at this point and that even if he was my boyfriend, that is not going to stop him from dating other people. People have affairs all the time. The label in and of itself doesn't determine the person's faithfulness. A label isn't bad anyways. It just isn't the be all and end all.

Car

Greetings,

My parents went to Italy for 3 weeks so I thought I'd ask them if they'd let me borrow their car for the time they are away. They let let me so I was happy to have a car. Their car is a Cadillac. I ended up filling it up the day before I returned it and it cost me $60 to fill it and I didn't fill it all the way. It probably would have cost $65 to fill 'er up. I didn't think such a car was such a gas sucker.

The Cadillac accelerates nicely but it was a bulky car and I've driven it with them before and I never cared for the mirrors. I preferred the mirrors on my Malibu. I found the rear mirror too small and it made the objects appear smaller and I am a firm believer in having good mirrors.

So having access to a car for 3 weeks has solidified my decision to get a car. I had initially said I'd go 6 months without one to see how I like it. It's been about 3 months and I really don't like it. I'm a driver. I don't mind taking the streetcar to work because I work downtown so it's just easier but to go to my book group and my yoga on Sunday and visit my family in Hamilton, it just makes more sense. I hate having to wait all the time for the streetcar. I like just being able to hop in a car and go.

I have a few friends who have used cars so I think I will go with that as they are probably more affordable. I am not in a rush to buy a car so that's a good thing for me. I'm still going to wait and save up my money because I can do without one for now.

My parents bought me my car, although they didn't initially buy it for me. It was a car that my mom and I used and then they decided to let me be the owner. My dad is very opposed to the idea of buying a used car because he thinks it might be in poor condition. I probably would make sure I get a good one and also I think you can get the history of the car.

I'm more interested in getting a fuel efficient car like the Hyundai Accent or Ford Fiesta or a Yaris. I am looking for a car that can last a while and my friend has a Nissan which she recommends getting a Japanese make.

I think I'd like one of those lime green cars. I've been seeing a few in Toronto and think they are really cool as a colour and look bright and fun. I like the colour red but I think as a car I wouldn't go for it because I think they are more prone to get tickts. That' my theory but I am not sure how accurate it is.

Fatalism

Greetings all,

Lately I just feel like no matter how much effort I put into self improvement, I can never really improve my life. I feel like my life is probably already predetermined and there is really only so much I can do to make my life better. I might as well give up trying to have a better life. I want to have a better job, have some sort of power and authority but I just think that I'm only going to go so far with my life so why bother if I think life is already mapped out.

I know it seems pessimistic but maybe this is the reality of life. I believe in karma and reincarnation so for me, maybe I've experienced alot of good times in the past and this life I have different things to learn.

I'm not even interested in comedy right now. I'm not really interested in anything. I guess I'm just in a lull right now. Not worried that I'm in it or anything.

Back into Dating

Greetings all,

I recently have been dating someone who is in my introvert meetup group. I said in a previous post (Friends with Benefits) that I was lusting for this guy and so we actually started to date. He's taken me out for dinner and has cooked for me. I was a little skeptical about going after him but I've been lusting for him for a while and it didn't seem to go away.

He's a little out of my age range as he's 10 years older then me. He also is divorced and has a 10 year old son. I dated a man back when I was 23 who was separated and had the kids full time so I didn't want to get involved with someone that has been married, mainly because they have more baggage to deal with.

I thought I'd give him a chance but I'm taking it slow for now. Our group had a few barbecues at his place and he'd pick me up at the subway station (as he's in the suburbs of Toronto). I really liked his eyes so that was a selling point for me.

It's nice to be dating someone and having them touch you and be with you physically. I fell hard for someone who lived in England and even though we never were in a relationship (did meet once), I had a hard time getting over him because I felt we were so compatible and I thought it was possible to overcome the distance.

My attitude is to just take it one day at a time and see where it goes. I don't know if he is Mr. Right but I'll just enjoy the time of dating. He will be the first guy I date from meetup. Meetup is for socializing and so I didn't really want to use it to date people since I think it's for socializing but you know sometimes when people hang out more they become attracted to people and date. It is inevitable that some romance blooms.

I actually went to one meetup on Friday and some guy in the introvert group, whom I only met once, actually asked me out on a date. I was wearing a skirt as I am trying to be more feminine. It's really hard because it's not my style as I prefer shorts and pants and jeans so maybe dressing up makes me attractive to men.

I know for me, I was tired of doing the online dating thing. I honestly felt like the universe was cock blocking me because it seemed like things just weren't clicking for me and dating was a chore. It's nice to meet someone in person so we'll see where this goes.

Fuck you CNE!

Greetings all,

I'm pretty pissed today. I've been agitated since yesterday and my patience has been short. But today, the Security Guards at the CNE really pissed me off. I take the Go train to see my parents and have to cut through the CNE to access it. Normally I have no issues but now that the CNE is running (CNE is a family park that offers rides at the end of the summer and only runs for 2 weeks), I had difficulty today accessing the route I normally take. I wanted to take the 12.46 train and usually leave by 12.20 and I walk at a brisk pace.

The route I normally take was blocked and so I had walked through the entrance. A young woman said I had to pay but I notified her that I was taking the train and didn't want to be late. She called the security guards and they were after me. I told them I had to see my parents and that I would be late and this was the route I normally take. They wanted me to go take another way but I was not in the greatest of moods. There were 3 of them ganging up on me and I suggested to get escorted but they still were giving me attitude. I told them twice but they wouldn't allow me.

I had to access the train from the north side of the train tracks. Normally I access the south because the pay machines are on the south. I fortunately made it on time but I was pissed and rushing to get there. If I missed my train, I'd have to wait another hour and I didn't want to go through this.

I got home to my parents and called them to complain. They said they would speak to them. I didn't get the name of the person I was speaking with but I will do a follow up call tomorrow.

I just find it ironic that some organization that is for families, intentionally makes it difficult for someone who is trying to access the train so that they can see their family. My parents were also leaving to go to Italy this Tuesday so this was important for me to see them on time.

Friends with Benefits

Greetings all,

Some of my friends and I went to see a movie called Friends with Benefits, which stars Justin Timberlake. I was having a conversation with one of my friends whom I have been having lusting for. We were having a conversation about the concept of having a Friends with Benefits (short form is FWB) arrangement. I said everyone has probably experienced being in this type of arrangement. Or at least you should have had this experience. To me, you haven't lived if you haven't had been in a FWB. I said I did this type of arrangement a few times in my 20s and to me that's almost standard behaviour for that age group. He apparently was the type of person who was always in a relationship and never really did this type of stuff.

I see being in a FWB as a smart way to sow your oats. Instead of always fucking random people when you aren't ready to commit to anyone, you can have consistent sex without the worry of getting a sexually transmitted disease.

Now for me, these past few years I have been wanting a meaningful relationship so I haven't engaged in this type of arrangement. He asked me what was the longest relationship I have had and most of them are short. I think with my first boyfriend, it was about a year and another guy I think it was just under a year, probably around 8 months.

I've spent most of my life single anyways and not actually involved with someone. This doesn't mean I was always in a FWB situation. I felt a bit awkward with this conversation because it was almost suggesting that I am not the type to be able to be in a relationship. For me, I just feel like I am fussy so I'm not going to stay in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. I'd rather be on my own. I obviously could handle being in a strictly sexual relationship but not everyone can. I probably could still do it and not get emotionally messed up but I'm just mentally and emotionally in a different place so it's not something I want to be involved with.

My friend thought this guy is probably gathering some data about me but I did say I'm in a different stage so looking for something more meaningful.

As well, just because someone is always the type to be in a relationship, doesn't mean they are good at it or that they are in healthy relationships. Someone who is just in FWB situations can be just as healthy or unhealthy emotionally as someone that is the relationship type.

At the end of the day, I don't think it matters if one has slept with lots of people before they meet the right person or if they have to plough through lots of relationships. The point is to be happy with yourself, regardless and hopefully find the right person. To me, there is no right or wrong way to live so I don't think the fact that I've been in a few FWB arrangements means I don't have what it takes to be in a meaningful long term relationship.

Creating Reality

Greetings all,

I have been feeling these past few weeks that I am creating my own reality. I've known this intellectually however it is starting to take deeper root into my being. I think because of my yoga practice and meditating, it really is giving me a deeper self awareness and consciousness about my life and the power that I have in my life.

I as well have been realizing that, although I am fairly open minded, there are ways in which I am limiting myself. And I can do something about it and not get trapped by my self imposed limitations. It's certainly liberating to understand that we create our reality.

What I notice is that if something bad happens to someone, they think it only happens only to them. People fail to realize (I think this is just common human psychology) that there are others out there going through the same thing and that they are not alone. I think getting to that stage, helps one to empower themselves too since they don't take the pain so personally. Definitely seems like an ego game we play - that we think we are the only ones suffering or experiencing difficulty in the world. It really is all about perception of events at the end of the day. Thank goodness for Sat Nam Rasayan as well (I am an avid practitioner). It's so key to not react to things and just accept what occurs. That helps to empower one as well since you can handle things better instead of fighting against reality. Most of suffering I would say is because we aren't accepting the reality of what is being presented to us.

Need vs Want

Greetings all,

I was trying to have this discussion with my male friend about needing a relationship and wanting a relationship. We have a mutual friend, which I have mentioned in a previous post, that I think always has a need to be with a man as I think she is desperate on an emotional level. He seems to think what she is doing is okay because she is lonely. I probably know this person more then the male friend I was having this discussion. I know that she's not doing her inner work, she's done some but obviously there is more to do. I just know from a few conversations that she is looking for happiness in a man and the reality is, that will never happen because it's not the way reality works.

I know I obviously can't make someone wake up to the mistakes they are making and it's something they can change when they are ready and willing to change. I'm optimistic that she can learn her lessons when it comes to relationships. She might learn the lessons this year or 5 years. Who knows but if one is wanting a meaningful relationship, they are going to have to do some real inner work and soul searching to get to that place.

My friend whom I was talking about this female friend, just doesn't get the concept. He seems to think her needing a man is okay. I want a boyfriend. I don't need a boyfriend. I feel fine emotionally and don't seek a man to fill an emotional void. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man. The difference between the two is that needing a man is coming from an emotionally unhealthy place, where you unconsciously believe it's someone else's job to make you emotionally fulfilled and happy. Wanting a man is coming from the place where you realize you can and do fulfill your own emotional needs. Your wanting a man comes from a secure place.

Wanting a man, means I have something to share. Wanting a man makes me more discerning because I don't waste my time with men who I am not interested in or don't think would be good matches. If I need a man, I will take whatever comes my way. I may display some discernment but because I don't know myself or invest enough time in myself, I tend to 'settle' and use men as emotional fillers. Needing a man means you are not bringing anything to the relationship. In fact you are arriving at it at a deficit, which to me is doomed to failure and doomed to cause drama for the participants

I think my male friend probably is a touch emotionally needy himself and maybe this is why he doesn't get what my point is and why I think she is needy, which is not healthy. All the healthy relationships I know of that work are ones where people want a relationship and are not emotionally needy. Looking outside of yourself for your own peace and happiness are just recipes for disaster. We all know it intellectually but it has to be something learned on an emotional level.