Greetings all,
I had been notified this morning at work that I was getting laid off. I was and still am quite surprised. My contract expires at the end of September. I know they can let me go whenever but I didn't think I'd be let go since there were others who are newer then me. I didn't get a clear reason for why I was let go but someone was telling me they were having some budget issue and maybe needed to let people go.
I had booked tomorrow off because I am going to Georgia for a kundalini yoga retreat. I really don't want to have to go back to finding a job. I know how hard that is and I don't even know if I want to go back to school.
I hope things work out for me. This year was looking good but then this happens...
Oh well!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Friends
Greetings all,
The previous post had gotten me riled up a bit but it brings me back to a concept that if you want to have friends, then you have be a good friend. If you are being hurtful to someone, instead of further picking on them when they begin to challenge your behaviour, why not look at your own behaviour instead of being accusatory of the other? Maybe your the one with the problem.
The thing is with people like that is they get upset that no one likes them or no one listens to them. Rather then learning to modify their behaviour, they continue to blame everyone else around.
No one want to be treated in a hostile manner and eventually no one will tolerate hostile, mean and angry, bitchy people.
The fact that I won't tolerate assholes in my life is not about me having control issues but about me having a healthy level of self respect.
Some people have no power and are jealous of those people like me who choose to deal with their issues instead of letting the anger and resentment build up within them.
Some people are just inadequate and insecure and all they know how to do is be miserable and try to take people down to their level. I'm not going down that road as I choose to be happy and free and responsible and emotionally mature.
The previous post had gotten me riled up a bit but it brings me back to a concept that if you want to have friends, then you have be a good friend. If you are being hurtful to someone, instead of further picking on them when they begin to challenge your behaviour, why not look at your own behaviour instead of being accusatory of the other? Maybe your the one with the problem.
The thing is with people like that is they get upset that no one likes them or no one listens to them. Rather then learning to modify their behaviour, they continue to blame everyone else around.
No one want to be treated in a hostile manner and eventually no one will tolerate hostile, mean and angry, bitchy people.
The fact that I won't tolerate assholes in my life is not about me having control issues but about me having a healthy level of self respect.
Some people have no power and are jealous of those people like me who choose to deal with their issues instead of letting the anger and resentment build up within them.
Some people are just inadequate and insecure and all they know how to do is be miserable and try to take people down to their level. I'm not going down that road as I choose to be happy and free and responsible and emotionally mature.
Unfriending on Facebook
Greetings all,
I've had to unfriend an improv 'friend' on my facebook mainly because I had felt this person has been too rude on my status updates. I initially had blocked him from commenting on my status. A few days ago I had commented on his status. I am not hostile like he is and am socially appropriate. He had childishly brought up how I blocked him. I ended up messaging him and got some long winded response, basically not acknowledging and taking responsibility for his hostile actions and words. Had said I have censorship issues and doesn't understand why his humour offends me.
Half the time, the jokes and comments are just down right mean and cruel. You can't just say to people that you don't get their humour if you are behaving like an asshole half the time. It's not funny and it's being mean. It's not something to be proud of. It's down right sad.
I eventually responded. I don't know why because frankly I am someone that usually gives a little fight when being faced by this type of ignorant behaviour. I had said my boundaries were disrespected more then once and that he probably could be more sensitive.
Basically he is a hostile and angry person with emotional issues and basically hasn't dealt with them and so views the world and people from this self righteous and angry perspective. Has quite the chip on his shoulder. Whereas I am responsible about my emotions and anger and use yoga as a tool to help me process my hurt.
I'm not about to have that type of person in my life. I hardly see him in real life and certainly will not tolerate this online.
His response to my comment was:
Meh.
As a result, I unfriended him. It clearly shows his emotional maturity level is low and he is being dismissive. Friends have conflicts but I believe most normal humans can talk out their difficulties. Some people just don't want to and dig their heels further into their position and further believe that they are right.
I'm not responsible for the hurt people feel. They are responsible for their emotional health. I will not feel bad because someone can't manage their anger. That is not my responsibility.
I've had to unfriend an improv 'friend' on my facebook mainly because I had felt this person has been too rude on my status updates. I initially had blocked him from commenting on my status. A few days ago I had commented on his status. I am not hostile like he is and am socially appropriate. He had childishly brought up how I blocked him. I ended up messaging him and got some long winded response, basically not acknowledging and taking responsibility for his hostile actions and words. Had said I have censorship issues and doesn't understand why his humour offends me.
Half the time, the jokes and comments are just down right mean and cruel. You can't just say to people that you don't get their humour if you are behaving like an asshole half the time. It's not funny and it's being mean. It's not something to be proud of. It's down right sad.
I eventually responded. I don't know why because frankly I am someone that usually gives a little fight when being faced by this type of ignorant behaviour. I had said my boundaries were disrespected more then once and that he probably could be more sensitive.
Basically he is a hostile and angry person with emotional issues and basically hasn't dealt with them and so views the world and people from this self righteous and angry perspective. Has quite the chip on his shoulder. Whereas I am responsible about my emotions and anger and use yoga as a tool to help me process my hurt.
I'm not about to have that type of person in my life. I hardly see him in real life and certainly will not tolerate this online.
His response to my comment was:
Meh.
As a result, I unfriended him. It clearly shows his emotional maturity level is low and he is being dismissive. Friends have conflicts but I believe most normal humans can talk out their difficulties. Some people just don't want to and dig their heels further into their position and further believe that they are right.
I'm not responsible for the hurt people feel. They are responsible for their emotional health. I will not feel bad because someone can't manage their anger. That is not my responsibility.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Oh God!
Greetings all,
I just don't think I can believe there is a god. I'm not an atheist however and am more agnostic and skeptical that one exists.
I'm tired of hearing people talk about the will of God. Why does what happens that is beyond our comprehension have to be identified as the will of God? Why can't we just acknowledge the limits of what we know and not attach to god.
Is there a higher power? Who knows!
We humans, obviously need humility and the ability to surrender. Why surrender to a higher power or a god? Why not just surrender for the sake of surrendering and not to some higher power?
I just don't think I can believe there is a god. I'm not an atheist however and am more agnostic and skeptical that one exists.
I'm tired of hearing people talk about the will of God. Why does what happens that is beyond our comprehension have to be identified as the will of God? Why can't we just acknowledge the limits of what we know and not attach to god.
Is there a higher power? Who knows!
We humans, obviously need humility and the ability to surrender. Why surrender to a higher power or a god? Why not just surrender for the sake of surrendering and not to some higher power?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Online Dating Continues
Greetings all,
I've been on a dating site now for almost 2 months and have gone on 2 dates. The thing I don't like is that being that I am 31, I am looking for a man who is close to my age, ideally under 35. I'm being generous and have opened the window to men under 40 and sometimes will respond to someone who is 41. I am open to someone younger, although men tend to mature slower then a woman and so I'm open to someone as young as 26, although I would prefer no younger then 27 or 28.
Now as a woman, I think women have to be picky for biological reasons. We are the ones that carry the baby and so logically it would make sense for a woman to be picky.
I've seen one man post on his profile that he wants a woman with brown hair. I was offended by this and ranted to my coworkers at lunch because I don't select a man based on his hair. True, I may prefer blondes but I am open to hair colours. And it's a very superficial thing to be fussy about. I can understand things like wanting children and smoking. But a man in my eyes, has ZERO rights to be so fussy like that.
The other thing that is annoying is that I am having men who are well over my age range hit on me. I think I had someone who was 50 wink at me. That is way too old for me. If I already did the marriage and kids thing already, maybe I wouldn't be so discriminatory but since I want kids and a husband in the long run, a man that age is just out of the question.
Don't get me wrong, anyone can be attractive but I can't build my life with someone that age. I just don't understand why they even bother trying! I know some women in their 50s get frustrated that men their age are hitting on younger women, but being that I am a younger woman by comparison, I really don't appreciate it and I think they are wasting their time!
I've mentioned this before but men just need to be more realistic and realize that they are not the ones with the power when it comes to mate selection.
I've been on a dating site now for almost 2 months and have gone on 2 dates. The thing I don't like is that being that I am 31, I am looking for a man who is close to my age, ideally under 35. I'm being generous and have opened the window to men under 40 and sometimes will respond to someone who is 41. I am open to someone younger, although men tend to mature slower then a woman and so I'm open to someone as young as 26, although I would prefer no younger then 27 or 28.
Now as a woman, I think women have to be picky for biological reasons. We are the ones that carry the baby and so logically it would make sense for a woman to be picky.
I've seen one man post on his profile that he wants a woman with brown hair. I was offended by this and ranted to my coworkers at lunch because I don't select a man based on his hair. True, I may prefer blondes but I am open to hair colours. And it's a very superficial thing to be fussy about. I can understand things like wanting children and smoking. But a man in my eyes, has ZERO rights to be so fussy like that.
The other thing that is annoying is that I am having men who are well over my age range hit on me. I think I had someone who was 50 wink at me. That is way too old for me. If I already did the marriage and kids thing already, maybe I wouldn't be so discriminatory but since I want kids and a husband in the long run, a man that age is just out of the question.
Don't get me wrong, anyone can be attractive but I can't build my life with someone that age. I just don't understand why they even bother trying! I know some women in their 50s get frustrated that men their age are hitting on younger women, but being that I am a younger woman by comparison, I really don't appreciate it and I think they are wasting their time!
I've mentioned this before but men just need to be more realistic and realize that they are not the ones with the power when it comes to mate selection.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Free Hugs!
Greetings all,
One of the improv missions we did yesterday was the Free Hugs mission. They have been doing this annually for several years and I decided to participate in this. Basically it involves having a sign saying 'Free Hugs' and you randomly hug complete strangers that you meet on the street.
I had made my sign on Saturday morning and was in a bit of a rush as the night before I went out and was dancing the night away so I didn't get to sleep until 3 am. I had to be at the meeting place for 3 so I didn't have too much time to doddle as I like to take things slow on my days off. I had decided to use a coloured bristol board and then use blank paper to cut out the letters. I just cut them directly from the paper, not outlining them. I was improvising! For some reason, I had a hard time making the letter G. I don't know why but my brain couldn't figure out how to do it and I had to write out on some scrap piece of paper how to do the G and I had to think about how it needed to be cut.
I am not the hugging type actually. I have read in a book a while ago, called The 5 Love Languages about the different ways people show love and hugging (touch) was one of them. I am more into verbal affirmations. The others were spending time with them, doing things for them (acts of service) and giving gifts.
This was actually a bit of an awkward experience for me but I like the concept. The concept of having a sign and giving random strangers hugs. I was definitely out of my comfort zone yesterday! We broke up into smaller groups and we made our way to the Yonge and Dundas Square. Our group was fragmented at times and I think we should have worked together more as a team to be effective.
Three guys were topless and had on their chests Free Hugs. Most of the people that come out to these missions tend to be in high school. These topless guys didn't get too many willing people to hug them and it's probably because no one wants to hug topless males, although some people were willing to be photographed with them, probably because they found it humourous. One of them had boxer-brief shorts so he just looked like an ass. And I think one woman that saw him just had a shocked look on her face. Most people don't want a hug from someone where their junk is just a little too visible.
A couple of the girls were more outgoing and so they were more successful in getting hugs. I think that's the key thing. It's like selling and you have to be a bit more outgoing and encouraging to the passerbys. Being that I hate selling, I wasn't really being that aggressive in getting hugs. I basically held my sign and would hope someone was open to hugging or I would be by the go-getters and get second hand hugs.
Obviously, you have to respect people's boundaries so if someone didn't want a hug, you don't push for it. There were many polite declines but there were people who were happy to get a hug. I certainly think being more encouraging helps.
I had wanted to do it last year and but didn't because I had other plans. I was a bit scared about hugging creepy people and perverts but hugging someone only takes a few seconds and everyone needs love in this world, even the creepy ones!
I had participated in the hugging for an hour as I had plans for a barbecue that night. I think the group probably was doing it for 1.5 to 2 hours, which I think is a bit long. I think the enthusiasm wanes a bit by the time you do it for an hour.
I think if I were to do it again, I'd probably feel more comfortable but it was a good experience, although a bit frightening at times.
One of the improv missions we did yesterday was the Free Hugs mission. They have been doing this annually for several years and I decided to participate in this. Basically it involves having a sign saying 'Free Hugs' and you randomly hug complete strangers that you meet on the street.
I had made my sign on Saturday morning and was in a bit of a rush as the night before I went out and was dancing the night away so I didn't get to sleep until 3 am. I had to be at the meeting place for 3 so I didn't have too much time to doddle as I like to take things slow on my days off. I had decided to use a coloured bristol board and then use blank paper to cut out the letters. I just cut them directly from the paper, not outlining them. I was improvising! For some reason, I had a hard time making the letter G. I don't know why but my brain couldn't figure out how to do it and I had to write out on some scrap piece of paper how to do the G and I had to think about how it needed to be cut.
I am not the hugging type actually. I have read in a book a while ago, called The 5 Love Languages about the different ways people show love and hugging (touch) was one of them. I am more into verbal affirmations. The others were spending time with them, doing things for them (acts of service) and giving gifts.
This was actually a bit of an awkward experience for me but I like the concept. The concept of having a sign and giving random strangers hugs. I was definitely out of my comfort zone yesterday! We broke up into smaller groups and we made our way to the Yonge and Dundas Square. Our group was fragmented at times and I think we should have worked together more as a team to be effective.
Three guys were topless and had on their chests Free Hugs. Most of the people that come out to these missions tend to be in high school. These topless guys didn't get too many willing people to hug them and it's probably because no one wants to hug topless males, although some people were willing to be photographed with them, probably because they found it humourous. One of them had boxer-brief shorts so he just looked like an ass. And I think one woman that saw him just had a shocked look on her face. Most people don't want a hug from someone where their junk is just a little too visible.
A couple of the girls were more outgoing and so they were more successful in getting hugs. I think that's the key thing. It's like selling and you have to be a bit more outgoing and encouraging to the passerbys. Being that I hate selling, I wasn't really being that aggressive in getting hugs. I basically held my sign and would hope someone was open to hugging or I would be by the go-getters and get second hand hugs.
Obviously, you have to respect people's boundaries so if someone didn't want a hug, you don't push for it. There were many polite declines but there were people who were happy to get a hug. I certainly think being more encouraging helps.
I had wanted to do it last year and but didn't because I had other plans. I was a bit scared about hugging creepy people and perverts but hugging someone only takes a few seconds and everyone needs love in this world, even the creepy ones!
I had participated in the hugging for an hour as I had plans for a barbecue that night. I think the group probably was doing it for 1.5 to 2 hours, which I think is a bit long. I think the enthusiasm wanes a bit by the time you do it for an hour.
I think if I were to do it again, I'd probably feel more comfortable but it was a good experience, although a bit frightening at times.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
G20 Mayhem
Greetings all,
I was going to go to a barbecue last night and was making my way to take the streetcar. I was on Queen and saw 3 streetcars stopped with their lights flashing. I had figured this line was down due the G20. There are multiple street car lines parallel to Queen so I decided to try the Dundas line and someone said the line wasn't working. So I finally made my way to the College St line and it wasn't working either.
I decided to head home and I had my friend call me to see how I was doing and I had found out some rioting was going on in the downtown core. I live just outside the core, according to the Toronto map so I am far enough away from the madness. Apparently some cop cars were set on fire and people were destroying buildings. It's near where I work as we are 2 blocks from University Avenue, which is where most of the chaos was occurring. We aren't scheduled to return to the office until Tuesday so hopefully things will have settled down by then.
I was quite angry to hear about these Black Bloc anarchists just being destructive and not legitimately having a real protest. This is my city and I don't want that kind of nonsense going on! I just think these people are unhappy with their lives and just use this as an excuse to misbehave. Why can't they channel their anger in more productive ways and take a boxing class?
Obviously, these G20 meetings should take place in a remote island or something because every where they go, riots happen. It's too much stress for people in the city to endure and it causes too much disruption to businesses. You know, if you want to have your precious meetings, please do so but it's too disruptive to people and there is a better way to have these meetings.
I know some protesters are against these cops and antagonize them and then they get upset at them. We obviously need a police presence. I saw one video where the cops are blocking off a section and these people (I don't know if they are protesters) are saying that this is not democratic. Just because people are blocked from something, doesn't mean the cops are being fascist! Sometimes roads get closed due to construction. Does that mean we live in a fascist country?
Obviously these cops aren't perfect but they are to help keep things from getting out of control. They are just doing their job, why hate on them?
This was the video I was referencing. I really don't know who is behind the video. He says they are being herded in and that they want to go home. I don't know if there was an alternate way for them to go, but in cases like these, I think if you want to go home, it might be best to find an alternate route! Why aggravate and antagonize people who are already in a highly stressed state? Just asking for trouble!
I ended up leaving the city as I was planning to go to a pot luck in Brantford with my older book group so I was going to go to Hamilton on Sunday. I hope things settle down today.
On the way to Hamilton, I was listening to the radio and heard someone being interviewed about why they were destroying the Star bucks. I don't know if this person was arrested. He made no sense. Said something about Zionists and that we have to stand up to Fascism. Something about Star bucks being responsible for social problems. I think he was just using it as a scapegoat. The only problem I could see blaming Star bucks is not treating their workers fairly and exploiting them and not being fairtrade. I don't know enough about them, but even if they weren't evolved, what good is it going to do to destroy their building? They have so many and this will not get your message through.
I had heard the mayor say that these people that are being this way are criminals and that they have told the police that protesting is allowed, provided they are peaceful and that it is a Canadian value to allow protesting. Now I don't know how well these cops followed these orders or even how well these orders were given to cops.
It really just ruins it for the rest of the people who are trying to voice their concerns.
I was going to go to a barbecue last night and was making my way to take the streetcar. I was on Queen and saw 3 streetcars stopped with their lights flashing. I had figured this line was down due the G20. There are multiple street car lines parallel to Queen so I decided to try the Dundas line and someone said the line wasn't working. So I finally made my way to the College St line and it wasn't working either.
I decided to head home and I had my friend call me to see how I was doing and I had found out some rioting was going on in the downtown core. I live just outside the core, according to the Toronto map so I am far enough away from the madness. Apparently some cop cars were set on fire and people were destroying buildings. It's near where I work as we are 2 blocks from University Avenue, which is where most of the chaos was occurring. We aren't scheduled to return to the office until Tuesday so hopefully things will have settled down by then.
I was quite angry to hear about these Black Bloc anarchists just being destructive and not legitimately having a real protest. This is my city and I don't want that kind of nonsense going on! I just think these people are unhappy with their lives and just use this as an excuse to misbehave. Why can't they channel their anger in more productive ways and take a boxing class?
Obviously, these G20 meetings should take place in a remote island or something because every where they go, riots happen. It's too much stress for people in the city to endure and it causes too much disruption to businesses. You know, if you want to have your precious meetings, please do so but it's too disruptive to people and there is a better way to have these meetings.
I know some protesters are against these cops and antagonize them and then they get upset at them. We obviously need a police presence. I saw one video where the cops are blocking off a section and these people (I don't know if they are protesters) are saying that this is not democratic. Just because people are blocked from something, doesn't mean the cops are being fascist! Sometimes roads get closed due to construction. Does that mean we live in a fascist country?
Obviously these cops aren't perfect but they are to help keep things from getting out of control. They are just doing their job, why hate on them?
This was the video I was referencing. I really don't know who is behind the video. He says they are being herded in and that they want to go home. I don't know if there was an alternate way for them to go, but in cases like these, I think if you want to go home, it might be best to find an alternate route! Why aggravate and antagonize people who are already in a highly stressed state? Just asking for trouble!
I ended up leaving the city as I was planning to go to a pot luck in Brantford with my older book group so I was going to go to Hamilton on Sunday. I hope things settle down today.
On the way to Hamilton, I was listening to the radio and heard someone being interviewed about why they were destroying the Star bucks. I don't know if this person was arrested. He made no sense. Said something about Zionists and that we have to stand up to Fascism. Something about Star bucks being responsible for social problems. I think he was just using it as a scapegoat. The only problem I could see blaming Star bucks is not treating their workers fairly and exploiting them and not being fairtrade. I don't know enough about them, but even if they weren't evolved, what good is it going to do to destroy their building? They have so many and this will not get your message through.
I had heard the mayor say that these people that are being this way are criminals and that they have told the police that protesting is allowed, provided they are peaceful and that it is a Canadian value to allow protesting. Now I don't know how well these cops followed these orders or even how well these orders were given to cops.
It really just ruins it for the rest of the people who are trying to voice their concerns.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Earthquake!
Greetings all,
Apparently just north of Ottawa by the Ontario/Quebec border, there was an earthquake and we felt it at my office. We had temporarily relocated the office because of the G20 Summit and so we were in a 4 storey building. I had noticed the floor was shaking and then my coworker next to me started to wonder what was going on as it was lasting for about 30 seconds. We heard someone say it was an earthquake and we all started to evacuate the building.
Once we were outside, I had made the joke that we moved to a different office for safety reasons and it was ironic that we were experiencing this 'danger'.
Now I'm not really a superstitious person but I do think it's strange that this earthquake occurred so close to the G20 Summit and also was so close to Ottawa, the nation's capital. I wonder if Mother Nature was letting her feelings be known about what has been going on politically.
Things that make you go hmmmm...
Apparently just north of Ottawa by the Ontario/Quebec border, there was an earthquake and we felt it at my office. We had temporarily relocated the office because of the G20 Summit and so we were in a 4 storey building. I had noticed the floor was shaking and then my coworker next to me started to wonder what was going on as it was lasting for about 30 seconds. We heard someone say it was an earthquake and we all started to evacuate the building.
Once we were outside, I had made the joke that we moved to a different office for safety reasons and it was ironic that we were experiencing this 'danger'.
Now I'm not really a superstitious person but I do think it's strange that this earthquake occurred so close to the G20 Summit and also was so close to Ottawa, the nation's capital. I wonder if Mother Nature was letting her feelings be known about what has been going on politically.
Things that make you go hmmmm...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Oh No You Didn't!
Greetings all,
I went to this meetup on Thursday for single ladies and we went to have drinks. We ended up talking about relationships and how a couple of us are on dating sites. The organizer has currently been seeing this guy for 2 months and she has been following 'The Rules'. Now I've read the book but it's too strict for me and I find it doesn't really talk about why you have to modify your behaviour. For people who haven't heard of the Rules, it is a relationship book that tells you how to handle men. Some of the rules make sense but some of them are a little weird. And I find it too strict. I don't need specific rules on how to behave.
I've read other books such as 'Dating without drama' or the other book I like 'why men marry bitches'. They explain the meaning behind the behaviour choices and how men think, so I find them more interesting and practical.
This was my first time meeting her. She's a year younger then me and says she is a life coach. I don't know if she has many clients because I personally wouldn't want a life coach, especially a young one who is only 30. If you're a coach at that age, you probably have to achieved a lot for me to respect you or have a lot of life experience. I personally would want someone older then me.
I got a weird vibe from her initially. I thought she maybe used to be a crack addict or something as she seemed slow. We learn later on that she has been hit by a tractor (I think) and that she has some visual disability. She maybe that's what I sensed was off about her.
She emails me yesterday to say I need to trim my eyebrows. I have come to accept my physical appearance so I found it a bit rude but at the same time, I was like I accept myself for the way I am. I tweeze my own brows and although they be a bit thick (the thick look is in now), I like them.
I've got a nice rack so I think my eyebrows will be the last thing a man notices.
I went to this meetup on Thursday for single ladies and we went to have drinks. We ended up talking about relationships and how a couple of us are on dating sites. The organizer has currently been seeing this guy for 2 months and she has been following 'The Rules'. Now I've read the book but it's too strict for me and I find it doesn't really talk about why you have to modify your behaviour. For people who haven't heard of the Rules, it is a relationship book that tells you how to handle men. Some of the rules make sense but some of them are a little weird. And I find it too strict. I don't need specific rules on how to behave.
I've read other books such as 'Dating without drama' or the other book I like 'why men marry bitches'. They explain the meaning behind the behaviour choices and how men think, so I find them more interesting and practical.
This was my first time meeting her. She's a year younger then me and says she is a life coach. I don't know if she has many clients because I personally wouldn't want a life coach, especially a young one who is only 30. If you're a coach at that age, you probably have to achieved a lot for me to respect you or have a lot of life experience. I personally would want someone older then me.
I got a weird vibe from her initially. I thought she maybe used to be a crack addict or something as she seemed slow. We learn later on that she has been hit by a tractor (I think) and that she has some visual disability. She maybe that's what I sensed was off about her.
She emails me yesterday to say I need to trim my eyebrows. I have come to accept my physical appearance so I found it a bit rude but at the same time, I was like I accept myself for the way I am. I tweeze my own brows and although they be a bit thick (the thick look is in now), I like them.
I've got a nice rack so I think my eyebrows will be the last thing a man notices.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Roaches
Greetings all,
I'm a little embarrassed to be writing about this, but I'm not the first person to experience this problem. I've had roaches in my first apartment. I don't think it was a huge problem as my ex-roommate saw 1 once and I had notified the supers and they immediately had pest control come in. I know if you see 1, it means there are more as they tend to hide. We had to - I should say (since my ex-roommate was a lazy bitch), I ended up emptying all the kitchen cupboards and in the bathroom.
All the pest control person did was put powder in the cupboards and on the stove, etc. I decided that if this roach problem happened again, I would fix it myself. I had felt violated because they could have worked around the stuff we had. There really was no need to clear everything.
When I moved into my current apartment, I had been cautious but it's hard to know if there are roaches. I know you can search online for places that have bed bugs. I should hope they do the same for roaches. When I was getting my tour, the super had said there were no roaches. She probably could tell by the way I was looking into cupboards and stuff.
It turned out she was wrong, but I think she was just lying. I started noticing roaches about 4 months into living there. I told her and they had pest control come in but I refused to empty my cupboards as requested. I don't think they ended up coming into my place.
I had started to keep track of the roaches I found. Some I killed and a few got away. I had researched online about roaches when I first had them and I found a recipe for sugar and baking soda. The sugar attracts them and the baking soda I think gives them gas. They can't expel the gas so it kills them.
I decided I'd try something else as I wasn't sure how effective it was. I ended up using boric acid and peanut butter and mixed equal amounts. I spread it directly on the counters or wherever I thought they should go. The next time I did the baits, my mom said I could use wax paper since you need to make fresh bait every so often and it wasn't easy to clean up.
I found it worked. I had put a fresh bait in my bathroom and the next day there were a whole ton of roaches, many babies. It took me 30 seconds to realize they were all over my bathroom. I was getting ready to take a bath and I noticed a few around my sink and then I opened my curtain and one started to crawl on my arm. It was a baby one so it was cute and small so it wasn't grossing me out. I noticed a few around the faucet and then I noticed a whole army of them on my loofah. Since they like moisture, I could see why they were attracted to the loofah. I had to put the loofah in the sink and I drowned them bitches!
I threw out that loofah after I had thoroughly rinsed it out.
I credit my bait for attracting them. The next day there were a few more and after about 4 days I found none. This was back in October. I ended up seeing one, a baby, in there yesterday so I made some traps today and put them out.
I saw one in my kitchen a few weeks ago for May 2-4 weekend as I was leaving for New York. This was an adult one. I've noticed a few are sneaking into my freezer. There is a tiny gap in the door insulation so they are going in that way but they end up dying. The ones I've seen there have been babies.
The adult roaches are disgusting and I don't like to talk about this problem to others. There is a taboo about them and although I am not the most cleanest person in the world, I am neither the messiest. It does make me feel a bit dirty.
The good thing is that I am taking care of the problem and I am mostly seeing babies, with a few adults. It means that the baits work. The baby roaches are cute I must admit. But I know what they turn into, given a few months so I mercilessly kill them anyways.
I'm a little embarrassed to be writing about this, but I'm not the first person to experience this problem. I've had roaches in my first apartment. I don't think it was a huge problem as my ex-roommate saw 1 once and I had notified the supers and they immediately had pest control come in. I know if you see 1, it means there are more as they tend to hide. We had to - I should say (since my ex-roommate was a lazy bitch), I ended up emptying all the kitchen cupboards and in the bathroom.
All the pest control person did was put powder in the cupboards and on the stove, etc. I decided that if this roach problem happened again, I would fix it myself. I had felt violated because they could have worked around the stuff we had. There really was no need to clear everything.
When I moved into my current apartment, I had been cautious but it's hard to know if there are roaches. I know you can search online for places that have bed bugs. I should hope they do the same for roaches. When I was getting my tour, the super had said there were no roaches. She probably could tell by the way I was looking into cupboards and stuff.
It turned out she was wrong, but I think she was just lying. I started noticing roaches about 4 months into living there. I told her and they had pest control come in but I refused to empty my cupboards as requested. I don't think they ended up coming into my place.
I had started to keep track of the roaches I found. Some I killed and a few got away. I had researched online about roaches when I first had them and I found a recipe for sugar and baking soda. The sugar attracts them and the baking soda I think gives them gas. They can't expel the gas so it kills them.
I decided I'd try something else as I wasn't sure how effective it was. I ended up using boric acid and peanut butter and mixed equal amounts. I spread it directly on the counters or wherever I thought they should go. The next time I did the baits, my mom said I could use wax paper since you need to make fresh bait every so often and it wasn't easy to clean up.
I found it worked. I had put a fresh bait in my bathroom and the next day there were a whole ton of roaches, many babies. It took me 30 seconds to realize they were all over my bathroom. I was getting ready to take a bath and I noticed a few around my sink and then I opened my curtain and one started to crawl on my arm. It was a baby one so it was cute and small so it wasn't grossing me out. I noticed a few around the faucet and then I noticed a whole army of them on my loofah. Since they like moisture, I could see why they were attracted to the loofah. I had to put the loofah in the sink and I drowned them bitches!
I threw out that loofah after I had thoroughly rinsed it out.
I credit my bait for attracting them. The next day there were a few more and after about 4 days I found none. This was back in October. I ended up seeing one, a baby, in there yesterday so I made some traps today and put them out.
I saw one in my kitchen a few weeks ago for May 2-4 weekend as I was leaving for New York. This was an adult one. I've noticed a few are sneaking into my freezer. There is a tiny gap in the door insulation so they are going in that way but they end up dying. The ones I've seen there have been babies.
The adult roaches are disgusting and I don't like to talk about this problem to others. There is a taboo about them and although I am not the most cleanest person in the world, I am neither the messiest. It does make me feel a bit dirty.
The good thing is that I am taking care of the problem and I am mostly seeing babies, with a few adults. It means that the baits work. The baby roaches are cute I must admit. But I know what they turn into, given a few months so I mercilessly kill them anyways.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I Don't Care
Greetings all,
Lately I just feel like I don't care anymore about things. Not in a heartless manner but rather, from the perspective that I don't need to worry so I don't have to care. Sort of like letting whatever happens happens and accepting whatever happens.
I like this feeling and I hope it sticks around. Feeling carefree is great!
Lately I just feel like I don't care anymore about things. Not in a heartless manner but rather, from the perspective that I don't need to worry so I don't have to care. Sort of like letting whatever happens happens and accepting whatever happens.
I like this feeling and I hope it sticks around. Feeling carefree is great!
Monday, June 07, 2010
Back on the horse!
Greetings all,
I had decided 2 weeks ago, after I had returned from my New York trip that I will get back on the dating horse and sign up again for online dating. I had decided before I left for New York that I'll decide if I want to try dating again.
I figure, maybe I need to relax. Maybe I won't find the right person right away but at least I have to try. I like to take a proactive approach to my life so I might as well put myself out there again.
I had 'met' the 'english muffin' on eharmony. Eharmony is a bit more expensive and maybe I'll get back on that one another time if this one doesn't work.
Maybe it's my destiny to find the right man in 5 years but at this point, I got to try and date and see what happens.
I had decided 2 weeks ago, after I had returned from my New York trip that I will get back on the dating horse and sign up again for online dating. I had decided before I left for New York that I'll decide if I want to try dating again.
I figure, maybe I need to relax. Maybe I won't find the right person right away but at least I have to try. I like to take a proactive approach to my life so I might as well put myself out there again.
I had 'met' the 'english muffin' on eharmony. Eharmony is a bit more expensive and maybe I'll get back on that one another time if this one doesn't work.
Maybe it's my destiny to find the right man in 5 years but at this point, I got to try and date and see what happens.
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Sat Kriya
Greetings all,
I had written that I am working with a few kundalini yoga meditations back in April. I have been working towards 22 minutes from 11 minutes and it has been quite a struggle. I am in an email group for kundalini yoga and sometimes I post questions. Since I am doing my practice at home, I don't really get to have a teacher to ask questions. I just learn from dvds and books. I also go to an ashram that does monthly meditations and asked one of the teachers on how to increase my time as I have been struggling to increase it.
It seemed that the common answer was to just do it. It just seems like you have to force yourself and mentally commit to doing it and not give up even when you feel like it.
Sheer will.
Someone in the email group said it took them a lot of resolve to get up to 31 minutes. My goal is eventually to get to that time but I am doing it slowly. The mantra used in it to keep your focus is sat nam, which means truth is my identity, according to what I've read in kundalini yoga. Wiki defines it as "god's existence is the utmost reality" and that "god has a name and thereby does exist".
On Tuesday this week, it was pretty intense to get through and I only did 15 minutes. I had felt like I couldn't do it and it was very emotional. The next day I took it 'easy' and just did my 11 minutes. On Thursday I had managed to do the 22 minutes and was very firm that I was going to do it. So now I will keep practising at that time and then I can build up to 31 minutes. I think it will be easier because I will just need to increase my time by 9 minutes rather then 11.
It's been quite an experience working with this kriya and my 120 days of it will end on June 20. It's a simple exercise but to maintain it has been mentally and emotionally tough.
I sometimes wonder why the hell am I doing this. I hope soon I will have some sort of payoff. I think mainly mental clarity, inner peace and happiness.
I just hope I don't have masochistic personality disorder because as mentioned this kriya has been painful emotionally and perhaps mentally. I hope to get a payoff, other wise I will feel like I've just wasted my time and I like to feel I am doing something that will help me out mentally and emotionally in the long run.
It's taken me on an emotional journey and I've had to face alot of stuff, like negative stuff, fears. When I am done my 120 days, I will certainly take a few days break and probably go at it again.
I had written that I am working with a few kundalini yoga meditations back in April. I have been working towards 22 minutes from 11 minutes and it has been quite a struggle. I am in an email group for kundalini yoga and sometimes I post questions. Since I am doing my practice at home, I don't really get to have a teacher to ask questions. I just learn from dvds and books. I also go to an ashram that does monthly meditations and asked one of the teachers on how to increase my time as I have been struggling to increase it.
It seemed that the common answer was to just do it. It just seems like you have to force yourself and mentally commit to doing it and not give up even when you feel like it.
Sheer will.
Someone in the email group said it took them a lot of resolve to get up to 31 minutes. My goal is eventually to get to that time but I am doing it slowly. The mantra used in it to keep your focus is sat nam, which means truth is my identity, according to what I've read in kundalini yoga. Wiki defines it as "god's existence is the utmost reality" and that "god has a name and thereby does exist".
On Tuesday this week, it was pretty intense to get through and I only did 15 minutes. I had felt like I couldn't do it and it was very emotional. The next day I took it 'easy' and just did my 11 minutes. On Thursday I had managed to do the 22 minutes and was very firm that I was going to do it. So now I will keep practising at that time and then I can build up to 31 minutes. I think it will be easier because I will just need to increase my time by 9 minutes rather then 11.
It's been quite an experience working with this kriya and my 120 days of it will end on June 20. It's a simple exercise but to maintain it has been mentally and emotionally tough.
I sometimes wonder why the hell am I doing this. I hope soon I will have some sort of payoff. I think mainly mental clarity, inner peace and happiness.
I just hope I don't have masochistic personality disorder because as mentioned this kriya has been painful emotionally and perhaps mentally. I hope to get a payoff, other wise I will feel like I've just wasted my time and I like to feel I am doing something that will help me out mentally and emotionally in the long run.
It's taken me on an emotional journey and I've had to face alot of stuff, like negative stuff, fears. When I am done my 120 days, I will certainly take a few days break and probably go at it again.
Friday, June 04, 2010
G20 Summit
Greetings all,
I've been hearing alot of the G20 summit that will be happening at the end of the month in Toronto mainly from work, however today I was reading about it in the paper and there are plans to have riot police and riot horses. This is really happening in my country. I feel Canada has a certain innocence and purity and seeing how they are prepared, is taking away that purity. I should hope nothing happens and that if things do get out of hand, it doesn't end up bloody and violent.
I don't think it will get out of hand, but there are probably other people from other countries coming to protest. Most Canadians don't seem like the riotist, violent type.
For the week before this weekend meeting, some people will have to work from home or we have to relocate at another office. Our office is located downtown and just outside the area of where the summit will take place. The company is a financial insurance company, so they may be a target (I doubt it though) but they want to take the safe road, which I can understand. If there is an explosion or any violent acts, I certainly wouldn't want to be around.
I'm one of the people that will have to relocate and they said they will cover any extra expenses. I will have to drive to work because it is east and quite a bit north. If I were to take public transit, it would probably take an hour and I can't deal with that!
I gave blood today and some people were talking about it. No one really seems to know what exactly they will be discussing. I did some brief research and so Canadians can't really complain about the cost of this because other countries have hosted it too and it's our turn to host. Still, I wonder if anything productive gets done at these things or if it's just a really expensive social gathering for the economic world leaders.
I've been hearing alot of the G20 summit that will be happening at the end of the month in Toronto mainly from work, however today I was reading about it in the paper and there are plans to have riot police and riot horses. This is really happening in my country. I feel Canada has a certain innocence and purity and seeing how they are prepared, is taking away that purity. I should hope nothing happens and that if things do get out of hand, it doesn't end up bloody and violent.
I don't think it will get out of hand, but there are probably other people from other countries coming to protest. Most Canadians don't seem like the riotist, violent type.
For the week before this weekend meeting, some people will have to work from home or we have to relocate at another office. Our office is located downtown and just outside the area of where the summit will take place. The company is a financial insurance company, so they may be a target (I doubt it though) but they want to take the safe road, which I can understand. If there is an explosion or any violent acts, I certainly wouldn't want to be around.
I'm one of the people that will have to relocate and they said they will cover any extra expenses. I will have to drive to work because it is east and quite a bit north. If I were to take public transit, it would probably take an hour and I can't deal with that!
I gave blood today and some people were talking about it. No one really seems to know what exactly they will be discussing. I did some brief research and so Canadians can't really complain about the cost of this because other countries have hosted it too and it's our turn to host. Still, I wonder if anything productive gets done at these things or if it's just a really expensive social gathering for the economic world leaders.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Victoria Day Weekend
Greetings all,
I had a great weekend last weekend as I had went to New York city for the first time. This was one of my goals for the year as I was hoping maybe some day I can go down to do open mics in New York so I thought I should do an introductory visit to the city if I was really serious about doing it.
I had stayed in Queens with an older woman who I met on some online forum for women. A few of them came down to Toronto back in March and stayed in a hotel downtown. We spent time together that weekend and I took them down to Niagara Falls.
I decided to take the bus as it was cheaper and I could at least see what the landscape looks like on the way there. I don't think I will ever take it again because the bus was 2 hours late in arriving but on the way home, it was 3 hours late. And with stops included, it should only take 10.5-11 hours.
I had already ordered my tickets on the 16th of May and I was going to take the 10 am bus on Monday, however, when we got on the bus we had learned that the 10 am bus already left because of an issue with another bus company, Trailways. I was on Grey hound so they were helping out this company that probably oversold on their tickets. A lot of people were supposed to get on the 10 am bus so I wasn't the only one screwed over.
We ended up leaving New York and did an express trip and skipped Syracuse. We had arrived in Buffalo but we ended up waiting there for 2 hours. My ticket said we'd leave for Buffalo at 6.30 pm but didn't leave until 9. I waited in the bus terminal for a bit and noticed this girl, probably 13, walking around BAREFOOT and with 5 other guys. Now walking barefoot in such a public space is just inappropriate and unhygienic. I figured she was probably a local. As well, being that she was with 5 other guys, she may have been a redneck and a slut so maybe that's why she was barefoot. It's possible some of them may have been related to her but whenever I see one girl with more then 4 guys, I get a little suspicious! Anyways, I wonder if she is one of those young teenagers who has a mother that doesn't love her child because I would never allow my child to be out barefoot in public, especially a bus terminal of all places!
As well, the bus was idling for the entire time we were waiting in Buffalo, which is not good thing to do, especially for the bus and for the environment. As we were leaving Buffalo, the bus was having problems running so we ended up having to switch buses, which again took some time. I think idling it may have caused problems, but being that I don't know much about cars, I can't really say for sure.
I didn't get into Toronto until 1.15 am and took the street car home. Being it was late and not much people were on it, I got home pretty quickly since we weren't making many stops and there wasn't much traffic. I had work the next day so I ended up with only 4 hours of sleep. Basically this week I took it easy and was slowly catching up on my lost sleep.
On Friday when I left, I was the 3rd last person to get on the bus. I had thought that ordering a ticket online would guarantee you a spot for the same you had selected online but no it doesn't work that way, which I don't think is right. I potentially would have to wait for another bus but at least I got on it on Friday.
When I arrived on Friday, my host was worried that I never called her as I didn't get to her place until 8.30 and I said my ticket says I'll be there at 6, which didn't happen. My cell phone was not able to get a signal so I never bothered calling. I didn't think to bug someone to use their phone because I didn't think it would be a big deal if I was late and I typically do not like asking people for help unless its absolutely necessary. My host is a bit of a worrier, which actually is one of my pet peeves. I understand people worry but if something bad happened to me, worrying isn't going to solve the issue.
On Saturday I took a ferry around Manhattan and got to see the skyline. I saw the Statue of Liberty. This ferry wasn't the ferry that took you to Staten Island where the statue is located but it had stopped in front of it so we could get a good look at it.
I had lunch with someone from the forum, whom came to Toronto. She is closer to my age and has been living in New York for over a year. She had to work for the weekend so we weren't able to hang out much but I appreciate that she took the time to meet up with me.
I then spent the rest of my afternoon walking around Central Park. I didn't know it was so big. I started from the south and worked my way up to the Jackie O pond so I think I did half the park.
I then went to the Guggenheim art museum as my guide book said that its free on Saturdays from 5.45 to 7.45. There was a really long line up and I wasn't sure if I should get in line but it ended up moving quickly so I was able to see everything there.
On Sunday I met up with another woman from the forum. It's too bad that we all couldn't be together but they actually hung out with my host last weekend so it was understandable.
We went to Ground Zero. It was actually smaller then I thought it would be. Then we went to the Memorial site which was a few minutes away.
We went to Wall St as I wanted my picture taken with the Bronze Bull that is supposed to be representing the rising of the stock market. I thought that's not really realistic since they should have a Bear (which symbolizes a fall) next to it and in the middle a panicked investor. That's the reality of the stock market!
I did so much walking on Saturday so my feet were sore. The woman I met up with wasn't able to spend too much time with me so she left in the afternoon and I just went to one shoe store and a t-shirt store. I really hate shopping but at least I could say I went to some stores.
My host lives by the beach (15 minutes) so she took me there and I officially touched the Atlantic ocean for the first time as I went down to the water and put my hands into it. It wasn't that cold.
I like the subway system as well. Toronto only really has 2 major lines so it's easy to navigate but NY has tonnes so it's more like a game to figure out which lines to take. They had a lot of new subways as well. I think I only went on 2 or 3 older subways.
I don't think I'd like to live there though but I don't know if I'll go back again this year or next. It's close enough so that I can go whenever I want to.
I felt different when I came back to Canada. I like the vibe of this country, it seems more relaxed or maybe being in America makes me a little nervous. I did see some New Yorkers be nice. I think I have this idea that they are mean and tough but some of them seemed helpful when asking for directions.
I may like you New York but I think I like Toronto just a little bit more!
I had a great weekend last weekend as I had went to New York city for the first time. This was one of my goals for the year as I was hoping maybe some day I can go down to do open mics in New York so I thought I should do an introductory visit to the city if I was really serious about doing it.
I had stayed in Queens with an older woman who I met on some online forum for women. A few of them came down to Toronto back in March and stayed in a hotel downtown. We spent time together that weekend and I took them down to Niagara Falls.
I decided to take the bus as it was cheaper and I could at least see what the landscape looks like on the way there. I don't think I will ever take it again because the bus was 2 hours late in arriving but on the way home, it was 3 hours late. And with stops included, it should only take 10.5-11 hours.
I had already ordered my tickets on the 16th of May and I was going to take the 10 am bus on Monday, however, when we got on the bus we had learned that the 10 am bus already left because of an issue with another bus company, Trailways. I was on Grey hound so they were helping out this company that probably oversold on their tickets. A lot of people were supposed to get on the 10 am bus so I wasn't the only one screwed over.
We ended up leaving New York and did an express trip and skipped Syracuse. We had arrived in Buffalo but we ended up waiting there for 2 hours. My ticket said we'd leave for Buffalo at 6.30 pm but didn't leave until 9. I waited in the bus terminal for a bit and noticed this girl, probably 13, walking around BAREFOOT and with 5 other guys. Now walking barefoot in such a public space is just inappropriate and unhygienic. I figured she was probably a local. As well, being that she was with 5 other guys, she may have been a redneck and a slut so maybe that's why she was barefoot. It's possible some of them may have been related to her but whenever I see one girl with more then 4 guys, I get a little suspicious! Anyways, I wonder if she is one of those young teenagers who has a mother that doesn't love her child because I would never allow my child to be out barefoot in public, especially a bus terminal of all places!
As well, the bus was idling for the entire time we were waiting in Buffalo, which is not good thing to do, especially for the bus and for the environment. As we were leaving Buffalo, the bus was having problems running so we ended up having to switch buses, which again took some time. I think idling it may have caused problems, but being that I don't know much about cars, I can't really say for sure.
I didn't get into Toronto until 1.15 am and took the street car home. Being it was late and not much people were on it, I got home pretty quickly since we weren't making many stops and there wasn't much traffic. I had work the next day so I ended up with only 4 hours of sleep. Basically this week I took it easy and was slowly catching up on my lost sleep.
On Friday when I left, I was the 3rd last person to get on the bus. I had thought that ordering a ticket online would guarantee you a spot for the same you had selected online but no it doesn't work that way, which I don't think is right. I potentially would have to wait for another bus but at least I got on it on Friday.
When I arrived on Friday, my host was worried that I never called her as I didn't get to her place until 8.30 and I said my ticket says I'll be there at 6, which didn't happen. My cell phone was not able to get a signal so I never bothered calling. I didn't think to bug someone to use their phone because I didn't think it would be a big deal if I was late and I typically do not like asking people for help unless its absolutely necessary. My host is a bit of a worrier, which actually is one of my pet peeves. I understand people worry but if something bad happened to me, worrying isn't going to solve the issue.
On Saturday I took a ferry around Manhattan and got to see the skyline. I saw the Statue of Liberty. This ferry wasn't the ferry that took you to Staten Island where the statue is located but it had stopped in front of it so we could get a good look at it.
I had lunch with someone from the forum, whom came to Toronto. She is closer to my age and has been living in New York for over a year. She had to work for the weekend so we weren't able to hang out much but I appreciate that she took the time to meet up with me.
I then spent the rest of my afternoon walking around Central Park. I didn't know it was so big. I started from the south and worked my way up to the Jackie O pond so I think I did half the park.
I then went to the Guggenheim art museum as my guide book said that its free on Saturdays from 5.45 to 7.45. There was a really long line up and I wasn't sure if I should get in line but it ended up moving quickly so I was able to see everything there.
On Sunday I met up with another woman from the forum. It's too bad that we all couldn't be together but they actually hung out with my host last weekend so it was understandable.
We went to Ground Zero. It was actually smaller then I thought it would be. Then we went to the Memorial site which was a few minutes away.
We went to Wall St as I wanted my picture taken with the Bronze Bull that is supposed to be representing the rising of the stock market. I thought that's not really realistic since they should have a Bear (which symbolizes a fall) next to it and in the middle a panicked investor. That's the reality of the stock market!
I did so much walking on Saturday so my feet were sore. The woman I met up with wasn't able to spend too much time with me so she left in the afternoon and I just went to one shoe store and a t-shirt store. I really hate shopping but at least I could say I went to some stores.
My host lives by the beach (15 minutes) so she took me there and I officially touched the Atlantic ocean for the first time as I went down to the water and put my hands into it. It wasn't that cold.
I like the subway system as well. Toronto only really has 2 major lines so it's easy to navigate but NY has tonnes so it's more like a game to figure out which lines to take. They had a lot of new subways as well. I think I only went on 2 or 3 older subways.
I don't think I'd like to live there though but I don't know if I'll go back again this year or next. It's close enough so that I can go whenever I want to.
I felt different when I came back to Canada. I like the vibe of this country, it seems more relaxed or maybe being in America makes me a little nervous. I did see some New Yorkers be nice. I think I have this idea that they are mean and tough but some of them seemed helpful when asking for directions.
I may like you New York but I think I like Toronto just a little bit more!
Lunch time
Greetings all,
For lunch at work, I usually have lunch with the same coworker and sometimes we have other coworkers join us. Now that it's warmer out, we'll go outside to eat.
On Thursday I believe, a coworker that isn't in my department anymore saw me and said that the coworker I normally have lunch with, is outside and told me which area. I think she wanted to say 'your boyfriend' but didn't. Now how did I know this was what she was probably going to say? Well I think she caught herself in time and there was that hesitant pause and I just had the feeling that's what she was going to say. I think I gave her a brief scowl.
Now just because I have lunch with a coworker on a regular basis, that's male, doesn't mean he's my boyfriend. I'm sure some people in the office wonder but I don't care. I usually have a routine when it comes to eating and I normally like to eat around 12 o'clock and this coworker probably likes the routine we have of eating together.
It's more fun when there is at least a third joining us because he seems to be more chatty when there is a third. I personally do not find him attractive and he is not my type at all. In fact I find him to be a bit boring and sometimes I wonder if I should lunch with other people but most people where I work don't eat lunch at a consistent time, depending on their work load.
I had mentioned that I think this coworker had a thing for me, however, I could be wrong. Sometimes I just can't tell if a guy is into me or not. I think the only way I'll know for sure is if the guy throws me up against a wall and says "Paula, I want you"
I don't think this coworker is interested in me as I may have been incorrect in the first place. I would think if someone wants you, a move would have been made. As well, since I'm aware we wouldn't work out as a couple and don't feel a connection in that way, I would think men are smart about things like that and probably are aware if they have feelings for a woman or not.
For lunch at work, I usually have lunch with the same coworker and sometimes we have other coworkers join us. Now that it's warmer out, we'll go outside to eat.
On Thursday I believe, a coworker that isn't in my department anymore saw me and said that the coworker I normally have lunch with, is outside and told me which area. I think she wanted to say 'your boyfriend' but didn't. Now how did I know this was what she was probably going to say? Well I think she caught herself in time and there was that hesitant pause and I just had the feeling that's what she was going to say. I think I gave her a brief scowl.
Now just because I have lunch with a coworker on a regular basis, that's male, doesn't mean he's my boyfriend. I'm sure some people in the office wonder but I don't care. I usually have a routine when it comes to eating and I normally like to eat around 12 o'clock and this coworker probably likes the routine we have of eating together.
It's more fun when there is at least a third joining us because he seems to be more chatty when there is a third. I personally do not find him attractive and he is not my type at all. In fact I find him to be a bit boring and sometimes I wonder if I should lunch with other people but most people where I work don't eat lunch at a consistent time, depending on their work load.
I had mentioned that I think this coworker had a thing for me, however, I could be wrong. Sometimes I just can't tell if a guy is into me or not. I think the only way I'll know for sure is if the guy throws me up against a wall and says "Paula, I want you"
I don't think this coworker is interested in me as I may have been incorrect in the first place. I would think if someone wants you, a move would have been made. As well, since I'm aware we wouldn't work out as a couple and don't feel a connection in that way, I would think men are smart about things like that and probably are aware if they have feelings for a woman or not.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Emily
Greetings all,
I will be writing about a very annoying young woman who works in the aisle next to where I sit. I believe she is between 24-26. She is not in my department as she is an Underwriter.
She lives in Oakville so she commutes on the Go train and sometimes works from home. As a born and raised Hamiltonian, Oakville and Burlington were considered the snobby rich kids, especially Oakville, so we didn't really like people from there. She actually is a very snobby person and this is probably why she irritates me so much. She's blonde and talks non-stop. She is a fashion conscious person, however some of the outfits she wears, I just think are ugly. Because I think she is an ugly person on the inside, no amazing outfit she can possibly wear will make me think she is pretty.
Now as an underwriter, they do have to reject people and they can't give insurance to everyone so you need that objectiveness. The department is essentially all women and from what I hear, they all sound like decent enough women but this one sounds like a heartless bitch sometimes. And that's probably because she is!
She has a boyfriend as well and frankly I wonder what her boyfriend is like. She sounds very closed minded and judgemental about things but also speaks with such authority. She's not inquisitive and a thinker like I am. She just acts superior. She is smart to some degree but she is terribly, terribly rude and mean. I wonder if her boyfriend is one of those pussified men who acts weak on the surface and so is drawn to bitches like that.
You know, sometimes I think stupid thoughts but I filter myself. Sometimes she just chats so much, I think she has no filter and is just seems like she's constantly got to spew crap just for the sake of it.
Most days I can tolerate her insensitive nature but there have been a few times where she drives me batty. Today was one of them. Luckily the other time she drove me nuts, I ended up searching for some kundalini yoga mantras and ended up stumbling across one that had some amazing songs so it was easy to tune her out.
It makes me wonder what her parents do for a living and what her parents are like. The sad thing is that some of these kids that come from parents with high class jobs, they act all high and mighty when the job they have isn't high and mighty.
At my last job, we had a smaller department and one of my coworkers was the same way, except she was a lesbian and she wasn't snobby. She would talk endlessly but also complain about her health and just was a general drag. And she was only 26.
I just don't understand these people that speak so mindlessly and unconsciously!
And she's fake on the phone. Because she's such a bitch in person, she has to put on a fake phone manner that she actually cares. She's not on the phone often but she's one of those people that acts all nice as pie to you and then when she hangs up, she'll bad talk the person if she was bothered by it. I can understand when dealing with a difficult person but she just seems to be like that in general.
I will be writing about a very annoying young woman who works in the aisle next to where I sit. I believe she is between 24-26. She is not in my department as she is an Underwriter.
She lives in Oakville so she commutes on the Go train and sometimes works from home. As a born and raised Hamiltonian, Oakville and Burlington were considered the snobby rich kids, especially Oakville, so we didn't really like people from there. She actually is a very snobby person and this is probably why she irritates me so much. She's blonde and talks non-stop. She is a fashion conscious person, however some of the outfits she wears, I just think are ugly. Because I think she is an ugly person on the inside, no amazing outfit she can possibly wear will make me think she is pretty.
Now as an underwriter, they do have to reject people and they can't give insurance to everyone so you need that objectiveness. The department is essentially all women and from what I hear, they all sound like decent enough women but this one sounds like a heartless bitch sometimes. And that's probably because she is!
She has a boyfriend as well and frankly I wonder what her boyfriend is like. She sounds very closed minded and judgemental about things but also speaks with such authority. She's not inquisitive and a thinker like I am. She just acts superior. She is smart to some degree but she is terribly, terribly rude and mean. I wonder if her boyfriend is one of those pussified men who acts weak on the surface and so is drawn to bitches like that.
You know, sometimes I think stupid thoughts but I filter myself. Sometimes she just chats so much, I think she has no filter and is just seems like she's constantly got to spew crap just for the sake of it.
Most days I can tolerate her insensitive nature but there have been a few times where she drives me batty. Today was one of them. Luckily the other time she drove me nuts, I ended up searching for some kundalini yoga mantras and ended up stumbling across one that had some amazing songs so it was easy to tune her out.
It makes me wonder what her parents do for a living and what her parents are like. The sad thing is that some of these kids that come from parents with high class jobs, they act all high and mighty when the job they have isn't high and mighty.
At my last job, we had a smaller department and one of my coworkers was the same way, except she was a lesbian and she wasn't snobby. She would talk endlessly but also complain about her health and just was a general drag. And she was only 26.
I just don't understand these people that speak so mindlessly and unconsciously!
And she's fake on the phone. Because she's such a bitch in person, she has to put on a fake phone manner that she actually cares. She's not on the phone often but she's one of those people that acts all nice as pie to you and then when she hangs up, she'll bad talk the person if she was bothered by it. I can understand when dealing with a difficult person but she just seems to be like that in general.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Tick Tock
Greetings all,
I was searching the other day in my facebook inbox for some email and I came across an old email as I had messaged a friend I had 'dumped' back when I was 20. I have a tendency to save my emails and sometimes do get around to deleting them.
I dumped her mainly because I was going through a weird phase in my life and I just wasn't sure if the friendship was fitting anymore. I had ended my first year of university and decided to not continue. This was shocking I guess, being that I was the nerd and the smart one. I just wasn't feeling school and eventually I was drawn to anthroposophy. I honestly didn't know what I was doing with my life but I felt I needed to get away from the school system.
I had chatted on occasion with a friend from my high school at university and eventually his friend would hang out with us. He went to my high school as well, I just never really talked to him. Eventually my best friend and him started dating. I had felt like she changed when she was with him and I felt she became more immature. I tried talking to her about this but she wasn't listening and eventually I had to end things with her.
The thing is, she is one of those people that always has to be in a relationship. She had a boyfriend for 5 years in high school. The first time I met him, I thought he was gay. And I was right. He didn't come out to her until a few months after the relationship ended. She would always complain about their relationship issues and it makes sense after he officially came out, why he wasn't a good boyfriend. He treated her like crap and I never understood why she stayed with him.
She immediately jumped into another relationship, but this time with a distant cousin (I believe he was her 3rd cousin, not 100% sure) that was visiting from Cyprus and staying at her parents home. She fell in love in him and they had a long distance relationship for several months. Her dad was quite against it and for some reason her mother was supportive of it.
I was a little disgusted by it because it's just wrong to fall for a cousin. It's disgusting! I don't care how distant he is. From a genealogical perspective, he's close enough to be related and that's wrong!
I don't think they ended up having sex but there was definite nudity going on.
I think because she couldn't handle the relationship and was not willing to actually make it work, she ended up getting involved with the guy from my high school. Again, jumping quickly into another relationship without actually taking time to assess what was going on in the previous relationship. I don't think she actually officially ended things with him. Again, I don't think it's right to do that. If you love someone and then decide it's not going to work, you should have the common courtesy to end things with them. As well, I think she should have told the new guy (now her husband) she was dating that she still had a boyfriend but she didn't want to. Again, I didn't think that's right because you're starting the relationship based on lies and deceit. But I guess in this case, I was wrong and since they've been together for 11 years, building a relationship based on lies and deceit can still work out in the end. Stating that disturbs me but it seems to be the truth.
See because I was smart, I knew that you shouldn't jump into a new relationship so quickly after ending one but she did. But when I messaged her a few years ago, she was still married to him. And when I saw the old email a few days ago, I had learned she had a child about a year and a half ago, as her profile pic was her child and I was able to see pics from her profile (some people just need to learn to apply the privacy filter!)
So of course, many women my age are married and having babies. So I feel quite left out and 'falling behind'. I wonder when will it be my turn? My clock has been ticking for the past 5 years and I just wonder sometimes if I'll ever find love and have a family. There are times when I feel that may not ever happen to me and it is quite upsetting.
I don't understand why she can be 'successful' in a relationship but I can't. I don't know but maybe she's one of those women that is easy to please. That's the only logical explanation I can think of. Her husband was a simple beer drinking mechanic and she probably is simple too.
And maybe I'm not simple and being that I am a complex person, I wonder if simple people are the most confusing people to me. How can they not think what I think or question what I do? How can they just be content with the world?
My Karma sucks sometimes.
I was searching the other day in my facebook inbox for some email and I came across an old email as I had messaged a friend I had 'dumped' back when I was 20. I have a tendency to save my emails and sometimes do get around to deleting them.
I dumped her mainly because I was going through a weird phase in my life and I just wasn't sure if the friendship was fitting anymore. I had ended my first year of university and decided to not continue. This was shocking I guess, being that I was the nerd and the smart one. I just wasn't feeling school and eventually I was drawn to anthroposophy. I honestly didn't know what I was doing with my life but I felt I needed to get away from the school system.
I had chatted on occasion with a friend from my high school at university and eventually his friend would hang out with us. He went to my high school as well, I just never really talked to him. Eventually my best friend and him started dating. I had felt like she changed when she was with him and I felt she became more immature. I tried talking to her about this but she wasn't listening and eventually I had to end things with her.
The thing is, she is one of those people that always has to be in a relationship. She had a boyfriend for 5 years in high school. The first time I met him, I thought he was gay. And I was right. He didn't come out to her until a few months after the relationship ended. She would always complain about their relationship issues and it makes sense after he officially came out, why he wasn't a good boyfriend. He treated her like crap and I never understood why she stayed with him.
She immediately jumped into another relationship, but this time with a distant cousin (I believe he was her 3rd cousin, not 100% sure) that was visiting from Cyprus and staying at her parents home. She fell in love in him and they had a long distance relationship for several months. Her dad was quite against it and for some reason her mother was supportive of it.
I was a little disgusted by it because it's just wrong to fall for a cousin. It's disgusting! I don't care how distant he is. From a genealogical perspective, he's close enough to be related and that's wrong!
I don't think they ended up having sex but there was definite nudity going on.
I think because she couldn't handle the relationship and was not willing to actually make it work, she ended up getting involved with the guy from my high school. Again, jumping quickly into another relationship without actually taking time to assess what was going on in the previous relationship. I don't think she actually officially ended things with him. Again, I don't think it's right to do that. If you love someone and then decide it's not going to work, you should have the common courtesy to end things with them. As well, I think she should have told the new guy (now her husband) she was dating that she still had a boyfriend but she didn't want to. Again, I didn't think that's right because you're starting the relationship based on lies and deceit. But I guess in this case, I was wrong and since they've been together for 11 years, building a relationship based on lies and deceit can still work out in the end. Stating that disturbs me but it seems to be the truth.
See because I was smart, I knew that you shouldn't jump into a new relationship so quickly after ending one but she did. But when I messaged her a few years ago, she was still married to him. And when I saw the old email a few days ago, I had learned she had a child about a year and a half ago, as her profile pic was her child and I was able to see pics from her profile (some people just need to learn to apply the privacy filter!)
So of course, many women my age are married and having babies. So I feel quite left out and 'falling behind'. I wonder when will it be my turn? My clock has been ticking for the past 5 years and I just wonder sometimes if I'll ever find love and have a family. There are times when I feel that may not ever happen to me and it is quite upsetting.
I don't understand why she can be 'successful' in a relationship but I can't. I don't know but maybe she's one of those women that is easy to please. That's the only logical explanation I can think of. Her husband was a simple beer drinking mechanic and she probably is simple too.
And maybe I'm not simple and being that I am a complex person, I wonder if simple people are the most confusing people to me. How can they not think what I think or question what I do? How can they just be content with the world?
My Karma sucks sometimes.
Getting the Love you Want - Book Review
Greetings all,
I had been reading the following book by Harville Hedrixs and it's geared for couples. I don't like the book too much as basically he is arguing that whatever wounds in childhood we experienced, we are unconsciously seeking it in the partners we choose. So if a man had a critical mother, chances are that's the kind of woman he'd be attracted to.
I can see this to some degree but I think it's too general and I don't particularly care for his style of exploring the unconscious.
The first half was discussing the theory and the second half was the 'practical application'. I didn't find it that practical but yesterday morning I read a section where he basically says that we can not look within for love, for the love and nurturing we desire, but rather have to look externally. As well, the partners we are attracted to, they are the ones that have to change so that we can heal ourselves. Of course, since this book is geared for couples, I can see his point of saying that your partner has to change. For example if you are attracted to critical men, your need for nurturance will be fulfilled once he changes as well, which is something he needs to do. But I don't know why the woman wouldn't go for the nurturing man in the first place and cut out the middle man of the critical man.
I think this contradicts everything I've ever read and have heard from people in happy relationships. I don't think it's realistic to expect someone to change and the only real power we have is to change our thoughts or reactions to things. If I expect people around me to change, I am losing my sense of power.
His exact quote was "in his efforts to heal his partner, he would be recovering an essential part of himself!"
This was applied to an example if the wife had parents who weren't physically affectionate and she was drawn to a man who was the same. He said he saw the unconscious selection process in a new way, namely that what the other partner was least able to give, it happened to be the area they needed their partner to grow. So to meet her needs, the husband would need to step out of his comfort zone and be more physically affectionate but this would help him as well. As well, if the husband becomes more affectionate, logically wouldn't she start losing her attraction to him? That's why I would think it would make sense to go after the nurturing, touchy feely people in the first place.
I think that's all nice and dandy in theory but I don't think it's realistic to expect someone to change. Again, I can see this maybe being useful for couples who have been together for a while but at the same time, they have to ask themselves, is it really worth working hard to save the relationship?
I was a little disturbed by this. I think the more I nurture myself, the more I seek respect and kindness from others. On the flip side, if people are nice to me, and I was not feeling my best, it may have an effect on me, if repeated enough.
I had been reading the following book by Harville Hedrixs and it's geared for couples. I don't like the book too much as basically he is arguing that whatever wounds in childhood we experienced, we are unconsciously seeking it in the partners we choose. So if a man had a critical mother, chances are that's the kind of woman he'd be attracted to.
I can see this to some degree but I think it's too general and I don't particularly care for his style of exploring the unconscious.
The first half was discussing the theory and the second half was the 'practical application'. I didn't find it that practical but yesterday morning I read a section where he basically says that we can not look within for love, for the love and nurturing we desire, but rather have to look externally. As well, the partners we are attracted to, they are the ones that have to change so that we can heal ourselves. Of course, since this book is geared for couples, I can see his point of saying that your partner has to change. For example if you are attracted to critical men, your need for nurturance will be fulfilled once he changes as well, which is something he needs to do. But I don't know why the woman wouldn't go for the nurturing man in the first place and cut out the middle man of the critical man.
I think this contradicts everything I've ever read and have heard from people in happy relationships. I don't think it's realistic to expect someone to change and the only real power we have is to change our thoughts or reactions to things. If I expect people around me to change, I am losing my sense of power.
His exact quote was "in his efforts to heal his partner, he would be recovering an essential part of himself!"
This was applied to an example if the wife had parents who weren't physically affectionate and she was drawn to a man who was the same. He said he saw the unconscious selection process in a new way, namely that what the other partner was least able to give, it happened to be the area they needed their partner to grow. So to meet her needs, the husband would need to step out of his comfort zone and be more physically affectionate but this would help him as well. As well, if the husband becomes more affectionate, logically wouldn't she start losing her attraction to him? That's why I would think it would make sense to go after the nurturing, touchy feely people in the first place.
I think that's all nice and dandy in theory but I don't think it's realistic to expect someone to change. Again, I can see this maybe being useful for couples who have been together for a while but at the same time, they have to ask themselves, is it really worth working hard to save the relationship?
I was a little disturbed by this. I think the more I nurture myself, the more I seek respect and kindness from others. On the flip side, if people are nice to me, and I was not feeling my best, it may have an effect on me, if repeated enough.
I Hate The Unknown
Greetings all,
I can honestly say, I sometimes hate change. I sometimes fear it. I don't like being surprised. I know some people look at life as a journey and an adventure but I don't. At least not all the time. There are just too many unknowns out there and it freaks me out sometimes. I don't always live in a constant state of fear but I have my days where I experience anxiety about my future. I have tools to calm myself down and regain focus so I can manage it for the most part.
Some people just seem so trusting of life and of the world. I just don't know if I'll ever be one of those people. I would like to but sometimes I think I'll be naive and blind to reality.
I can honestly say, I sometimes hate change. I sometimes fear it. I don't like being surprised. I know some people look at life as a journey and an adventure but I don't. At least not all the time. There are just too many unknowns out there and it freaks me out sometimes. I don't always live in a constant state of fear but I have my days where I experience anxiety about my future. I have tools to calm myself down and regain focus so I can manage it for the most part.
Some people just seem so trusting of life and of the world. I just don't know if I'll ever be one of those people. I would like to but sometimes I think I'll be naive and blind to reality.
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